


Unhealthy obsession

by nazzasmiley



Series: Unhealthy Obsession (Haikyuu AU) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Actors, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Blow Jobs, Dom Sakusa Kiyoomi, Dom/sub, Dominance, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay Sex, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn actors, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, S&M, Sex Toys, Slow Burn, Smut, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:28:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 54
Words: 131,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nazzasmiley/pseuds/nazzasmiley
Summary: No one would have thought you can find your soulmate when you're exposing the most vulnerable part of your life in front of a camera.The porn industry can open you a thousand doors while it closes a million more. And Kuroo, Oikawa, Sakusa and Terushima, four of the most famous porn actors in Japan, know that very well.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Unhealthy Obsession (Haikyuu AU) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192007
Comments: 612
Kudos: 867





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "... A new adult movie with two of the most famous actors in the country will start its filming and it'll be directed by Kodzuken, do you think you're ready for it?" 

The radio was on, playing in the background as the two young men swiped their finger across the screen of their cell phones.

 _"... A new adult movie with two of the most famous actors in the country will start its filming and it'll be directed by Kodzuken, do you think you're ready for it?"_ said the man on the radio.

Tendo widened his eyes and looked towards Semi who stared back at him wide-eyed.

"IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?" shouted Tendo excitedly.

"IF IT'S DIRECTED BY KODZUKEN, DOES IT MEAN THAT KUROO APPEARS IN IT?" Semi replied with bright eyes.

"VIDEO CALL WITH THE OTHERS. NOW," Tendo ordered, throwing himself next to Semi on the couch to look at the screen of his friend's cell phone.

Semi entered the text chat that he and Tendo had with his other four friends, a chat that they had created as fans of Kuroo Tetsuro, one of the most famous porn actors in Japan, a teasing expert that had more than a million of fans in the country. The boy pressed the video call button and waited for the others to answer.

Lev picked up the hook almost instantly.

"DUDE," Semi yelled.

"I KNOW," Lev yelled back without holding back his excitement. "I'VE HEARD IT."

Yaku came on the call, followed by Osamu.

"My dick's gonna fall off," Osamu said with a smirk. "A new movie directed by Kodzuken?"

"That's a confirmation that Kuroo is part of the recording," Yaku added with a false moan.

"Who do you think the other actor is?" Tendo asked thoughtfully.

"No fucking idea, but that guy's so lucky," Yaku said.

"He has no idea such daddy is gonna pound on him," Osamu said.

"Hey Osamu, why don't you have a shirt?" Semi asked biting his lip when he saw his bare chest through the screen.

"It's hot," Osamu said with a smirk.

"Stop flirting in front of us," Tendo said giving Semi a slap.

"Hey, what about Daichi? Where's he?" asked Lev.

"Man, it's two in the morning," Yaku said. "He'll probably be sleeping, he's the only one responsible between us."

"Let me doubt about that," Lev said, "he's not the most responsible. Maybe the kinkiest, but not the most responsible."

"That he has daddy issues it's already known," Semi added.

"Semi, I don't think you should judge anyone for having kinks," Osamu said.

"Son of a bitch, next time you're going to suck your own cock yourself," Semi said, narrowing his eyes threateningly.

"Yuck, you guys are worse off than when you work at the bar. Shut up now," Yaku said irritably.

Semi and Osamu burst out laughing. They weren't dating, but everyone knew that there was more to each other than just a friendship between the two young men aged 24 and 23 respectively. It was an open secret that they attracted each other. They could not lie to anyone, especially when they admitted so easily that they had sex more often than what was considered healthy.

"Going back to the main topic," Tendo said, looking at Semi disgusted, "I think we're gonna have to wait to find out who the second actor is."

"We actually don't know for sure that Kuroo is one of them," Lev pointed out. "Maybe it's not him and we're excited about nothing."

"Man, the director is Kodzuken, they've been friends since childhood," Yaku said. "Every time he directs a movie, Kuroo's part of it."

"That's true... Fuck, I'm jealous of whoever works with him," Lev said.

"Whoever it is, it's gonna be wonderful, I don't know why you guys are jealous," Semi said with slightly dilated pupils.

"Sure, you don't care because you're a fan of to many porn stars," said Osamu rolling his eyes. "Whoever it is you're gonna like it and you're gonna jerk off until your hand bleeds."

"Basically," Semi admitted.

"Fucking horny boy, what the fuck, Semi?" Yaku said laughing.

"Don't judge me, I hate you," Semi said.

"Ah yes, you only hate us when we expose you, but you don't say the same thing to me at night," Osamu said with a smirk.

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION, STOP," Tendo yelled covering his ears.

"No comments," said Semi wrinkling his nose.

"Wow, so you're a sub, huh Semi?" Yaku asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Fuck you," Semi said with a laugh before hanging up the call.

***

When Daichi woke up in the morning to go to work and looked at his cell phone, he saw a missed video call from 2 a.m. and 438 messages on his cell phone - all from Kuroo's fan group.

"What the hell...?" he muttered frowning.

He decided to ignore the messages for the moment, so he got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to take a quick shower before getting dressed and getting ready to go to work in the office. His job was the most boring thing he had ever experienced, but at least he was making a decent amount of money a week that gave him the luxury of being able to indulge in more than one whim each month.

He dressed in a light green shirt and black pants and went to the kitchen with his cell phone in hand to make some coffee.

As the water heated, he decided to try reading the enormous amount of accumulated messages. And what he read changed his morning from a normal morning to an especially happy morning. His eyes widened and he gasped with excitement when he saw that Kuroo, his favorite actor, had confirmed early in the morning he was going to shoot a movie directed by Kozume Kenma. And not only that: Twitter was set fire when it had been confirmed who was going to be his recording partner.

Daichi thought about Suga and that he should talk to him as soon as he got to the office because he knew that this actor was Suga's favorite. And he knew he would get excited. Although surely he had already read it on twitter.

Daichi looked again at the tweets posted by both actors and he couldn't help but feel excited to see Kuroo Tetsuro shooting a movie with none other than...

Oikawa Tooru, the blowjob expert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE!
> 
> I'm fucking back. After getting this AU reported for sexual activity on the original platform I was posting it (instagram), I decided to change the format a bit and post it here and also on wattpad. So here's the first chapter, as you can see, I changed the messages for a videocall and the tweets for narrated parts.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as you did on instagram, and I'm sorry for all the trouble 😓😓
> 
> I'll post everyday at 6 pm, just as I was doing on instagram, so see you around!
> 
> I love yall so fucking much, thank you for all the support. Have a really nice day!
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Save the kisses for Bokuto-san," Tsukishima said in disgust.
> 
> "I'd rather suck his dick, but yeah, kisses too," Kuroo said winking at the golden-eyed boy who was lying on his chest and who was looking at him with a smile.
> 
> "I didn't need that information, thank you."
> 
> "Tsukki," said Kuroo amused, "you're the manager of a porn actor whose boyfriend is his bodyguard. Shouldn't you have gotten used to it already?"

Daichi arrived at the office and was faced with an elated Suga with bright eyes and a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Your face tells me you've seen it," Daichi said.

"If I have seen it!?" Suga almost yelled. "I've spent all the way here talking to Kageyama, Hinata Atsumu and Semi! I won't deny that I've gotten horny thinking about it," he whispered.

"God, Suga," Daichi laughed, "you have a fucking problem."

"Me? Excuse me, your twitter username is _daddy_issues_ ," Suga said sharply. "If I have a problem, so do you."

"You bastard," Daichi whispered, blushing to his ears and looking around nervously, "don't say it out loud."

"What difference does it make? No one's paying attention to us," Suga said rolling his eyes. "And I'm excited for the movie, it's going to be great. Kuroo and Oikawa? This combination is fucking explosive, although Oikawa is better than Kuroo."

"No way, Kuroo is hotter than Oikawa," Daichi said with a laugh. "But hey, we can watch the movie together and whatever comes next-"

"SAWAMURA! SUGAWARA!" shouted their boss from his office. "GET TO WORK!"

The two boys jumped at the voice and looked at each other. It was not necessary to finish the sentence to know what they were thinking before they both turned around with a smile and each walked to their respective desk.

***

Kuroo's phone rang for the fifth time in a row but he didn't seem to care. He was busy with something much more important than answering a call that could wait just as it had waited until now. It wasn't a matter of life and death, so why not just keep ignoring the call one more time?

Bokuto separated from Kuroo with slightly swollen and moist lips and with a heavy breathing. Kuroo growled at the separation and tried to kiss him again, but Bokuto stopped him by putting a finger on his lips.

"You should answer," he said. "Tsukki's gonna kill you."

"Fuck," Kuroo muttered in annoyance.

He grabbed his phone from the nightstand and looked at the number: it was indeed Tsukishima, his manager. He had been calling him non-stop for three days straight and Kuroo still hadn't picked up the phone. He knew he should consider himself lucky that he hadn't shown up at his house to slap him for not answering.

With a sigh, Kuroo pressed the green button and held the phone to his ear.

"What do you want?" he asked in a somewhat irritated tone.

"Why don't you pick up the fucking phone?" Tsukishima asked with a voice laden with anger.

"Because you're not fun, Tsukki."

"I'm not here to be fun, I have a job. A job that would have ended long ago if you had picked up THE FUCKING PHONE," he yelled through the speaker. Kuroo slightly lifted the phone from his ear as Bokuto laughed quietly. "Have you read the contract, Kuroo-san?" Tsukishima asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I have," Kuroo replied rolling his eyes.

"Really?"

"Fucking hell, Tsukki, I did. I'm not lying."

"Then can I sign it now and send it to the producers? Kenma-san and Asahi-san are gonna kill us for taking so long," Tsukishima said with a sigh.

"Sure, go ahead," Kuroo said. "And c'mon, it's Kenma. He doesn't give a shit about deadlines, he doesn't care."

"Well, maybe he _should_ care, it's the advertisers who pay him and everyone else," Tsukishima said sulkily. "Either way, I'll let you know the time and day the recording begins."

"Oooooookaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy, mwah" Kuroo said lengthening the syllables and making the same sound he would make if he had given his manager a kiss.

"Save the kisses for Bokuto-san," Tsukishima said in disgust.

"I'd rather suck his dick, but yeah, kisses too," Kuroo said winking at the golden-eyed boy who was lying on his chest and who was looking at him with a smile.

"I didn't need that information, thank you."

"Tsukki," said Kuroo amused, "you're the manager of a porn actor whose boyfriend is his bodyguard. Shouldn't you have gotten used to it already?"

"No," Tsukishima said flatly. "And next time answer the phone the first time, for God's sake," he added before hanging up.

Kuroo lifted the phone from his ear and hung up. He looked at Bokuto with an amused expression.

"He was angry," Bokuto said.

"Definitely," Kuroo replied with a shrug. "But that doesn't matter, it's not that I care too much. Where were we?"

Bokuto bit his lower lip with a smirk and slid his bare chest over Kuroo's to get closer to the black-haired's face.

"We were here," Bokuto replied just before smacking his lips with Kuroo's.

***

"Oikawa-san," called Akaashi, "I brought the terms and conditions for the movie. Can you read them when you're available and tell me which parts you don't agree with?" he said, handing him a handful of stapled sheets of paper.

"O-ka-y, Aka-chan ~," Oikawa replied in a singsong voice. "Give me a while to read them."

"Don't worry, there's no rush," Akaashi said. "Kenma-san told me that Kuroo-san just submitted the advertisement contract, it'll take a while for him to submit the terms, so there's no rush."

"Oh god," Oikawa said closing his eyes and dropping his head back with a smile. "He's the rebellious-bad-boy type of guy."

"I think so," Akaashi said taking a seat on the couch next to him.

"Wasn't he voted as the worst mannered porn actor ever?" Oikawa asked looking at his manager without raising his head.

"Yes, I got in touch with his manager and..." Akaashi sighed. "He seemed so done with him."

"Damn," Oikawa smirked looking up at the ceiling. "He's totally my type, I can't wait to start shooting the movie. I'm looking forward to do everything to him."

Akaashi chuckled and shook his head. Oikawa raised his head and fixed his gaze on the papers in his hands. 32 pages full of terms or conditions that he had to mark as accepted or rejected to shoot the movie. It was the same thing every time. He hated the paperwork involved in making a movie, even more so because he always accepted all but two conditions.

He began to read. His eyes were lost among so many words in tiny black print. It was overwhelming how many things he had to accept to let himself be fucked in front of a camera. It was obvious that he was there because he wanted to, why did he always have to read so many things to do his job?

It took him about an hour to read all 32 pages to the end. He let out a sigh and dropped the papers on the low coffee table in front of him. Akaashi's office was comfortable and he spent most of his recording time there, so he felt like that office was his second home.

"You've finished?" Asked Akaashi, who had been searching for documents on his computer up to that point.

"Yes," Oikawa said, settling on the seat.

"So...?"

"The usual, Aka-chan," Oikawa replied. "Nothing changed."

"I'll send the documents right away then. Thanks Oikawa-san, it was fast," Akaashi said with a nod. "No kisses, no condoms. All in order."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had a thousand notifications on twitter, and he couldn't quite understand why. So he reluctantly opened the application and went to the alerts tab.
> 
> Suddenly his mouth went dry and he gasped, his heart pounding as he felt his legs go weak.
> 
> For the first time, Sakusa had replied to one of his tweets.

Bokuto rolled over between the covers and slowly opened his eyes. A pair of hazel eyes stared back at him.

"Good morning," Kuroo whispered turning to face Bokuto's side.

"Mornin' babe," Bokuto replied hoarsely rubbing his eyes.

Bokuto approached Kuroo's body and snuggled up next to him, entangling his legs with his boyfriend's. The golden-eyed man wrapped his arms around Kuroo and hid his face on his chest.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked.

Kuroo didn't reply right away. He stroked Bokuto's hairsprayless hair, soft and silky and scented with lemon, and tried to reassure himself with the touch but it was impossible.

"No, I haven't," he replied with a sigh.

Bokuto pulled away slightly from him so he could raise his head and look into his eyes with an innocent and concerned expression on his features. Kuroo caressed his cheek with his fingertips but didn't change his distant and tired expression.

"Why? Are you nervous?" Bokuto asked with a frown.

"A little," Kuroo muttered closing his eyes and dropping his hand on the bed.

"Is it because of the movie?" Bokuto said joining their foreheads in an affectionate gesture.

"Yeah..." Kuroo replied biting his lip. "It's just... Well..."

His attitude was completely different from his attitude the day before. Bokuto had never seen him lose his sleep due to the nerves of shooting a new film. He was always confident, maybe a little too confident on his skills and his presence in front of the camera. But Bokuto liked it, and seeing him nervous was something new.

"Tetsuro, you've recorded a lot of movies," Bokuto said closing his eyes as well but keeping their foreheads together. "You have nothing, nothing to be afraid about."

"This time is different," Kuroo replied with a slight shake of his head. "I've always been a fan of Oikawa, and I'm nervous because I wanna make a good impression. But also..."

Kuroo sighed and stayed quiet for a while, thoughts racing through his head at the speed of light. Bokuto caressed his bare chest while the black-haired man searched up for the right words to speak.

"He's one of the most desirable porn actors not only in Japan but all around the world. He's much more famous than me and his fans are very overprotective of him. I feel self-concious, I don't wanna think I'm not good enough. I don't know if I'll spoil everything under so much preassure," he said.

"Don't say that," Bokuto whispered.

The golden-eyed boy separated his forehead from Kuroo and hid his face in Kuroo's neck, leaving wet kisses along his tanned skin. Kuroo moaned slightly when he felt Bokuto's tongue stroking him, his teeth trying to bite him.

"No marks, Koutaro," Kuroo said in a shaky and needy voice.

His words said one thing but his body language and tone of voice, along with his hands dragging Bokuto closer to him, called for quite another.

"Fuck," Bokuto whispered a bit frustrated, pulling away from his neck. "I wanna leave your body full of hickeys, why don't you wear makeup in the studio when you record? I want them to see that you're mine," he said with a fiery look.

"It's not nice that lube, semen and sweat mix with makeup," Kuroo replied trying to regain his composure. "The body stays sticky and it doesn't look good on camera, it looks kinda disgusting."

Bokuto grunted. He understood that he couldn't leave marks on his man's body due to the nature of his job, but that didn't make him feel better. It frustrated him so much he felt he wanted to do it anyway.

"However, back to the topic from before...," Bokuto said, "I'm sure you'll be fine. You just have to do what you're best at," he commented with a mischievous smile.

"Oh, yeah?" Kuroo asked in a playful voice. "And what do I do best, Mr. Bodyguard?"

"You know that very well," Bokuto replied without falling into provocation.

Kuroo's hand slid slowly and seductively across Bokut's chest and abdomen, making its way to his hot, bare crotch. He licked his lips as Bokuto's gaze grew darker with each caress.

Kuroo's mischievous fingers moved tenaciously over Bokuto's skin, tracing abstract shapes across his hips as they made their way down the path until they reached their destination.

Kuroo wasn't touching any particularly sensitive area, but the way his hands moved caused his boyfriend to cry anxious and desperate, and he loved that. It was fun to watch him squirm and move his hips trying to force Kuroo to move his fingers a little more to touch _that_ part of his body that was so in need of attention at that moment. But Kuroo was reluctant to give him what he asked for.

Bokuto looked at Kuroo with desire and supplication in his golden eyes, but Kuroo smirked and continued with the teasing, leaving Bokuto's body to react by itself to the provocations. He did not want to touch him, at least not yet. He wanted to see how Bokuto lost control of his own body and see how his hips pushed on their own in an attempt to replicate the movement that Kuroo's hand should be doing.

"Please..." Bokuto whispered desperately, eyes darkened and bit lips.

With painful slowness, Kuroo circled Bokuto's dripping member and squeezed it without moving his hand. He rubbed the head with his thumb, wetting it with the precum that was pouring out.

A gasp echoed off the walls of the room and Kuroo smiled.

Hearing Bokuto's moans was a really good way to start the day.

***

Atsumu snorted with a frown. The twitter timeline was full of tweets about Oikawa and Kuroo. 

He was working at that moment. The merchandise that had arrived for the bar that week should be taken to the warehouse, but working overtime was boring. Actually, working per se was boring.

"I thought you liked Oikawa," said his twin carrying a box.

"And I like him, make no mistake," Atsumu replied. "What's more, he can turns me on easily."

"Ah, great, good to know," Tendo said wryly.

"Very funny," said Atsumu sulkily. "What are you doing here, Tendo? You don't work here, you needn't come," he said with a grimace.

"What a neat way to kick your friend out of here," Tendo replied.

Atsumu rolled his eyes and looked down at his cell phone again. There was another one of his multiple tweets mentioning his favorite actor, in a vain attempt to ever make the man realize Atsumu's existence. But it was a lost cause. He was a famous actor, he had over 1.2 million followers and he probably received hundreds of thousands of messages and tweets every hour. Atsumu sending him something would make no difference, his message would only be lost among the others without anyone giving it importance.

It was frustrating.

Atsumu put his cell phone in his pants pocket and bent down to pick up a box full of beer bottles that he was supposed to take to the warehouse.

"If you're gonna be around here, at least come to help," Atsumu said walking with some difficulty.

"No thanks, I'd rather watch," Tendo replied. "Can you tell me what your bad mood is about?"

"Sakusa," Osamu said. "He tweeted him a thousand times this morning but he didn't reply to any tweet. Obviously."

"Shut yer mouth!" Atsumu yelled angrily.

The blonde went into the warehouse and stacked the box on top of the others. He didn't feel like being there, listening to Osamu, and worse still, to Tendo, who was also a Sakusa fan, laughing at him and how his attempts failed every time Atsumu tried to establish minimal contact with the actor. He was tired. He put on headphones and turned on the music. He didn't want to keep listening to them while he worked, so he turned the volume up to the maximum of the loudest electronic music he had.

He went out again and continued taking boxes with the help of Osamu. Shirabu had only called the two of them because Lev and Yaku were busy, god knows with what. Actually, it was better not to know. And apparently Semi couldn't go to help them because he wasn't answering the phone, he was probably asleep. So, cursing his luck for having replied to Shirabu's message, he concentrated on his work to finish as soon as possible.

***

Three hours later he came home with stiff muscles and covered in sweat. He needed to shower and eat, as the effort had left him hungry.

He removed the headphones and felt a ringing in his ears. Keeping the phone volume on full blast while listening to Tujamo hadn't been the brightest idea he'd ever had. But it didn't matter because he quickly forgot the ringing when he looked at the device's screen: he had a thousand notifications on twitter, and he couldn't quite understand why. So he reluctantly opened the application and went to the alerts tab.

Suddenly his mouth went dry and he gasped, his heart pounding as he felt his legs go weak.

For the first time, Sakusa had replied to one of his tweets.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt hopeless: a 23-year-old boy obsessed with a BDSM expert porn actor who had no idea of his existence and that the only time he had managed to get his attention was to make it clear that there was not a minimum possibility of Atsumu's desire to be fulfilled.
> 
> He should give up, right?

**_Choke me Master Sakusa_ **

**_Atsumu_** : HE AMSWERRED ME

 ** _Atsumu_** : HE DID

 ** _Atsumu_** : FUCK U TENDO

 ** _Tendo_** : Lmao calm tf down

 ** _Hinata_** : Who answered?

 ** _Atsumu_** : SAKUSA

 ** _Atsumu_** : ON TWITTER

 ** _Semi_** : ARE YOU KIDDING

 ** _Atsumu_** : CHECK HIS TWEETS

 ** _Atsumu_** : HE QUOTED MINE

 ** _Yaku_** : Atsumu

 ** _Yaku_** : You said to shoot a movie like the one Kuroo and Oikawa are shooting and he literally said

 ** _Yaku_** : "I'm very selective with my subs, thank you but no thank you"

 ** _Yaku_** : HE SWEPT THE FLOOR WITH YOU

 ** _Tendo_** : LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 ** _Hinata_** : Oh no

 ** _Semi_** : Lmao Atsumu why tf are you so happy

 ** _Atsumu_** : HE NOTICED ME

 ** _Hinata_** : I can hear in my head how hard Osamu-san's laughing rn

 ** _Atsumu_** : Shoyo-kun not you too 😭

 ** _Atsumu_** : JUST LET ME ENJOY IT FFS

 ** _Atsumu_** : IMAGINE HE'S LOOKING THROUHG MY TWITTER

 ** _Atsumu_** : ADSFJASDGJHA

 ** _Semi_** : He's most certainly not

 ** _Yaku_** : You really fucking believe he's gonna waste his time looking your twitter profile when he probably has a sub tied to his bed with a gag on his mouth and lashing him with a leather whip?

 ** _Hinata_** : Ahhh to be that sub of his

 ** _Tendo_** : Hinata you really-

 ** _Tendo_** : I mean

 ** _Hinata_** : What

 ** _Tendo_** : Nevermind

 ** _Tendo_** : Lmao

 ** _Tendo_** : It's just it doesn't suit you to be such a masochist

 ** _Tendo_** : I would have sworn you were just into vanilla

 ** _Yaku_** : Same lmao

 ** _Hinata_** : What? Why?

 ** _Hinata_** : *angry noises* 😡💢

 ** _Semi_** : You just don't look like the submissive type of guy yk

 ** _Hinata_** : Funny how you all say that after me being the one who created this group chat for BDSM pornstar fans 👁️👄👁️

 ** _Semi_** : Touché

 ** _Yaku_** : BUT STILL IT DOESN'T SUIT YOU HINATA

 ** _Yaku_** : Like you look soft and cute and adorable

 ** _Hinata_** : I can be soft and cute and adorable tied up with a dildo stuck up in my ass

 ** _Tendo_** : 👁️👄👁️

 ** _Atsumu_** : ➖👄➖

 ** _Yaku_** : 👁️👄👁️

 ** _Semi_** : I am looking away

 ** _Atsumu_** : I don't wanna read this anymore Shoyo-kun

 ** _Atsumu_** : plz stop

 ** _Hinata_** : YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TWEETED IT

 ** _Hinata_** : WHY AM I THE WEIRD ONE FOR SAYING THIS

 ** _Hinata_** : I'M 22 FFS

 ** _Hinata_** : You asked Sakusa-san to be his sub, not me

 ** _Hinata_** : This is not fair 🤬

 ** _Atsumu_** : IT'S NOT THE SAME

 ** _Hinata_** : IT IS

 ** _Atsumu_** : IT'S NOT

 ** _Tendo_** : That's true, it's not

 ** _Tendo_** : What Atsumu did by tweeting that is worse

 ** _Yaku_** : LMFAO

 ** _Semi_** : SAVAGE

 ** _Atsumu_** : WHY YOU ALWAYS LAUGH AT ME TENDO

 _ **Atsumu**_ : FUCK YOU

 ** _Atsumu_** : I'm leaving.

***

Atsumu's hands were still shaking as he closed the chat and dropped the phone between his legs with a thud. He hadn't even showered or eaten since he got home. He was so excited that he had just sat on the front landing without even taking off his shoes.

But suddenly he felt a growing anguish in his stomach. The others were right. Sakusa's response hadn't been what Atsumu expected when he tweeted that. The actor had been quite clear on the subject, and perhaps Atsumu should even be grateful that he hadn't blocked him for overstepping the line.

He felt a pang in his chest and covered his face with his hands, emitting a loud sigh of defeat. He felt hopeless: a 23-year-old boy obsessed with a BDSM expert porn actor who had no idea of his existence and that the only time he had managed to get his attention was to make it clear that there was not a minimum possibility of Atsumu's desire to be fulfilled.

He should give up, right?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The more difficult it's to deal with him, the better sexual partner he'll be," Oikawa said with a smirk. "It's an unwritten rule."

"The script is this one," Asahi said handing the papers to Oikawa. "Kuroo has yet to provide us with the terms and conditions he accepts, but Kenma knows him well and we assume that everything in the script will be to his liking," he commented with a shrug.

Oikawa picked up the papers and glanced over them, flipping quickly through the pages in his hands. A naughty little smile crossed his face and his eyes twinkled slightly.

"Not bad," Oikawa admited with a nod. "Not bad at all. It's a good script, did you write it yourself?" he asked looking at Asahi over the papers.

"No," Asahi said with a shake. "I've had help from an old classmate, Kiyoko. I've know her since high school. Unlike me, she's a professional screenwriter, and although she had never written a script for a pornographic film before, her ideas are much wilder than mine. She did a good job," he said with a cheery smile.

Oikawa nodded and handed the papers to Akaashi, who was sitting right next to him.

They were at Kenma's office, the director of the film and an old aquitance of Kuroo. Akaashi and Oikawa were sitting on an armchair facing Asahi. Kenma was sitting in his chair behind the large varnished oak desk. Iwaizumi, Oikawa's bodyguard, stood waiting by the door, his hands folded in front of his body and a grim expression on his face.

"When will I meet Kuro-chan?" Oikawa asked biting his lip and raising an eyebrow in a gesture of contained desire. "I'm looking forward to film with him but I'd like to have a first contact with him sooner if possible."

"We'll have to wait for him to decide to send the papers, and that will probably happen o the first day of recording," Kenma said in a menotonous voice rolling his eyes. "He does whatever he wants, he never meets deadlines and he just gets in trouble with the press."

He said that getting up from his chair with a tired gesture. He walked over to where Asahi was and sat down next to him, facing Oikawa and Akaashi.

"Don't expect him to treat you well just because it's you, unfortunately he's a bastard to everyone," Kenma said looking Oikawa straight in the eye.

"That only makes it more exciting," Oikawa said in a low, husky voice. "It'll be a mystery until the end. I hope the rumors about him are true," he said licking his lips.

"Believe me, they are," Kenma said rolling his eyes. "I'd dare to say he's even worse that that, the press doesn't know his adventures on the set when he's recording."

"That's hot," Oikawa said with a dreamy voice. Akaashi chuckled and shook his head.

"It won't be a problem for Oikawa-san," Akaashi said looking amused at the brunet.

"The more difficult it's to deal with him, the better sexual partner he'll be," Oikawa said with a smirk. "It's an unwritten rule."

From the door, Iwaizumi gave a nasty laugh. The others in the room looked at him in surprise, remembering for the first time he was there. He had been so quiet during the meeting that everyone forgot he was standing at the door, listening to every little thing they said.

Oikawa frowned and shot him a questioning look.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked wrinkling his nose.

"Nothing, I didn't say anything," Iwaizumi said nonchalantly.

"I don't know why I accepted you as my bodyguard, you're an asshole," Oikawa snorted dismissively.

"You didn't accept me, you _chose_ me. It's a disgusting thought but maybe you like me and that's why you wanted me to protect you," Iwaizumi replied with a bored expression and a shrug.

Oikawa looked at him up and down slowly, pausing to observe every part of his body. He didn't have a bad physique but Oikawa didn't even find him the least bit attractive. Also, he was shorter than him, and Oikawa's taste depended heavily on taller guys or shorter girls. And Iwaizumi didn't match any of those profiles.

Iwaizumi's eyes penetrated him with a look of superiority, but he was _Oikawa Tooru_. He was the one who looked at people over his shoulder, not the other way around.

"HA!" Oikawa laughed sarcastically at Iwaizumi's comment. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

His voice dennoted pride and haughtiness. Who was that fellow to treat him like that?

"You're not my type, I ain't interested in you. I chose you because there was no one else who complied with the training designed to protect me. But I should have declined when I first saw you, that was my mistake," Oikawa said theatrically. But his tone of voice changed to a bitter one when he continued speaking. "Don't think you're that important, if you fuck with me you'll be fired. You should kiss the ground I step on, and thank God that you work for me, you should be thankful for what you got. Cool it down, shrimpy," said Oikawa proudly.

"You're the definition of a diva. Nasty," Iwaizumi replied with a sour expression on his face, as if he had tasted a particularly tart lemon.

"Enough already. Sorry," Akaashi said, massaging his tired eyes behind his glasses, apologizing to Kenma and Asahi who were watching the scene in surprise. "They fight all day, they've never gotten along particularly well but he was the only bodyguard who stuck to the profile whe asked for, as Oikawa-san said."

Akaashi looked at Oikawa and Iwaizumi with warning eyes, switching his eyes from one to another.

"Oikawa-san, behave, I'm not your mother. You're older than me, you should keep your manners. And you too, Iwaizumi-san. Stop, both of you," he scolded them.

Both young men nodded in embarrassment and looked down. Akaashi was the only one who had control over them when they fought. Something that happened continuously since they met.

"Be that as it may," Oikawa said glaring at Iwaizumi just in case he dared to interrupt him again, "I guess there's no other way than wait to meet Kuro-chan. When does the recording start?"

"About that...," said Kenma looking at Asahi.

"We thought we should start on monday," the taller man said at the same time that Kenma nodded briefly.

"IN FIVE DAYS!?" Akaashi yelled with wide eyes. "It's too sudden! What if Kuroo-san decides not to accept the terms? What if there's a problem with-?"

"Don't worry about it, Akaashi. The stage is sed, the script is written, Oikawa's documents are in order," Kenma said. "The only thing missing is Kuro, and I know him well enough to know which terms and conditions he will accept and which he won't. Asahi and Kiyoko wrote the script knowing it beforehand. Everything is planned. And the sooner the recording begins, the sooner we can have his papers."

"Don't worry, Akaashi, it'll be fine," Asahi said reassuringly.

"Trust me, Aka-chan," Oikawa said with a wink, "I'll make sure Kuro-chan fall at my feet so you don't have any problem."

Akaashi smiled weakly. He tried to relax. His job as the manager of Japan's most famous and desired porn actor was stressful. _Too stressful_.

But Oikawa was someone trustworthy, and he knew from experience that Kenma and Asahi were too. He didn't know Kuroo, but the few things he knew about him weren't reassuring in the least. On the other hand, his manager Tsukishima was a serious guy and he would make it easy for Akaashi by dealing with Kuroo, so Akaashi had nothing to worry about.

It was just that he did not feel ready. But he had to look relaxed. He took a deep breath and nodded firmly. Everything was set up. A countdown appeared in the middle of his brain. There were only 5 days left for the shooting of the film to begin.

"Okay, we'll do our best," Akaashi said.

"That's right, Aka-chan," Oikawa said in a singsong voice.

Both men got up to leave the place, waving goodbye to Kenma and Asahi, and followed by Iwaizumi, who had a disgusted expression everytime his eyes met those of Oikawa.

None of the three noticed the man who was hiding on a dark alley, watching every movement they did when they left the place.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is unheard of," Iwaizumi said incredulously. "Is he trying to win the World's Most Asshole Dude of the year?"
> 
> "As defending champion, are you nervous?" Oikawa said sarcastically without even looking at him.

It was all over the news. In the newspaper. On the radio. On television. If they would have had a little more time it would even be on the billboard signs. The fans were wild through social media; someone had recorded it and uploaded it to YouTube. No matter where you looked, his client's face was on every magazine cover after he got into a fight with a paparazzi the night before, who knows why.

Tsukishima was on about to riot. He was going to kill Kuroo. He didn't know how Kuroo could be so stupid. He pulled out his phone and dialed the black-haired's number. The phone rang several times before someone answered.

"Yes?" Kuroo said in a sleepy voice.

"So..." Tsukishima said trying to get Kuroo to speak for himself.

"So... what?" Kuroo asked confused.

"Kenma-san has sent me an email, Oikawa-san has already signed all the papers," Tsukishima said keeping his calm as best as he could. "You start recording on Monday and it occurs to you TO PUNCH A REPORTER FOUR DAYS BEFORE STARTING A NEW RECORDING, ARE YOU AN IDIOT?" he screamed, consumed with rage.

On the other side Kuroo jumped on the bed after the scream. He hadn't expected it, but Tsukishima had certainly made his wake up fully.

"Oh yeah," Kuroo laughed on the other end of the phone. "My knuckles still hurt, that guy's face was like a rock."

"Why can't you be like Oikawa-san? You're a horrible person, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said, walking fast through Tokyo, avoiding the looks people were throwing at him after shouting in the middle of the street.

"Me?" Kuroo asked in a harsh voice. "I wasn't the one who was following a man and his boyfriend down the street at night, taking pictures and asking unwanted questions, y'know? Bokuto and I have a private life, and reporters - if you can call them that - should being aware that following a person is against the fucking law, it's harassment," Kuroo said with deep contempt.

"You're a public person, Kuroo-san. You can't go punching people for taking photos, that's the life of a star like you," Tsukishima said scolding him but understanding that Kuroo was partly right.

"Then getting a punch in the nose is the life of a paparazzi like him, end of the fucking talk," Kuroo said angrily.

Tsukishima sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. Kuroo was not someone easy to deal with, even less when his way of being was so given to provocation. He was someone sharp and wry and there was no one to stop him when an idea entered his head.

"I tend to forget why you were voted the worst mannered porn actor ever," Tsukishima muttered in defeat.

"I don't fucking care, Tsukki."

"Yes, I know, I'm aware of it," Tsukishima said. "Either way, you start on Monday. For fuck's sake, READ and SIGN the documents," he said emphasizing the important words.

"Yeah, yeah, I will," Kuroo said, regaining his usual tone. "I'm pretty excited to meet Oikawa."

"It seems like he's looking forward to meeting you too."

"Really?" Kuroo asked raising an eyebrow at the other end of the phone.

"Yep, Kenma-san told me that. Treat him well please, I don't want to start another fight with another porn actor. Sakusa-san was enough."

"His manager seems like a fucking idiot, I couldn't help it," Kuroo replied with a malevolent laugh.

"Ushijima-san is a good manager, he's an example of how things can go if you're good at what you do. So shut your fucking mouth," Tsukishima said defensively.

"He still seems like an idiot, how can a guy like that be the manager of a BDSM expert? It's absurd. But don't worry," Kuroo said with a smirk, "I'll treat Oikawa tenderly if he wants me to. But I doubt that."

Kuroo's voice had taken on a dangerous and seductive tone; his voice sounded raspy and eager and Tsukishima gave a shudder when he understood what he meant.

"I didn't mean- I mean treat him like a normal person, don't be rude. I know you're not rough when recording, I didn't mean that," Tsukishima said with red ears.

"I know, I was messing with you," Kuroo said with a laugh.

Tsukishima sighed. Kuroo was not a bad person. In fact, he was kind and caring enough if he wanted to. But it was rare to see Kuroo willing to be a nice person for once.

"Bye, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said rolling his eyes before hanging up.

***

Oikawa's eyes shone behind his sunglasses and a smile appeared on his lips when he saw his co-star's face on the cover of _Friday_ , the most famous Japanese gossip magazine. He didn't give it much thought before picking one up and opening it directly until he found the image, a low-quality screenshot taken from a video in which Kuroo slammed his fist into the nose of a man with a camera in hand. Next to Kuroo was a shocked man with gray hair and large expressive golden eyes: it was Bokuto Koutaro, Kuroo's boyfriend as far as Oikawa knew.

He pulled out his wallet to leave more money than necessary on the counter and turned to leave the bookstore reading the news.

"Let's go," Oikawa said to Iwaizumi as they left without looking up from the magazine.

Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder to see what he was reading with such concentration, and then he gave a snort accompanied by a wry laugh.

"This is unheard of," Iwaizumi said incredulously. "Is he trying to win the World's Most Asshole Dude of the year?"

"As defending champion, are you nervous?" Oikawa said sarcastically without even looking at him.

Iwaizumi resisted the urge to imitate the Kuroo in the image and punch Oikawa. He was supposed to protect him, not attack him, but sometimes it took a superhuman effort not to lose his temper and not slap him like he deserved.

"You guys are one to one," Iwaizumi muttered.

Oikawa did not reply. He just kept reading until he reached the black car with tinted windows where the driver was waiting for them. As soon as they both got in, the engine was started and they sped out of there.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kyoomi is interested in meeting you," he said piercing Atsumu with his gaze. "Could you accompany me?"

"Ah, how I hate Saturdays. We're always full fo work," Atsumu said.

He was sitting on a stool, his body aching, his arms and chin resting on the bar counter. It was 5 in the morning, and closing time had come. Yaku was kicking the last of the drunken customers off the dance floor and leading them to the exit of the venue.

"For being so short he's scarier than any of us," Semi said drying the glasses that had just come out of the dishwasher.

"Don't let him hear you or he'll kick your ass too and you won't be able to sit down for a week," Lev said with a shudder.

Shirabu rubbed his eyes as he took the money from the cash register to put it in plastic tubes to take them upstairs, where the accounting office was located. His arms were numb from preparing and serving cocktails to drunken customers who touched his butt as they stared at him with a raised eyebrow and a foul smile.

"You bastard, do something," Osamu said slapping the head of his brother, who was still lying limp on the bar. "You never do anything, 'Tsumu. We always clean up and you do nothing but stare."

"I don't feel like doing it, you do it," Atsumu replied yawning lazily. "I'm not in the mood, nothing interesting ever happens here and I get bored easily."

"Move," said Osamu grabbing his arm and shaking him to his feet. "Lev, give him the broom! Let's let the little princess do something," he yelled mockingly.

Atsumu clenched his jaw and lunged at Osamu with the intention of punching him. Osamu spotted him and lunged straight for him with a raised fist ready to fight back. But they didn't get to hit each other.

Semi grabbed Osamu by tucking his arms under the twin's armpits. On the other hand, Lev had dropped the broom in his hand and ran to grab Atsumu by the waist.

"Let go of me! I'm gonna break your face!" Atsumu kicked swinging his arms and legs in the air.

"Leave me, Semi! He deserves a punch, he never does anything!" Osamu yelled at the provocation writhing in Semi's arms.

"Stop it! What a pair of idiots, get to work!" Shirabu yelled from behind the bar with a murderous look. "I wanna go home as soon as possible. If you fuck with me you're gonna end up with the broomstick stuck up your ass, understood?" he said banging on the metal drawer of the cash register. "Atsumu, start sweeping the floor. Osamu, go out and get some fresh air."

"Hey! It's not fair! Why isn't he doing anything and I have to sweep?" Atsumu yelled in frustration crossing his arms with a defiant look.

Yaku grabbed the broom that Lev had thrown on the ground and got closer to Atsumu to hit his back with the stick time after time.

"Stop complaining!" He said gritting his teeth and yelling over Atsumu's whimpers of pain. "You're lazy, you never do anything after closing. Do something for once!"

"Okay, okay, but stop hitting me!" Atsumu said shrugging in on himself and covering his head with his arms.

Yaku stopped beating him and handed him the broom. Atsumu took it reluctantly and, glaring at his brother, who was laughing at Atsumu's frown, began to sweep the floor muttering under his breath.

With one last amused look at Atsumu, Osamu grabbed Semi's hand and dragged him out of the premises. There was hardly anyone on the street, just a few late passersby going home after having a few too many drinks. And anyway, even if there had been a lot of more people, Osamu would have done the same he was about to do.

He grabbed Semi by the chin and lifted his face before pressing their lips together. Semi smirked into the kiss as he sensed Osamu's need. He opened his mouth and let Osamu's tongue meet his midway. Semi's hand traveled down Osamu's chest to the hem of his pants; with a little tug, Semi pulled Osamu's pristine white shirt out of the black pants and let his fingers explore the taller man's skin under the fabric. Osamu growled slightly into his mouth and placed a hand behind Semi's neck to deepen the kiss further, stroking his cheeks with his thumb.

The warmth of their joined lips and the wetness of their tongues were starting to drive Semi crazy when a man with his hands in his pockets, hood, mask and sunglasses stood in front of them. Both boys noticed the presence and parted with swollen and shiny lips.

They looked at the unfriendly man but they did not say a word: the man was taller than them, he had broad shoulders and could surely kill them both with a single punch, although his appearance was quite comical. He wore sunglasses at 5 in the morning, when the moon was still slightly shining over their heads and it was about an hour and a half before sunrise.

"Miya Atsumu?" The man asked in a deep voice turning to Osamu.

"No, I'm his brother. Who are you and what do you want?," Osamu asked suspiciously with a firm voice and a raised eyebrow.

The man put a hand to where his lips should be under the mask, indicating them to be silent. With grim expressions, Osamu and Semi watched slowly as the man removed his sunglasses and lowered his mask.

Semi gasped and grabbed Osamu by the sleeve of his shirt; at the same time, Osamu widened his eyes and, in a whispering and trembling voice, he said to Semi:

"Go call my brother."

Semi ran back into the premises as fast as he could. Atsumu was absent-mindedly sweeping the floor, still with an annoyed expression in his eyes. Shirabu, Yaku and Lev all looked at Semi curiously, but Atsumu didn't look up from the ground.

"Atsumu!" Semi yelled as he ran towards him. "You have to come, you have to see this."

Atsumu stopped sweeping, looked up at Semi and clicked his tongue with a frown. He clutched the broom in his hand and kept silent, trying to read from Semi's face why he was so nervous. But after a few seconds trying to figure it out, he gave up hardly even trying.

"What do you want?" he asked. "I'm working, just like Samu wanted. Why're you coming to bother now, Semi?" Atsumu said rudely.

"Quit that, this is more important!" Semi said excitedly grabbing Atsumu's shirt sleeve tightly. "You _have to_ come!" Semi pulled trying to drag Atsumu with him, but the boy resisted and growled twisting his arm.

"Is this another one of your stupid little jokes, Semi?" Atsumu asked with an unfriendly face. "I'm sick of you and Samu, why don't you go fuck each other and leave me alone?"

Atsumu yanked his arm free of Semi's hand. He quickly walked away from him in the opposite direction to continue his work and prevent Yaku from hitting him again with the broomstick or Shirabu from throwing himself at him to turn him around and call him lazy. He had had enough for one night, he was not going to face either of them again so he would continue doing what he had been ordered, without commenting and without being provoked by his brother or his brother's fuck buddy.

"There's someone looking for you, but if you're not interested, I'll tell them to go away," Semi said, crossing his arms but still standing there, hoping to awaken some curiosity in the blond.

However, it had the opposite effect. Atsumu looked at Semi again from the corner where he was cleaning, with a hollow and bored look. He shrugged and looked down at the ground to continue his work.

"As you wish," Atsumu murmured nonchalantly.

Semi gritted his teeth and turned to go back out into the street, where Osamu was still waiting for him stunned by the newcomer, who had put his glasses and mask back on. Neither had moved an iota since Semi had left.

"He doesn't wanna come here, I don't know what the hell's wrong with him," Semi said looking at the man. The stranger did not react in the slightest.

"That idiot...," said Osamu wrinkling his nose. "Wait here, I'll drag him out if need be."

"Hmmm, I don't know if this was a good idea," the man said to Semi in a low voice when Osamu had entered the premises. "He doesn't seem like the type to submit easily, from what I'm seeing."

"Not really. It's just... He and his brother fight a lot. I won't deny that it's a surprise to see you here, and even more so asking about Atsumu. But at the same time I'm not surprised at all," Semi said with a shrug and pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

He held out the box to the stranger, but the stranger declined politely by reaching out with his palm and shoving the pack of cigarettes toward Semi again. Semi shrugged and took a cigarette. He lit the lighter and took the first puff just as the door to the premises was slammed open and Osamu appeared dragging an Atsumu by the hair who would not stop twisting and screaming all kinds of brutal insults at his twin.

"OSAMU YOU SON OF A BITCH, DO THAT AGAIN AND I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS, DID YOU HEAR ME? Atsumu yelled angrily, kicking Osamu in the leg.

Osamu doubled over in pain and grabbed his leg, but then stood up again with his fist raised, ready to give Atsumu a black eye.

"Enough!" Semi yelled, standing in front of Osamu. "Not now," Semi muttered with an eloquent look and a slight nod, pointing at the man who was watching the scene curiously.

At that moment Atsumu noticed the man's presence and stayed silent, looking at him as if he knew him from something. He looked vaguely familiar but he couldn't remember where he had seen him. The man turned to look at him.

"Are you Miya Atsumu?" He asked calmly.

"Yes, it's me," Atsumu replied. "Do I know you? You look familiar," he said thoughtfully.

"It's possible," the man said in a monotonous voice.

Slowly he took off his sunglasses again. Under the dim streetlight, Atsumu remembered seeing those olive eyes somewhere, but he didn't know where...

The man lowered his mask and looked Atsumu directly in the eye. The blond boy froze in place, unblinking and gasping for air. A tingle ran through his body from his toes to the tip of his nose. Osamu and Semi were also very still, watching Atsumu's reaction with a small smile playing on their lips.

"Good evening. I am Ushijima Wakatoshi," he said with a slight nod. "From your expressions I suppose you already know who I am, but I will still introduce myself. I am Sakusa Kyoomi's manager. He told me I could find you here. I come on his behalf," Ushijima said in the same monotonous tone of voice as before. "Kyoomi is interested in meeting you," he said piercing Atsumu with his gaze. "Could you accompany me?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Get him out of here," he said, "I don't want to-"
> 
> "No!" Atsumu yelled, straightening up in the seat. Sakusa glared at him with a raised eyebrow. "No, i-it's t-that..." Atsumu rubbed his hands together and closed his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to calm his anxiety. "I'm just... very nervous. You see, not everyday I can meet someone who..."
> 
> Atsumu stopped speaking. Sakusa looked out the window at the street and back at Atsumu. The blond felt like he was anesthetized, so he did not notice his dick shaking on his pants. However, Sakusa did.
> 
> "Someone who... turns you on?" Sakusa said pointing at Atsumu's pants.

"I'm curious, how did you know where to find me?" Atsumu asked.

He was walking behind Ushijima with short, quick steps. Streets were almost empty and it was freezing. Atsumu should have taken his jacket but Osamu had dragged him out so fast and strong into the street that he couldn't even blink before realizing what was really happening. What's more, he did not expect himself to be in front of his favourite actor's manager and now he was hallucinating like it was a dream he was about to wake up to.

"You'll have to ask him," Ushijima replied looking back over his shoulder.

"And why are you wearing a mask and sunglasses at 5 in the morning?" Atsumu asked curiously.

"In order for them not to recognize me, I must not attract attention," Ushijima replied.

 _Well, you've done a damned poor job. With the things you wear you stand out a lot_ , Atsumu thought. However, he nodded without saying it out loud, he just kept walking with his hands in the pockets of his pants.

When Ushijima asked him to accompany him because Sakusa had asked to see the blond, Atsumu's heart skipped a beat. He was so nervous that he almost fainted and Osamu and Semi had to hold him so he wouldn't fall to the ground. He was excited and happy, but also scared. Sakusa was a hot, attractive man who could have anyone at his mercy. And yet he, Atsumu, without knowing how or why, had caught his attention.

That thought was spinning in Atsumu's mind, who without being aware of it, had followed Ushijima to a black car with tinted rear windows, a huge Cadillac limousine with shiny and spotless paint. The few people on the street stopped to take photos of the vehicle.

Ushijima opened the back door and nodded.

"Come in," he said quietly.

Atsumu was trembling like a leaf as he stepped forward. He looked at Ushijima like a slaughtered lamb, self-conscious at the luxury that presented itself to him.

The interior was spacious and airy, with black leather seats hidden in the gloom. The little light that illuminated the interior came from the light of the streetlight that entered through the open door. But soon it was pitch black as Ushijima climbed up behind him and slammed the door shut.

Atsumu could feel the tension in every muscle in his body and his rapid breathing. He felt dizzy and ecstatic, as if the whole thing was just a delusion caused by some kind of drug he had taken without being aware of it.

 _Don't wake up, please, don't wake up_ , he pleaded with closed eyes.

Suddenly, a weak light shone on the roof of the limo and Atsumu jumped slightly in his seat as he opened his eyes again. He waited with bated breath.

In front of him was Sakusa Kyoomi, the most famous porn actor expert in sadomasochism in all of Japan. He had a penetrating look in his black eyes and a black mask covered his nose and mouth. He was wearing a very smart black shirt and a tight black suit to enhance the width of his back and thighs. Everything on him was dark and elegant, like a shadow prince on a fantasy novel.

"Miya Atsumu," he said in a whisper but with a powerful tone of voice. "It's you?"

Atsumu swallowed hard and twitched his fingers on the fabric of his pants. His whole body was shaking and his mouth was dry. His lips were parted trying to say a word but he made no sound. The atmosphere was heavily crushing on him, what the hell was he supposed to do?

"You don't mean to say anything?" Sakusa asked without the slightest bit of emotion.

Atsumu gasped trying to say something, but still he wasn't able to speak. Sakusa turned to look at his manager with a frown.

"Get him out of here," he said, "I don't want to-"

"No!" Atsumu yelled, straightening up in the seat. Sakusa glared at him with a raised eyebrow. "No, i-it's t-that..." Atsumu rubbed his hands together and closed his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath to calm his anxiety. "I'm just... very nervous. You see, not everyday I can meet someone who..."

Atsumu stopped speaking. Sakusa looked out the window at the street and back at Atsumu. The blond felt like he was anesthetized, so he did not notice his dick shaking on his pants. However, Sakusa did.

"Someone who... turns you on?" Sakusa said pointing at Atsumu's pants. The blond reacted to his words and his cheeks turned to a deep, heating, red.

"I-"

"I'll ask you one more time," Sakusa said looking at him steadily. "Are you Miya Atsumu?"

"Y-yes," Atsumu replied.

"Fine, good boy," Sakusa said satisfied. Atsumu felt something activate inside him after hearing him speak those words. "I guess you already know why I called you," Sakusa continued.

"I'm not really sure, but I think I can imagine it," Atsumu said, holding back his stutter.

Silence fell between them. Atsumu could hear his own heart racing, sending blood to his head and groin. He was dizzy and horny and felt the drops of sweat falling down his back even though he was freezing a moment ago when he was outside.

"And...?" Sakusa asked.

"And... what?" Atsumu asked without quite understanding what he was referring to.

"Does your offer to submit to me still stand?" Sakusa said with a sharp look.

Atsumu felt that all his secrets could be discovered with that simple look. A strong blush covered his cheeks again, and the blood that had previously been on his head and that made him dizzy flowed straight down to his cock. The boy shifted in the seat trying to hide the bulge in his pants with no success.

 _Shit_ , Atsumu thought embarrassed.

Sakusa lowered his mask and placed it on his chin. Looking Atsumu directly in the eye, the boy smirked and narrowed his eyes.

"Your body tells me yes, but I want you to answer me," Sakusa said in a dangerous tone. "Tell me with your own mouth, consent is important here."

Atsumu gulped and covered his dick in embarrassment by placing his hands on his crotch. Sakusa's gaze made him feel a pleasant tingle all over his body, but it also made him feel small and insignificant. He looked down at his lap, unable to maintain eye contact.

"Yes," he said in a small voice.

"Great," Sakusa said putting the mask back on. "At first I would have said you weren't very skilled at being a sub, but I think I've changed my mind after seeing your... reaction," Sakusa whispered in a velvety, solemn voice. "We'll contact you."

"But you don't have my number," Atsumu said lifting his sight innocently but he regretted it the moment he did it.

Sakusa's eyes could definitely read through him and the look that pierced his own eyes sent a shiver down his spine. It was not fear what he was feeling, it was... respect. Admiration. _Submission_.

"I do have it," Sakusa replied.

"Oh...," Atsumu murmured.

He did not dare to ask anything else. Sakusa waved his hand to his manager and Ushijima opened the door to get out of the car again. He in turn gestured for Atsumu to follow him, but when the boy had just set foot on the street, Sakusa caught his attention again.

"Ah, one more thing, Atsumu," Sakusa said. "I know practically your whole life all thanks to Twitter. Everything you do, where you work, the time your shifts end and even... When you jerk off with my videos...," 

Even without being able to see it, Atsumu knew that Sakusa was smirking under the mask, he could hear his smile growing on his lips. Atsumu regretted his life choices one more time and cursed himself ten times in five seconds. How could he be so stupid to post every little shit of his daylife into a public profile on the social media? 

"Everything that happens to you, you say it in your profile, which I personally looked through the other day." Sakusa narrowed his eyes and pierced Atsumu with just one look. "To be my sub you will have to go through a prior disciplinary training that I will take care of giving you. But the first lesson you must learn is... that you must keep this a secret."

"Y-yes," Atsumu said.

With one last nonchalant wave of his hand, Sakusa motioned for Atsumu to get out of the car. The boy obeyed without question and went out again into the night cold of the street. Ushijima got back into the car, which in a matter of seconds started and drove away, leaving Atsumu standing in the middle of the pavement, shivering in cold, with his heart pounding and a raging hard-on in his pants.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fuck, do it now," Oikawa whispered between breathy moans, preventing the camera from capturing his words.
> 
> Kuroo looked at him from below, his head between Oikawa's legs. With a smirk, he imperceptibly shook his head; and then, in that moment, Oikawa understood why Kuroo was known to be a tease expert: he had no intention of recording the scene and that was it. Kuroo was going to play with him before.

_**RECOMMENDED SONG: LIPS ON YOU BY MAROON 5** _

Kuroo arrived at the studio accompanied by Tsukishima and Bokuto. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a white T-shirt with small ripped-like holes that revealed small fragments of slightly tanned skin, baggy cargo pants with pockets on the sides and black boots. He wore sunglasses that hid his eyes and a smirk decorated his handsome face.

He did not go unnoticed by anyone, of course. Not even for Oikawa, who saw Kuroo through the corner of his eye, but he decided to play it cool, at least for now.

It was the first shooting day of the oh-so-wanted-movie and the excitement was in the air. The script was very good and Kuroo liked it the first time he read it. He could not stop thinking of how the shooting would go, not because he was nervous or anxious -he was calm thanks to Bokuto- but because he was ready for the action.

"You finally arrive, we were all waiting for you, y'know?" Kenma chided him, walking towards him with slow steps and a slight frown.

"Good things take long," Kuroo replied, taking off his glasses and winking at him, keeping his smirk at all times.

Kenma rolled his eyes and shook his head. He approached Tsukishima with a look of understanding. Dealing with Kuroo was exhausting and Tsukishima did it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Anyone could think he was used to it, but the reality was that no one ever got used to a troublesome man like Kuroo.

Tsukishima, with a tired look, handed Kenma all the signed papers as promised and Kenma muttered a soft "thank you" before patting him on the shoulder.

"You and Bokuto can wait where always, Akaashi and Oikawa's bodyguard are there too," Kenma said. "It'll be good for you to take a break from this idiot," he said with a nod to Kuroo who was a little further away contemplating the place where they would record.

Tsukishima nodded appreciatively and whispered something to Bokuto before walking towards Akaashi and Iwaizumi, to a room with a huge window where you can see the recording from the comfort of a cushioned sofa. Bokuto followed him, but not before shooting a glance at Kuroo, who was staring at his butt as he walked away. Kuroo winked at him and Bokuto smirked.

"Kuro," Kenma called out looking at the papers. "Oikawa's over there," he said pointing a finger at a young man with his back turned. "I know you wanna meet him so-"

When Kenma turned to look at Kuroo, he was no longer there. He was walking nonchalantly toward Oikawa, his eyes blazing and his hands in his pockets. Kenma shrugged and went to talk to Asahi, with the papers Tsukishima had given him still in his hands.

***

Oikawa was talking to a short blonde woman, probably one of the wardrobe managers since she had a piece of clothing in her hands. The girl saw how Kuroo approached them and leaned closer to Oikawa to whisper something just before leaving, intimidated by the presence of the two men. Oikawa turned around with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous little smile; he knew perfectly well Kuroo would be the one to go after him.

"My, my, what do my eyes see?" Oikawa said.

He slowly approached Kuroo, his arms crossed and a deep look in his dark eyes. He examined the dark-haired man up and down, not missing a single detail of the man's hot, defined figure, fixing his gaze on Kuroo's glimmering eyes. The black-haired smirked and gave a light dreamy laugh.

"Do you like what you see, pretty boy?" he asked in a confident voice.

"I'd be lying if I said no, hot stuff" Oikawa replied, blinking seductively, letting his lashes flutter around his eyes.

Kuroo's smirk widened and his eyes flashed following suit Oikawa by looking the brunet up and down.

"I like your bluntness," Kuroo chuckled. "I've heard a lot about you," he said biting his lower lip lightly.

"And who doesn't?" Oikawa said with a hint of pride in his voice. Kuroo laughed and Oikawa smiled back upon hearing him laugh. "I never lie, you don't believe me?" He asked feigning innocence with a sweet and childish voice.

"I'm the first to talk about you, so... Yeah, it's not difficult for me to believe you," Kuroo said with a charming smile.

They both stared at each other, appreciating each other's face with reverie.

 _This is gonna be good,_ Kuroo thought.

Right at that moment, Asahi's voice echoed through the recording studio.

"Very good! Welcome everyone!" Asahi said in a powerful voice. "Get closer here so I don't have to scream!"

Kenma was next to Asahi, sitting in a high black cloth chair. The cameras, stylists, wardrobe managers, sound and lighting technicians and others gathered around both to hear what he had to say. Kuroo and Oikawa stayed a bit behind the tumult, listening carefully.

"We're going to start filming. The stars of the film are right behind you," he said gesturing with one hand in the direction Kuroo and Oikawa were facing.

People turned to look at them. Both young men looked at the rest defiantly, as if urging them to dare to say something to them or to look down on them. Porn stars were judged worldwide but it got worse depending on the type of porn actor: if the actor was actually an actress, if they filmed gay stuff, if it was kinky sex... They knew what they faced, they were showing to the world the most intimate and vulnerable part of themselves. It was like giving away their deepest secret -or well, in some way, in fact, that was exactly what happened. However, this time the people, intimidated by the dangerous vibes they emitted, turned again to look at Asahi for him to continue.

"You know the script, right?" Oikawa and Kuroo nodded and Asahi kept talking. "We'll start with the scenes in which there is no sex, it'll be fast. Then, we'll shoot with the sexual part and repeat the scenes that are necessary as long as our protagonists have the strength to continue," Asahi said seriously.

A slight laugh filled the air and Kuroo looked around clenching his jaw. He knew what Asahi was referring to: sex was tiring and the pressure of doing it okay and not forcing the orgasm required a deep concentration that left the actors exhausted. Kuroo knew that Asahi wasn't saying it to scoff, but the rest... Did that laugh hint that he, a trained porn actor, wasn't going to be able to bear repeating a sex scene due to exhaustion? Did they all know who they were talking about? 

Kuroo clenched his fists and breathed hard.

Kenma shot him a warning look. He shouldn't get into trouble with the people who work there and who he already knew from previous movies, at least until the shooting was done. It was one of the clauses of the contract he had signed. So Kuroo took a deep breath and crossed his arms, shaking his head from side to side to let his neck creak loudly. One of the sound technicians who was closest to him stared at him with a mixture of envy and fear.

Kuroo's bad boy reputation preceded him, everyone knew better not get in trouble with him because he would probably give you a black eye. And Oikawa, standing next to Kuroo, couldn't help but smile as he saw the panic in the sound technician. He liked the black-haired boy, he couldn't deny it.

"Good!" Asahi said energetically. "Everyone to your positions! We will start filming in 20 minutes! I want the actors ready by then," he said looking at the makeup artists and costume managers.

The girls nodded and the circle dissolved. With a slight nod and their stomachs quivering in anticipation, both men said their goodbyes, ready to give it their all in front of the camera. Each worker went to their place while Kuroo and Oikawa were led to their dressing rooms to be dressed and made up so they could look extremely good on camera. Neither of them needed it, the girls thought. They were handome and their skin was smooth, as if they already wore make-up.

"Kuroo-san, here please," said a brunette girl.

"Oikawa-san, this way," said the blonde girl from before.

They followed the girls and parted ways to reunite 20 minutes later.

They started recording the opening and ending scenes of the film. Despite being a porn movie, sex without a plot as people usually called it, they had to record at least one scene that led the protagonists to develop a minimal plot so that sexual intercourse made a little sense. Practically everything was recorded in one take, fast as removing a band aid from your skin in one pull.

The story was about a young boy, Oikawa, who was watching a movie and fell asleep on his sofa. But, instead of having a normal dream, he had a wet one, in which he was having sex with his neighbor and the person he liked.

And now came the part that Oikawa and Kuroo were dying to shoot. Kenma looked at both young men and nodded slightly.

"When the recording starts, take off your clothes, you know what the first scene is," he said without raising his voice, his tone dry and monotonous and devoid of all emotion. "Lights... Camera... Action!"

Kuroo and Oikawa nodded, hiding the mischievous smile that was struggling to appear on their faces.

Almost as if they were trying to seduce each other, they slowly removed their clothes, much more slowly than they would have done it if their sexual partner were somebody else; They did so looking directly into each other's eyes and with a smirk on their faces, as the shirts slid down their shoulders and the pants fell to the floor revealing their defined bodies. They were competing to see who of them would be the first one to reveal his desire to feel the other on his body.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow and ran his eyes slowly over Oikawa's body, admiring his fine white skin, his toned muscles in his arms, pecs, abdomen and legs, and his eyes that challenged him with ardor. Kuroo bit his lip and slowly approached Oikawa, who remained still at all times with his head slightly raised with pride, urging Kuroo to devour his body, not just with his gaze. Oikawa moved his lips imperceptibly, only for Kuroo to read what he was saying:

"Come, hot stuff."

Kuroo grabbed Oikawa by the hips, letting their semi-erect dicks rub wet against each other, in front of the multiple cameras that focused on them from different angles, capturing glances, smirks, caresses, rubs and grabs.

Oikawa ran his hands slowly up Kuroo's arms, stroking him from the hands that rested on his hips to his beefy shoulders, up his neck until he buried his fingers in his jet black hair. Their faces were very close, their noses brushing and their sights fixed on each other's lips. But as they agreed on the terms and conditions, no kisses.

With a hungry growl Kuroo moved his head abruptly and smacked his lips against Oikawa's neck, who in turn dropped his head back with a loud moan. Kuroo slid his hands down Oikawa's bare, smooth buttocks and placed them where his ass and legs met. With the help of a small jump from Oikawa, he lifted the young man off the ground and let his legs wrap around his waist as he carried him to the sofa where most of the film would take place.

With the brunet's back pressed against the fabric of the sofa and in the warm, dim yellow light from the spotlights, Kuroo sucked on Oikawa's skin just below the earlobe and the brunet closed his eyes slowly, letting the black-haired man lick him, bite him and kiss him as he pleased.

Kuroo parted from his neck and bit the skin on his collarbone, leaving the mark of his teeth standing out in red against the pale skin. Oikawa groaned and Kuroo breathed hard against his skin, letting his warm breath tickle him. Oikawa tugged on Kuroo's hair in a reflex action, guiding his mouth to his nipples. Their cocks dripped on anticipation. Kuroo smirked against the pink ledge and ran his tongue roughly over it, moistening first the right nipple and then the left.

Kuroo's hands ran over Oikawa's body, starting from his hips to his erect and sensitive nipples. He let his fingers pinch them, perhaps with more force than he intended. But Oikawa moaned equally pleased, oblivious to the pain and totally begging for the pleasure. Kuroo kept lowering his head slowly down his abdomen, leaving a trail of saliva with his tongue wherever he passed.

Oikawa felt a tingle in the lower part of his belly: Kuroo's lips, tongue and breath on his skin, close to his manhood. Oikawa let out a ragged groan and then his eyes widened slightly: it was the first time in his 6 years as a porn actor that his partner turned him on so much that he let himself go and emit a real moan, not a pretended one that sold well in front of the camera. Kuroo was driving him crazy and the only current contact was his persistent fingertips pinching and playing with his nipples.

"Fuck, do it now," Oikawa whispered between breathy moans, preventing the camera from capturing his words.

Kuroo looked at him from below, his head between Oikawa's legs. With a smirk, he imperceptibly shook his head; and then, in that moment, Oikawa understood why Kuroo was known to be a tease expert: he had no intention of recording the scene and that was it. Kuroo was going to play with him before, he was going to make him a moaning mess before shoving his cock in his mouth to end the first scene.

Kuroo placed one knee on the couch and put the other foot on the floor. He lifted Oikawa's hips, who gave a little gasp of surprise, and slung his legs over his shoulders. Oikawa looked at him needlessly, biting his lower lip so hard he left it red and slightly swollen.

Kuroo licked his lips at the erotic sight before him. His face was between Oikawa's legs, and if he looked down a bit from the brunet's lips, he would not see his chin and chest, but his rock hard member dripping transparent sticky drops of pre-cum on his sculpted abs. Kuroo held back a proud smile knowing perfectly well what he was doing to Oikawa. He ran his tongue along the inner part of the brunet's left thigh, dangerously close to his balls, looking sideways as one of the ceiling cameras moved closer to get a better sight of his movements, capturing the lust of the moment. Kuroo closed his eyes and concentrated on moving his mouth around Oikawa's dick without actually touching it. The brunet shivered slightly under him and tightened his legs around Kuroo's neck. The black-haired man nibbled the skin on Oikawa's groin and then stubbornly licked it, allowing the brunet's skin to slide under him. Oikawa moaned in despair, his body being swept up and down in a jolt of pleasure.

Kuroo opened his eyes and stared directly into his. Oikawa pleaded with his eyes, frowning slightly and biting his lower lip again, spasming slightly and breathing hard. He moved his hips slightly as if he was thrusting in the air, but they were still held by Kuroo and he did not achieve anything, only that the man looked at him with eclipsed eyes and lips shiny with saliva.

Without looking away, Kuroo moved even closer to his crotch and ran his tongue from base to tip cupping its head with his lips just before putting the dick in his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down with ecstatic slowness, making Oikawa feel each and every movement he made with his mouth when he deepened the blowjob. Oikawa had never seen anything as hot and seductive as Kuroo sucking his cock while looking him straight in the eye.

"Ah~!" Oikawa whimpered, fingers tightening around the fabric of the sofa. "Ah~ Yes~!"

If the moans were fake or real, Kuroo didn't know. But he couldn't deny that he felt more aroused than ever hearing his soft, demanding voice asking for more and more with each exclamation and whimper. His cock moved in his mouth with splashing sounds and lightly tapped the back of his throat.

And so, little by little, Kuroo forgot that they were shooting a movie, that there were more than 50 people in front of them, including his own boyfriend. He forgot everything around him, forgot the world as he tasted Oikawa and brushed his glans with the inside of his cheek. He shouldn't let Oikawa climax so they could continue recording, but that thought had been erased from his mind and also from Oikawa's, who had given himself over to pleasure as if there was no tomorrow, enjoying the best blowjob ever given to him.

Oikawa was sure that only one person who was better than Kuroo giving blowjobs was himself. And yet, he felt like he could melt in Kuroo's mouth, lose himself in a sea of hypnotic pleasure that was leaving his senses in a daze. In those moments Oikawa did not hear anything, only the incessant moans that his own throat emitted, feeling a knot form in his abdomen, getting closer and closer to orgasm. He moaned loudly as he had never done before, pushing his hips against the hot mouth of Kuroo, who was breathing rapidly feeling that he could come just by listening to the brunet's prayers.

"YEAH~! GO FASTER~!" Oikawa whimpered desperately.

Kuroo wanted to make him feel good, he wanted to hear him moan as he kept inserting his cock into his mouth, deepthroating him until his senses were numb. So he did not agree to his pleas and continued with a slow but steady pace. Kuroo bent his head and circled his cock with his tongue, slowly rising to the tip, where he began to lick it off like if it was a particularly delicious lollipop.

Oikawa lost control and allowed himself to be done. He reached for Kuroo's leg resting on the sofa with his hand, and dug his nails into his skin when he found it. Kuroo groaned with Oikawa's cock in his mouth, causing Oikawa to feel a vibration on his glans that took him to heaven and hell at the same time.

"UGH FUCK~! A-AH~!" Oikawa moaned.

He came into Kuroo's mouth, who kept sucking as the semen continued to flow out, refusing to part with the man who had driven him crazy with just his voice. Oikawa was spasming all over his body and that turned Kuroo on even more than he already was.

Kuroo pulled out Oikawa's cock with a sucking sound and licked his lips with a smirk. Oikawa looked into Kuroo's eyes panting heavily, his limbs going limp after the pleasure. He smirked, his gaze darkened.

"Cut," Kenma yelled with a sigh.

The cameras stopped recording, and Kuroo and Oikawa finally reacted to the outside stimuli by hearing the click-clack sounds of the cranes carrying the cameras which were recording them from above.

Kuroo looked at Kenma with wide eyes and surprised by what he had just done. For his part, Oikawa sat up slightly from the couch, leaning on his elbows and feeling the cold on his cock after it was abandoned by Kuroo's mouth. The brunet widened his eyes and covered his mouth. He didn't remember that it was a movie. It had felt so good that he had stopped noticing that small but important detail. He had stopped acting a long time ago and had been fooled by the expert mouth of the man who was still holding his legs above his shoulders and whose lips were slightly swollen from the saliva and sexual fluids that had flowed from Oikawa's cock. Kenma rolled his eyes and let out a weary sigh.

"We'll let Oikawa recover before continuing. We'll keep shooting on Thursday. That WASN'T on the script, guys," said Kenma in an annoyed voice.

Everyone looked at them in shock at what had just happened. But no one said anything; the cameras and sound and light technicians turned off their devices and began to collect their things, the costume managers collected the clothes that were on the floor, Asahi's subordinates ordered the stage... And Kuroo and Oikawa stared at each other with a mischievous little smile while Kenma just wanted to kill them.

"I forgot we were filming," Oikawa whispered. Kuroo gave a soft, melodic laugh.

"Damn, I've been carried away by your moans," Kuroo replied in a low voice so that only Oikawa would hear him, lowering the man's legs from his shoulders and laying them on the sofa.

"Oh wow, you smooth dickass," Oikawa said with an intense look.

"I see you liked it, pretty boy," Kuroo whispered raspy, wiggling his eyebrows up and down a few times.

Oikawa brought one leg up and put his foot on Kuroo's chest to playfully push him.

"I'll judge if I liked it or not. But...," his eyes darkened while looking at Kuroo and a smile played on his lips. "May I ask what are you doing later?" He said in a deep, tempting voice.

Kuroo smiled as he bit his lip.

"Hopefully, you again," he replied licking his lips. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo hung up the phone and raised the corner of the device to his lips in a thoughtful gesture. Without being aware of it, he was playing a very risky game that involved two jealous people: his boyfriend and himself. And it could go very well... or very bad.

When Kuroo came out of taking a shower after filming, Bokuto hadn't still shown up. Tsukishima had told him that he had left the room from which they were watching everything unfold a long time ago and had not returned yet; Kuroo didn't know exactly how to feel, it was the first time Bokuto had left a recording, and he didn't feel like it was good news, so he took out his phone and called Bokuto.

"Tetsuro," Bokuto picked up with no emotion in his voice.

"Babe, where are you?" Kuroo asked clearly worried. "We're done, we had to stop but I can't find you and you haven't come to my dressing room."

"I'm outside," Bokuto replied with heavy breathing.

"What are you doing outside?" Kuroo asked with a frown.

"Smoke."

"Could you answer me with more than a word or two? What's wrong? You rarely smoke, why have you gone out to smoke?"

Bokuto didn't reply. Kuroo heard him take a drag on a cigarette and exhale the smoke through his mouth and nose. What the hell was going on?

"Koutaro, answer me," Kuroo said nervously.

"Do you really want to know?" Bokuto asked after a few more moments of silence.

"Uhm... yeah?"

"I needed to calm down," Bokuto replied casually.

"What? Calm down? Why, what happened?" Kuroo asked confused and scared. "Are you okay? Do you want me to-?"

"Tetsuro," Bokuto called to shut him up, "I got damn hard watching you. Tsukki was scared to look at my crotch, I think everyone in that room realized that I was about to get in the middle of the set to fuck you."

Kuroo's breath caught in his throat as he imagined how it was possible that Bokuto had gotten so excited, but at the same time he was grateful that it had happened because something had happened on set that should not have happened and if Bokuto found out...

 _Well, better not think about that_ , Kuroo told himself.

"Damn, babe," Kuroo whispered.

"I've even gotten jealous that you were doing it to him instead of me," Bokuto admitted. "Fuck, how are you so fucking hot?"

"I'll do the same to you tonight, babe," Kuroo purred lowering his voice to a seductive whisper. "I'll do everything you ask of me and more."

"Shut up, or I won't hold it and I'll do it to you in the dressing room," Bokuto said with a heavy breath.

"Are you that hard babe? What do you want me to do to you? Tell me, Koutaro, tell me what you want," Kuroo said provocatively.

"Fuck... I want your tongue all over me," Bokuto replied hoarsely. "I want you to fuck me as hard as you can. And I want to fuck you so hard that you forget your name."

"Wait until tonight babe," Kuroo replied, a smirk crawling on his face, "the neighbors are gonna think we're crazy."

"I can't wait, Tetsuro," Bokuto complained.

Kuroo's smile widened. He loved seeing Bokuto losing control and saying obscenities because he had gotten so excited watching him record a scene that he wasn't even aware of what he was saying.

"By the way, are you coming outside?" Bokuto asked.

"Oh no no, you come here," Kuroo replied. "That's why I called you. The pretty boy wants to meet you."

"Oikawa?" Bokuto asked confused. "Me? Why?"

"He says he wants to meet the lucky guy I usually give blowjobs to," Kuroo said with a chuckle. "Ah, one more thing... When did you leave the recording studio? Tsukki told me it was before we finished shooting the scene."

"Yeah, I left halfway," Bokuto replied, "why?"

Kuroo let out the air he had been holding with a relieved sigh. He didn't want to have to live out Bokuto's jealousy, and having Oikawa come when he shouldn't was not the best way to avoid one of his attacks.

"Oh don't worry," Kuroo said. "It's nothing, I was just curious to know how much you had seen."

"I left right after you put his dick in your mouth," Bokuto said.

"Understood, I just wanted to make sure," Kuroo said. "Do you know where my dressing room is?"

"Yeah, I think so. I've seen the brunette girl take you to do your makeup, I think I know how to get there."

"Great, we'll be waiting for you."

Kuroo hung up the phone and raised the corner of the device to his lips in a thoughtful gesture. Without being aware of it, he was playing a very risky game that involved two jealous people: his boyfriend and himself. And it could go very well... or very bad.

***

When Kuroo came back from the kitchen after drinking a glass of water after the intense sex session with his boyfriend, he found Bokuto asleep between the sheets, his body still glistening with sweat and with a relaxed expression on his face.

"How could you fall asleep so fast?" Kuroo asked out loud with a laugh but trying not to wake him up.

Kuroo lay down next to him on the bed and gave him a kiss on the cheek before reaching for his phone. He had a message from an unknown number but the profile picture was from someone he knew. With a raised eyebrow, Kuroo added the contact to the phone book and entered the chat.

_** Pretty boy ** _

**_Oikawa_** : Hey, hot stuff

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oya? 

**_Kuroo_** : How did you get my number?

 ** _Oikawa_** : I told Aka-chan to ask your manager

 ** _Oikawa_** : Glasses-kun looked pissed so he didn't think too much

 ** _Oikawa_** : He just gave it to my manager

 ** _Kuroo_** : You wanted my number that bad? 😏

 ** _Oikawa_** : Maybe 😉

 ** _Oikawa_** : Anyway, I wanted to say something to you

 ** _Kuroo_** : And what is it, pretty boy?

 ** _Oikawa_** : So... The rumors about you are true

 ** _Oikawa_** : You're way better than I thought

 ** _Oikawa_** : And believe me

 ** _Oikawa_** : I had already high expectations on you

 ** _Kuroo_** : My, my, is this a compliment?

 ** _Kuroo_** : And coming from the blowjob king

 ** _Oikawa_** : Feel proud of yourself, I never complimented anyone before

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oh damn

 ** _Kuroo_** : We have a charmer here, don't we?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Should I say thank you for making you cum, then?

 ** _Oikawa_** : How bold

 ** _Oikawa_** : I like it

 ** _Oikawa_** : But I have to say

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm also a bit disappointed

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oh?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Why's that?

 ** _Oikawa_** : You told me you were doing me later but here I am, alone

 ** _Oikawa_** : Didn't expect you to be a big talker

 ** _Kuroo_** : I never especified what how late is "later"

 ** _Kuroo_** : But the real question here is...

 ** _Kuroo_** : You're saying you really want me to do you? 😏

 ** _Kuroo_** : I know I'm hot but not everyone can have me yknow

 ** _Oikawa_** : And yet you made me finish just because you wanted

 ** _Oikawa_** : Because "you've been carried away by my moans"

 ** _Oikawa_** : Should I think it doesn't mean anything?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Because I didn't feel like it meant nothing for you

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oh wow

 ** _Kuroo_** : So you're interested in me after all

 ** _Oikawa_** : I see

 ** _Oikawa_** : You're not planning on answer me

 ** _Kuroo_** : Neither do you, pretty boy

 ** _Oikawa_** : Touché

 ** _Kuroo_** : However...

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll say that I did wanna do you again

 ** _Kuroo_** : But you wanted to meet the reason why I shouldn't

 ** _Kuroo_** : And he's the jealous type of guy

 ** _Oikawa_** : Let me get this straight

 ** _Oikawa_** : You accepted shooting a movie with me

 ** _Oikawa_** : Knowing pretty well you liked me

 ** _Oikawa_** : And you're telling me that your jealous bf is okay with it?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Who said I like you, pretty boy?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Oh, so you're telling me you don't?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Bad boys are always bad at lying

 ** _Oikawa_** : But I still love it

 ** _Kuroo_** : And you're definitely the flirty pretty guy who has anyone who wants at his feet

 ** _Kuroo_** : But that doesn't work for me

 ** _Oikawa_** : See? Bad at lying

 ** _Oikawa_** : You're already at my feet

 ** _Oikawa_** : You just don't wanna admit it

 ** _Kuroo_** : How presumptuous

 ** _Oikawa_** : Is that so?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Then let's make a deal

 ** _Oikawa_** : Next time you see me, tell me "I don't like you" while looking at me in the eye

 ** _Oikawa_** : Let's see if it's true of you're just lying to yourself

 ** _Kuroo_** : Deal

 ** _Kuroo_** : But only if you answer my question

 ** _Kuroo_** : Tell me, pretty boy...

 ** _Kuroo_** : Do you like me? What was your first impression of me?

 ** _Oikawa_** : You think I'll do the same as you?

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm not afraid to say I like you 😋

 ** _Oikawa_** : You're good looking

 ** _Oikawa_** : And you're good with that mouth of yours

 ** _Oikawa_** : Pretty good actually

 ** _Oikawa_** : We'll see if the rest of your body is that good too

 ** _Kuroo_** : Shit

 ** _Oikawa_** : What?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Yknow

 ** _Kuroo_** : I shouldn't be getting hard talking to another man while my bf is sleeping by my side

 ** _Oikawa_** : Can't wait to shoot the next part to fuel your fantasies

 ** _Kuroo_** : Damn

 ** _Oikawa_** : 👅

Kuroo smiled at the last messages and threw his phone away before snuggling to Bokuto's body ready to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then, Atsumu, are you aware of what being a sub mean?"
> 
> "Y-yeah," Atsumu said with a nod.
> 
> "Do you consciously want to be my sub, with all that it implies?"
> 
> "Yeah."

Atsumu stared out of the window, nerves on edge and anxiously wrapping his hands over his lap. Sakusa had called him 10 minutes earlier to tell him to go outside and head to 6 Chome-2 Ginza, where Ushijima and his driver were waiting for him in a black car with tinted windows. And he had been left with no choice but to go where Sakusa had indicated. Or maybe he had a choice. But... Who was he kidding? He was eager to go where Sakusa told him, it didn't matter if he had other things to do.

The road was unknown to Atsumu, he felt like he was lost because he had never been around that place and he couldn't even bring himself to memorize the turns to the right or the left since he couldn't see what was outside of the tinted windows; Sakusa's place was a saved secret, but that was nothing he didn't imagine already.

"You can be calm," Ushijima said without looking at him. "You have no reason to be nervous."

Atsumu didn't say anything. He bit his lip to keep it from shaking and continued to watch darkness that was the outside of the window as the car rolled down the road. And before he even knew it, or before he could psych himself up, the car went into a basement where there were no lights, not even hazard lights. The vehicle had entered a dense, thick blackness that only increased Atsumu's desire and nerves.

The car parked somewhere in the basement and the lights inside the car came on. Ushijima took off his seat belt and looked at Atsumu to do the same. The young man, with clumsy hands, also unbuckled his seat belt and looked back at Ushijima.

"Follow me," he said before opening the door and getting out of the car.

Atsumu hurriedly got out of the car and closed the door behind him. But he immediately regretted doing so, for the lights inside the car went out again and he was standing in the dark in an unknown place. 

Suddenly, a hand landed on his shoulder and Atsumu jumped in surprise.

"Come on, Kyoomi is waiting for you," Ushijima said leading Atsumu, his hand still resting on the boy's shoulder.

***

Atsumu was disoriented. He did not know how far they had walked or where they were going, but they walked incessantly through a very dark and apparently empty place, since their footsteps echoed off the walls with a dull echo. Ushijima didn't raise his hand from his shoulder at any point, probably out of fear that Atsumu would hit something or fall to the ground. Or maybe for fear that he would get lost in the dark.

Turn to the left.

Turn to the right.

Walking in a straight line.

Turn to the right again.

Walking in a straight line again.

Atsumu's head was spinning. Where the fuck was he? Was it normal to walk in such a labyrinth dark basement? How much had he walked? It felt like miles.

"How can you know the path so well without light?" Atsumu asked fascinated and terrified at the same time.

"I'm used to walk these corridors, it's just natural for me now," the manager answered nonchalantly.

Atsumu took a breath ready for another step when Ushijima stopped him.

"Wait, you'll hit your head," he said.

The doors of a metal elevator swung open, hitting Atsumu's face with flawless white lights. His eyes narrowed in pain due to the sudden flash.

"Go ahead," Ushijima said releasing his shoulder.

"You're not coming with me?" Atsumu asked swallowing hard without moving from the site.

"This is something between you and Kyoomi. I must not interfere. I am his manager, nothing more, nothing less," he said in a distant whisper.

Atsumu nodded but he didn't move. He had to gather some courage before doing so, or else he would turn around and... And what? He didn't know where he was, _he didn't see_ where he was. He couldn't just run to escape because he would probably just hit his head with a wall or fall to the ground or even get lost in the maze he was in. There was no turning back now.

Atsumu shook his hands in a vain try to shake his fear and stepped forward to enter the elevator. When he turned to say goodbye to Ushijima, he was no longer there.

 _Okay, fuck it, I'm here,_ he thought frightened looking at the deep darkness in front of him.

Atsumu closed his eyes and took a deep breath as the doors closed. The elevator's LED lights indicated that he was passing through the multiple floors of the building without stopping at any. When the number reached 25, it stopped with a light swing. The doors remained closed for a few seconds before slowly beginning to open. Atsumu's heart was pounding as a sober room was shown before him, with a very long glass table and two facing chairs. A dim orange light illuminated the room.

"Have a seat," said a voice to the left of the room.

Atsumu was shaking like a leaf, but, for the first time that day, he did not hesitate to step forward and advance to the chair to the right that remained empty. The boy sat quietly, looking down to try to calm himself; if he looked up before he was ready, he was going to scream out of fear and excitement. In front of Atsumu, on the table and next to the man who was waiting for him, he saw a black box closed with a black velvet bow.

It took him a few more seconds to be able to look directly at _him_. When he did, Sakusa looked at the boy with his usual deep gaze and his mouth covered with a black mask.

"First of all, welcome, Atsumu," Sakusa said from the other side.

Atsumu looked up at his eyes, not without feeling self-conscious: Sakusa was looking at him so intensely with his penetrating eyes that Atsumu felt weak. His presence was solemn and powerful, and he kept a perfect posture with his arms resting relaxed on the table. One of them rested with his palm over a folder full of papers, while the other was used to support his chin, which rested on the palm of his hand.

"Thank you," Atsumu replied in a choked voice. Sakusa let out a soft growl and his gaze made Atsumu feel even smaller than he already felt.

"Let's start from the beginning, shall we?"

Atsumu nodded. Did he have a different option than agree? He was there because he wanted, yes, but that was all the power he had over the situation. It was clear that Sakusa was the one who made the decisions, the question was just a a polite manner to show Atsumu that he was involved in the scene but he had no authority in it.

"As you may know, I chose you as my sub because you asked it," Sakusa started. "But one of the most important things on a Dom/sub relationship is the consent. I will not do anything that you don't want to, so, if I ever push your limits too far, you have to trust me and tell me right away. As you are here, I believe you want to be my sub, but I'll ask you directly since a spoken consent is key. Then, Atsumu, are you aware of what being a sub mean?"

"Y-yeah," Atsumu said with a nod.

"Do you consciously want to be my sub, with all that it implies?"

"Yeah," he said firmly without thinking too much.

It took him only a second to know that he indeed was ready to sub to Sakusa, not only because he was hot or because he was his favourite porn actor; after seeing the way Sakusa wanted to make sure that Atsumu was there willingly, the blond felt like he could trust him a bit more. After all, he himself had said it - he would not do anything Atsumu didn't want to.

"Very well," Sakusa said. "Then let's start talking about the relationship. It's stipulated in this contract," he drummed the documents under his fingers, "but I'd rather tell you this in person. From now on," Sakusa lowered his voice until there was only a hoarse, deep and dangerous whisper, "you will refer to me as 'sir' and you will not look me in the eye unless I tell you explicitly. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said lowering his gaze to look at Sakusa's shirt instead of his eyes, in a sign of submission and hiding his urge to yell at Sakusa to tie him up and fuck him right there.

"Good boy."

Sakusa got up from his chair and walked slowly over to Atsumu, his left hand tucked into the pocket of his perfectly ironed and starched black suit pants and the folder in his right hand. The white shirt clung to his chest with delicious delicacy and masculinity, and Atsumu couldn't help but think that the camera wasn't doing him justice. He was much hotter in person, there was no doubt about that. Atsumu gulped for the umpteenth time that afternoon and felt the scent of Dior's "Sauvage" perfume enter his nostrils and daze his senses.

Sakusa sat on the glass of the table, right next to Atsumu. He placed the folder in front of Atsumu's downcast gaze and slid it across the table until it brushed against Atsumu's chest.

"Look at me," Sakusa ordered. Atsumu obeyed and looked up at Sakusa with submissive eyes. "This folder contains two contracts. One for confidentiality, which you must sign right now. It's about secrecy. This relationship is not meant to be streamed or recorded like a film. This is something personal," he said. "That's the reason I told you to keep the secret. I don't like the paparazzis speculating about my private life."

Atsumu nodded in understanding and Sakusa handed him a pen from his pants's pocket. Atsumu signed it without doubting and returned the pen and the contract to Sakusa.

"The second is a contract specifying the nature of our relationship as dominant and submissive from now on. It is merely informative but it contains a list of things that can happen on a scene. I need you to write which activities are you minded to do. Read it when you get home and send it to me when you're finished. My email is on a card inside the folder."

"Yes, sir," Atsumu replied meekly.

"Are you a virgin?" Sakusa asked.

"No, sir," Atsumu whispered without a flinch. He was keeping the nerves away although he felt shudders going down his spine.

"Have you tried anything other than vanilla sex?" Sakusa asked again.

"No, sir," Atsumu repeated without taking his gaze from Sakusa's black eyes.

"Well," Sakusa replied without changing his expression, "then..."

Sakusa got off the table and walked over to where he had been sitting before. He took the box, which clinked with the objects inside, in his hands. Atsumu was sure he knew what was inside.

"This is for you," he said putting the box in front of him.

Atsumu didn't take his eyes off Sakusa's, as he hadn't given him permission to do so. Sakusa smiled to himself, feeling that although his first impression of the boy hadn't been that of a submissive, it seemed clear that he had potential.

"There will be things that you won't be able to use alone," Sakusa said softly and authoritative at the same time. "But there will be many others that do. Learn to use them. For those things that you cannot use yourself, I want you to search information about them if you don't know how to use them. And, after you send me the list, just keep in mind that... at some point... they may be used on your body."

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said again.

"When you've done it, send me a message. My phone number is on the same card inside the folder. The day you do it, you will also tell me the safe word you've chosen, understood?" Sakusa asked vehemently.

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said with a small nod and bright eyes. He was still very nervous, but the excitement far outweighed the anxiety he felt, and he could only feel that this was a dream come true.

"You can go," Sakusa said with a wave of his hand and walking away from Atsumu to return to his chair. "Ushijima will be waiting downstairs to take you home."

"Thank you, sir," Atsumu said with a bow and rising from his seat.

He placed the folder with the contracts on top of the box and took it in his hands. He walked with determined steps, effectively hiding the tremor that ran through his body and made his knees weak. But when he reached the elevator doors, which immediately opened and Atsumu entered through, Sakusa spoke again.

"Oh, and Atsumu," he said looking him straight in the eye. "Don't forget this is private."

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said.

And after that last sentence, followed by an intimidating look and a small smirk from Sakusa, the doors closed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAZ SPEAKING!
> 
> Ahhhh to be Sakusa to find such an obedient sub 🤤
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to post everything as fast as I can but now that I don't have a limit of 10 slides like I had on instagram, I'm narrating a bit more because there were parts that lacked not only emotions but also information. And as I'm writing about a Dom/sub relationship, I wanna explain carefully how it works to show that it's not bad or shameful as society make many people think 🙄
> 
> I'll keep posting a bit more today, enjoy!
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sakusa said, he looked at what it contained and he read the contract at a dangerous time at the same night when they reunited, selecting the things he was willing to try. He surprised himself when he marked some of them. Maybe he was truly a masochist after all.

_**RECOMMENDED SONG: QUICK MUSICAL DOODLES BY TWO FEET** _

It was 2 in the morning, and Atsumu was very horny.

Two days had passed since Sakusa gave him the contracts and the box, but he still hadn't used any of what was inside. As Sakusa said, he looked at what it contained and he read the contract at a dangerous time at the same night when they reunited, selecting the things he was willing to try. He surprised himself when he marked some of them. Maybe he was truly a masochist after all.

Filling the list got him so horny that he ended up masturbating multiple times during the early morning. So much so, that even Yaku heard him moan as he had told him in the morning.

"Fucking Yaku," Atsumu said, clicking his tongue at the memory of the embarrassment he felt.

And again, late at night just like two days before, he was sitting naked on the bed, with the open box next to him and the laptop turned on on the blankets and connected to the bluetooth headphones he was wearing. The screen showed a video of Sakusa that he hadn't started playing yet.

Atsumu took a deep breath and emptied the contents of the box in front of his eyes. Dildos of different sizes and thicknesses, with grooves for greater stimulation or with small pointed protrusions, anal plugs, a pair of urethral plugs, handcuffs, leather restraints, nipple clamps and nipple suckers, three bottles of lubricant (one silicone-based, another with heat effect and the last one with cold effect) and a vibrator fell scattered on the bed. Atsumu didn't know how to use some of them, like the nipple suckers or the urethral plugs, mostly because he was scared of not using them well and hurting himself, but he did know how to use many others.

And he was ready to try some of them. It was obvious that he couldn't use the handcuffs or the restraints on himself, but Sakusa put them in the box just to make Atsumu get used to see and feel them and Atsumu didn't dislike them at all - what's more, he took them out of the box just to touch them with his fingertips, his mind clouded with the thought of having them tighten his arms and legs.

He took the heat-effect lubricant, the nipple clamps, and one of the thickest, battery-operated dildos, black colored, with a speed-controlled movable tip and small grooves along the length that simulated the veins of a male penis. He put everything else in the box and tucked it under his bed.

The set up was ready. He dropped to his knees on the bed with his ass propped on his heels and hit the play button on the video. It lasted 40 minutes, but Atsumu doubted he could take that long, even more so imagining that Sakusa would soon do the same to him as the boy in the video. He calculated it will take him around 25-30 minutes.

Even though his cock was already rock hard, hearing Sakusa's demanding voice on the video made him even more aroused. His dick began to drip drops of pre-cum without even touching himself.

"How can I be so needy?" he muttered shocked about his body reaction.

He grabbed the lube and poured some over his fingers. They burnt like hell as if his hand would have been set on a wet and sticky fire. Feeling the sensation on his fingers, Atsumu understood why there was also a cold effect lube: probably Sakusa was warning him about the temperature play, one of the plays listed on the checklist which he had marked as "tryable" the day before. He couldn't even imagne how a candle or an ice cube would feel if only the lube felt this intense.

He passed his fingers immediately over his nipples feeling the burning of the substance on them. Atsumu moaned slightly trying to contain his screams of pleasure this time to prevent Yaku from expose him again. With a simple and hot brush, his nipples were erect, ready to be squeezed by the clamps attached with a metal chain. Atsumu put the first clamp on the right nipple and groaned.

"Ah-!" He whimpered, looking down at his tight nipple. "Fu-fuck!"

It was a slightly annoying sensation at first, but at the same time a tingle ran through his dick as he saw how his own nipple was crushed by the clamps, turning an intense red color from the accumulated blood. However, it was not painful, and Atsumu found himself placing the second clamp on his left nipple, panting hard as he felt the shocks and pleasure coursing through him. He brushed his tight nipples with the tips of his fingers, and he no longer knew whether the chill that ran down his spine was due to the nipples sensitized by the clamps, the burning of the lubricant, or both.

Atsumu poured more lube into his hands again and put one hand to his cock and the other to his entrance. He wrapped his hand around his erection and began to move it up and down while his fingers teased his entrance with circular movements on the outside.

"A-ah~!" He moaned, throwing his head back, his eyes closed and his brow furrowed with pleasure. "Fuck, it burns-"

His fingers entered easily, spreading the heat inside him. The burning sensation was turning him on more than he ever thought, and he was sure he would be unable to try any other non-heat effect lubricant from now on. His fingers moved erratically as his hips rose and fell slightly, without taking his butt off his heels. It felt like his cock was on fire, speeding up and slowing down his hand depending on whether he focused more on stretching himself or facilitating the orgasm. His moans escaped from his throat because of how he felt and because of Sakusa's voice playing on the video.

Atsumu pulled his hand out of him when he thought he was ready. The guy in the video started to moan, but Atsumu wasn't paying attention to him as he had grabbed the dildo and he had poured a good amount of lube all over the thing. He was sweating, and his entire body was shaking with pleasure, because even though he had released his dick and pulled his fingers out, the heat from the lubricant still made him horny and the clamps on his nipples sent electric shocks all over his body.

He brought the dildo to his entrance and pushed firmly, emitting a loud moan. Atsumu didn't realize how loud he was screaming because he was wearing the headphones, so what he thought were whispered moans were actually loud gasps of pleasure which would wake up each and every sleeping neighbour.

Atsumu inserted the whole dildo easily. It was so thick that he could feel his insides pressing against it and surrounding it with need. Maybe he had used a lot of lubricant, because the fire was beginning to spread through his body, starting from his ass, going through his dripping cock and through his nipples and reaching his brain. Buried deep inside of him, Atsumu seeked for the button of the dildo to press directly the second level of speed out of 5 available levels.

The tip of the dildo began to move inside him with fast and circular movements, caressing his entire interior and taking the lube to unexpected places. Atsumu leaned his body forward, resting one of his hands on the bed while holding the dildo inside him with the other. He began to move the device, pulling it in and out, back and forth with force while moaning uncontrollably, gripping the blankets on the bed tightly.

"Fuckfuckfuck~! Ah~! GOD~!" He moaned, pressing his face against the pillow to stifle his own screams.

His hand and hips moved of their own, the moving tip caressing his prostate with frenzy, harshness and extreme heat and driving Atsumu crazy with pleasure. He bit into the pillow and moaned over and over against it as his hips moved lewdly and his cock dripped onto the bed and jerked every time the dildo slammed into him. He began to notice a knot form in the lower part of his stomach, warning the strong orgasm that was going to hit him. His moans were drowned out by the pillow, but the volume of his voice was still high.

"HMPH~! AH~! UGH FUCK~!" He groaned as the orgasm hit him hardly.

Atsumu came across the sheets as the dildo kept moving inside him. His sweaty body trembled and jolted with spasms of pleasure and he fell sideways onto the covers, the dildo still buried deep inside him as his insides pulsed against the plastic. He stopped the movement of the device and laid limp on his bed, his breathing shallow and quick after the blast of pleasure.

He pulled the dildo out of him and dropped it on the bed. His ears rang with a pitch whistle but he could hear a voice, Sakusa's voice, which sounded distant in the video. He was dizzy and he felt tired, but still got up to pause the film so he could relax and calm his breathing again. Leaving it playing would have the opossite result, as he would probably get turned on again in the few minutes left of the video.

But his eyes widened in surprise at how long it had played.

"Fuck," Atsumu whispered breathlessly. "I'm gonna have to work on my stamina," he muttered when he saw that only 11 minutes had passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu and his lack of stamina, poor boy, he's gonna have to improve that or he's gonna suffer 🤣🤣🤣


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stick. To. The FUCKING. Script," Tsukishima said raising his voice a bit.
> 
> "Nope," Kuroo repeated with the same arrogant smile, "that's not fun. Do you really, firmly believe that I'm going to do what you tell me?"
> 
> Tsukishima closed his eyes and raised his face as if looking at the heavens. "Please, Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength I will smash his head against a wall," he murmured.

Before starting the filming of the new part for the film, Kenma called Akaashi and Tsukishima to his office with the intention of warning them that what had happened last time should not be repeated.

"I know it's not your fault," Kenma muttered, "but I need you to talk to Kuroo and Oikawa. They have to stick to the script."

He was sitting on the edge of his desk with his legs dangling off the polished floor. Akaashi and Tsukishima looked down in embarrassment at the way their respective clients had acted.

"I'm sorry, Kenma-san," Tsukishima sighed.

"Sorry for the trouble," Akaashi added with his eyes closed and shaking his head in defeat.

"It doesn't matter too much," Kenma said. "It's just... I need them to do what is planned. I can't lie, what we recorded is very good and it would sell very well - the fans would probably go crazy - but we need to follow a pattern on the recording. We'll have to record the last part of the first scene again and make sure Kuro stops before Oikawa finishes.

"The problem with this," Kenma continued, "is that we're not gonna make the deadline in time if it happens again. The recording was delayed a lot due to waiting for Kuro's papers, not so much the terms and conditions because Asahi and I already knew what he was gonna accept and we were able to write the script without much problem, but because the advertisement contract took a long time to be signed, and that made us have to delay the start because we didn't yet have the necessary equipment for technical adjustments."

"Yes, we understand," Akaashi said with an apologetic expression on his face.

"They're a nuisance, especially Kuroo-san," Tsukishima snorted.

"Yes, I know," Kenma said. "That's the worst of all. I knew Kuro would do whatever he wanted if his co-star was Oikawa. He has always been his fan, but I expected him to behave to make a good impression on him. I see I was wrong," he added rolling his eyes.

"It's not just Kuroo-san, Oikawa-san has done as badly as him," Akaashi said apologetically. "I'll talk to him before we start today, I'm so sorry."

"Okay, thanks," Kenma said in a monotonous voice. "I just wanted to warn you. It was either that or kill them and eliminate the problems."

Akaashi chuckled softly.

"Please do," Tsukishima said half jokingly half seriously. "I beg you to do so."

"I can't tell you that I don't agree with the proposal," Akaashi said with a melodic laugh. "But it's true that I can't complain, Oikawa-san is not as troublesome as Kuroo-san."

"Yes, it's indisputable," said Kenma. "I've known Kuro since we were kids, he's always been a bit of an asshole, but he's charming and everyone ended up agreeing to what he wanted, luckily or unfortunately. How do you put up with it?" he asked looking at Tsukishima.

"I don't," he answered immediately. "It's Bokuto who deals with him, not me."

"His bodyguard? He seems like a nice man," Akaashi said thoughtfully.

"Don't fool yourself, they're the same fucking thing. My life gets bitter everytime I'm with them."

"Really? The last day he even left the shoot in the middle. I thought he was embarrassed, he looked flushed when he left."

"He left? He never leaves. Do you know what happened to him?" Kenma asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah, although I'm not sure you want to know," Tskukishima replied with distaste.

"Well, fuck it, now you've got me curious," Kenma replied, settling on the desk. "So speak up. Why did Bokuto leave?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah, say it," Akaashi said also curious.

"He got HARD, so much so that he was almost LEAKING his pants," Tsukishima said with a disgusted face. "It's too unpleasant, every time I go to Kuroo-san's house to discuss a contract or a movie it's a damn nightmare. They make me enter the house when they're doing it on the sofa or on the table or against the wall- It's disgusting, I don't even wanna remember it. I think they do it on purpose," he finished sulking.

Kenma and Akaashi burst out laughing with the story that Tsukishima, his face puckered with disgust, had told as if it were his day to day. Moreover, it is possible - probable - that indeed that was his day to day with Kuroo.

"Anyway, let's go down to the set," Kenma said getting up from the table with a little jump to his feet. "We have to start in ten minutes, I'll leave you time to speak to them."

Both Tsukishima and Akaashi got up from the sofa in Kenma's office and the three left the place to take the elevator and go down to the filming set, where Kuroo and Oikawa were waiting for them so that they could start filming.

***

Akaashi and Tsukishima approached Oikawa and Kuroo, who were talking to each other with expressions that tried to hide the desire that glowed pure and burning in their eyes.

"We have to talk," Tsukishima said looking Kuroo straight in the eye.

"I'm a bit busy, Tsukki," Kuroo said with a frown but a smirk on his lips.

Oikawa stared at Kuroo's profile, who was still staring at his manager, and hid the smirk that was struggling to appear on his face. Kuroo's attitude was reprehensible but at the same time it was exciting, an adrenaline rush to see how he did and said what he always wanted, he was governed by his own wishes, and that made him proud and self-confident - Oikawa would never admit it but he loved it.

Tsukishima grabbed Kuroo's arm and dragged him hard as Kuroo complained that he was digging his fingers into him. But Tsukishima did not loosen his grip and Kuroo had no choice but to resign himself and walk without resisting, not without first winking at Oikawa, who smiled biting his lip before turning to Akaashi.

"What's wrong, Aka-chan?" he asked.

"We've talked to Kenma," the boy replied, "and we need you and Kuroo-san to stick to the script. We can't let the same thing happen again. We all agree that it was a good scene but it wasn't planned and that will force the editors to re-record the end of the scene so that it supposes itself over the original scene in a way that you don't…" Akaashi looked away embarrassed.

He was not ashamed of sex, nor of working as a manager for a porn actor; He was quite confident in his work, but reprimanding Oikawa for cumming made him feel a bit bossy and he didn't like that.

"So I don't cum," Oikawa finished openly with a nod. "I'm sorry Aka-chan, I couldn't help it. Or maybe I could but I didn't want to," he added sticking out his tongue without feeling a hint of regret.

"Please, we need to finish the film on time," Akaashi almost begged.

"But that's boring," Oikawa said, pouting and crossing his arms over his chest like he was having a toddler tantrum.

"You've never had a problem following scripts, why now?" Akaashi asked.

"Good question," Oikawa replied thoughtfully, tapping a finger on his chin. "To be honest, I like his dangerous vibes. The way he doesn't give a shit about anything and does what he pleases. It's hot and I don't want to fight the adrenaline rush of the moment," he analyzed.

Akaashi hummed and looked towards Tsukishima and Kuroo, in the other corner of the studio: Tsukishima was waving his arms while raising his voice, but Kuroo kept a smile on his face, and something told Akaashi that Kuroo would not obey what Tsukishima tell him.

Oikawa looked at his manager's expression and felt bad for putting him through trouble caused by him. He sighed and put a hand on Akaashi's shoulder to get his attention again. The boy turned to him with an almost sad expression.

"I promise I'll behave, A-ka-chan~," Oikawa said cheerfully.

"Your singing voice scares me," Akaashi said, "but I'll have to trust you," he said with a small smile.

***

"Stick. To. The FUCKING. Script," Tsukishima said raising his voice a bit.

"Nope," Kuroo repeated with the same arrogant smile, "that's not fun. Do you really, firmly believe that I'm going to do what you tell me?"

Tsukishima closed his eyes and raised his face as if looking at the heavens. "Please, Lord, give me patience because if you give me strength I will smash his head against a wall," he murmured.

"Uh~ kinky," Kuroo said with a raised eyebrow.

"I beg of you," Tsukishima said looking at him again, "follow the script. Please. If we don't meet the deadline it'll be your fault."

"If there was such a rush, why didn't we start the recording earlier?" Kuroo asked as if it was obvious.

"Because someone decided to sign the papers TOO LATE," Tsukishima reproached in a powerful voice. "Can you imagine who it was?"

"No idea," Kuroo said playing dumb, as if he didn't quite know that it was himself he was referring to.

"Kuroo-san," Tsukishima continued, taking a breath to calm down, "if we don't finish in time the gossip magazines will riot about it and turn it into "the new Kuroo Tetsuro scandal" or some shit like that. It's not that complicated to do what I ask," he pleaded.

"And since when do I give a shit about that, Tsukki?" Kuroo said with a frown, feeling the anger growing inside him from the moment Tsukishima had mentioned the paparazzi and their disgusting magazines.

"You are a lost case," Tsukishima said giving up and turning around. "Do what you want. I give up."

"Wait," Kuroo said putting a hand on his shoulder before he started walking, "don't be mad, Tsukki."

"I'm sick of your "I'm better than anyone else because I'm against the rules"attitude. It's your damn job, do what is ask of you, for fuck's sake," said Tsukishima clearly pissed off shaking his shoulders to get rid of Kuroo's hand.

"Tsk, I'll try," Kuroo said in annoyance.

"You better do more than try," Tsukishima said stepping away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say I really admire Tsukki for dealing with Kuroo this way, I could never 🤣🤣🤣


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So... are you going to break the rules again?" Oikawa said quietly playing with one of the buttons on Kuroo's shirt, giving a little tug to bring the black-haired man closer to him.
> 
> Kuroo smirked as he licked his upper lip. "Breaking the rules? I don't know what you're talking about. To begin with... I don't know such word as "rules"," he said in Oikawa's ear.

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: A PUT A SPELL ON YOU BY ANNIE LENNOX _ **

"Guess who's gotten in trouble because of you," Kuroo said whispering into the ear of Oikawa, who had his back turned to him.

Oikawa turned and stared at him with a mischievous smile playing at the corners of his lips, his gaze clear and tempting.

"Are you trying to impress me by being a bad boy?" he asked in a low, deep voice.

"I don't know, pretty boy. Is it working?" Kuroo whispered in the same playful tone of voice as Oikawa.

"Maybe," Oikawa replied with a shrug that pretended to be nonchalant.

"Who is the one at the other's feet now?" Kuroo asked proudly.

"I never denied that I wasn't yours, you just never asked," he said with a wink. "But right now... it's not me who's trying to impress you, it's the other way around, so... If I were you, I'd reconsider what you said. What was it like? Oh yeah, something about... my charm not working on you?"

Kuroo smirked. Oikawa was definitely a dangerous boy, quite similar to himself, although perhaps he obeyed orders better than him. But it was undeniable that he had charm and that he was fully aware of it and the effect it had on other people; his dignified demeanor and his large expressive eyes played an important role when it came to seducing people.

"You're the one who supposed I was trying to impress you. Maybe that wasn't my intention at all," Kuroo said haughtily.

"Uh-huh."

"Do you think I'm lying?"

"To me? Nah. To you? Definitely yes, hot stuff," said Oikawa with dignity.

"You'll never know if your assumptions are true or not," Kuroo replied.

"I know they are," said Oikawa. "By the way... Can I call you Kuro-chan?"

"Sure," Kuroo replied with a shrug. "I'll call you Oikawa-kun from now on, if that's okay with you."

"Of course," the brunet replied with a smile.

"But your contact will stick with the same "pretty boy" name," Kuroo said.

"Did you add me as "pretty boy"?" Oikawa asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's the truth y'know?" Kuroo admitted. He leaned in a little to get closer to Oikawa's ear and whisper. "I can't deny that you're quite pleasant to look at... More so when you're moaning."

Oikawa felt a chill and closed his eyes momentarily, an electric current tickling his entire body. What a _smooth_ guy.

"Oh sweet sweet Kuro-chan, you're crawling for me but you don't want to admit it," he said regaining his composure as Kuroo straightened up again.

"I'm not that easy to charm," replied him.

"That just makes it more fun," said Oikawa amused. "I'm curious, what trouble have you gotten yourself into because of me?"

Kuroo smiled and lowered his head to make himself look interesting for a few seconds before picking it up again and fixing his amber eyes on Oikawa's brown eyes.

"I made you finish last time when I really shouldn't," he said. "Kenma wasn't very pleased to know that we'll have to record the scene again."

"Oh damn, I've been scolded by Aka-chan for that too," said Oikawa, slapping his forehead lightly with the palm of his hand. "His words have been "stick to the script"."

"Oh yeah, the same thing Tsukki said to me," Kuroo said with a laugh. "As if."

"So... are you going to break the rules again?" Oikawa said quietly playing with one of the buttons on Kuroo's shirt, giving a little tug to bring the black-haired man closer to him.

Kuroo smirked as he licked his upper lip. "Breaking the rules? I don't know what you're talking about. To begin with... I don't know such word as "rules"," he said in Oikawa's ear.

Again, a chill ran down the spine of the brunet and he smiled biting his lip; he opened his mouth to answer, but at that moment, Asahi called for them to come closer to the set and thus begin the recording.

They both walked over to where he was, with Kenma sitting back in his customary black cloth high chair.

"I'll tell you this one last time before we begin," Kenma said with a bored look. "Stick to the script. Your managers have talked to you both, you know what you have to do. This time it has to happen, today Kuro has to finish."

Kuroo and Oikawa glanced at each other with burning eyes.

"I'm not complaining, but may I ask why last time Oikawa shouldn't but this time I have to finish?" Kuroo asked lowering his voice and glancing at the intense gaze that Oikawa was throwing at him. "You even want us to re-record the scene, is it that bad for him to come?"

"Oikawa's known to be an expert in blowjobs, people pay to see how he makes other men cum just using his mouth. You're known to be a tease expert," Kenma replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You weren't supposed to make him cum that way, but to make him finish with your own dick and hands.

"Ah, I see," Kuroo said looking at Oikawa with a smile which the brunet returned.

"Get undressed, we'll record the next scene," Kenma said. "When we finish this scene we'll do a short recording to fix the mistake from the last time."

Kuroo and Oikawa turned around and walked to the set.

"It wasn't a mistake," Kuroo said hiding a smirk.

"Of course it wasn't," Oikawa replied, biting his lip.

They both took off their T-shirts, pants, and underwear. Their dicks were semi-erect due to the anticipation and the conversation they were having just few moments before, and every second they spent glancing at the other's naked body out of the corner of their eye made their cocks grew even harder.

Kuroo took a seat on the sofa, legs slightly spread and arms resting on the back of it while Oikawa remained off camera to make his triumphal entrance.

"Lights...," Kenma said, "camera... Action!"

Oikawa shot a quick glance at the black-haired man while biting his lower lip and walked towards him, moving his hips seductively in front of the camera man who followed him from behind. Kuroo didn't take his eyes off him, he was devouring him with his gaze as Oikawa approached him. The cameras captured the entire bewitching sequence from different angles; then the shots would be combined giving rise to one of the most remarkable scenes in the film and for which the fans would go crazy.

Oikawa knelt in front of Kuroo and placed his hands on the black-haired man's legs. Silky hands stroked the tanned skin, rising dangerously close to his crotch and back down to his knees. Kuroo watched Oikawa's expression very carefully, noticing the sparks appearing on his eyes fixed on Kuroo's dick.

With a sudden movement, the brunet spread Kuroo's legs to get better access to his cock. He licked his lips looking Kuroo in the eye and batting his lashes a couple of times to provoke the man sitting - an effective movement since Kuroo's dick twitched seeing such an expert beauty about to suck him off. The black-haired man growled and brought one of his hands to Oikawa's hair, burying his fingers between the brown strands and pulling them gently.

Oikawa smirked and lifted his ass mischievously to show it to the camera as he brought his face closer to Kuroo's throbbing member. He ran his tongue down the inner part of one of his thighs while his hands continued to caress his legs. Kuroo felt a chill.

"Shit~...," Kuroo whispered under his breath almost without moving his lips.

A proud smile played on the corners of Oikawa's lips, who raised his tongue a little higher to lick Kuroo's balls. The black-haired man massaged Oikawa's scalp without taking his eyes off his tongue and lips. Oikawa ran his tongue from the balls to the tip of Kuroo's cock, who felt a shiver down his spine. It seemed that Oikawa was moving in slow motion so that Kuroo could appreciate every detail of what he was doing: the caresses, the licks, the glances and the touches all over his legs and cock with mischievous slowness that was sending Kuroo to the edge. And they were just starting.

Oikawa grabbed the base of Kuroo's cock and wiggled his ass in front of the camera to position himself before shoving his cock fully into his mouth.

"Wha- Ah ~!" Kuroo exclaimed with a surprised but pleased moan at the sudden heat around his dick.

Oikawa pressed his lips around the tip and cupped his cheeks so that they brushed against Kuroo's dick at all times. Slowly, very slowly, Oikawa descended, inserting the hot manhood in its entirety without gaging nor even flinching a bit. His dick was so so deep in Oikawa's mouth that Kuroo could feel, through the brunet's throat, the beating of Oikawa's heart at a quick pace. His mouth was hot and wet and the way his cheeks pressed him made Kuroo felt trapped in a tight hole that made him breathe shallowly.

Oikawa looked towards Kuroo with overshadowed eyes and the black-haired boy knew at that moment he couldn't resist that look at all. _That_ was part of Oikawa's charm: look so innocent yet so lewd, so cute yet so hot, so gently kissable yet so roughly fuckable.

"Oikawa-kun~," he moaned in an almost inaudible whisper.

He wasn't supposed to moan his name, he shouldn't have moaned his name, but he couldn't resist to him. He just _couldn't_. Kuroo thanked he was still able to keep his voice low or otherwise Kenma would have probably gotten mad again since their real names weren't the names of their characters on the movie. Kuroo's name on the film was Ryo while Oikawa's name was Yves. But Kuroo couldn't moan a fake name, because he didn't feel like it was _Yves_ who was sucking him off; he felt like it was _Oikawa._

Kuroo closed his eyes and dropped his head onto the back of the sofa. His parted lips giving off moans every time Oikawa moved his head masterfully, running his tongue through the full length before descending again until the tip of his cock was deep inside the brunet's throat. Sucking sounds could be heard without the need for microphones, and Oikawa emitted little moans of pleasure, as if he himself was enjoying the blowjob more than Kuroo. His voice reverberated against the black-haired man's member causing it to vibrate and sending spasms of pleasure through Kuroo's body.

Oikawa shook his head again and focused on sucking on the tip, licking around the slit almost as if he wanted to enter. He slid the tip of his tongue and tried to insert it inside Kuroo's cock; the man felt the saliva on his tip mixing with the salted precum that dripped out of it. He felt hot not only on his manhood but all over his body, tingling his fingers buried in Oikawa's hair.

"Oh god~!," Kuroo groaned loudly, grabbing onto Oikawa's hair.

Kuroo raised his head to look at him and the sight he had took his breath away: Oikawa, with his eyes closed showing off his long eyelashes, his cheeks slightly flushed, his glossy, moist and slightly swollen lips surrounding his cock; his fluffy brown hair held firmly by Kuroo's hand and slightly tousled; his right hand, fine and delicate, holding the base of the black-haired man's dick using only the index finger and the thumb while the other hand remained still on his thigh, caressing it with the thumb in small circles; his naked body kneeling in front of him, the profile of his perky ass moving smoothly in time with his head.

"Fuck~..." Kuroo gasped ecstatic in a low voice. "This is fucking heaven~..."

Oikawa made a movement with his throat muscles and Kuroo's body tensed of pleasure making him dizzy. He let out another loud moan and he tugged on Oikawa's hair so that the brunet was momentarily separated from him. Oikawa didn't resist the pull and separatend from Kuroo's member, looking at him with cloudy eyes and dilated pupils. Kuroo stood in front of Oikawa, still holding the boy by the hair, who remained on his knees in front of him. Oikawa placed his hands on Kuroo's hips and looked at him with fixation and desire.

"Open your mouth," Kuroo whispered hoarsely.

Oikawa obeyed by parting his lips and sticking out his tongue, offering his mouth to be occupied again by Kuroo's dick. The black-haired man brought his member back to him and let Oikawa's warm mouth overwhelm him again. He grabbed his hair tighter and began to thrust against his mouth, feeling each lick when the tip went deep into his throat. Even if his dick felt really good completely buried in his throat, Kuroo knew that thrusting against it would be uncomfortable to Oikawa, so he kept part of his dick outside so as not to cause him to gag. He didn't want to hurt him or make him feel pain afterwards.

Oikawa noticed the gesture and opened his eyes slightly to look at Kuroo who returned a clouded look from the pleasure. Oikawa felt even more aroused just thinking that someone was _caring_ for him, so he wanted to thank Kuroo for worrying that way about him. He was fine. He could take his whole length without feeling gags, so he would do it.

When Kuroo thrusted again, Oikawa moved his head to reach the end of his cock until his lips pressed the skin on Kuroo's hips and balls. Kuroo's legs felt weak and trembled slightly. He had never felt anything like that and he grunted feeling a knot forming in his abdomen. He looked at Oikawa again. The brunet's eyes penetrated him and that was more than Kuroo could bear. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back with a loud groan.

"YES~!" He moaned.

He came into Oikawa's mouth, his hips continuing the movement with erratic little spasms as his cock continued to be caressed by the brunet's soft lips and tongue. He was breathing heavily, feeling pleasure pricks all over his body. His eyes, still closed, saw sparkling stars and his skin burned where Oikawa kept touching him with his hands or mouth, even if it was just a slight touch.

Oikawa pulled away from him with a loud sucking sound and swallowed the cum licking his lips with a little smile and clouded eyes. His dick was dripping on his thighs and Kuroo looked at it with desire.

"Cut!" Kenma yelled. "It was perfect."

Kuroo, still panting, let go of Oikawa's tousled hair and waited for the brunet to get up from the ground. But he didn't, he stayed looking at Kuroo intensely from below without saying anything, his lips so red and shiny that Kuroo felt the urge to kiss him to feel them over him again, to taste them with his tongue. But the recording was over, so he didn't.

Kuroo crouched to be at Oikawa's level, maintaining the eye contact with his pupil-dilated big brown eyes. He brough a hand to the brunet's cheek and caressed it.

"That was..."

Kuroo didn't even know how to express it with words. Good? Great? Fantastic? Amazing? No. Those were poor adjectives to really describe how he felt. It had been so good that Kuroo couldn't find a sentence to explain it.

Oikawa smiled.

"Now...," he whispered softly with a smirk and a deep gaze that made Kuroo feel weak "tell me again my charm doesn't work on you."

Kuroo didn't answer but a smirk appeared on his lips. Words weren't really necessary, Kuroo realized.

And, without either of them being surprised at the lack of response, both of them chuckled. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love these two, I CAN'T


	15. Chapter 15

"Are you gonna tell us why Sakusa wanted to see you the other night?" Yaku asked narrowing his eyes as he cleaned a glass. "Because since that day you haven't stopped moaning his name at night."

"SAKUSA WANTED TO SEE YOU?" Hinata yelled with his eyes wide and his mouth forming an 'o'.

"Shut up," Atsumu said, blushing to his ears. "It's not what you think."

"And what do we think it is?" Osamu asked leaning on the tip of the broomstick.

"You're a bit nosy," Semi told him, "how would you feel if people asked you about moaning my name while I-?"

"Don't start flirting again," Tendo said disgusted.

They were all gathered in the bar: the twins, Yaku, Lev, Semi and Shirabu cleaning and tidying up to open a couple of hours later while all their friends had taken seats at the bar to spend some time together. It had been a long time since they all met, so Shirabu had sent them a message to stop by while the place was still closed, so they could enjoy time together in peace and quiet.

And Atsumu hated that Shirabu did it, because since the 6 had shown up they hadn't stopped laughing at him like they had no other fun. There were Daichi, Suga, Kageyama, Hinata, Yamaguchi and Tendo teasing Atsumu like nothing, and their co-workers, which included his own twin, just urged them to keep going.

"All he did was tell me not to tweet something like that again," Atsumu said.

 _Bullshit_ , he actually thought.

"Really?" Tendo asked with a pitying grimace.

"Yes," Atsumu said. "And I prefer not to continue talking about it."

"I mean, like Oikawa and Kuroo, Sakusa is also an asshole," Shirabu said casually.

"Oikawa-san's not an asshole," Kageyama said with a frown.

"Nor Kuroo-san," Lev added in a threatening voice.

"The only one worthwhile is Terushima," Yamaguchi said supporting Shirabu.

"Let's see, I admit that you might like Kuroo because he's hot, but it doesn't mean he's an asshole, and the press shows him 24/7, don't defend him," Shirabu said.

"Okay, I won't deny that maybe, just maybe, you're right," Osamu said.

"But he's still a daddy," Daichi added.

"You have a problem with that, I already told you," Suga said looking at him while laughing.

"Maybe, but it's the truth. Did you see his back? His legs? Oh god, I would pay for those legs to suffocate me," Daichi said.

"But still, Oikawa?" continued Shirabu. "He's the worst, he always looks at everyone over the shoulder, who does he think he is?"

"The most famous porn actor in Japan, maybe?" Hinata said defensively.

"Well shit, thanks Hinata, you just destroyed me," Shirabu said with a sigh.

Everyone laughed except Atsumu, whose mind had been lost the moment he remembered Sakusa's look and smell that day when he gave him a box full of instruments that had ignited his fantasies as if a match had been thrown into a puddle of gasoline. He couldn't stop thinking about how Sakusa would use all those gadgets and more on his body while his deep voice whispered "good boy", how each scene would unfold. In the movies Sakusa used a mask and gloves, would he also use them in private?

His mind raced as his mouth watered with everything Sakusa could do to him, when Lev snapped him out of his reverie by shaking him by the shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he asked. They all were looking at him with a worried expression. "You seem-"

"I'm fine," Atsumu cut him off, turning around to hide his raging hard-on that was crushed against the denim of his pants. "I just need not to think about anything."

"You haven't answered my question," Yaku continued to prod at the wound.

"It's the only way I can feel that he's still the Sakusa that I knew from what I saw on screen," Atsumu replied, racking his brain to think of a fairly credible excuse. "And stop saying you hear me moan because it's a lie."

"Are you kidding me?" Yaku said raising his eyebrows.

He didn't want them to keep asking him about Sakusa, because he didn't know how long he could keep the secret he guarded deep inside his brain. But he had to do it because his master had ordered so. So preventing them from asking was the first mission Atsumu had to accomplish, as if it were a game in which the praise of his master was the reward after each goal accomplished.

"No, I'm not kidding," Atsumu said seriously. "Stop asking me," he said, suddenly standing still, his back turned to the rest and clutching the cloth he was wiping a table with. "I don't want you to bring it up again. And if you do, I'm leaving."

His voice had sounded harsh, almost as if he was scolding them for breaking a plate- No, for breaking an entire crockery. It was as if Atsumu had momentarily changed into a different person from the usual Atsumu, cheerful and a bit of an asshole who drove everyone crazy with his idiocies and his arrogance as a hunk. Neither said anything, so Atsumu guessed that his warning had taken effect, faster and more effective than he expected. But he was proud of having achieved his purpose.

 _Good boy_ , Sakusa's voice echoed in his mind.

"Thank you, _sir_ ," Atsumu muttered to himself as his pants tightened around him again.

***

Kuroo was lying on the bed in his cargo pants and black tight sweater, waiting for an answer from his boyfriend. He had called Bokuto three times but he hadn't answered. And he needed to go to the set with his bodyguard.

After shooting the first scene, they had waited a whole week to shoot the second. But now, due to Kenma's tight schedule, the only time to shoot the third scene was just the next day. And Kuroo had the feeling that Bokuto had forgotten about it.

Kuroo sighed looking at the phone screen before hitting the call button again.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Bokuto finally asked as soon as he picked up.

"Where are you?" Kuroo asked.

"On my way."

"On your way from where?" Kuroo asked confused.

"From the gym, why?"

"Because I have a recording today, I had to be on set," Kuroo replied staring at the ceiling without caring too much.

"SHIT," Bokuto yelled, "I FORGOT IT. WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE TO BE THERE?"

Kuroo looked at the clock on the nightstand next to the bed and read the digits while holding back a laugh.

"An hour and a half ago," Kuroo replied almost bursting into laugh.

"SHIT," Bokuto yelled running a hand through his hair. "Are you already there?"

"Hm, no?" Kuroo said as if it was obvious. "I'm not leaving without you."

"Damn," Bokuto said with a sigh. "Now I feel even worse. I lost track of time. Sorry Tets."

"Nah, it's okay. I don't care too much."

"But you're late for work. I'm really sorry," Bokuto repeated ruefully.

"Babe. I don't care," Kuroo said trying to take away some of the guilt he felt. "I called Tsukki and warned him. He wanted to kill me but that's nothing new," he emitted a slight laugh that made Bokuto momentarily forget why he felt bad.

"It's my fault," he said with a facepalm.

"It's fineeeeeeeee, I love you," Kuroo said smiling. "I'll be waiting at home."

"I'm just around the corner," Bokuto said with his breathing slightly rapid. It was clear that he was rushing to get there as soon as possible.

"Do you need to shower?" Kuroo asked.

"Nope, I did it in the gym, that's why it took me so long to respond."

"Great, then I'll go straight down to the street so you don't have to go home. I just have to put my boots on. The car is waiting for us parked in the alley behind," Kuroo said getting up from the bed and walking towards the door of the apartment to put on his shoes. "I'll be downstairs in a moment, babe."

Kuroo hung up the phone and shoved it into his pants pocket as he sat on the floor to put on his black boots and tie his shoelaces before getting up and leaving, on his way to the set for a new recording.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You said you didn't follow the rules. I need it, Kuro-chan, I need you..."

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: DADDY BY SAKIMA _ **

Kuroo arrived at the studio in no rush, despite having made the rest wait for almost two hours. Tsukishima was breathing fire from his mouth, and had wasted another almost twenty minutes yelling at Kuroo how irresponsible he was for being so late. Bokuto had tried to intervene to blame himself since it was because of him that they had taken so long to arrive, but that did not seem to calm the young man, who kept screaming until he was tired. And yet Kuroo hadn't erased his usual smile from his face.

"Go get ready," Tsukishima had said angrily pointing to the set where Oikawa was waiting for him looking at his phone.

Kuroo sighed upon seeing him and, for the first time in his life, he felt bad for being so cocky.

He approached the boy, who raised his head from the screen and offered him a sweet smile.

"You like making me wait for you, huh? That's not nice from you, Kuro-chan~," Oikawa said in a sing-song voice and feigning a pout.

"I'm sorry, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said seriously, without a trace of his usual smirk. "My boyfriend forgot and he's my bodyguard so I couldn't leave without him."

"Well, I'm not complaining," Oikawa said with a shrug. "I have nothing better to do than you. And you said it yourself, the good things take long," he said with a wink.

"My, my, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo replied, finally with a smile playing on his lips, "your way of flirting with me is very direct, don't you think?"

"I can stop if you ask me, but do you _want_ me to?" Oikawa said.

"I think you already know the answer," Kuroo replied. Oikawa winked at him and laughed softly. "Still, even if you don't have anything to do," Kuroo said returning to his serious expression, "I didn't want to be late. I don't normally apologize for this kind of thing but... I think I owe you an apology for wasting your time like this. I may have a bad fame for being a bad boy but I'm not unpunctual. I know Tsukki and Kenma have a lot of work to do, most of it because of me," Kuroo said rubbing the back of his neck with his head down and a guilty expression on his face.

"I don't think you should worry about that, it wasn't on purpose," Oikawa said putting a hand on his shoulder. "Even though Ken-chan has things to do, he seemed so unamused as always when your manager told him you'd be late."

"Still there are few things that make me feel guilty, but wasting people's time is one of them," Kuroo said shaking his head.

"Hey, stop. It's not a big deal," Oikawa said dismissively. "Don't worry."

"Thanks for understanding," Kuroo muttered raising his head to look at him again.

"Of course," Oikawa said offering him a sweet smile. "The truth is... I didn't expect you to have this responsible side. But it's nice."

"And I didn't think you would be so understanding," Kuroo said. "I've always heard that you were a diva, you also have a partially bad reputation, although seeing this I think it's quite inaccurate. Thank you, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said heartily.

"There are a lot of things that people don't know about me and, sadly, they usually mistake me for an asshole," Oikawa said with a sigh and a sad expression. "And I guess the same goes for you."

"Yeah, sometimes," Kuroo admitted, "which is sad and a bit rude if I'm totally honest."

"Yeah... Speculation hurts sometimes," Oikawa whispered lowering his head.

Kuroo fell silent, observing the pained expression on the brunet's pretty face. He seemed so... vunerable that Kuroo felt bad for him.

"I'd like to meet you," he said suddenly.

"You already know me," Oikawa said with a questioning look.

"No, I mean you," Kuroo said with a small smile, pointing at the brunet by putting a finger on his chest. "I'm not talking about "Oikawa Tooru the porn actor" that I know. I'm talking about "Oikawa Tooru, the man people mistake for an asshole and I'm beginning to see that he's not really like that"," he murmured softly.

"Oh," Oikawa hummed in surprise. "This is the first time someone has taken an interest in me that way. Sure, we can hang out some day," he replied with a nod but still shocked at what Kuroo had said.

Kuroo smiled and Oikawa smiled back with a slightly racing heart. He was surprised that a bad boy like Kuroo had a soft side but the contrast was incredible; Oikawa suddenly found himself thinking about how lucky Bokuto was to have such a man by his side.

At that moment, Asahi's voice echoed throughout the studio.

"Let's start!" he exclaimed gesturing for Oikawa and Kuroo to come closer. "It's the penultimate scene we have to shoot," he said. "You won't reach penetration until the next day anyway."

Kuroo and Oikawa nodded and undressed to take their positions. This time they had to use a scented body oil that would serve as an introduction to the next scene. It was a replacement for lube, less commonly used in porn since it didn't make the bodies glow under the spotlight with that typical wet shine on the skin. The bottle was already placed next to the sofa, on the small and useless props table on set that decorated the living room of the protagonist of the film, Yves. Kuroo looked it and then he smirked looking at Oikawa, who in turn smiled wickedly back at him.

They both knelt on the couch, Oikawa's back pressed against Kuroo's chest. The brunet shivered slightly at Kuroo's warm breath on the back of his neck; he felt strangely aroused by it. Well, maybe not just because of Kuroo's breath. Maybe it was also important the fact that Kuroo opened a bit his heart to him just a few minutes earlier; then, it was also important to note Kuroo's large and erect member between his buttocks brushing against his skin with every breath Kuroo took. Oikawa did not know if Kuroo was doing that on purpose, but if it was, it was definitely working since Oikawa jolted, heart raced and tight on his chest, with every touch holding back his desire to moan. But there was more to it than Kuroo's cock, and Oikawa didn't want to think about what was making him feel that way.

Kuroo broke away from Oikawa and reached down to fill his hands with the massage oil from the table. Oikawa read on the label that it contained a perfume with pheromones to make the situation more intense, but the brunet wasn't quite sure what it meant. More intense? It was body oil, what was it going to make more intense?

Then Oikawa felt how Kuroo returned to his position, as his back felt the warmth of the black-haired man's chest again when they were pressed together.

"Ready?" Kuroo whispered on his ear. Oikawa nodded.

"Lights... Camera... Action!" Kenma yelled.

Kuroo's hands traveled up Oikawa's body, from his hips to his shoulders, through his abdomen and his nipples with soft and slippery fingers, leaving a wet path wherever they touched. Kuroo smelled the scent of Oikawa's body before smelling the oil, and he thought that Oikawa's skin fragance was better than the product he was using; he would have prefered a different oil that allowed him to taste Oikawa's body without adulterate, as pure and delicious as it was by itself. But his neck was still free from the oil, so Kuroo decided to attack it in order to enjoy the sweet sensation on his tongue.

Oikawa moaned slightly when he felt Kuroo's lips on his neck, lightly sucking right at the vein on it and passing his tongue slowly where it was pulsing against his skin. The black-haired man's hands kept moving, each caress accompanied by a soft groans that slipped out from Oikawa's bitten lips.

Kuroo separated his chest from Oikawa a little, while his hands continued to move, spreading the oil all over his body with seductive caresses, passing them down his back and his buttocks but without taking his lips off the brunet's neck, almost as if he were drinking from the soft moans that Oikawa emitted. He wanted to touch the brunet and make him feel good just with his hands, but something was urging him to do more, to touch him with his lips all over his body, to make him moan with more than just his wet fingers. Kuroo and Oikawa felt dizzy, the pheromones of the oil making their effect over them without any of them noticing the rising heat that was growing more and more causing tender yet dangerous touches and hot brushes of skin to skin.

Kuroo stuck to the brunet again but now Oikawa's back was slippery, so Kuroo's nipples were moistened with the oil that he applied with his hands, making him moan with the brush as if he was touching himself with Oikawa. The scent was soft and sweet and flooded their senses, clouding their minds and reasoning. Oikawa grabbed Kuroo's hips to keep him close to him and, with his eyes closed, he dropped his head on the black-haired man's shoulder, emitting moans every time his teeth bit him or his tongue licked him.

"Ah~," he moaned very close to Kuroo's ear.

Kuroo groaned against his neck and began to move his hips almost imperceptibly, rubbing his cock tight between Oikawa's oil-filled buttocks. His hands slid back from Oikawa's shoulders to his hips, but this time he couldn't wait any longer, he needed to touch him and hear him moan his name, so Kuroo grabbed Oikawa's dick with his right hand and squeezed lightly at the base, which caused a gasp to leave Oikawa's lips and arouse Kuroo even more. 

Kuroo began to move his hand over the brunet's manhood, back and forth, back and forth, letting the palm of his hand slide down the entire length generating slow, lewd and wet sounds that mixed with Oikawa's moans and sharp breaths.

"Ah~!" Oikawa moaned again. "Yes~... Yes~!"

Kuroo's hips moved in rhythm with his hand, both boys' dicks being jerked off by one part of the other's body, slippery and hot, and feeling the fire in their lungs due to the sweet, hypnotic smell. Kuroo sucked hard on the skin on Oikawa's neck that had previously been moistened with his tongue, savoring Oikawa as his cock brushed against the brunet. That suck would probably leave a mark on his neck, but Oikawa couldn't care less about it - in fact, he loved thinking about how good it would look on him.

Kuroo's hand tightened a bit more on Oikawa's dick, near the tip, as he picked up the pace a bit and brushed his thumb across his glans in circular motions.

"FU-FUCK~!" Oikawa cried with a hint of need and desperation in his voice. "FUCK YEAH~! HMMMM~!"

He lifted his head from Kuroo's shoulder and opened his eyes to look down to find the hot scene of himself being jerked off by Kuroo, feeling the black-haired man's cock slide over his skin. Oikawa bit his lower lip and whimpered desperately, silently pleading for an even closer touch. He wanted to feel Kuroo closer. He was going crazy, and the way Kuroo was touching him told him that the black-haired man felt the same way. His whole body ached longing for something else than just Kuroo's hand. Oikawa's hips began to move in time with Kuroo's, causing more friction on the black-haired man's cock, who moaned hoarsely in Oikawa's ear. His hand picked up the pace even more and he let the smell of the oil fill his nose. Kuroo felt that he wanted, he needed, more.

Oikawa watched as the camera that was recording them from above moved away from them. The crane lowered it slightly so that it was recording them head-on, and Oikawa seized the opportunity it offered, free from the crystal eye which recorded what they were doing. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back onto Kuroo's shoulder so that the black-haired's head hid his flushed face and desperate grimace when he asked for what his body was pleading to the heavens to have.

"Put it in," Oikawa whispered imperceptibly between moans.

The Kuroo's hand tightened on his dick and he felt his breathing become heavy against the back of his neck followed by a deep and low moan on Oikawa's ear that sent shivers down his spine.

"It's not in the script for this scene," he whispered against his neck just before biting back down with a desperate, hungry growl.

"AH~!" Oikawa moaned with a small cry. He lowered his voice to speak in an urgent whisper. "You said you didn't follow the rules. I need it, Kuro-chan, I need you..."

The last words were almost unintelligible as a suggestive moan escaped his lips, urging Kuroo to do what he had asked. He couldn't resist it like if he had been hit by a hypnotic spell, so Kuroo didn't fight back. His free hand, which had been still on Oikawa's hip until that moment, slipped stealthily between their bodies to grab his cock and rub it with the remains of the oil that where still in his hand. It probably wasn't enough, but he couldn't stop now to grab more oil.

His fingers reached for Oikawa's entrance to tease it with the oil he had previously spread between the brunet's glutes before thrusting a single finger, which was swallowed in need, inside him. Oikawa moaned in despair and Kuroo leaned to bit his neck again while his finger kept moving softly.

"D-don't- Ah~!" Oikawa tried to talk between whipers but he felt so hot that it was hard to concentrate to speak. "Don't w-wait any longer... please~!"

Kuroo groaned and pulled his finger out of Oikawa. He used the same hand to grab his cock to align it with Oikawa and slowly thrusted into the brunet, who moaned loudly and digged his fingers in Kuroo's skin. Kuroo's hips moved as if nothing had happened, as if his dick was still outside between Oikawa's buttocks, while his hand kept sliding over Oikawa's cock faster and faster.

The heat, the intermingled moans of both men, their slippery and sweaty bodies, the caresses and bites and the morbid of doing something forbidden in front of everyone without them realizing it made them both lose control. They had turned into a moaning mess dangerously close to orgasm, their bodies connected with a tickle that ran up and down their muscles, starting at the point where Kuroo entered Oikawa.

But Kuroo had to cum outside, or else they would be in trouble.

Their reasonings were numb to the sensations but a part of their brains, or at least of Kuroo's brain yelled him to pull out of the brunet before cumming.

Oikawa's hole tightened around Kuroo and both of them moaned with a rush of pleasure, their eyes squeezing shut as the wave of pleasure washed over them.

"AH~ YES~ FUCK~ FUCK~!" Oikawa moaned as his dick emptied, staining the couch and Kuroo's tireless hand that kept moving over him.

Kuroo slipped out of the brunet and, with his clean hand on the brunet's back, he pushed him against the couch while using his hand stained with the brunet's semen to jerk himself off in a frenzy. A knot formed in his stomach and his breathing became erratic.

"HOLY FUCK~!" he moaned before cumming on Oikawa's ass and smearing his butt and back.

Kuroo felt his body losing strenght and Kenma saw it, so he rushed to end the scene before he fell on top of Oikawa.

"Cut!" Kenma yelled with a wide smile while Kuroo's body dropped onto Oikawa's back. "It was perfect! I didn't expect you to push Oikawa against the couch but it was great, great!" Kenma said 

He got up from his chair excitedly feeling that Kuroo had made his best effort to made up for being late - but the fact was that Kuroo felt dizzy from the moment he heard Oikawa beg for him to put it in and the real excitement made the scene perfect for the film. It didn't happen on purpose, but it happened.

Kenma began to applaud along with the rest of the team, proud of the scene that had just been recorded, without him or anyone being aware of what had really happened between the two men who breathed heavily and exhausted with their eyes still closed and lying limp on the sofa.

Oikawa opened his eyes weakly and looked at Kuroo from the couch. Kuroo had his eyes closed, so Oikawa used the rest of his strengh to brush his leg to make him react. Kuroo opened his eyes and stared back at the brunet, both breathing hard, eyes bright, cheeks slightly flushed, and oblivious to what Kenma had said and the applause directed at them. Their hearts beat fast on their chest, their eyes talking for them, saying a thousand things as their mouths kept shut.

"We'll continue next day since we have no time to record the last scene, which was also planned for today. This is it for now! We'll record the last part on saturday," Asahi yelled as everyone started to gather the things from set.

Kuroo made his best to get up from Oikawa, who turned around when he was freed to sit on the sofa so as to have a better view of Kuroo. Both of them were covered in sweat, oil and cum mixed over their skin, but they couldn't think about the shower they should be taking on their respective dressing rooms. They were absorbed in the spell of the scene they had just filmed.

A genuine smile appeared on their lips.

"Thank you for...," Oikawa whispered, "y'know... For breaking the rules once more. I think we anticipated the next scene a bit," he said with a laugh. "But you were bold and freed us from trouble, you did well cumming out."

"Yeah, thank you...," Kuroo replied on a low voice with a soft, genuine laugh.

They both were exhausted and they would have stayed there a bit more if it wasn't for the girls that brought them both a cotton white bathrobe to cover their naked bodies.

"We should go to our dressing rooms," Oikawa said getting up from the sofa taking the garment the flushed girl was handing him.

His ass was covered in semen, and Kuroo couldn't help but feel aroused again thinking it was him who made that mess on Oikawa's beautiful body.

"Yeah, we should," he said following suit and putting the bathrobe on.

Both walked to head for his dressing room but Kuroo turned to him before parting ways.

"I'll see you in a bit, Oikawa-kun," he said with a wink.

They went through the door and down the hall to clean themselves. Everyone was so busy that no one noticed that Bokuto had just left, with clenched teeth and a deep frown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, problems started... You know were this ends, right? 🤭


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What was what?" Kuroo asked raising an eyebrow defiantly.
> 
> "The way you touched him."

Kuroo emerged from the huge jacuzzi shower in the bathroom from his own elegant dressing room with a towel tied around his waist feeling relaxed and happy after such a great scene with Oikawa. When he returned to the room he found Bokuto sitting on the dresser with his back leaning against the mirror, his arms crossed over his chest, and a jealous look shinning in his golden eyes. Only the lights around the mirror were on, giving a truly macabre atmosphere to the rest of the room. Kuroo knew that look very well, and it was not a good sign on his boyfriend's face.

"Hey bab-"

"What was that?" Bokuto cut him off with a cold voice.

Kuroo stood still looking at Bokuto not knowing what to say. He wasn't sure what exactly he meant - or at least he pretended he was not sure. A heavy silence took hold of the moment.

"Tetsuro, don't fuck with me," Bokuto said angry. "Answer me right away."

Play the fool was not going to do any favor to Kuroo, but he wanted to try to push Bokuto's patience limits, so he acted the way he always did, as the pimp he usually was.

"What was what?" Kuroo asked raising an eyebrow defiantly.

"The way you touched him," Bokuto replied breathing deep.

Kuroo narrowed his eyes and shot him an indecipherable look. It was sure that Bokuto had not realized what had really happened or else he would have asked for the reason why Kuroo put it in Oikawa; not that it was a big deal if Bokuto knew. Kuroo hadn't done anything that wasn't in the script. He and Oikawa were only slightly ahead of it. But that didn't seem to be what worried Bokuto. What worried him were... the caresses?

"The way I touched him?" Kuroo asked raising both eyebrows with narrowed eyes and a judging look.

"Yeah, are you deaf?" Bokuto asked upset.

"I don't know, I could clearly hear Oikawa-kun's moans a bit ago, do you think I'm deaf?" Kuroo said adding fuel to the fire.

"Are you laughing at me, Tetsuro?" Bokuto asked in a voice laden with poison.

"No, I just don't know what the hell you mean, Koutaro," Kuroo replied with a simple shrug.

Bokuto emitted a bitter low laugh filling the dense silence between them. The tension could be cut with a knife and the atmosphere felt heavy on them, crushing their patience but pumping up their rage like if it was a ballon.

"I like to see you fuck others, Tetsuro," Bokuto said slowly, as if measuring his words and painting them with the deepest contempt. "But today I felt nauseous. I felt out of place."

"Well, that's a shame."

Kuroo shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and shot him a long, hollow look, a penetrating gaze that Bokuto felt was reading into the thoughts inside him like an open book. Kuroo had the ability to make everyone feel as if he knew even the darkest secret of everyone with that look and it only made Bokuto feel more anger boiling in him because the reality of those amber eyes was that they were hidding something from him.

"I'm a porn actor. The caresses come in a lot," Kuroo replied calmly. "Just like kisses, handjobs, blowjobs, rimming and penetration. If you don't like it, you fuck off because that's what it is. I have nothing more to say," Kuroo said turning his back to Bokuto to find his clothes .

Bokuto stared at his back and felt fury burning inside him. He clenched his fists and, like if a storm had descended to Earth, he raised his voice.

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME, TETSURO, I DON'T LIKE THAT GUY," Bokuto yelled out of his mind. "STOP THE FUCKING MOVIE OR FORGET ABOUT ME."

Kuroo suddenly turned around again with an assassin look and his jaw so tight that Bokuto could see the vein in his neck aggressively pumping blood with a fast rhythm.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO," Kuroo replied, yelling just as loudly as him. "IT'S MY JOB, AND I'M GONNA KEEP DOING IT BECAUSE I LIKE IT. YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE FACING WHEN YOU ASKED ME OUT."

"I'VE SEEN YOU RECORD A THOUSAND VIDEOS," Bokuto said getting up from the dresser to his feet. "BUT IT HAS NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT. IT HAS BEEN DIFFERENT, IT SEEMED THAT I WAS SEEING SOMEONE FUCKING HIS LOVER, NOT HIS CO-STAR. DO YOU THINK I HAVEN'T SEEN THE WHISPERS? THE KISSES ON THE NECK? THE CARESSES ON HIS BACK?" He screamed with eyes full of visceral rage. "NEVER EVER HAVE YOU CARESSED A DUDE IN A MOVIE. NEVER."

Kuroo let out a hollow laugh and turned to look at him defiantly. A smile had spread across his lips, but it hadn't reached his eyes, which were cold and reproachful. Kuroo felt his world collapse inside him, but he didn't intend to show it. He would remain impassive even if he felt like crying. His chest ached and his eyes stung but his pride and his stubborness were stronger and were winning the battle against the reason. He didn't know why Bokuto was acting like this because of some caresses. He could have understood it if Bokuto knew what had happened, but the truth behind Bokuto's fury was so absurd, so fool and so stupid that Kuroo felt like they were fighting for the most senseless reason.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Kuroo said.

His voice was now lower and he spoke in a normal tone, but that wasn't good news, it only meant that Kuroo was so angry that not even shouting like crazy would make him feel better. He tried to deepen his breath to calm down while grabbing his clothes after yanking the towel off.

Bokuto's nostrils flared in a gesture of dangerous anger. Kuroo was touching his balls, you could almost say that he was doing it on purpose because, why not? What's more, Bokuto was sure that he was indeed doing it on purpose.

He watched as Kuroo put on his boxers and jeans, then approached him with two long strides.

Kuroo stared into his eyes, both of them very serious. Bokuto grabbed Kuroo by one of his wrists and lifted it to put his hand in front of their faces. He squeezed Kuroo's wrist tightly and the black-haired man gritted his teeth and twisted his hand to free himself from the grip. It hurt. It hurt so much but Bokuto's hand only tightened around his wrist, so much so that Kuroo began to feel his fingertips tingle with stabbing pain.

"Let go of me," Kuroo said in a low and dangerously calm voice.

"Remember you're mine," Bokuto replied, ignoring him.

"I said let go of me," Kuroo repeated in a cold and distant voice. "I'm yours. But I'm not leaving the movie. Now, let me go."

Kuroo's eyes were so murderous that Bokuto couldn't say or do anything else but let go of his wrist with one last look of disdain.

He turned around and headed for the door with heavy steps. Something had broken between them and both felt like they were about to burst into tears with their hearts shattered into a million pieces.

"I'm not going to your house today. Don't wait for me," Bokuto said gulping the knot in his thoat and putting his hand on the doorknob when he reached it.

"You're my bodyguard, I don't care about your jealousy. Do your job," Kuroo replied harshly containing the tremble on his voice.

"You can defend yourself," Bokuto said before exiting the dressing room slamming the door.

Kuroo stood in the middle of the room, his fists clenched and tears starting to fill his eyes, knowing perfectly well where Bokuto was going.

"Enjoy the revenge sex, _babe_ ," Kuroo murmured bitterly.

In the dressing room next door, Oikawa, who had heard it all, felt a pang of guilt.

***

Kuroo's phone rang out and he looked at it in disgust thinking that Bokuto had sent him a message just before sleeping with someone else. It would not be the first time that had happened. However, he was pleasantly surprised when he saw that it was not Bokuto who had written to him.

**_ Pretty boy _ **

**_Oikawa_** : Kuro-chan?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oikawa-kun? You ok?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Yeah, I just wanted to ask... Are you okay?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Yeah, why?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Hum...

 ** _Oikawa_** : Because I... Uhm...

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm sorry

 ** _Oikawa_** : I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but... Uh...

 ** _Kuroo_** : You heard it

 ** _Oikawa_** : Yeah...

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm so sorry, Kuro-chan

 ** _Oikawa_** : I let myself be carried away by my own desires and...

 ** _Oikawa_** : I didn't think of the consecuences on your relationship

 ** _Kuroo_** : Don't worry, Oikawa-kun

 ** _Kuroo_** : It's not like I didn't want it too

 ** _Oikawa_** : But I didn't wanna interfere on you relationship

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'm sorry Oikawa-kun

 ** _Kuroo_** : But it's a bit late for that

 ** _Kuroo_** : And don't get me wrong

 ** _Kuroo_** : I like that

 ** _Kuroo_** : And I like you

 ** _Kuroo_** : So... It's not your fault, don't feel guilty, Oikawa-kun

 ** _Oikawa_** : I...

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm probably making it worse

 ** _Oikawa_** : Maybe this isn't a good idea but-

 ** _Oikawa_** : ...

 ** _Oikawa_** : Nvm

 ** _Kuroo_** : No, tell me

 ** _Kuroo_** : What's wrong?

 ** _Oikawa_** : I just...

 ** _Oikawa_** : Maybe being with people helps you to cope with this situation so... Uhm...

 ** _Oikawa_** : You said earlier that you wanted to know me

 ** _Oikawa_** : Well, I wanna know you better too

 ** _Oikawa_** : So... Why don't we go to have a coffee and talk for a while?

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'd like to apologize in person...

 ** _Kuroo_** : Apologies are not necessary, don't worry

 ** _Kuroo_** : And about having a coffee

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'd love to

 ** _Kuroo_** : Maybe tomorrow?

 ** _Kuroo_** : Since we have free tomorrow

 ** _Oikawa_** : Yeah, sure

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'm sorry, you may want to talk to your bf rn

 ** _Kuroo_** : Well, he's probably fucking someone else rn, so I couldn't even if I wanted

 ** _Kuroo_** : But I rather not talk to him for now

 ** _Oikawa_** : Wait what?

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll explain it tomorrow

 ** _Kuroo_** : But looks are deceiving

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll see you at 4pm

 ** _Kuroo_** : At Sendagaya station?

 ** _Oikawa_** : Works for me

 ** _Oikawa_** : I'll take you to a nice coffee shop near my house

 ** _Kuroo_** : Oh, cool

 ** _Kuroo_** : Thank you for your concern, Oikawa-kun

 ** _Oikawa_** : Don't thank me, it's the least I can do

 ** _Kuroo_** : It's fine

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll try to sleep now

 ** _Kuroo_** : Good night, pretty boy

 ** _Oikawa_** : Good night, Kuro-chan ^-^

Kuroo tossed the phone aside with a sigh and looked at the empty space next to him on the bed. He had asked for it himself, but Oikawa had begun to exert a powerful charm on him from the moment he had laid eyes on the boy and he didn't feel like fighting the feeling.

Despite that, this time he had done nothing. Or at least, he hadn't done anything that Bokuto had seen and that he could get jealous of. It's true that Kuroo had touched Oikawa in a way that he had never touched anyone before when he recorded a film but he blamed that fact on the situation, in which the pheromones in the massage oil had an effect that neither Kuroo nor Oikawa expected - even though Kuroo did not know about this effect so he just thought of the heat of the moment.

Be that as it may, what Bokuto did when he got jealous wasn't much better than what Kuroo had done. The black-haired man was sure that their relationship was not working almost from the beginning. Neither of the was jealous before they started, quite the opposite: they had always been two independent men who trusted their partners.

Until they started dating each other.

When the two became a couple, they entered a maelstrom of jealousy and possessiveness that they were unable to get out of and that neither of them was willing to give up.

Kuroo grunted in rage and rolled over on the bed to try to sleep. But the image of Bokuto fucking someone else made his gut churn. Bokuto was his. And nobody's else. And just thinking that someone else was touching him at that moment made him sick.

He tried to clear his mind and control his breathing. He needed sleep.

It took almost two hours for him to calm down and start feeling sleepy. Sleep was beginning to take control of his body when, between hazy memories of chocolate brown eyes, fluffy brown hair and soft pink lips, a thought crept into his mind: maybe there was someone who could get him out of that _unhealthy obsession_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha yeah fights here we go


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I'm honest... I have no idea. But we can't get enough of each other. We depend on each other," Kuroo sighed looking through the window. "Or so I thought."
> 
> "You don't think the same now?" Oikawa asked.
> 
> "No," Kuroo said looking at him straight in the eye. "I don't think I depend on him anymore."

_** RECOMMENDED SONG: HEART BEATS SLOW (COVER BY JONATHAN FREEMAN) ** _

The walk from the station to the coffee shop was silent but pleasant: it was as if neither Kuroo nor Oikawa wanted to speak so as not to break the sense of complicity that they seemed to have developed only with each other's company.

As he had said, Oikawa took Kuroo to his favorite coffee shop, a small and cozy place with small round tables and two chairs facing each other. It smelled of fresh coffee and Kuroo found himself looking around before Oikawa gently grabbed his hand and led him to a table next to a large window overlooking the street and the gray cloud-filled sky above that threatened rain. It was a perfect place to let off steam and have a good time with someone without thinking about anything for once, or so Oikawa hoped.

Kuroo dropped into the chair with a defeated gesture, his mind somewhere far from where his body was. A waitress approached them and Oikawa ordered two coffees while Kuroo watched him with a strange look in his eyes, paying attention to the soft and melodic whistle of his voice. When the girl walked away and Oikawa turned to look back at Kuroo, the dark circles under Kuroo's eyes brought the brunet back to reality, which fell on him like a slab making him feel responsible for what had happened.

"I'm sorry," Oikawa said in a whisper.

"No, it's not the first time this has happened," Kuroo said shaking his head and offering him a tired little smile.

No matter what Kuroo said, Oikawa was going to feel responsible - because Kuroo was in that situation because of him and only because of him - but still he put on a small and warm smile that peeked from the corners of his lips. Kuroo tilted his head and returned a tender smile before speaking again.

"You blame yourself," Kuroo whispered, reading through his smile.

The waitress brought the two steaming coffees and set them on the table, muttering a soft "enjoy" before leaving again. Oikawa put his hands around the cup to warm them and ducked his head with his heart in a fist avoiding Kuroo's gaze. He felt miserable for doing that. Never in his life had he intruded between two people in this way, and he was realizing that, despite Kuroo's fame, the black-haired man was still a person with feelings, and the pained look that was sensed in the background of his amber eyes hurt Oikawa to the depths of his soul. He wanted to do something to fix it but he didn't even know where to start.

"Listen, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo called out.

Oikawa did not dare to look up but that didn't stop Kuroo, who slid a hand across the table and grabbed one of Oikawa's fingers that were around the cup to pull it up so he could grab the brunet's hand with his own. Oikawa then looked up and his heart sank even more when he saw Kuroo's glassy eyes.

"Don't do it," Kuroo mumbled calmly stroking the back of Oikawa's hand with his thumb. "Don't feel responsible. It's my relationship. Mine and my boyfriend's, and as such we're the ones who should take care of it, and neither of us are doing it. We've never done it, and I doubt it will change now."

Kuroo withdrew his grip and clasped his hands on his lap. He lowered his head as he played with his own fingers, somewhat sad and sorry.

"I'll tell you something," Kuroo said. "Do you want to hear it?"

"Yeah," Oikawa muttered in a muffled voice.

"Koutaro and I aren't the perfect couple. Not even a bit. We love each other, or so I wanna believe. But a relationship needs something more than love; it needs communication and it needs trust. And ours doesn't have it."

"Is that why you told me yesterday that he was probably having sex with someone else?" Oikawa asked.

"Yeah. My boyfriend gets jealous, goes to a club, takes a man or a woman to his bed as revenge and then I take my own revenge when I'm recording. That's all. It has happened a thousand times. But I'm a bit sick of putting up with his outbursts," Kuroo sighed.

"So you both know that the other uses sex as a weapon for your jealousy?" Oikawa said a bit confused.

"Yeah, it's a tug of war," Kuroo said. "We've never been unfaithful though. None of us consider what we do that way. I'd say it's just an open relationship but only when we're jealous or... Like this, y'know. Koutaro's usually the one who gets jealous first, and then he does something to make me feel the same way. And at this point, I don't even know if I really feel jealousy because I don't like knowing he's with other person or if I feel it because I'm used to it and my body reacts that way because it knows it's only natural for our... I don't know, I don't even think I should call this a relationship."

Oikawa nodded silently. "Could you... Could you tell me how you started dating? You don't seem like the type of man to date someone so jealous," he asked sheepishly.

"I'm not," Kuroo replied leaning back in the chair. Oikawa rested his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand, ready to listen to his story. "I started in porn shortly after leaving high school. I was about 19 years old and Kenma was obsessed with being an erotic film director, so he asked me to shoot something with some random guy, just to try. I liked doing it so much that I wanted to do another shoot. Kenma was delighted with my proposition, so he agreed to record a new one. It was funny because my father knew I was gay because he overheard me talking to Kenma about the videos. It was a weird way for coming out of the closet, but it worked fine so... Although he don't speak to me since I got into this industry five and half years ago.

"I hired my first manager six months later, when my fame started to grow. Around that time I also hired Koutaro. I needed a bodyguard because the fans were starting to grow and Kenma recommended me to look for someone who could protect me. So I found him and decided I wanted him to protect me. He accompanied me to the recordings, and he always drooled while seeing me. A couple of months after starting working for me he asked me on a date. He's hot, so I accepted. At first I didn't love him, but little by little I fell for him. He was sweet and caring...

"And then the jealousy came. I had several managers before Tsukki, they all fled because of Koutaro's jealousy. He accused me of sleeping with them behind his back. Eveyone who knew him told me he wasn't the jealous type, that the Koutaro I was talking about wasn't the one they knew, so I assume he's like this just with me, probably due my job. I can't blame him though. I know he's just trying to protect me. But my way of being has been accentuating his jealousy, and the nature of my work hasn't helped. And I'm also a trash talker sometimes - or always -, so it doesn't help to ease the tension between us either.

"The same happened to me. I've never felt jealous in my previous relationships, but when it comes to Koutaro, I do feel the jealousy through my veins. It started when his jealousy came out, because I thought that was the real way to demonstrate love. But that's a really fucked up thought.

"Still, even knowing it, I can't help it. He fucks other people as a revenge for making he feel jealous. Then I fuck my co-star while looking Koutaro in the eye. He hates that look," he chuckled bitterly, remembering how mad Bokuto was after the first time he did it, "because he says it's like I'm making fun of him. And I won't that's exactly what I do," Kuroo finished with a shrug.

"So you've been dating him this way for..." Oikawa pulled all the fingers from one of his hand out, "5 years," he said.

"Yeah, that's what you call a 5-years-toxic relationship," Kuroo said with a bitter laugh.

"I don't think that's healthy... at all," Oikawa said a little worried. "May I ask you why are you two still dating?"

"If I'm honest... I have no idea. But we can't get enough of each other. We _depend_ on each other," Kuroo sighed looking through the window. "Or so I thought."

"You don't think the same now?" Oikawa asked.

"No," Kuroo said looking at him straight in the eye. "I don't think I depend on him anymore."

The rain started to pour outside, drops crashing against the glass of the window. They were both silent for a while, taking small sips of coffee and occasionally casting discreet glances over their mugs. It felt close and intimate to be there with the other, their eyes talking for them.

"Do you love him?" Oikawa asked suddenly in a low whisper.

"Yes, but...," Kuroo fell silent.

Oikawa nodded feeling a slight prick in his chest that he decided to ignore because he did not know why hearing that hurt him so much. He knew Kuroo had a boyfriend and that he loved him, so... why did he feel this dejection?

"Then what's the problem?" he asked disregarding the feeling.

"That one, Oikawa-kun. That there's a "but"," Kuroo said.

"And which is it?" The brunet asked curiously.

 _That you're making me confused_ , Kuroo thought, but he never said those words out loud.

"It doesn't matter what the "but" is, the point is that there's one. An "I love him but..." is not an "I love you". It's an I love you with conditions, an I love you under certain circumstances," he said with a small sigh. "And I don't love that way, Oikawa-kun," he said with an intense and serious look.

Oikawa's heart skipped a beat and he felt a shiver when he saw that look. His cheeks were tinted on a light pink and a dreamy smile appeared on his lips.

"You don't look like one, but it's a nice surprise to know that you're a hopeless romantic. I bet your favorite movie is Love Actually," Oikawa said with a sweet laugh.

"Maybe," Kuroo said with a chuckle. "But I've never been able to be this romantic with Koutaro, sadly. He's not... Nevermind. I don't know if I'm comfortable with him by my side anymore. But changing the subject... What do you mean by a nice surprise?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Oikawa said, shaking his head and hiding the smile that was struggling to get out.

Silence fell on them again, only filled with the sound of people chatting around them. Kuroo looked at Oikawa and felt the same thing as the time Oikawa was sucking him off to record a scene, but this time was even a stronger feeling that made his chest tight and his mind spin at the speed of light. Kuroo was left breathless staring at the brunet's profile while he was gazing through the window distractedly with exquisite delicacy.

Oikawa felt Kuroo's glance and turned to look at him.

"What?" He asked somewhat intimidated by the watchful eyes that pierced him.

"Nothing," Kuroo replied. "It's your turn."

"My turn?" Oikawa asked.

"Yeah. I've talk too much about me, now it's your turn. Since we're getting to know each other better, I wanted to ask you something," he said. 

"Okay. Go ahead then," Oikawa replied. "Shoot your question."

Kuroo looked a Oikawa with such intensity that Oikawa's focus failed and he got lost in his eyes. But Kuroo's whispering voice brought him out of his reverie and he blinked a couple of times to pay attention again to what the black-haired boy was saying.

"Why don't you accept kisses or condoms on your films? I've seen your videos and now I'm recording one with you, and you always reject both. If it's not too daring from me, may I ask you why is that?" Kuroo asked with a slight bow of his head. Oikawa smiled.

"About condoms... I'm allergic to latex," Oikawa said. Kuroo's eyes widened in surprise.

"No way, how come?" he asked.

"Well... I also started soon in porn, I would say I started at the same time than you. But... My teenage years were wild. I had sex with girls and boys everyday, more than once a day. It didn't really matter to me who it was, I just wanted sex. But I always used protection, so the overexposure to latex from condoms made me hypersensitive to the material. When I started in porn I was already allergic to them. Now I can't use condoms without feeling a mild pain or a unpleasant sting in my... y'know, in my penis or ass or wherever the latex touches me," he replied with a shrug. "But I haven't had much sex now apart from the one I record, and I have STD tests every month, so don't worry. I have no STDs for you to worry about."

"Wow, what a lewd boy we got here, huh?" Kuroo said with a small laugh.

"Hey!" Oikawa exclaimed pretending to be offended but with a small smile playing on his lips.

"Okay, that answer one of my questions. Now the other one: what about kisses? Are you allergic to them too?" Kuroo asked sticking out his tongue in a mocking tone. Oikawa blushed slightly.

"No, that's...," he bit his lip nervously.

"Wait," Kuroo said suddenly serious. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I don't want you to feel pressured."

"No, it's fine. It's just that no one knows it except Aka-chan... And he knows because he's my manager and after all the times I told him I didn't accept kisses, he ended up asking, but I didn't feel confident enough to tell him, it's just that I _had to._ But this time is different because I _want_ to tell you."

Kuroo smiled to him and Oikawa bit his lip again, excited and nervous. He looked out of the window taking a deep breath, the blush in his cheeks turning a bit darker as he tried to put the explanations into words.

"When I was little I saw a movie, Pretty Woman," he started. "Vivian said that kisses are something very intimate and that you don't give them to just anyone. I think it's true. I won't say porn took control of my body because it's not like that. I had sex before porn, so my job is not the one to blame. I'm where I am because I want it that way. But kisses... Since I saw that movie, I've been saving my kisses for whoever deserves them. Although I have not yet found anyone who deserves them," he said with an innocent smile and rosy cheeks.

Kuroo gasped in surprise and sat up in the seat staring at the boy in front of him. His gaze flew momentarily to his pink and soft lips and the remembered that time those were surrounding him. He couldn't believe it.

"You haven't had your first kiss yet?" he asked with wide eyes.

"No," Oikawa replied, shifting sheepishly in his seat. "And don't laugh at me," he said looking down at the ground in embarrassment, his heart beating hard against his chest.

"No, no, of course not," Kuroo said, regaining his composure a bit. "I think it's... beautiful," he said. Oikawa looked up and looked at him in surprise at what he had just said. "It's nice that you retain some innocence in this industry. It's... admirable. I hope you find someday that person who deserves your kisses," Kuroo said looking down at his empty coffee cup smiling sweetly.

"Thank you," Oikawa replied with a shy smile and also looking down.

Although neither of them ever knew it, at that moment their hearts beat to the same rhythm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two inspire me istg i'm gonna die cuz i love them sm


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo looked at the image on the screen: a photo uploaded to a gossip twitter account from the porn world, a photo taken that afternoon from outside the coffee shop where Oikawa had taken him; they were both smiling at each other. And the caption of the tweet?
> 
> "Kuroo Tetsuro and Oikawa Tooru spotted having a coffee together. Are they dating? What about Kuroo's boyfriend?"

Someone knocked hard on the door with several sharp, firm knocks until Kuroo opened his eyes, upset at the noise. He frowned and looked at the clock on the nightstand. 11:48 pm.

He got out of bed wondering who would be so late and walked barefoot on the cold floor to the front door. He opened only a crack in the door, but before he had time to see who was on the other side, the person pushed the door with force to open it wide.

It was Bokuto.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kuroo asked through clenched teeth.

Bokuto slammed the door shut and shot him a withering look as he pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket and unlocked it with his fingerprint. He picked up the phone and held it only inches from Kuroo's face as his breathing grew heavier by the minute.

Kuroo looked at the image on the screen: a photo uploaded to a gossip twitter account from the porn world, a photo taken that afternoon from outside the coffee shop where Oikawa had taken him; they were both smiling at each other. And the caption of the tweet?

_"Kuroo Tetsuro and Oikawa Tooru spotted having a coffee together. Are they dating? What about Kuroo's boyfriend?"_

Under that same tweet, Kuroo saw that there were tens of hundreds of replies from fans, both his own and Oikawa's, speculating over and over again on the nature of their relationship and referencing the soft - almost loving - expressions that were painted on their faces. There was even a tweet from someone saying that Kuroo wasn't good enough for Oikawa and that Oikawa should be with someone like the person who tweeted that. Kuroo was thankful that there wasn't a picture of him momentarily holding Oikawa's hand, but still...

How the hell had they seen them?

"Do I have to ask you about this or are you going to explain it to me yourself?" Bokuto asked sharply.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kuroo said looking up from the cell phone.

"Oikawa."

"Yes, that's his name," Kuroo said with a thoughtful nod.

"Don't fucking LAUGH at me, Tetsuro," Bokuto snapped.

"Uhhh, someone's aggressive," Kuroo said clearly laughing at Bokuto.

"Tetsuro, I'm serious," Bokuto said, his nostrils moving with each deep breath he took.

"Yeah, me too," Kuroo replied crossing his arms with a challenging look.

"What the hell were you doing with him? A date? Really?" Bokuto spat in disgust.

"It's none of your fucking business," Kuroo said, controlling the anger in his voice.

"I remind you that I'm your BOYFRIEND, so do you mind explaining?" he demanded.

"Ah yeah, you are MY boyfriend," Kuroo said with his voice shaking with anger. "The same boyfriend who was fucking someone else last night. Tell me, how was it? Was it worth it?"

His voice hadn't risen from his normal tone of voice, and that was never a good sign. Anger swirled inside the two boys for opposite reasons. The battle between them had started a long time ago and was coming to an end because, even though they were still together and they kept fighting until that very moment, they both knew that they had reached a no-turning point.

"You asked for it," Bokuto said, firmly believing his own words.

"You too, _babe_ ," Kuroo replied with sacarstically as he used the pet name.

"Fuck you," Bokuto whispered spitefully.

"Get out of my house," Kuroo said opening the door and nodding to the street, his eyes dripping with hatred.

Bokuto turned around and left Kuroo's house without looking back; the black-haired man for his part closed the door and leaned against it, clenching his fists tightly.

All wars ended one day when one side declared itself the winner, but in this case... which of the two was right? Who was right and who was wrong?

***

Atsumu looked at the box with dilated pupils once more and returned his gaze to the phone, where he had just opened a text chat in which he had not yet typed anything. His hands were shaking and his stomach was twisting from the nerves of talking to him once more, even if it was just through messages.

Using a bravery he didn't really feel, he moved his fingers over the keyboard of his phone.

_**Sakusa** _

**_Atsumu_** : Hello, sir?

 ** _Sakusa_** : Hello, Atsumu

 ** _Atsumu_** : I've tried everything in the box

 ** _Atsumu_** : I'm ready for the next step

 ** _Atsumu_** : Sir

 ** _Sakusa_** : Good boy

 ** _Sakusa_** : Have you thought of the safe word?

 ** _Atsumu_** : Hum...

 ** _Atsumu_** : I don't know how to choose one, sir

 ** _Sakusa_** : It doesn't need a special meaning

 ** _Sakusa_** : And it doesn't have to be a simple word, it can be a short sentence if you want to

 ** _Atsumu_** : Okay

 ** _Atsumu_** : What about...

 ** _Atsumu_** : "Goody-two-shoes"?

 ** _Atsumu_** : Is that okay, sir?

 ** _Sakusa_** : Yes, that works just fine

 ** _Sakusa_** : Does it mean anything?

 ** _Atsumu_** : Oh, not really

 ** _Atsumu_** : It's an idiom I used a lot in my high school years

 ** _Sakusa_** : I see

 ** _Sakusa_** : Well, I received your list

 ** _Sakusa_** : Seems like you are fine with a lot of different plays, I didn't think your list would be as wide as it is

 ** _Atsumu_** : Sorry, sir

 ** _Atsumu_** : There were things I don't think I'd be comfortable with

 ** _Sakusa_** : Don't apologize

 ** _Sakusa_** : I told you, consent is key

 ** _Sakusa_** : I would never do anything you're not comfortable with

 ** _Sakusa_** : And I won't ever hurt you

 ** _Sakusa_** : BDSM is a safe place if both parts understand consent

 ** _Atsumu_** : Thank you, sir

 ** _Sakusa_** : Well then, I'll send Ushijima to pick you up in a few days

 ** _Sakusa_** : You completed the training earlier than I thought

 ** _Sakusa_** : It's good to know that you're this obedient

 ** _Atsumu_** : Thank you, sir

 ** _Atsumu_** : I'll be waiting for Ushijima-san

 ** _Sakusa_** : See you soon

 ** _Atsumu_** : See you soon, sir

Atsumu dropped the phone and made a high-pitched moan of excitement. He grabbed one of the sofa cushions and pressed it against his body to try to control the tremors in his arms, caused by the nerves of the approaching situation that hung over him like a tsunami on the coast in monsoon season. It was happening. It was really happening.

He yanked up the sleeve of his sweatshirt, closed his eyes, and pinched his skin hard to verify that it was not a dream. When he opened his eyes again, he was still in the same position, the phone still unlocked next to him with the conversation he had had with Sakusa present on the screen.

He still couldn't believe this was happening to him. He had been obsessed with Sakusa for so long that he didn't know how it all happened, but he was glad he hadn't given up and stopped tweeting him - although many of the twees were so absurd or daring that now he was ashamed to think that Sakusa had actually read those tweets.

But, in one or another way, it had worked, to Atsumu couldn't blame himself. Being daring made him achieve his goal. Now, he had to be a good boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha they got caught


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo opened his eyes again and fixed his gaze on the boy below him. He ran a finger down Oikawa's back, tracing his spine gently and softly to help him relax, and Oikawa turned his face to stare at the back of the sofa so the cameras wouldn't show his face. The brunet stifled a moan and the sound made Kuroo look at his face: it was slightly flushed and he was biting his lower lip with his eyes closed. His lashes were wet.
> 
> Was he crying?

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: YOU SAY BY TWO FEET _ **

"Okay, let's go," Asahi said to Kenma after everything was on its place.

Kenma nodded and gestured everyone to gather around. His voice was low, he didn't like shout and when people asked him to speak louder - as it had happened on high school every fucking day - his hands started to shake and the anxiety to grow inside him, that's why he prefered to speak low; he was more confident if he didn't catch too much attention.

"Last scene of the film. It'll be released soon, so sound technicians, producers and editors will have to work non-stop to get it out on time," said Kenma. "Don't even dare to screw it up now," he muttered, raising a warning finger at Kuroo and Oikawa. "We have not enough time to re-do any scene, the shooting has to end today. Get undressed and use the oil before we begin to record, get yourselves in the mood or however you want to call it. You must place yourself in the same position in which the previous scene ended."

"Great," Kuroo said with a smirk and glancing at Bokuto, who was watching him from where he always was, with a jealous expression and his arms crossed over his chest.

It was the last day of shooting and then it would all end. Kuroo felt the emptiness just thinking how a movie could have made him change so much in only one month, thinking how _someone_ could have made him re-think his choices so suddenly.

Oikawa walked to the set and Kuroo followed, feeling his boyfriend's gaze land on the back of his neck with a sharp sting. The couch had been cleaned from both boys' semen, and now it was soft and clean as a whistle again, ready to be dirty again.

Kuroo and Oikawa undressed slowly, casting furtive glances at each other, starting to forget about the world that surrounded them and dropping the garments to the floor with a soft "plof". For the first time in his life Oikawa was nervous. Not only his cheeks were flushed, no; the tip of his nose, his ears and his neck spreading over his shoulders were also in a light shade of pink, and when his eyes met Kuroo's, he lowered his head to avoid the gaze because he would feel even more nervous if he dared to look at him.

Kuroo's heart beat hard, so he also looked away, grabbing hold of the same oil from last time. Oikawa knelt on the couch and Kuroo took his own place behind him. The black-haired man poured a good amount of oil over his hands, definitely more than last time, he noticed, when the slick drops began to spill from his overfilled hand. The sweet, rapturous scent entered his nostrils and also Oikawa's. Kuroo extended the oil on his hands and let it warm before pressing his hands on Oikawa's waist.

"Are you ready?" Kuroo asked on his ear.

"I've never been more ready in my life," Oikawa whispered caressing lightly Kuroo's hip skin with his fingertips.

Oikawa had his back turned to Kuroo, so the black-haired man slided his hands and grabbed him by the hips to pull him towards himself, Oikawa's back brushing against Kuroo's chest. He passed a hand all over his own manhood to wet it before letting his erection slip between the small gap that separated the brunet's legs. At first Oikawa winced slightly at the feel of Kuroo's hard cock brushing against his sensitive skin, but then he relaxed in the black-haired man's arms and moved his head to place it on Kuroo's shoulder to give him free access to his neck. Kuroo kissed his nape gently, his soft and warm lips sending heated feverish chills through Oikawa's body. The black-haired man ran his hands all over Oikawa, letting his skin soak in the slippery, aromatic liquid as his lips traveled again and again from his shoulder to his neck up and down, leaving tender kisses, just a brush against the porcelain skin.

"Ah~," Oikawa sighed delighted closing his eyes. They hadn't started recording, so it was just a whisper, enough for only Kuroo to hear. That little moan was directed at him and only him.

Kuroo ran his hands dangerously close to Oikawa's already hard dick, but instead of touching him there, his hands continued to roam his curves, his abs, his pecs, down his nipples to his shoulders to go back down his arms. His back stayed glued to the warmth of Kuroo's chest, skin to skin with such intimate touch that Oikawa felt the cold take hold of him when Kuroo separated slightly to pour more oil on his hands and caress the brunet's back to the edge of his buttocks.

"I like this part," Kuroo whispered leaning over his ear and biting his earlobe as his fingers lightly brushed the skin of his butt.

"Then show it to me," Oikawa answered the provocation in a breathless voice more in need than he intended.

Kuroo smiled against his neck and brought his right hand to Oikawa's entrance to spread the oil over it. He reached for the brunet's neck again to fill it with kisses as he inserted only the tip of a finger with the intention of dilating him, but his finger was sucked in lustfully as soon as it entered.

"Good God~," Oikawa moaned softly.

"Damn, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo gasped against the back of his neck, resting his forehead on the brown hair. "I can't wait any longer. Ready?" he asked.

"Huh-uh," Oikawa answered, opening his eyes and lifting his head from Kuroo's shoulder.

Oikawa placed himself on the couch with his cheek pressed against the couch and his ass raised, leaving his body the same way the previous scene had ended. His body glowed with the oil under the spotlight and his pink cheeks took Kuroo's breath away as his mouth watered before the view.

Kuroo looked at Kenma and nodded.

"Very good! Let's start!" Asahi said to the camera men.

The devices and the microphones where placed to have access to the scene from a lot of angles and when the technicians were done, Kenma took a breath ready to record the last part.

"Lights... Camera... Action!" Kenma yelled.

Kuroo fixed his gaze on Oikawa's pretty face pressed against the couch cushion and couldn't help himself: he stroked his ass before spanking him while biting his lip with a smirk.

"Ah~!" Oikawa groaned in surprise, feeling a rush of adrenaline exciting him from where Kuroo's hand had slapped him and spreading all over his body.

Kuroo grabbed his cock and brushed the tip with Oikawa's entrance but without pushing. He ran his hand still slippery with oil over his member and lubricated it to make the entrance easier. Even though Oikawa had sucked his finger a few moments ago, he wasn't sure his cock, with a much larger size than his finger, would enter so easily if he didn't use a minimum of lubrication, even if it was just a little bit. He didn't want to hurt him so he would take care of Oikawa before pushing himself into him. He sliped one finger inside that was swallowed immediately as the brunet moaned softly. He moved his hand back and forth a couple of times before adding a second finger; it entered so easily that Kuroo gasped in need.

"Fuck...," he whispered bitting his lip.

Kuroo grabbed his cock and aligned it against Oikawa's entrance. He put his hands on Oikawa's hip and saw Oikawa taking a deep breath as he started to push. The entrance was easy - Oikawa was used to it - because he knew perfectly well how to relax the ring of muscles so that he could enter without too much difficulty.

"Ah~!" Oikawa groaned as Kuroo's dick slid inside him.

Kuroo let his full length enter inside Oikawa and closed his eyes with a small smile on his lips. The brunet's inside felt extremely good surrounding his cock and tighting around him lewdly. He began to move his hips very slowly and gently, caressing the entire interior of Oikawa with eclipsing movements. The softness of the thrusts surprised Oikawa, used to rather savage co-workers who pounded on him so roughly that it was not only not pleasant, but also painful. But Oikawa was trained to be a fuckdoll in front of a camera, so he still moaned as if the pleasure was insurmountable. But this time was different; Kuroo's movements were silky and they glided carefully inside him, spreading his hole and making him feel good from the very beginnig. It was not unpleasant and much less painful. It was amazing. It was almost as if Kuroo did it with... Affection?

Kuroo opened his eyes again and fixed his gaze on the boy below him. He ran a finger down Oikawa's back, tracing his spine gently and softly to help him relax, and Oikawa turned his face to stare at the back of the sofa so the cameras wouldn't show his face. The brunet stifled a moan and the sound made Kuroo look at his face: it was slightly flushed and he was biting his lower lip with his eyes closed. His lashes were wet.

Was he crying?

Kuroo frowned so slightly that it was hardly noticeable for the camera if it was not shooting his face from near. He leaned over him while still moving his hips slowly, and covered Oikawa's neck with kisses until he came close to his ear to whisper in to him.

"You're good?" He asked between kisses and small bites. "Did I hurt you?"

Oikawa's heart raced and he opened his eyes to look at him as best he could from his difficult posture. "I'm f-fine," he said with a silent whimper.

"Are you crying?" Kuroo whispered worried, caressing Oikawa's hips gently and slowing his trusth even more. His dick slided in and out easily, so Kuroo did not know when or how he hurt Oikawa. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Oikawa whimpered softly, his eyes bright and eclipsed with pleasure. "Keep moving, don't stop~..."

Kuroo gulped and felt his stomach twitch. "Shit~," he gasped. "I don't want it to be like this," he muttered.

Kuroo came out from inside the brunet who turned slightly to look at him with wide eyes. Why did he stop? They were going to get in trouble..!

Kenma's expression showed fury when he saw what Kuroo had done and raised the megaphone to shout "Cut!", but before he could, Kuroo grabbed Oikawa by the sides and lifted him up. The black-haired man sat on the sofa carrying the brunet and then he spread Oikawa's legs so that he straddled him. Kuroo put his hands on the brunet's hips and slid his cock inside Oikawa again. The brunet moaned with pleasure and surprise, wrapping his arms around Kuroo's neck before starting to move over him again.

Kenma raised an eyebrow and shot them a surprised look of circumstance, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. That was not the position they agreed to keep during the scene; what's more, Kuroo had never recorded a video looking at his partner face, so Kenma let out a low confused laugh as he lowered the megaphone for them to continue. It didn't matter the position anymore, what mattered was that Kuroo kept surprising him lately. Was it because of Oikawa?

"W-what are you doing?" Oikawa asked in a whisper as he moved his hips up and down. They could not stop or Kenma would get mad. "I-it must have been in the other p-posture... Ah~! It looked b-better on camera~... Fuck~!"

"I don't care," Kuroo said looking at Oikawa with dilated pupils. "I want to see your face... Ah~..."

Oikawa opened his eyes widely and looked directly at him. The brunet blushed and buried his fingers in Kuroo's black hair, who in turn brought one of his hands to Oikawa's face and stroked his cheek with his thumb. There they were, having sex in front of a camera to record a film together but feeling like if they were alone, moans filling the air as Oikawa continued to ride him with more frenzy than before. The Kuroo's hand that still rested on Oikawa's hip squeezed his skin lightly to hold him tightly.

"You're c-crazy...," Oikawa said in a low voice. "F-fuck, Kuro-chan~!"

"Yeah~! Ah~! I may be, Oikawa-kun~...!" Kuroo whispered between moans. "B-but that's because y-you're driving me crazy... Ugh~!"

Oikawa brought Kuroo's face closer to his and let their shaky breaths intertwine as little moans continued to escape their lips. The brunet brought their foreheads together and let their lips almost touch. Kuroo passed his thumb over Oikawa's lower lip, red and shiny with saliva from the time when Oikawa didn't stop biting it. Kuroo didn't take his eyes off his lips as he fucked him, both of them a moaning mess, shivers down their spines but their skins hot and sweating. But he knew that Oikawa reserved his lips for someone important, so even if he wanted to kiss him, he would hold back. He respected and admired the brunet's decision, and what Oikawa wanted was what mattered to him at that very moment.

"Yes~! Yes~! Ahhh~!" Oikawa moaned closing his eyes and clutching Kuroo's body tightly. "There~! It's there~!"

"Fuck~!" Kuroo moaned in a low breathless voice bringing the hand that was on Oikawa's face to the brunet's hips and twitching his fingers on the skin. "Oikawa-kun, I'm going to~...!"

"M-me too~! Kuro-chan~!" Oikawa whimpered in a low whisper as well.

Oikawa lowered himself onto Kuroo's cock once more and felt his insides fill with the black-haired's cum as he himself came between their abdomens with a scream of pleasure that echoed throughout the recording studio. Kuroo's skin crawled when he heard that sincere moan and felt Oikawa's body lose strength in his arms with a shudder. Kuroo closed his eyes and hugged Oikawa around the waist pressing their bodies together. He slided one of his hands to Oikawa's hair and digged his fingers in the brown locks before pushing lightly Oikawa's head to let it rest on his shoulder, both of them still breathing hard.

"CUT!" Kenma yelled. "Perfect!"

Oikawa linked his hands behind Kuroo's back and hid his face on Kuroo's neck to prevent everyone to see his watery eyes and his blush. Kuroo laughed softly on his ear and Oikawa felt his heart racing for no apparent reason.

"The recording is over, and without problems!" Kenma kept saying with a wide smile looking at both boys. But none of the two were listening to him. None of them were listening to anything that was not each other breathing. "Now it's the rest of us to work, you've done great," he said with a nod.

There was a general exclamation of joy from the studio and the spotlights pointed at Kuroo and Oikawa finally went out. The cameras had stopped recording and people had started collecting, except for Kenma, Asahi and a few others who had already left to make the final cut of the film in a hurry. The film would be released in just 2 days, so they had to work at a frantic pace to meet the deadline.

Kuroo lightly caressed Oikawa's back and smiled without realizing it.

"All good?" He asked.

"All great," Oikawa replied with a muffled voice on Kuroo's neck. The black-haired man lifted Oikawa to get out of him and to let his semen out of the brunet. "I thought you'd want to look at your boyfriend like you told me in the coffee shop," said the brunet with shaky breath.

"Yeah... That would have been what I usually do, but this time...,"

Kuroo turned his head to look at Oikawa, whose head was resting on the black-haired man's shoulder, straight in the eye. Oikawa's heart raced and his breath was caught after seeing those intense and deep eyes devouring him sweetly, a genuine smile on his lips as he caressed Oikawa's cheek once more.

"This time I had something much better to look at, Oikawa-kun," he whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY, this is the last part of the film, so don't worry, I won't post smut in a while 😅


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto walked away from the black-haired man with heavy steps that denoted his anger. Something between them had been broken and they had passed a point of no turning back. Bokuto was right. This time Kuroo couldn't deny his words, because deep inside him, he knew it was the truth.
> 
> Kuroo lowered his head unable to look at him.
> 
> "With your silence you've confirmed my suspicions," Bokuto muttered in a trembling voice. "Silent is consent, y'know?"

Bokuto stormed into Kuroo's dressing room like a hurricane, furious and gnashing his teeth. Kuroo jolted at the noise and ran out of the bathroom with only the towel around his waist, water dripping off to the floor from his body. But when he saw it was Bokuto, his at first frightened expression suddenly changed to a bored one.

"Tetsuro, what the hell is going on with him?!" Bokuto yelled as soon as he opened the door.

He slammed the door shut again but Kuroo looked at him without flinching, his expression neutral as he turned his back to Bokuto letting out a snort.

"With whom?" he asked without the slightest emotion showing in his voice, as if he didn't know what he was referring to.

"With Oikawa," Bokuto said as if he was spitting poison with every word. "Are you cheating on me with him?"

The look of aggressive rage shone in Bokuto's golden eyes, his nostrils moving with every deep breath he took trying to control himself so as not to punch his boyfriend, but Kuroo did not see that look - although if he had seen it, it would have made no difference. Kuroo wasn't going to give Bokuto the pleasure of showing any emotion in front of him so soon. But he was starting to get mad just with his presence, so a strange grin appeared on his face.

"What are you saying?" Kuroo said. "I'm not cheating on you."

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Bokuto yelled. "First the caresses, then a date; A date, Tetsuro! You and Oikawa were trending topic after those photos were published, and now this. Today's recording! What was that!? TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

Kuroo did not even bother answering the insinuation - or the affirmation - that Bokuto had just done and that made the golden-eyed boy's anger to rise even more inside him, consuming his reason and clouding his mind with hostility to the person that was once the man he loved.

"ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION, TETSURO! BE A FUCKING MAN!" Bokuto squeealed.

"I'M NOT DATING HIM, I'M SICK OF YOUR FUCKING STUPID JEALOUSY," Kuroo shouted losing his temper and raising his voice, which echoed between the four walls of the dressing room.

"I SAW YOU DOING IT WITH HIM A WHILE AGO, TETSURO," Bokuto kept yelling. "THERE'S CHEMISTRY, A CHEMISTRY YOU HAVEN'T HAD WITH ANY OTHER GUY YOU'VE WORKED WITH BEFORE. A CHEMISTRY YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE WITH ME, TETSURO, AND I'M YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND!"

Kuroo moved a little closer to Bokuto and shot him a piercing look through narrowed eyes. "He's a friend," he hissed in a dangerous, low, deep voice. "I had to fuck him, Koutaro. Stop getting in the way of my work. I told you, if you don't like if, fuck off."

Bokuto gave a sarcastic laugh, throwing his head back and arching his back slightly. It was a bitter laugh, full of jealousy, anger, disgust, and even a hint of hatred. Who was Kuroo trying to lie to? To him? Was he so stupid that he thought he could fool Bokuto as if nothing?

"No. No, Tetsuro," he said moving even closer to Kuroo with his arms crossed, their faces only a few inches apart. "Your job is to fuck. There is a very big difference between fucking and making love, y'know? And you weren't fucking him, Tetsuro. You were making love to him," Bokuto whispered hoarsely, his voice shaking.

Kuroo froze as if he had just been slapped. His eyes widened and his mouth went dry. His breathing quickened a bit and he tried to read the expression on Bokuto's face but when he tried to immerse himself in his golden eyes, he found an impassable wall that prevented him from knowing what the other boy was thinking. Kuroo took a step back with a slight shake of his head, but the words didn't come out of his throat; he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but it only made the situation worse.

"You don't mean to say anything?" Bokuto kept whispering with worrying calm.

Kuroo looked at him in disbelief. This time he had crossed a boundary that, until now, had remained intact. When Bokuto had sex with someone else or when Kuroo recorded a video, it was desire and lust with no ulterior motives but to make the other feel jealous for touching another body. There was no affection, only sexual desire. But Oikawa had reached a place inside Kuroo where there were hidden feelings that Kuroo had believed he had lost five years ago when he had started dating Bokuto.

Bokuto walked away from the black-haired man with heavy steps that denoted his anger. Something between them had been broken and they had passed a point of no turning back. Bokuto was right. This time Kuroo couldn't deny his words, because deep inside him, he knew it was the truth.

Kuroo lowered his head unable to look at him.

"With your silence you've confirmed my suspicions," Bokuto muttered in a trembling voice. "Silent is consent, y'know?"

Bokuto turned around and walked quickly towards the door, his slippers hitting the carpeted floor firmly. Kuroo stood there, his gaze fixed on Bokuto's feet, which were walking away from him.

"Koutaro, wait!" Kuroo exclaimed. "Let me explain-"

"NO! NO, TETSURO! YOU'VE HAD TIME TO EXPLAIN, IT'S TOO LATE NOW," he said turning around with tears in his eyes and losing his temper once again. "I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN. I'M NO LONGER INTERESTED IN YOUR EXCUSES. I'M TIRED OF YOU FUCKING EVERYONE WHO STANDS IN FRONT OF YOU."

Kuroo felt anger simmer inside him when Bokuto spoke those last words. He finally reacted, letting out everything he had kept quiet about during their years of relationship.

"I HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH A SINGLE MAN OUTSIDE OF MY WORK," Kuroo squealed. "BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU GOTTEN FUCKING MAD AT ME - WITH NO REASONS BY THE WAY - TO GO TO ANOTHER DUDE OR GIRL'S BED TO GET YOUR DICK SUCKED? I'VE LOST ACCOUNT OF HOW MANY TIMES I'VE CRIED AT NIGHT BECAUSE YOU'VE PREFERRED TO THINK WITH YOUR COCK RATHER THAN ASKING ME IF WHAT YOU SUSPECTED WAS TRUE OR NOT. YOU'RE NOT INNOCENT, KOUTARO, YOU'VE DONE THE SAME DAMAGE TO ME A THOUSAND TIMES, YOU'RE FEELING THE SAME PAIN I'VE BEEN SUFFERING FROM FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. YOU'VE DONE IT EVERY TIME YOU WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE AT NIGHT WHEN I STAYED AT HOME PRAYING UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP, PRAYING THAT EVERYTHING WAS JUST A DREAM, THAT I'D WAKE UP NEXT TO YOU AGAIN IN THE MORNING. BUT IT WAS BULLSHIT. BECAUSE I NEVER WOKE UP NEXT TO YOU."

A vein in Kuroo's neck throbbed as he screamed, his eyes filled with tears. He was really angry and broken inside.

Yes, he had done it wrong. But Bokuto had done the same for 5 years.

Bokuto took a deep breath and shot Kuroo a long look before starting screaming again. "GREAT. VERY GOOD. FROM NOW ON OUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE WRITTENLY PROFESSIONAL. WE'RE DONE. GOOD LUCK WITH OIKAWA," he yelled.

And leaving those words echoing in Kuroo's head, Bokuto opened the dressing room door and left without looking back.

***

Kuroo put on his underwear and jeans and tried to put on the shirt as well, but his hands were shaking and tears were falling incessantly from his eyes, so much that they blurred his vision and it was difficult for him to know where he had to pass his head to put on the shirt properly. His phone, which was still tucked in his pants pocket, buzzed and Kuroo pulled it out with mixed feelings; he didn't know if he wanted it to be Bokuto sending him an apology message or if he preferred that this had been a final goodbye.

There was a notification for three messages, but they weren't from Bokuto. Kuroo sobbed with a broken heart, but still opened the chat. It was his manager.

**_ Tsukki _ **

**_Tsukishima_** : Kuroo-san

 ** _Tsukishima_** : After the movie premiere Kenma-san invited the whole team to the premier party

 ** _Kuroo_** : So what?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : You have to be there

 ** _Kuroo_** : Why?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Because you're one of the stars, maybe?

 ** _Kuroo_** : ...

 ** _Kuroo_** : Okay

 ** _Kuroo_** : Thank you for letting me know

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Wait-

 ** _Tsukishima_** : What?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : That easy? You accepted that easy?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : And you thanked me?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Wtf Kuroo-san?

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Are you high?

 ** _Kuroo_** : No

 ** _Kuroo_** : But I wish I was

 ** _Tsukishima_** : ????????

 ** _Kuroo_** : Nothing

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll be leaving now

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Yeah, you should rest

 ** _Tsukishima_** : I'm meeting Akaashi-san and Kenma-san in a minute so I can't accompany you

 ** _Tsukishima_** : But you did good Kuroo-san

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Thank you for not doing what you wanted this time

 ** _Kuroo_** : Thanks

 ** _Kuroo_** : I'll get going, see ya Tsukki

 ** _Tsukishima_** : Rest today, Kuroo-san

Kuroo threw the phone against the wall and covered his face with his hands, emitting loud sobs that made his head dull, so much so that he didn't even hear how the door to his dressing room slowly opened and someone entering silently. Kuroo felt a hand come to rest on his shoulder and he turned around suddenly, revealing his face to the person. His swollen and reddened eyes saw through the tears a brown fluffy hair and brown eyes that looked at him with anguish and discouragement.

Kuroo tried to stifle his own sobs but he was unable when he felt Oikawa's arms surrounding him in a tender embrace that was trying to offer support and comfort to someone whose heart had just been crushed.

"Are you oikay?" Oikawa whispered stroking his back from top to bottom. Kuroo gripped Oikawa's white T-shirt tightly and allowed himself to emit a new stream of sobs, louder than before, in an attempt to stop feeling the emptiness and guilt inside him. "Shhhh it's okay, cry all you need," Oikawa muttered. The brunet felt a knot grow in his throat that choked him more and more with each tear that fell from Kuroo's amber eyes. "I'm sorry, Kuro-chan," he said in a broken voice, "it's my fault."

Kuroo shook his head and took several gulps of air before being able to calm himself enough to be able to spin two words in a row without breaking down in tears again, undone in Oikawa's arms that held him so as not to fall into an abyss of bitterness.

"No," Kuroo said with his head buried in his neck and in a choked voice, "it's not your fault. It's my fault. I knew this would happen at some point. I knew it wouldn't end well," he said as the sobs slipped again down his throat and out in droves. "I just... I just didn't think it would be like this..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't worry, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo whispered. "Why are you here?"

"I've heard you crying," Oikawa said in a affected voice, stroking Kuroo's hair tenderly. Kuroo tightened his arms around him and let the tears continue to fall but trying to make his sobs quieter. "I was worried about you."

"Thank you," Kuroo said weakly.

"Shush, don't thank me," said Oikawa closing his eyes with a small smile, "that's what friends are for."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me cry when I wrote it the first time but well, here we are, editing it again so I can cry today too lol


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was a good experience," Oikawa said casting a sideways glance at Kuroo, who smirked at the comment.
> 
> "Of course," Kuroo admitted chuckling.
> 
> "I think the rumors are true," Sakusa stated as serious as ever. "So you two are dating, huh?"
> 
> "No," Kuroo and Oikawa replied in unison.

_** RECOMMENDED SONG: CAUGHT IN THE SLIPSTREAM BY ARMIN VAN BUUREN ** _

The place was packed with smartly dressed people who crossed the party room with a drink in hand. All the guests had already arrived a while ago, and Kenma and Asahi had spent the soiree welcoming them and listening to their congratulations for finishing the movie. Neither Kenma nor Asahi told anyone that they had spent two whole days sleep depraved to be able to edit and send the movie to company so it could be published on time. They just put smiles on their faces when the guests told them that it surely had taken a lot of time to do such a perfect movie teaser and that they were sure the film was going to be even better. 

After almost two hours since the party had started, Kenma decided it was time to show the little teaser on the huge cinema rolled white screen that was hanging from the ceiling. The marketing team was keen on showing it to everyone so if the guests liked it, they could advertise it on their social media and the audience for the film would grow even more than had been estimated. The lights went out and the big screen in the room began to show the names of the people involved in the film in red letters. There was an excited "oooh" and the room fell into deathly silence, all attentive to the teaser that was being shown.

Fragments of silky skin, a look of passion coming from amber eyes, pink lips parted that emitted a moan, a caress on a firm and defined thigh, two torsos united and glistening with sweat and oil... It was everything the teaser showed. It left everything to the imagination of each one but urged to see more; it provoked an irrepressible desire to know what was happening and how the situation would advance. It was a good way to attract more viewers, and Kenma knew it. He smiled slightly when he saw the bright eyes of the guests, silently asking for more scenes to be shown; but if they wanted more, they should see the movie.

The screen went black and showed a sign in red capital letters: _Sexxx dreams_ , the title of the film.

An applause and a small ovation broke the silence as the lights came back on. Kenma and Asahi smiled with a slight bow of thanks. The movie was going to be a success.

***

The lyrics of a song, _Caught in the slipstream_ , filled the mystical atmosphere while red, blue and purple flash lights moved from side to side on the enormous party room.

_"Turned 5 am, no sleep again, so tired, mind wide open..._

_I'm on the same journey east, life on repeat, frustrated and broken..._

_And we all just need a little something to hold on to..._ _"_

Oikawa approached Kuroo, who was leaning against a shadowy wall away from the crowd of people and the bright lights, with a tender smile on his lips and his hand extended to caress Kuroo's cheek as soon as he could reach it.

"You look better today," Oikawa whispered in Kuroo's ear above the din and the music. "Your eyes are less red and puffy."

_"..._ _Another day at the puppet show, now I'm heading back to you..._

_When I'm caught in the strings, in the strings..._

_And I fall under the weight of everything..."_

"It's been two days. I feel better, but I doubt that I can give the speech under the spotlight," Kuroo said. "I told Kenma I couldn't do it. I'm good at pretending I'm fine but I can't fake a smile if there's a spotlight directly on my face. I appreciate the low light in this area," he said with a half smile.

"So that's why you're here," Oikawa said dropping his hand from Kuroo's face to Kuroo's shoulder. "I thought you were hidding from me."

"I could never," Kuroo laughed.

"You laughed," Oikawa said with a bright, pure and adorable smile.

_"... And then I'm caught, and then I'm caught in the slipstream of your smile..._

_And it makes it all, it makes it all worthwhile..."_

Kuroo's eyes twinkled as he gasped for air with his heart beating loudly in the center of his chest. A warm sensation spread through his entire body and made him feel weak and strong at the same time, numbing his fingertips as if a vial of anesthesia had entered on his bloodstream. His stomach twisted with a tickle as his brain filled and drenched over and over again with Oikawa's sweet and loving eyes that looked at him accompanied by his precious smile, that smile that made everything feel light and cozy even if you were standing in the darkest abyss. It was as if a ray of sunlight was sneaking through a blanket of thick stormy clouds that had surrounded Kuroo's soul for too many years, bringing new hope into his life and making its way through the cracks in his heart... As if, after so much time, everything was worth it again...

"Yeah... It's thanks to you," he said after the shock he achieved to hide.

Oikawa's cheeks aquired a pinkish color and Kuroo couldn't help but smile.

"Don't thank me," Oikawa said with almost no voice that made it hard to Kuroo to hear him.

"But still... I'm sorry, Oikawa-kun, I'll leave that work for you," his voice turned to show the tiredness of two sleepless nights in a row.

Oikawa nodded caressing his face again and smiled. Kuroo stuck out his tongue like if he had freed himself from the worst hassle and Oikawa in turn rolled his eyes as if speaking in front of the camera was a nuisance. They looked at each other in the eye and stayed liked that for God knows how much time.

They were so focused on the other that they did not noticed the two men who approached them. Sakusa, dressed in a black suit and shirt and a burgundy red tie, and Terushima, in a striped shirt and gray suit pants, who had sought out the stars of the film to personally congratulate them.

"Do we interrupt something?" Terushima asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

Oikawa took his hand from Kuroo's cheek and shook his head but Kuroo clicked his tongue and opened his mouth to say something. Oikawa, hiding a smile, brushed the black-haired man's hand lightly to stop him from talking and getting into trouble. Kuroo smiled inwardly and shook his head too.

"No, Teru, you don't interrupt anything," Kuroo said a bit annoyed but amused at Oikawa's way to control him.

"We have come to congratulate you, the movie is going to be a success," Sakusa said seriously.

He looked directly at Oikawa without showing any emotion in his deep black eyes. Oikawa felt a chill but managed to smile charmingly.

"Yeah, congrats dudes! It looks lit," Terushima said sticking out his pierced tongue.

"Thank you," Oikawa said in a lively, cheerful voice. "It was a good experience," he said casting a sideways glance at Kuroo, who smirked at the comment.

"Of course," Kuroo admitted chuckling.

"I think the rumors are true," Sakusa stated as serious as ever. "So you two are dating, huh?" he asked in an almost harsh tone of voice.

"No," Kuroo and Oikawa replied in unison. They both looked at each other with a smile playing on their lips, like if they were hidding a secret.

"It seems to me that we did interrupt something," Terushima said looking at both of them with a tremulous smile. "Keep up with your thing, we'll go," he said nudging Sakusa.

Sakusa shot one last indecipherable look at Oikawa and they both walked away from the corner where they were standing in. Oikawa shook his head but turned to look Kuroo in the eye again, those eyes that were slowly driving him crazy each time they crept into his dreams more and more frequently. Kuroo gave him a teasing smirk and Oikawa smiled back biting his lip, thanking silently the dim light that partially hid his flushed cheeks.

Kenma called out to Oikawa from the distance and they both turned to look at him. As he positioned the camera and microphone to broadcast it, Kenma gestured for him to come over to talk about the film as they had agreed the day before by messages. Asahi, Kenma, one of the film editors that Oikawa did not know and he himself would give a speech and answer some questions that would be streamed on Kenma's YouTube channel so that the fans could hear some things about the film before it was published on adult cinemas. Kuroo should have been there too, but as he told Kenma the day before, he was not in the mood to do it since the camera would show his red eyes, which probably would make the fans ask what was going on. The film needed a good promotion, and having one of the stars in front of a camera after have been clearly crying wasn't a good idea to promote the movie.

Oikawa made an affirmative gesture and turned to Kuroo to say goodbye; but before he could go, Kuroo brushed a lock of hair from his forehead and smiled reassuringly.

"I'm sorry I can't be there with you," Kuroo said. "But I know you'll do well by yourself."

"Of course I will, who do you take me for?"

Oikawa smiled confidently and brought his face closer to Kuroo's. Their lips were very close and the black-haired man could smell Oikawa's perfume entering his nose. Kuroo bit his lip without taking his eyes off Oikawa's eyes. The brunet gave a melodious laugh and placed a kiss on the black-haired's cheek before turning away from him with a small wink.

Kuroo ogle him as he walked away. Oikawa had the ability to take Kuroo's breath away with every little gesture, and Kuroo couldn't help but smile everytime he did so. Oikawa had managed to cheer him up with just that, and he felt a tickle running through his body again. He shook his head and walked away to get a new drink. He was beginning to feel the alcohol rising to his head, but he didn't care. He was there to have a good time, and thanks to Oikawa, he was having it.

Across the room, doing his job of keeping an eye on Kuroo so nothing would happen to him, Bokuto saw the gazes that both young men shot each other as a tear slid down his cheek; he wiped away the tears as he cursed himself for being such an idiot, longing for those glances from Kuroo to be aimed to him again.

***

"I can't believe you're able to deal with it," Hana said holding her head like if it hurt just thinking about it.

"Don't believe it, I don't deal with it," Tsukishima replied. "Kuroo-san's a troublemaker, everyone knows it. And that's not the problem. The problem is that Bokuto-san is the same."

"I wish you well," Hana said as if she were offering him condolences.

Akaashi and Ushijima chuckled at the girl's comment. She was Terushima's manager, and although the boy had a mild-bad reputation for being a playboy, he was quite polite when it came to addressing his manager or the paparazzi. He was the complete opposite of Kuroo.

"I've always wanted to ask you and I forgot to do it the other day... I had a hard time getting used to the -partially true- diva image of Oikawa-san, did you get used to Kuroo's?" Akaashi asked.

"What? Are you drunk?" Tsukishima said with wide eyes. "You can never get used to it, he always does what you least expect. The last day of the shooting he thanked me. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm sure he did something and tries to hide it and that's why he was so kind, I don't even want to think about what he could have done," he said with a shudder.

"Hey Hana, precious manager of mine," Teru interrupted in a cajoling voice approaching the group of managers, "I'm going out to smoke a cigarette, don't miss me," he said.

Then he began to walk towards the exit door quickly, avoiding Hana's hand that was trying to grab him by the fabric of his shirt. The boy freed himself from the hold and stuck out his pierced tongue with a smile as he walked away from her and lost himself among the people.

"You don't have bodyguards!" the girl screamed above the noise. "Be careful!" she turned back to look at the rest and rolled her eyes. "Teru's also a pain in the ass from time to time, we haven't gotten a bodyguard because no one can keep up with him," she said with a small sigh.

"All actors have secrets or... reprehensible attitudes," Ushijima commented enigmatically. "I guess it's normal."

"Yes...," Hana whispered with a pout. "But I wish it wasn't. I'll go take a look at Terushima, I don't want to have to take him to the hospital," the girl said, excusing herself before walking towards the exit.

Silence fell between the three men who had remained in their place as they watched as the questions kept coming for Oikawa to answer. Everyone seemed delighted to see him there. Everyone... except one person.

***

Iwaizumi was standing near where Oikawa, with a microphone in hand and sitting on a stool next to Kenma, Asahi and some other important technician of the film, gave his speech in front of the camera to all those questions that the reporters asked. Oikawa answered all questions frankly, casting deep, tantalizing glances a little further. Iwaizumi followed the brunet's gaze to meet Kuroo in the corner, smiling at the subtle provocations that Oikawa launched with each comment he made.

Iwaizumi shook his head and rolled his eyes in distaste. He fixed his eyes on Oikawa again and did not take them off him again until someone came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Are you okay? Why are you sulking?" a deep monotonous voice asked.

Iwaizumi turned to meet a big, burly man who was looking at him seriously. Iwaizumi felt slightly self-conscious by him, but at the same time he felt attracted by his harsh but peaceful countenance. If he remembered correctly, his name was Ushijima.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Iwaizumi replied, staring back at Oikawa with the same pouty expression.

"You don't seem very happy to be here," Ushijima replied with the slightest hint of amusement in his voice.

"No, really," Iwaizumi admitted. "I wouldn't have a problem if it weren't for him," he said nodding at Oikawa.

"Oikawa? He's quite famous but I've never heard of him being especially troublesome," Ushijima replied with a shrug.

"You should try working for him. He's an asshole," he murmured. " _Who do you think you are? I'm Oikawa Tooru, you should kiss the ground I step on,_ " he said trying to imitate Oikawa's voice.

Ushijima chuckled and looked at Iwaizumi. His strong arms, crossed over his chest, tightening the sleeves of the black jacket he was wearing made clear that he had nice muscles under his clothes. He had a earpiece in his ear and, despite his grimace, he did not take his eyes off the person he was supposed to protect.

A waitress walked past them with a tray full of martini glasses. Ushijima grabbed two and handed Iwaizumi a cocktail glass containing a clear liquid with a cherry poked on a toothpick.

"Want a drink?" Ushijima asked.

Iwaizumi looked at the man more closely. Sharp green eyes, slightly tousled hair, a serious but inviting expression. He was quite attractive, that was undeniable. Iwaizumi gulped and grabbed the glass.

"Why not?" he said.

Ushijima brought his glass closer to Iwaizumi's and they both toasted silently; they then took a sip of the liquid, that entered their bodies burning their stomachs and lungs with a tingle. Iwaizumi glanced discretely at Ushijima and hid a smile.

Maybe the night wasn't so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this song for Oikuroo and I didn't know how to do it haha :|


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yamaguchi," Shirabu said in a shrill voice.
> 
> "Yes?" Yamaguchi replied with a small voice.
> 
> "Tell me that you've learnt to imitate him," Shirabu muttered pleadingly.
> 
> Yamaguchi did not reply. Slowly, still holding Shirabu's legs that rested on his shoulders, he turned to look at the person whose voice had spoken a second before. The man in front of them was none other than Terushima Yuuji. The porn actor. And the person they were looking for.

Shirabu grunted in frustration before jumping up again to try and see something through the window.

"I don't see shit," he said in a whisper turning to his friend.

Yamaguchi followed suit and jumped, but his attempts were unsuccessful just as his friend's. Shirabu whirled around with his arms crossed, wondering to find some way to see what was going on inside that place. They had gotten there but the obstacle of the window was very difficult for them to overcome.

When one of the most famous porn gossip twitter accounts announced that Kenma, the director of Oikawa's and Kuroo's film, was going to be part of a premiere party for the film where other famous porn actors would also attend, Shirabu's alerts were fired. After doing a minimum investigation through the different twitter profiles, he found that his favorite actor - and also that of Yamaguchi, his partner in crime that night - was going to attend that party. And, as it was obvious, Shirabu wasn't going to miss the chance to see someone like _him_ up close.

He had spent the day before searching for the party venue, accessing dubious forums, blogs and websites where he could find out that the party was taking place in a huge venue on the outskirts of the city. It was indicated that the security of the place would be strong and impossible to trespass, but there were Shirabu and Yamaguchi after having jumped the wall that surrounded the place.

Swallowing his pride, Shirabu turned again to look at Yamaguchi, who was still bouncing around with his hands resting on the gap in the closed window.

"Lift me up."

Yamaguchi suddenly turned around to look at him scrunching his nose. "What!?" he yelled in a shrill whisper, releasing himself from the window. "Are you crazy!? What if we get caught?"

"Don't be an idiot, we're already here. They can catch us even if you don't lift me up, we entered in a private place surrounded by security guards," Shirabu said, clicking his tongue in annoyance. "Since we have reached the door of the place the director of a porn movie rented for a party, at least let us see something. So, lift me up."

Yamaguchi snorted reluctantly but looked at Shirabu in defeat. Shirabu was right. They had already arrived there, they had entered the land belonging to someone else without being allowed. That was considered burglary, and it couldn't get much worse, so... why not?

Yamaguchi squatted on the ground and looked at the boy from below. "Hold on tight, I don't have much strength," he said extending his hands.

Shirabu nodded and slipped his legs over Yamaguchi's shoulders; both boys held hands to have greater support. Using his leg muscles, Yamaguchi stood up with Shirabu over his shoulders. They staggered slightly before Yamaguchi planted his feet firmly on the ground, offering more stability to the boy on top of him.

"Come closer to the window," Shirabu said looking down.

With slow, wobbly and clumsy steps, Yamaguchi approached the window. Shirabu's eyes were on the edge of the window and he could see, with some difficulty, four people sitting on stools with microphones in their hands. They were talking in front of a camera.

"There are many people inside," Shirabu whispered in fascination, sweeping the room with his gaze. "I think that's Oikawa. If his fans saw him they would drool. Now that I think about it, didn't someone on his group chat say they were coming just to see him? I think Semi or Suga said something about it on Teru's group chat."

"Yeah...," Yamaguchi said breathlessly, balancing to try and support Shirabu's weight. "Semi said something... but I don't remember who was coming..."

"Hmm... I wish I could remember," Shirabu said. "Imagine how funny it'd be if we run into someone we know here. That'd be fucking uncomfortable."

Shirabu laughed but Yamaguchi did not say anything. He could only think of his balance. He felt weak, his legs were shaking and he was sweating a lot. He felt that he was losing strength with every second that passed.

"Hey... Shirabu...," he gasped, "focus on... focus on who we've come to find... it's hard for me... to hold you..."

"Sorry, yeah," Shirabu apologized, looking around the room again. "It's just that Oikawa fans do very strange things. Sneak into a party to see him? Come on, who does that?" Shirabu said rolling his eyes.

"Us... For example...," Yamaguchi said.

"It's not the same," Shirabu said immediately. "This is completely different."

"Sure..."

As Shirabu held the edge of the window with his hands, his eyes ran over and over the faces of each guest at the party, scanning each person who moved around. Someone passed dangerously close to the window, and Shirabu ducked slightly to hide his presence causing Yamaguchi to shake with the sudden movement. 

Shirabu's heart was racing. They were doing something they shouldn't, but it was so exciting... However, it was also frustrating. He couldn't find his target. He didn't see any man with an undercut and blond hair. And he felt how Yamaguchi, under him, trembled more and more with his breath shaking caused by the effort.

"I don't see Teru," Shirabu said.

"That's because _Teru_ isn't inside," someone said from behind them.

Both young men froze upon hearing _that_ voice.

"Yamaguchi," Shirabu said in a shrill voice.

"Yes?" Yamaguchi replied with a small voice.

"Tell me that you've learnt to imitate him," Shirabu muttered pleadingly.

Yamaguchi did not reply. Slowly, still holding Shirabu's legs that rested on his shoulders, he turned to look at the person whose voice had spoken a second before; a handsome man smirking, with blond hair, an undercut, a cigarette between his lips, gray suit pants and a striped shirt with half the buttons unbuttoned, revealing his hairless chest and the piercing of one of his nipples.

"Oh no," muttered Shirabu.

"Fuck," said Yamaguchi at the same time.

The man in front of them was none other than Terushima Yuuji. The porn actor. And the person they were looking for.

Shirabu writhed in fear on Yamaguchi's shoulders, his heart pounding. Yamaguchi lost his breath and took a false step backwards causing them both to fall to the ground with a crash. Shirabu fell on top of Yamaguchi but got up quickly.

"Yamaguchi get up, we're in trouble!" he whispered anxiously moving his legs ready to run.

Yamaguchi didn't answer. He had hit his head and he was a bit dizzy, his eyes unfocused as he blinked, trying to understand why he was on the floor. Shirabu looked at him and then looked at Terushima. He didn't think twice before running to the front gate and before Yamaguchi could even react. The great metal gate was guarded by guards, but Shirabu passed between them with swiftness and agility, moving slyly through the hands of the men who were trying to grasp him to identify him.

"WAIT!" Terushima yelled. "You forgot your friend!"

But Shirabu was already out of sight, leaving Yamaguchi behind still laying on the on the ground. The boy rose slightly to remain seated while rubbing his head right where Shirabu had hit him when they fell.

"That bastard...," Yamaguchi muttered, his eyes somewhat more focused now.

"Are you okay?" Terushima asked crouching down next to him and holding out a hand.

Yamaguchi looked at him with slightly wide eyes, clearly nervous in his presence. He was staring at him without blinking, with fascination and respect in his big green eyes, still confused but amazed at his luck. He reached out a hand but before grabbing Terushima's he doubted and took it away.

"Hey, take it easy, I don't bite, y'know?" Terushima said with a smile.

Yamaguchi hesitated for a moment before grabbing his hand firmly. Terushima tugged at him to help him to his feet but the boy almost lost his balance again so he caught him before he fell flat on the ground.

"Are you feeling dizzy?" he asked.

Yamaguchi shook his head and rose little by little until he was standing in front of Terushima, who, worried that he would fall again, continued to hold his hand. Terushima watched his face for any sign that the boy was okay to release it. But before there was time for anything else, Yamaguchi spoke.

"I'm fine, thanks," he murmured.

Terushima released his hand and Yamaguchi dusted the dust off his clothes. At that moment, Terushima took the opportunity to study the young man he had just helped. 

He had long hair, with the upper part of his mane dark and the undercoat bleached, showing a bright platinum blonde. It was gathered in a half bun that exposed the multiple piercings and dilations of his ears. He was slightly taller than Terushima, and his black clothes and unzipped black latex jacket hugged his slender body with subtle suggestion. Beneath his expressive eyes there was a small constellation of freckles that gave him a childish look.

 _I need to know who this guy is_ , was the first thought that crept into Terushima's mind.

"I'm Terushima, although you seem to know me since you feel confident enough to call me Teru," he said. Yamaguchi blushed upon hearing the alias he and Shirabu had used in front of him just a moment ago. "I've never met such an adorable punk boy, what's your name freckles-kun?" he took the cigarette out of his mouth and a smirk creased his lips as his eyes narrowed to look Yamaguchi up and down.

"My name is Yamaguchi," he replied with surprising self-confidence, his voice low but firm.

"Well, Yamaguchi...," Terushima whispered. "You were looking for me. And you found me. And even if your friend ran like a damned man, you've stayed here, probably because your friend fell on top of you and you couldn't flee like he did."

"Uh..." Yamaguchi did not know what to say. He was shocked, not at Terushima's presence but at the way Shirabu had left him behind. Terushima saw his confused look and kept talking to make it easier for him.

"Since you're here, let me ask... what exactly did you want?"

Yamaguchi didn't answer immediately. He stared at Terushima, weighing the problems that telling the truth or lying might cause him. He didn't know which one was the worst option, although Terushima didn't seem upset at all. What's more, his lopsided smile, his body language, and his eyes, which studied Yamaguchi carefully, seemed to indicate quite the opposite.

He chose to tell the truth, so he took a deep breath and spoke looking Terushima directly in the eyes.

"The truth is... I've already got what I wanted," Yamaguchi said with a playful smile and piercing Terushima with his eyes.

The way he said it was a bit more provocative than he originally intended, and Terushima raised an eyebrow in mischievous surprise and a tremulous smile on his parted lips.

 _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?,_ alittle voice in Yamaguchi's mind screamed in panic.

 _It's more fun this way_ , said a different voice.

 _BUT YOU ARE NOT THAT DARING!,_ the first voice screamed again.

"Shut up!" Yamaguchi yelled out loud looking up.

Terushima looked at him with a frown and a surprised expression. Then he looked up trying to see who Yamaguchi was yelling at. But there was nothing, just the starry sky above their heads. He lowered his head again to look at Yamaguchi, who had blushed at the scream he had given for no apparent reason.

"Are you sure you're okay? You didn't hit your head too hard, right?" Terushima asked.

"I'm fine," Yamaguchi said looking away, definitely embarrassed at his behaviour. He wasn't Pinnochio, why did the voice of his consciousness talked to him so naturally?

Terushima slowly nodded and took one last drag on his cigar before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it to put it out. He bent down to pick up the cigarette butt and stuffed it into the empty cigarette pack in his back pocket.

"Would you like to go inside?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Ah- M-me?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Yeah, you. There's no one else here freckles-kun," Terushima said with a chuckle. "You'll be my guest. Or... I can take you somewhere else if you prefer," he said with a shrug.

"Where?" Yamaguchi asked without thinking. Terushima laughed before answering.

"So you're not interested in the party but me," he said in a dangerously seductive voice.

Yamaguchi took hold of the moment. He was there, talking to his favourite porn actor, the one who was an expert playing with toys on his partners' bodies, the one who had everyone he wanted at his feet. So Yamaguchi decided to make himself a bit more difficult, so he didn't show his excitement.

"Maybe," he replied trying to make his voice firm - with actually a huge success.

"Maybe?" Terushima asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, _maybe_."

"Playing cool, huh?" Terushima said with a whisper. This time Yamaguchi didn't hide his smile.

"Maybe," he repeated with a shrug.

"Huh. Very good. I'll let Hana know," he said pulling out his cell phone. "Wait a second."

Terushima took two steps as he dialed someone, probably Hana as he had just said. His manager, the cute girl with short hair. Yamaguchi remembered her from twitter but before he could even think of his username, Terushima came back to him.

"Free way," he said with a smile. "Well, tough boy, let's see how far you can go."

Terushima grabbed Yamaguchi's hand before the boy could even think about what was happening and dragged him towards one of the 5 limousines in the place to get them out of there.

***

It was 4:35 am.

Bokuto had followed Kuroo wherever he had gone, not because he wanted to but because he had to. The tension between them was evident. The paparazzi at the party were staring at them with raised eyebrows and cameras held high, probably snapping pictures for when their breakup became official. It was obvious what was happening, but no one dared say it out loud. That would make it real, and neither Kuroo nor Bokuto seemed willing to give up on their complicated relationship even though they already knew it had to happen at some point.

However, Kuroo had been standing in a corner for a while, apparently listening to Kenma, Tsukishima and Asahi, who were talking to him. So Bokuto had turned away from him to watch him from a distance. Being with him hurt. But, despite being somewhat far away, he did not take his eyes off the black-haired man's face, who rather than listen to what they were saying, seemed absorbed looking at someone a little further to Bokuto's right.

At first Bokuto thought he was looking at Oikawa again, and his heart broke into a thousand pieces; but, after a while seeing the look in his ex-boyfriend's amber eyes, he decided to turn around to face the truth. But Oikawa was not there: he was talking to some paparazzi, quite far from where Kuroo was looking. And, although he was still sad, Bokuto breathed a sigh of relief.

And then he realized why Kuroo was staring so focused: he was drunk. Too drunk.

Bokuto chuckled. The black-haired man hated alcohol, and also had little resistance to drink - or maybe he hated it because of that exact reason. But despite this, he had drunk more than his body could bear. He was probably not looking at anything, he just had his mind lost in the waves of alcohol that ran through his veins. Bokuto was sure that he wasn't listening to what Kenma and the rest were telling him either.

Suddenly something - someone - snapped Bokuto out of his thoughts.

"Hello," said a soft little voice next to him.

Bokuto turned to see a pair of blue-green eyes gazing at him cheerfully, glowing with the red, blue and purple lights moving from the ceiling spotlights.

"You are Bokuto-san, right?" the boy asked with a friendly smile.

"Yes," Bokuto replied. "You're Akashi, Oikawa's manager."

"It's Akaashi. But yeah, it's me," he nodded. "I don't think we had ever spoken even though we've been together many times during the recording."

Before answering, Bokuto took a quick glance at the man in front of him. The young man was tall and thin; he stood erect, his hands clasped behind his back. He looked like a nice boy and was smiling kindly. His pretty eyes looked at Bokuto happily, waiting for an answer from him. Bokuto took one last look at Kuroo before turning his attention back to Akaashi.

"It's true," Bokuto said relaxing a bit with a small smile.

"What do you think about the party?" Akaashi asked politely looking around the place.

"I don't know," Bokuto said sincerely. "I'm not here to have fun. And although I usually like my job, I'm not particularly happy today. I guess I deserve it."

Bokuto said that last in a whisper and lowered his head in defeat. But Akaashi frowned and scowled looking back at him.

"I highly doubt that anyone deserves to be unhappy," he said simply. "May I ask what happened to make you feel this way?"

Bokuto didn't answer immediately. He thought of all the horrible things he and Kuroo had said and done to each other during their long five years of relationship. Was there any chance of getting rid of that guilt? Clearly not.

"Let's say I haven't been the best boyfriend ever," Bokuto said with glassy eyes glancing at Akaashi.

To his surprise, the young manager smiled. It wasn't a mocking smile, it wasn't ironic either. It was a smile of understanding.

"We all make mistakes," he said turning to look at him. "That doesn't make us better or worse people. We're humans. We just have to learn not to make the same mistakes a second time."

In the dim violet light, Akaashi's eyes shone with determination and modesty. Bokuto couldn't help but smile sincerely at the innocent comment. He found himself lost in the ocean from Akaashi's eyes, rocked by the soft waves, traveling to a more beautiful place than the one he was in.

"I guess it's nice to know that not everyone is willing to condemn me as much as I am myself," he confessed.

"We all deserve a second chance," Akaashi replied, looking forward again.

Bokuto's heart pounded. Who was that mysterious boy?

"Thank you," Bokuto muttered with a small nod.

With a smile still on his lips, Akaashi gave a small nod back.

Neither of them spoke for a long time. They seemed to enjoy each other's silent company, even though they had just met. Bokuto felt strangely calm, as if floating on a fluffy cloud in the sky. He kept throwing discreet glances at Akaashi, who also shot Bokuto glances from time to time when he was unaware. The air around them was filled with electricity that tickled the tips of their fingers, but neither of them wanted to speak so as not to break the light atmosphere. Words were not necessary. They were comfortable, it was nice. It was a forgotten feeling for Bokuto, who had grown used to a suspicious environment every time he was with Kuroo.

But despite this, his mind was still filled with Kuroo's amber eyes, with his smirks, his caresses and his kisses. He was unable to stop thinking about him. Therefore, the uproar that brought them both out of their reverie made Bokuto feel that perhaps not all was lost.

"STOP LOOKING AT KOUTARO, YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Kuroo yelled.

He was throwing himself at a man in the crowd who had a drink in his hand and whose eyes where lost: he was probably as drunk as Kuroo, or even more.

"YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AT HIM FOR TOO LONG, STOP IT!"

Kuroo raised a fist ready to smash it into the face of the man who had indeed been staring at Bokuto more intently than he perhaps should have. The man pulled away just in time to avoid being hit squarely, but Kuroo's fist brushed his shoulder and sent the man staggering back a few steps.

"KUROO-SAN!" Tsukishima yelled in horror running towards him.

Before anyone could react, Bokuto ran to Kuroo and held him by passing his arms under the black-haired armpits and pressing his back to Bokuto's chest.

"Relax, Tetsuro," Bokuto whispered in his ear. "Relax. I'm here," he said trying to calm him down. 

Kuroo closed his eyes and relaxed in his arms but his breathing was still fast. The effect of the alcohol and the man's gaze on Bokuto had risen his jealousy and he didn't feel like holding it back. The paparazzi cameras were shooting like crazy, snapping photos of the scene they had just experienced that would be a great morning scoop.

"Let's get out of here," Tsukishima said grabbing Bokuto by the shoulder. "Let's get out of here before he gets more attention."

Bokuto shot Akaashi a glance over his shoulder and nodded in farewell before shoving Kuroo by the shoulders out of there, amidst the stares and whispers that rose as they passed. Akaashi kept his eyes on the golden-eyed man as he walked away and then sighed.

He wished he could have talked to him a bit more. But there was no point in feeling bad now. He walked over where Oikawa was, his eyes wide open as he looked at Kuroo.

Akaashi chuckled. "Oikawa-san, we should leave too. It's late," he said.

Oikawa looked at him as if it was the first time he saw him in his entire life. Slowly, the brunet nodded, still shocked but a bit amused at the commotion. He murmured something about Iwaizumi and they both looked for him.

When they found the man, the three of them left the party to rest a few hours. It was almost dawn.

With the alcohol, the excitement from the movie, and now all the fuss caused by Kuroo, no one had noticed that a man had been keeping a close eye on Oikawa all evening. He was a man who had been watching Oikawa for months, the same man who was outside the building where Oikawa had first come to Kenma's office to see the script for the movie that would be released the next day.

The same man that had an _unhealthy obsession_ with Oikawa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, NAZ SPEAKING!
> 
> I FINALLY CAUGHT UP WHERE I LEFT IT ON INSTAGRAM - well kind of.
> 
> Actually there's one chapter left, the one that caused that I had to post it here and on wattpad instead of Instagram: the SakuAtsu first scene.
> 
> But I'm gonna make it a bit longer this time, so let's say it's gonna be like a new chapter (it has the same content tho, if you already read it, you don't have to re-read it again when I post it tomorrow (or today cuz it's 1:22 am lmaooooooo I should be sleeping wtf).
> 
> ANYWAY, I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW HOURS, I'll post an announcement on Instagram now and I'll see you tomorrow again.
> 
> ILYSM 💟
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're wrong about Kuro-chan," he whispered with his heart in a fist. "And Kuro-chan is wrong about you. You're breaking each other, can't you see that?"
> 
> "So you do want him for yourself," Bokuto said. Oikawa could hear him clenching his teeth.
> 
> "No," replied the brunet. "I want him for himself."

Oikawa woke up with the sun high in the sky. He rubbed his eyes to stretch himself and rolled over in bed until he felt something cold brush his back: the cell phone. He had fallen asleep with it in his hands, reading the news that was beginning to emerge on the Internet about Kuroo's fight.

 _Kuro-chan_ , he thought with his heart light in his chest.

He grabbed his cell phone and looked at the time. When he entered the chat he saw that there was a recent connection, so, with a smile and eager to hear hir voice again, he dialed the phone instead of sending a simple message.

But the phone wasn't picked up by the person he expected.

"Hey, Kuro-chan, how are you-?"

"Why are you calling?" a somewhat rude voice interrupted him.

"Where is Kuro-chan?" Oikawa asked worriedly, straightening up on the bed. "Why did you pick up the phone?"

"Because I'm his boyfriend," Bokuto replied.

"No you're not, I heard you yelling at him that you were done," Oikawa said suspiciously. "Where is Kuro-chan?

"What are you and Tetsuro? Since he doesn't tell me, you tell me," Bokuto demanded ignoring Oikawa's question. "Are you dating?"

"What are you doing with Kuro-chan's phone?" Oikawa asked again.

He was not comfortable knowing that Bokuto had Kuroo's phone, his ex-boyfriend, after the tumult caused at the party the night before due to alcohol. Oikawa had called to ask Kuroo about his hangover, but he had been met with the unpleasant surprise of finding someone else on the other side of the phone, someone who had made Kuroo cry so much that Oikawa had felt helpless for not being able to cheer him up. And yet, that person dared to pick up the phone casually, demanding explanations and saying he was his boyfriend.

"Mind your business," Bokuto replied harshly, "and answer my question."

"We're friends," Oikawa replied sincerely. "That's it. I know I've gotten in the middle of your relationship, but I didn't mean to."

"I don't care if it wasn't your intention," Bokuto said, "you did it anyway."

A strange giggle sounded on the speaker and Oikawa felt a chill. Bokuto was laughing?

"But don't worry," Bokuto continued, "I took it upon myself last night to fulfill Tetsuro's last night drunken wishes."

"What do you mean?" Oikawa asked in a shrill voice.

"I left evidence on his body that he's still mine," Bokuto replied. "He asked for it himself."

"He was DRUNK," Oikawa yelled with a sick face. "Did you touch him without him being aware of what he was doing?"

"He went to great lengths to convince me that he was maintaining a bit of reasoning in his drunken state," Bokuto replied with a shrug.

Oikawa took a deep breath and tried to put his thoughts in order. He tightened the sheet that covered his legs and remembered Kuroo's pained face when Oikawa had come to his dressing room after Bokuto had broken up with him. That hadn't been the face of someone who would ask their ex-boyfriend for sex while sober, and Oikawa knew it.

"You're wrong about Kuro-chan," he whispered with his heart in a fist. "And Kuro-chan is wrong about you. You're breaking each other, can't you see that?"

"So you do want him for yourself," Bokuto said. Oikawa could hear him clenching his teeth.

"No," replied the brunet. "I want him for himself. I'm just a friend, I've already told you. I've never been in a relationship but I know perfectly well that what you and Kuro-chan do to each other is not how a relationship works. Relationships need support."

"You like Tetsuro, who are you trying to fool?" Bokuto asked with a sudden anger provoked by what Oikawa had said - because he knew that what he had said was true.

"I'm not trying to fool anyone," Oikawa said. "I can't deny it, filming with Kuro-chan was great. And yeah, I like Kuro-chan. He's a nice man and I like his company, I have fun with him. But I know Kuro-chan needs time to heal, just like you. Please stop doing this. Stop hurting you. I don't want to see Kuro-chan cry again," Oikawa sighed with a broken voice.

Bokuto was silent for a few moments. He looked at Kuroo, sleeping next to him with his body full of the hickeys that Bokuto had left on his skin as a sign that they were still together. He felt his stomach clench. This was wrong, very wrong. And Bokuto felt like the worst trash in the world. Oikawa was absolutely right. All they were doing was ruining each other in the mud that was their relationship, crawling for a breath of fresh air before returning to the bottom of the lake of damp earth where their feet sank deeper and deeper with each step they gave to try to get closer to each other.

And then Bokuto thought of eyes that showed a blue-green sea with crystal clear waters and a strange feeling washed over him, a feeling opposite to the mud of his relationship with Kuroo.

"Why should I believe you?" Bokuto asked not knowing why he was asking such a stupid question. "Why should I listen to you? I saw you flirting with him."

Oikawa let out a sigh. "Because you need someone to lean on too," he muttered. "Kuro-chan told me about you before you two started dating. He told me how you were before, and I think you know that you're not like this, and neither is Kuro-chan. You both will find someone who will make you happy without having to feel jealous ."

"What if I find that person but I still love Tetsuro?"

Bokuto surprised himself after asking that question. Why was he asking that to the person who had broken his relationship? And why did the hypothetical case raised seem so close and so real to him?

"Then, if you really love Kuro-chan, you'll let him go and be free so that he too can find someone else to make him happy too," Oikawa whispered.

"You're the one who caused this..." Bokuto muttered as a couple of tears began to flood his golden eyes. "This is all because of you..."

He wasn't angry when he said that, he didn't feel anger or - surprisingly - jealousy, it just hurt. It hurt like nothing had ever hurt in his life, because he had realized that he had lost himself in the path of a murky and crooked relationship that had been caught in the middle of a whirlwind of selfishness from which both he and Kuroo needed to get out.

"I'm sorry," Oikawa whispered in a shaky voice.

 _He's crying,_ Bokuto thought. _He's crying because of Tetsuro._

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to break your relationship," said Oikawa trying to excuse himself. "I apologized to Kuro-chan but let me apologize to you too. I'm so sorry for all the damage and all the trouble I've caused, it was never my intention. I've always been the flirty type but... This time I feel like it's not just flirting with Kuro-chan, I think I'm starting to-" Oikawa suddenly stopped talking and shook his head before continuing. "Nevermind, that doesn't matter now. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," he finished speaking with a little stifled sob.

Bokuto covered his face with his hand and wiped away the tears that had fallen. He hated to admit that the person who had led them into this situation was the only person who seemed to say sane and logical things.

Suddenly Bokuto felt in the wrong place. That bed was no longer a place where he was welcome. He must go and he must go now.

"I have to go," he said just before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging up, covering his mouth with his hand to muffle a sob accompanied by a wave of nausea.

What had he done?

***

Atsumu's phone buzzed and he ran to the table to take it.

**_ Sakusa _ **

**_Sakusa_** : Hello, Atsumu

 ** _Sakusa_** : Tomorrow is the day

 ** _Atsumu_** : Oh

 ** _Atsumu_** : Okay, sir

 ** _Atsumu_** : Do I have to do anything?

 ** _Sakusa_** : No

 ** _Sakusa_** : Just take a shower and wait for my message

 ** _Sakusa_** : I will speak to one of my men

 ** _Sakusa_** : He will pick you up

 ** _Atsumu_** : Ushijima-san won't be picking me up this time?

 ** _Sakusa_** : No

 ** _Sakusa_** : Is there a problem?

 ** _Atsumu_** : Oh no, no, sir

 ** _Atsumu_** : I was curious since you, sir, told me he would be the one picking me up

 ** _Atsumu_** : But it's fine

 ** _Sakusa_** : Ushijima is busy tomorrow

 ** _Sakusa_** : But I trust the rest of my men as much as I trust Ushijima

 ** _Atsumu_** : Okay, sir

 ** _Atsumu_** : Thank you

Sakusa didn't reply again, and Atsumu felt his heart was about to leap out of his mouth.

 _I'm fucked. Literally_ , it was the only thing his mind could think of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha guess what's next


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu was about to be fucked - or not, since the contract did not say anything about Sakusa fucking him, but the point was that he was gonna surely have an orgasm caused by his master. Sakusa was the person who excited him the most in the world, an expert in sodomy and sadomasochism, a master who knew perfectly well how to control a submissive.
> 
> A master who knew perfectly well how to control him.

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: DO IT FOR ME BY ROSENFELD _ **

The moment had come.

Sakusa had texted him to take a shower and get ready and 20 minutes later a black car had parked outside the building Atsumu lived in. The boy had come down trembling and nervous, but he was so excited that he did not even realize the disturbance he felt. He could only think about how it had all gotten to that point.

It had been because of a tweet. A simple joke tweet that no one expected Sakusa to read, let alone reply to it or care for Atsumu in the least. But still he had, he had entered Atsumu's profile, read his tweets, found where he worked and had decided to contact him to ask if Atsumu really wanted to be his sub.

And that encounter had triggered the blond boy's imagination.

To aggravate the situation, when Sakusa had given him that box and Atsumu had begun to lose himself in the pleasure cuased by metal and latex instruments and deviced that buzzed inside him or pinched him in places he never thought he could feel pleasure through pain... His life had turned upside down.

And now, Atsumu faced the door of the room to which one of Sakusa's men had led him. He took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in," said a deep voice from the inside.

Atsumu put his hand on the doorknob and stepped into the room. He closed the door behind him and a soft beep sounded.

A huge bed with black velvet sheets welcomed him into the room, very large and distinctly luxurious. Next to the left side of the bed was a black nightstand with a matte finish. On the right side of the room, in the middle of a wide space, there was a black harness hanging from the ceiling. Atsumu gulped, the breath caught in his throat.

Still on the right side but closer to the door, there was a black leather multi-position erotic chair. It had two separated paddings for the legs, and it was obvious that if you took a seat naked in there, there would nothing left to the imagination. 

On the left side there was a chest of black drawers and a red and black sofa with a ripple, one of those so-called erotic sofas very popular in porn movies. But Atsumu had never seen Sakusa use one in his videos so he was surprised when he saw one in the room.

There were no windows and the light came from a long strip of red LEDs that ran along the edge of the walls, which were spotlessly black: the one just behind the bed was padded in jet black, the red lights iluminating it softly and temptatively; the left wall was completely covered with an inlaid shiny black grating that made Atsumu shudder. He didn't even know what purpuses could it have in such room, but he definitely wanted to know. The wall opposite the bed was covered with matte black shelves displaying various objects and instruments that seemed to be taken from the darkest sexual fantasies Atsumu had ever imagined. On the wall near the harness were different types of whips, crops, ropes, chains, handcuffs, blindfolds, and bondage restraints.

Many of the devices were totally new to Atsumu; Sakusa had never used them in front of the camera, and that only excited the blond man even more. He was looking forward to experiencing it all and more at the hands of someone so dominant like Sakusa; but at the same time he was a bit scared since it was his first time seeing so many erotic devices.

Then, Atsumu fixed his gaze in front of him. Sakusa was waiting for him in the middle of the room, in an impeccable ironed white shirt, black suit pants and elegant shiny shoes. He wasn't wearing a mask so Atsumu could see that he wasn't smiling, but his eyes were playful and excited, glowing red thanks to the light. His face showed pure sexual desire. Atsumu breathed in and the scent of "Sauvage" filled his nostrils like the first time.

"You seem shocked," he said.

"Y-yeah," Atsumu said suddenly feeling self-conscious to be there in front of him.

"Don't worry, we'll advance little by little. The sound you heard when you closed the door is a security lock. I know you're obedient," Sakusa said in a low and dangerous voice, like if it was a warning, "so I don't think you'll try to escape. But even so, it's a security meassure I had to take. There are no escape routes in here, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"You read the documents, right?" Sakusa asked in a deep voice.

Atsumu nodded and Sakusa hummed in pleasure. The blonde gulped as he watched _his master_ approach him slowly, the shoes echoing in the room walls. His blood rushed down to his crotch every time he heard or smelled Sakusa, and now the man was dangerously close to him. Sakusa was a little taller, so Atsumu's eyes were just level with Sakusa's lips. He watched him lick his lips slowly and a lopsided smile appeared on them. Atsumu's pants started to be tight around him.

"In that case, from now on you will wait for me naked and on your knees in front of the door, understood?" he whispered slowly sending chills down Atsumu's spine.

"Yes, sir," he muttered in a small voice.

"Do it now," Sakusa said, leaning down to whisper in Atsumu's ear in a low voice that made his skin crawl. "Get naked for me."

Sakusa stepped away from him and approached the black and red sofa, where he sat and leaned back. He gestured for Atsumu to stand in the middle of the room and do what he had asked for. The boy agreed without question and took small gulps of air to calm his shaking hands. He couldn't look him in the eye because Sakusa had not explicitly told him to look at him. It was an order he received the day of the contract and Sakusa was too imponent not to follow his orders. It's not that he feared him, it was just that _he wanted to follow his commands._

Atsumu was about to be fucked - or not, since the contract did not say anything about Sakusa fucking him, but the point was that he was gonna surely have an orgasm caused by his master. Sakusa was the person who excited him the most in the world, an expert in sodomy and sadomasochism, a master who knew perfectly well how to control a submissive.

A master who knew perfectly well how to control him.

He began to unbutton his shirt little by little, button by button, under Sakusa's penetrating gaze that watched him from head to toes. The skin on his torso was exposed when he dropped his shirt to the ground but he did not dare to look at Sakusa's expression. Then he unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down; he grabbed the elastic of his underwear and pulled it down to stand next to his pants. He left all of his clothes on the floor, righ beside him.

And then waited for an order.

Atsumu could feel Sakusa's eyes all over his body as his erection throbbed desperately. Atsumu blushed slightly and he felt the need to cover himself, but before he could feel a deeper embarrassment, Sakusa spoke.

"On your back. Get on your knees," Sakusa said without taking his eyes off him.

Atsumu obeyed. He turned, knelt on the ground with his heels on his butt and his hands on his knees, his head bowed looking down at his lap. His hard dick trembled on his thigh. He listened as Sakusa got up from his seat and walk over to the nightstand next to the bed where he opened a drawer and closed it again. Atsumu's heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to break out of his chest.

The skin on his shoulders and chest bristled when he felt one of Sakusa's hands grabbing him by the hair and tugging his head straight. Then he felt he was freed again but before he could think of anything, he felt something cold on his neck: a black leather choker with a small engraved medal surrounded him on the base of his neck and he let out a breathy moan at the touch. The front of the medal had the phrase "I have an owner" written on it; the back said "Owned by Sakusa Kiyoomi."

Sakusa's hands slid slowly to come to rest on Atsumu's shoulders and the black-haired man leaned in to whisper in his ear in a velvety deep voice, letting Atsumu tense as he felt Sakusa's warm breath brush against him so closely.

"And now... Let the show begin," Sakusa said, eyes glowing under the red lights. "Stand up," Sakusa ordered. "Lie on your back on the bed."

Sakusa took a step back to make room for Atsumu. The blond boy got up from the floor and obeyed him, walking toward the bed with clumsy steps. Atsumu lay down on the bed looking at the black ceiling but he saw through the corner of his eyes Sakusa walking towards one of the shelves from where he took several objects; then he walked to the wall behind the harness from where he took a black silk mask, a cat of nine tails whip, a red rope, and a metal bar with two cuffs at the ends. Atsumu gulped.

A leg spreader.

Sakusa rolled over and saw Atsumu lying on the bed staring at each step he took with fear and fascination at the same time. When he realized Sakusa was looking at him, he returned his gaze to the ceiling and stood still like a statue, his hands resting on his abdomen, completely naked and ready to let Sakusa do whatever he wanted.

"Are you afraid?" Sakusa asked.

Atsumu doubted. He could not say he wasn't. It was a new experience with someone he only knew through a screen and, even if he was willing to offer himself to the pain and the pleasure, he was still scared.

Sakusa walked over to the bed and sit on the edge looking at him, his gaze somewhat warm and serene. He left all the things he had taken on the bed, near Atsumu. But the blond did not dare to look at them.

"If you don't want to do this, you just have to say it," he said. "I told you, I won't do anything you don't want. I know it's your first time, we'll go slow. Tell me, how are you feeling?"

"I... I'm fine, sir," Atsumu said realizing he was indeed fine. Just nervous, but he was fine. He could do it. "I wanna do it."

"Okay, then..." Sakusa whispered, his voice back to his usual cold and deep tone. "Put your arms up."

Sakusa threaded the rope through a ring screwed into the center of the padded wall and grabbed Atsumu's raised arms by the wrists so as to catch them using the rope. Atsumu was dexterously tied by fingers that were soft but trained in the art of bondage. His arms were firmly caught, so much so that he couldn't even try to pull them. He raised his head to see the knot, but instead his eyes momentarily met Sakusa's black eyes before a soft black cloth covered them.

"Do you remember the safe word?" Sakusa asked as he knotted it behind his head.

"Y-yes sir," Atsumu said sheepishly. " _Goody-two-shoes._ "

"Good," Sakusa said with a smile that Atsumu didn't get to see.

All that Atsumu had left was the senses of hearing and touch. He heard Sakusa get away from the bed and walk over to the nightstand to open one of the drawers and take something out before closing it again. Atsumu felt a rush of adrenaline coming from the center of his chest and spread all over his body until his fingertips tickled and his stomach twisted inside him with anticipation.

Suddenly, Atsumu's legs were jerked apart. The boy blushed to his ears and gave a surprised groan. Sakusa placed the leg spreader between his legs and tied each cuff to each of Atsumu's ankles. And then he spreaded the bar.

"I don't want you to move," Sakusa said.

Atsumu's legs were wide open, exposing his entrance and his throbbing cock that was starting to squirt desperate for some attention. Sakusa slid his hands over his skin, climbing from his ankles to his balls with a fingertip touch so subtle that Atsumu moaned pleading for more.

"S-sir~!"

"Yes, Atsumu?" Sakusa asked in the same neutral tone. Atsumu's breath was already quickening and before he could respond, Sakusa took off his shoes and knelt on the bed between his spread legs. "You can stop me if you feel uncomfortable. Just use the safe word and I'll stop right away."

Sakusa took in his hands one of the things he had taken from the shelf: two parallel wires with a black rubber pad on the tip. Both wires were linked by a silver chain and had a small ring with which the pressure they exerted when they were placed could be adjusted. It was one of the favorite pair in Sakusa's collection of nipple clamps. He placed them on Atsumu's nipples and pulled the ring up to tighten them around them, which quickly acquired a deep pink color. Atsumu trembled and let out a shaky moan.

Sakusa's dick throbbed against his underwear. He crouched over Atsumu's body and ran his tongue over his erect nipples before sucking hard. The accumulation of blood in them due to the clamps made them more sensitive to stimuli, so much so that it was painful. And the pain was what excited Sakusa the most.

"Ah~!" Atsumu groaned with a flinch.

Sakusa bit the soft nub before pulling away with his teeth. Atsumu felt a mild pain and moaned with Sakusa's mouth moved away from him.

Sakusa took one of the bottles of lube he had taken from the nightstand and opened it. He picked up another one of the two objects he had taken from the shelf and covered it with the liquid; he also dampened his hands with the lube. He then grabbed Atsumu's rock hard cock.

"Tell me if it hurts," Sakusa said as he pushed the urethral plug slowly all the way in.

Atsumu squirmed between the velvet sheets beneath him, screaming continually, torn between pain and pleasure. Sakusa inserted the sound until there was only the ring to hold it outside Atsumu's dick, which he kept holding meanwhile Atsumu got used to the sensation of something strange _inside_ of that part of him.

Atsumu felt weird. It wasn't really painful, it was just a new feeling, something had entered him pressing his dick from the inside and it was a bit uncomfortable. He knew the sensation from that time when he tried himself the sound Sakusa had given him in the box, but still, he had just left there inside without touching or squeezing his dick when it was inside.

Sakusa used his left hand to grab the ring by sliding his middle finger through it while his right hand remained on Atsumu's dick. Then he pulled the sound slowly until only the tip of it was still inside the blond as his other hand, slick with lube, jerked Atsumu off.

"God~!" Atsumu moaned.

Sakusa smiled and started to insert the sound again without stop of jerking him off. Atsumu trembled when he felt the beads of the sound stroking him again. His dick felt weird as it was touched from both the inside and the outside reaching his prostate like it was never reached before, causing a shudder on the boy who could not stop moaning.

Sakusa leaned over Atsumu's body to get close to his ear, but moving both hands at all times.

"I want to hear you beg me to let you cum," he whispered hoarsely. "Understood?"

"Y-yes- Ah~! Yes, s-sir~!" Atsumu moaned as he moved his hips reflectively, digging the sound deeper.

Sakusa straightened up again and let Atsumu's dick go, but he kept the sound in him. Then he took the second object to moisten it with lube. He spread the substance over each ball before bringing them closer to Atsumu's entrance.

"Count out loud," Sakusa ordered. "Make no mistake... Or you will suffer the consequences," he said in a deep voice.

Sakusa introduced the first anal bead slowly, letting Atsumu to swallow it as he groaned. The first bead was the smaller one, and their sizes increased from one to another.

Atsumu started to count.

"Ah~ O-one~."

Sakusa inserted a second bead slightly larger than the first. Again, Atsumu's hole swallowed it as soon as it was a bit inside him.

"T-two~."

This time, Sakusa introduced two at a time, each one larger than the previous one. It wasn't difficult to insert them by applying some force but without hurting the boy. Atsumu's entrance had swallowed 4 beads lustfully, and now only one was left outside.

Atsumu felt full and overwhelmed. His hips moved slightly trying to make the balls inside him brush against his prostate as the sound pressed against it from a different angle. The beads were indeed adding more to the sensation with aching coldness: the icy metal was brushing his sweet spot incessantly as he rubbed his hips against the velvet sheets and he was starting to lose himself in pleasure. But even so, he continued to count as his master had ordered. He knew that after two came the three, so he said the number with a moan.

"Three~!"

Sakusa smirked. He had done it on purpose, trying to test Atsumu to know if he was really counting what he felt or if he counted by inertia. And it seemed that it had been the second one.

"Wrong," Sakusa whispered hoarsely.

Sakusa smirked and shoved the last bead ball in. Atsumu thought that his body would split in two: his crotch hurt like hell because the sound was stroking him but not enough to make him cum and his entrance seemed about to explode, so full of beads that Atsumu's senses were confused and he felt them going up to his stomach. But none of what he felt happened. He didn't break in two and the beads stayed in their place.

Sakusa pinched Atsumu's nipples hard and made a mock sigh. Atsumu convulsed gasping in pain.

"You must learn to count, Atsumu," Sakusa said in a warning voice. "I warned you. Will you learn better if instead of counting beads you count lashes?"

His voice had grown deep and eager as he watched Atsumu squirm, tied up, blinded and at his complete mercy, legs spread to the limit and denied the right to cum due to the urethral plug. Stopping an orgasm like that was as painful as sticking a burning nail through your hand. And yet Atsumu was putting up with his dark fantasies.

Sakusa's cock throbbed against his pants.

He grabbed the cat of nine tails whip he had picked up earlier and let the leather straps brush across Atsumu's torso, running them over his erect, bruised nipples, his abs and then over his locked cock. Atsumu groaned in need. And then...

Sakusa lashed the inside of Atsumu's left thigh with the whip. Not strong enough to make him bleed, but enough so that the strips quickly marked his skin crimson red and so that Atsumu could feel a searing pain that made him gasp. The boy felt something as painful as it was burning, a feeling that spread throughout his body with a wave of pleasure that made him arch his back digging the beads deeper and causing the ring to which he was tied jingle.

"AH~! SAKUSA~!" Atsumu whimpered without being aware of what he was saying.

Sakusa grabbed his neck and squeezed the sides tightly. He lowered his voice to a dangerous whisper as Atsumu felt like he was gasping for air. But he actually could breath perfectly through Sakusa's fingers.

"It's sir to you," he said, raising the whip again. "Count the lashes," he ordered forcefully. "If you're wrong I'll start over."

Sakusa released his neck and sat up again. Atsumu almost sobbed in torment. He felt the dark-haired man's gaze on his body despite wearing the blindfold, piercing his naked body that shivered with every touch. He had to obey. Or rather... He _wanted_ to obey.

"One~..."

Sakusa swung the whip on Atsumu's other inner thigh again, with a little more force this time. The skin turned a deep red and Atsumu moaned again. Small spots of blood appeared under his skin without coming out, as if he had given him a huge hickey that covered his entire leg. Atsumu contracted his muscles and the sound and the beads sank into his flesh. A thread of moans left his throat before he could say a word.

"S-SIR~!" he begged as he squirmed.

"Keep counting," Sakusa commanded, raising his voice slightly.

"T-two~ Ah~..." Atsumu whimpered with a shake, his breath quick.

Each time he moved the 5 beads embedded deeper inside him, causing him to moan in despair. The clamps were tighter than when he had used them for practice, and he found himself enjoying the pain they offered him, a pain that was quickly turned into pleasure that traveled to his cock; but it was blocked, and even if he wanted to, he couldn't cum, which caused even more pain in his throbbing member. And still he wanted to feel more; he wanted to be marked, he wanted to lose consciousness, he wanted to feel how pain led him to pleasure. So he groaned in anguish in a pleading voice.

Sakusa lifted himself from his heels on the bed, still kneeling on it. He lifted the whip and struck Atsumu hard right in the middle of the chest, letting the strips slap against his clenched nipples. The blonde's back arched and he yelled for more.

"AH~! TH-THREE~! I-I..."

"You... What?" Sakusa asked hoarsely. "Tell me, Atsumu, you what?"

"M-more, sir," Atsumu answered raggedly with shallow breathing. "P-please~... Sir~"

Sakusa took a deep breath as his cock began to wet his pants. A submissive had never turned him on so much the first time. But Atsumu's body was so receptive that every little touch triggered the alerts and his body reacted on its own, arching his back and moaning for more. Sakusa raised the whip and waved it, hitting Atsumu across the abdomen.

"Fo-four~!"

Sakusa clenched his jaw trying to contain himself and not be too harsh on his sub. He raised the whip one last time and swung it hardly on Atsumu's dick. The boy couldn't even scream when his sensitive member was brutally whipped. The pain was so intense that he saw small colored lights through his closed eyelids behind the blindfold. His breath caught and he felt like he was going to faint. But little by little the pain was replaced by a surge of pleasure that left his senses numb as he gasped for breath.

"Atsumu," Sakusa called him with authority. "Count. Or I'll start over."

Atsumu's mind had gone blank and his words had been trapped in his throat. His heart was racing and he felt pangs everywhere Sakusa had hit him. Choking and screaming, between moans and disjointed sounds, Atsumu managed to spin two words in a row.

"F-FI- AH~! FIVE~! FIVE SIR~!" he panted.

Sakusa closed his eyes and bit his lip breathing heavily. He had to calm himself but the boy behind him was so beautifully wrecked that he could not take the image he had just saw from his retinas. The black haired man opened his eyes again and looked at Atsumu before leaning over him.

"Good boy," Sakusa whispered in his ear.

Atsumu's skin crawled as he continued to gasp with his cock so sore he thought he was going to die. Sakusa laid the whip on the bed and leaned over Atsumu to bite hard down on one of his pinched nipples.

"AH-AH SIR-" Atsumu pleaded with a groan.

Sakusa grunted excitedly, letting his breath hit the boy's red and bruised chest. He got up and pulled the beads out of the blond's interior by tugging on the thread that had been left out. Atsumu groaned with a jolt; now he felt empty, his prostate had been stroked constantly for the last half hour but he hadn't been able to come, not because he didn't want to but because he couldn't. His cock ached and he felt like his balls had been set on fire.

Sakusa reached for the second bottle of lube he'd taken from the nightstand. He opened the bottle before pouring a good amount over the entrance of the boy, who felt the intense sting of the heat effect spread inside him at the same time that a pair of fingers slammed in.

"AH~!" Atsumu groaned. His eyes opened at the sudden burning entrance into him, but he couldn't see anything but darkness.

Sakusa's fingers curled inside him with unerring movements, persistently stroking his prostate again and again. His body tensed feeling how the orgasm was hopelessly approaching; he moaned and screamed arching his back as his cock jerked ready to come... But nothing happened because Sakusa had stopped right in the moment he was about to cum. Atsumu whimpered in frustration.

"P-please sir...," he sobbed with heavy breathing.

"Yes, Atsumu?" he answered Atsumu's call as he curled his fingers inside him again. Atsumu shook again, hips shifting and shaking.

"Ple-please... Sir..." he whimpered, "I wa-wanna c-cum..."

"You don't seem very convinced, are you sure?" Sakusa said pressing hardly on his prostate again. "Beg, Atsumu. Beg for it."

"AH~! PL-PLEASE~...! SIR I-I BEG Y-YOU~!"

Sakusa smiled and began to move his fingers inside Atsumu again as he used his left hand to grasp the ring of the urethral plug sticking out of the boy's cock. He slowly tugged on it and pulled the elongated sound out of him while still fingering Atsumu.

"Good boy, Atsumu," Sakusa whispered in a deep voice. "Now... come. Do it for me," he said.

Atsumu's breathing sped up even more as Sakusa kept moving his fingers. The black-haired man reached out his free hand and grabbed the chain that attached the clamps which were on Atsumu's nipples. At the same time, the blonde felt a knot in his stomach and his body shook just at the moment when he felt his nipples being ripped from his body along with the clamps, which Sakusa had pulled in the moment he felt Atsumu contract around his fingers before cumming.

"AH~! S-SIR~! SIR~! U-UGH~!"

Atsumu's semen gushed out of his cock with such force that it splashed onto his own chest and face, staining the blindfold he wore over his eyes and the sheets underneath him. His throat burned from screaming but finally he had finished...

However, Sakusa's fingers did not leave him or stop moving. His dick did not have the chance to get fully flaccid before starting to get hard again.

"Again," Sakusa ordered with dilated pupils.

"N-no I-I can't s-sir," Atsumu groaned.

"Yes, you can. Go on," Sakusa ordered again. "Come for me again, Atsumu."

Atsumu let out a moan after hearing his voice so low and deep that he got goosebumps. He was panting and he felt weak but the way Sakusa's fingers moved touching his hypersensitized prostate after the first orgasm made him desperate to come again. Atsumu tried to curl up on himself but the leg spreader prevented him from closing his legs and his hands were still tied; even though he wanted Sakusa to stop, his throat groaned pleading for more and this time it was Atsumu's hips that caused Sakusa's fingers to move inside him and not the other way around. Atsumu did not know what he wanted, his mind was confused and cloudy, lost in the middle of an ecstatic sea of pleasure and pain.

"S-SIR I-I’M GO-"

Atsumu didn't quite finish the sentence before coming off again with a shriek of pleasure that echoed off the walls and delighted Sakusa's ears. His cock jerked like crazy as he gasped trying to get air into his lungs with erratic breathing. His mind was totally blank but his eyes saw little lights through his eyelids. He thought he was about to lose consciousness.

Then he felt Sakusa's fingers coming out of him and the mattress lifting slightly as the bed lost the black-haired weight off it. A few moments later Sakusa came back to his side and sat on the edge of the bed. He removed the blindfold and untied him. He took the leg spreader from him without him being almost aware of it.

"How are you feeling?" Sakusa asked restraining his desire to continue imposing himself on Atsumu. It had been his first non-vanilla time, so he had to control himself if he didn't want the boy to pass out. "Do you feel okay?"

Atsumu nodded, so weak and tired that he was unable to speak.

"I'll clean you up," Sakusa muttered, showing him a moistened white towel. "Close your eyes, Atsumu."

Atsumu obeyed. He was exhausted and his muscles felt stiff. His head spinned and he started to see stars on his closed eyes.

"Good boy," were the last words Atsumu heard before falling asleep between the stained sheets from the bed of his master Sakusa Kiyoomi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAZ SPEAKING!
> 
> Hello I just wanted to say that I wanna be Sakusa and find a sub like Atsumu 🥴
> 
> Oh, and also, the new chapters start now, so I'll start posting them tomorrow and I'll post every 3-4 days 🥰
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this part and see you tomorrow with new content, ilysm! 
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu watched as Sakusa paid attention to every little detail of what he was doing, and it made him think. He knew that after a scene a proper aftercare was important to regulate the levels of endorphins released so that they didn't plummet and cause a feeling of emptiness that could be temporary or permanent, depending on the amount of hormones released. But still...
> 
> Still, Atsumu couldn't help but feel the warmth from before when Sakusa was next to him even though the man was now far from him. But he was doing all that for him. For Atsumu, who usually felt like he was nothing.
> 
> If felt good, very good.

Atsumu slowly opened his eyes, feeling even more exhausted than before. Despite this, his body felt warm and his muscles were relaxed; he was calm, at peace, and he felt his back covered by another body. An arm encircled him across his chest over the blanket he had over his body.

He did not remember very well where he was or what had happened, but his mind did not seem to care too much, because he did not feel in danger and or anxious not to be in his bed.

Everything seemed to remain part of the dream...

"Hey," a soft voice murmured. "Do you feel good?"

Atsumu turned his head suddenly to see Sakusa's face looking at him questioningly from above and examining his face carefully as his fingers gently stroked his blond hair. His expression was serious but there was a bright spark of kindness in his eyes.

"Don't make any sudden movements, stay still. You fell asleep for a few minutes, have I been too hard on you?" Sakusa asked.

Atsumu gulped as all the memories came to his mind: he didn't know exactly how long he had slept but he still felt the prick on his nipples after being caught with clamps for almost an hour, his lower body felt heavy as if was anesthetized, he felt the rope that had held them on his wrists as Sakusa...

His cheeks flushed a deep red and he looked away in embarrassment, curling up between Sakusa's body and the black velvet sheet that covered his clean but still naked body. He hid his face as a choked sound of embarrassment came from his throat.

"No, sir," Atsumu whispered hoarsely between his fingers.

"Good," Sakusa said with a small smile, still stroking his hair.

Atsumu's reaction after realizing what had just happened was cute, even a little... adorable? No, that was not the word Sakusa was looking for.

_Lovely_.

Yes, it had been lovely. After moaning and begging until his throat was almost ripped, Atsumu was embarrassed on his lap as if he were a child.

_He still has a lot to learn_ , Sakusa thought.

The man continued stroking his hair until the boy seemed to relax again in his arms and removed his hands from his face before turning slightly to look at Sakusa. His eyes shone almost innocently as he gazed with fascination at the black-haired's face: his eyes, his mouth, his nose, the line of his jaw...

"I was going to fix you a bath, but I didn't want to go away while you were asleep just in case you woke up," Sakusa said, allowing himself to be watched.

"You're more handsome in person," Atsumu muttered casually, ignoring what Sakusa had just said.

The hand that had kept stroking Atsumu's hair the entire time suddenly stopped, a slight smile appearing on the black-haired's lips as he raised his eyebrows. Atsumu blinked a few times before he was aware of what he had just said and then tried to cover his face again but Sakusa was quicker and grabbed his wrists delicately before he covered himself.

"Why are you embarrassed now? You already said it, it's useless to regret it after you said it," Sakusa said holding his hands.

His expression was serious but he seemed amused at the situation and Atsumu blushed again, cursing himself a thousand times for being such an idiot and saying things without thinking. In the end everyone was right, he was a loudmouth without measures, he didn't know how to shut up and he always got in trouble for being a damn charlatan. Who did he think he was talking to? That was Sakusa Kiyoomi, for God's sake!

"And by the way, thanks for the compliment," Sakusa said, releasing his hands. "Can you stand up?"

Atsumu nodded and slowly got up from the bed, exposing his bare back. Up until that moment Sakusa's body heat had protected him, but now that he had moved away and the blanket only covered the front of his body, Atsumu felt a chill that made his skin crawl. Also, his limbs felt heavy - although he could move well - so he sat on the mattress with his feet flat on the floor. Sakusa stood up and held out a hand which Atsumu grasped gratefully.

"Thank you..." Atsumu said, "sir," he added.

Sakusa replaced the velvet sheet to cover his body and bowed his head slightly. With a hand on Atsumu's lower back, he guided him into a bathroom where he began to fill the tub with steaming water and where he added bubbly soap that smelled of roses.

Atsumu watched as Sakusa paid attention to every little detail of what he was doing, and it made him think. He knew that after a scene a proper aftercare was important to regulate the levels of endorphins released so that they didn't plummet and cause a feeling of emptiness that could be temporary or permanent, depending on the amount of hormones released. But still...

Still, Atsumu couldn't help but feel the warmth from before when Sakusa was next to him even though the man was now far from him. But he was doing all that for him. For Atsumu, who usually felt like he was nothing.

If felt good, very good.

***

Kuroo pulled the phone away from his ear when Tsukishima's voice sounded from the other end, furious as he had never been before. He had spent the last 40 minutes screaming and Kuroo no longer knew what to do or say, as each time he opened his mouth he seemed to piss off his manager more.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS ON YOUR MIND!? THE FUCKING DAY BEFORE THE PREMIERE, THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR THE ADVERTISING OF THE FILM, YOU'RE A DISASTER, THINK WHAT YOU DO FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND STOP GETTING INTO PROBLEMS THAT LATER I HAVE TO SOLVE. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

"I wasn't thinking, Tsukki," Kuroo replied with a sigh, bringing the phone to his ear again.

It was 10 pm and he was sitting in the dark, on the bathroom floor next to the toilet. He had woken up in the middle of the afternoon with tremendous nausea and had run to the bathroom because he could not take it anymore. He had spent so many hours sleeping in a drunken dream that he hadn't been awakened by Tsukishima's 43 calls, he had only opened his eyes when his body couldn't contain itself for a single second more.

"I was drunk, I don't even remember getting into a fight. I don't remember how I got to my house either, for the love of God, Tsukki, I've been throwing up all day, please don't yell at me."

"YO'RE TELLING ME NOT TO YELL AT YOU? WHAT YOU DESERVE IS THAT I KILL YOU, YOU'RE TRENDING TOPIC ON TWITTER SINCE YESTERDAY, THERE ARE 2.5 MILLION TWEETS TALKING ABOUT THE FIGHT, THE VIDEO HAS BEEN UPLOADED ON YOUTUBE, YOU'RE ON ALL THE NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONALS NEWS AND THE FUCKING MOVIE IS RELEASING WITHIN TWO FUCKING HOURS, HAVEN'T YOU HAD A BETTER TIME TO GET DRUNK? DO YOU KNOW THE DAMAGE THIS IS GOING TO DO TO YOUR IMAGE? HOW THE FUCK DO YOU INTEND TO GET BACK FROM THIS, KUROO-SAN?"

Kuroo dropped his head back until it hit the bathroom tiles, something he immediately regretted when a stabbing pain shot through his head from side to side. The headache was killing him and every scream Tsukishima gave echoed in his ears and made his brain throb against the walls of his skull. Seeing a light made him dizzy and every time he tried to move or stand up the ground would spin under him. He tried to think about what Tsukishima was saying, but every time he lost concentration to hold back the nausea it made him want to throw up. He leaned over the toilet once more.

"Please take a painkiller, this's grossing me out," Tsukishima said on the other end of the phone.

"If I get up off the ground, I throw up again," Kuroo said wiping his mouth with a piece of paper.

"Yuck."

"Thank you for your moral support, Tsukki," Kuroo said closing his eyes again.

"Call Bokuto-san and let him help you because when the movie is released I'll call you again, and if there is a single viewer less than we had estimated I swear I'll cut your head off and put it on a pike," said Tsukishima.

"I'd rather not call Koutaro, I've broken up with him," Kuroo said in a tired voice.

"Oh," Tsukishima said with a sudden softer voice. "Sorry, I didn't know. Last night it didn't seem like you two had broken up."

"What do you mean?" Kuroo asked confused.

"Uhm... maybe you should talk to him. And take something for the stomach, when I said I'll call you back I meant it."

"I'll handle it, thanks. And I'm sorry, Tsukki."

Kuroo hung up the phone and looked at the screen but the white light was like a flash to his pupils, which, accustomed to the dark, narrowed to just a tiny black point. He locked the phone again to remove the light, but before he could open his eyes again, the phone rang again and Kuroo answered without being able to see who he was speaking to.

"The movie hasn't come out yet, Tsukki, you can't call me so soon," Kuroo said in a tired voice.

"No, uh... I'm not _Tsukki_."

"Oikawa-kun?" Kuroo said opening his eyes to meet the darkness of his bathroom. "Sorry, I didn't look at the screen."

"Don't worry," he said. "How are you?"

"Bad, but it's what I deserve. I can't stand alcohol," Kuroo said with a sigh.

"It shows," Oikawa said with a soft laugh. "I don't know if you've..."

"Seen twitter? Heard the news? No, but Tsukki already told me that my face is everywhere."

"Well, your face is quite attractive so it's not that it's that troublesome."

Kuroo couldn't see him but he knew that Oikawa was smiling like he always did every time he flirted with him, and that made the black-haired man's heart race causing his stomach to churn and making him feel like he was about to throw up again. He coughed against his gag and took a deep breath to try to calm his stomach. Why did his body go crazy every time he remembered Oikawa's smile?

"Thank you Oikawa-kun, you're the only one who knows how to cheer me up," Kuroo said with a smirk. "You and the painkiller that I can't get out of the drawer because if I move I'll spit up my liver."

A laugh rang out from the other end of the phone, but it didn't seem to bother Kuroo as much as Tsukishima's screams, so he considered it a sign that the alcohol was leaving his body little by little.

"Need help?" Oikawa asked when he finished laughing.

"No, don't worry, I'll get over it," he replied.

"If you need anything, give me a call and give me your address and I'll be there right away," Oikawa said still laughing softly but also worried.

"Thanks for worrying about me."

"It's nothing. And by the way, how are you feeling?"

"I already told you, I'm bad," Kuroo said not knowing why he was repeating the question.

"No, I don't mean physically. I mean how you feel about your ex-boyfriend. Have you talked to him?"

"Hmm... no, why?"

Silence.

This was very strange. First Tsukishima told him that they did not look like they had broken up to him and now Oikawa asked him if he had talked to him and he kept quiet when Kuroo asked him the reason behind the question. 

"Oikawa-kun?"

"I think you should watch the video of your fight, Kuro-chan. And talk to him afterward. I think... I think you have a lot to talk about," Oikawa whispered.

Kuroo thought about it. He didn't feel like seeing Bokuto for a while, although he knew that he would have to do so as soon as he went out on the street because, as he was also his bodyguard, he had to accompany him when he went to public places. Although Kuroo could just go out without warning and just get rid of him, but he couldn't avoid it forever.

Also, he did not feel like watching that damn video everyone was talking about. It was not the first time he had gotten into a fight, why had it had such an impact this time?

"I will... At some point in my life," Kuroo said. "But not now. Not until I feel like I'm not dying inside."

"Okay," Oikawa said weakly. "Call me if you need anything, Kuro-chan. Take care."

"I will, Oikawa-kun, thank you," he replied.

Kuroo hung up the phone a second time and this time put it on the ground before covering his face with his hands and massaging his eyes with the tips of his fingers. He was better because Oikawa's voice hadn't bothered him, so he decided it was time to get up.

But as soon as he did, the nausea washed over him again. The alcohol was still inside him, so he was no better. But why hadn't he felt like throwing up when he talked to the brunet?

_This is definitely the last time I drink alcohol_ , Kuroo thought leaning over the toilet once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
> 
> It's not that obvious that these two are my fav ships, right? Right? 😅😅😅😅😅😅
> 
> Poor Kuroo, he's the same as me when it comes to alcohol lol 
> 
> Wellllll I have nothing else to say but that i love you so much, see you in few days!
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You touched me while I was drunk, knowing that I wasn't aware of my actions," Kuroo whispered, sobbing in fury through clenched teeth, tears still falling from his amber eyes. "How could you do that to me, Koutaro?"

1:10 am.

The film, which lasted for one hour and ten minutes, had been released at 12 am, and everyone was watching the credits on the screen without actually seeing them.

The boys, those who were fans of Kuroo or Oikawa, had arranged to see it together. They had to pay for the film on an online platform or go to an adult cinema, but they had not had the opportunity to buy the tickets before they were sold out, so they had decided that, since their plans to see it on the big screen were screwed up, at least they would see the movie together at Yaku's house.

But now they regretted it, their pants tightened around their rock-hard dicks, their underwear damp after so long leaking.

They knew it would be a good movie, but they hoped that when they saw it in company, their libido would be held in shame. It was clear that they were wrong.

"Fuck...," Suga muttered with flushed cheeks.

"That... That was...," Lev whispered.

"Hot" Tendo said.

"Oikawa-san is...," Hinata said swallowing hard, his eyes gleaming and his pupils dilated, "too good."

"It's his best movie by far, he seemed to be really enjoying himself," Kageyama said with a hoarse growl. "Damn it," he said getting up from the couch and heading to the bathroom.

"There he goes, the first fallen at the feet of the blowjob king," Suga said laughing.

"Don't stain anything, I don't want to have to clean up your jizz afterwards!" Yaku yelled, causing Kageyama to blush to his ears before slamming the door shut.

"Don't forget Kuroo-san. Those stares, those smirks...," Daichi added with a dry mouth and readjusting his pants, trying to find a more comfortable and less painful position for his bulge.

"I can't stop thinking about the scene where he was sitting with his legs spread while Oikawa sucked him off," Yaku said biting his lip as his eyes turned almost white.

"The moment he moaned was... Ugh~," Tendo sighed, closing his eyes as his brain played over and over again the sound of the black-haired man's ragged voice just before he came.

"It was amazing, didn't it seem like we were seeing a couple?" Hinata said returning to the scene where Oikawa was sitting on top of Kuroo and pausing it when their faces were on the screen. "Right there, Kuroo-san and Oikawa-san's eyes speak by themselves. Besides, Oikawa-san has tear streaks, isn't it weird?"

It was true. Just when Kuroo had seen Oikawa cry and had lifted him up to be face to face, in one of the sequences his eyes had met with so much fervor and passion that instead of giving off lust as would be normal in a porn video, they gave off another thing: it was like seeing something more _intimate_ , as if there was something more than just sex between them, as if it were something personal and not artificial. It was an unusual feeling in a movie of that caliber.

"It gives me a little morbid to see this video," Suga said pressing play again, "but I can't help it. It's like watching something forbidden."

"Are you into voyeurism, Suga?" Daichi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"After seeing this, I won't deny that it can be tremendously exciting," he said looking at Daichi and biting his lip as a smile fought to take control of the corners of his mouth.

"Do you think there is something between them?" Hinata said questioningly.

"Between Daichi and Suga? I'd be damned if I thought not," Yaku said with a laugh that sounded more like a snort than anything else.

Daichi and Suga blushed and looked away.

"There's nothing," Daichi said.

"Yet," Lev added.

"I'm talking about Oikawa-san and Kuroo-san," Hinata rectified with blank eyes. "It's obvious that Suga-san and Daichi-san are always in the mood when they look at each other."

"H-Hinata!" Daichi said hotly, the blush reaching the tip of his nose.

"He hasn't told any lies, Daichi," Suga said with some mischief. Daichi shot him a brief look, somewhat embarrassed but with a clear expression of triumph. "But speaking of Kuroo and Oikawa, I don't know what to say. They look like boyfriends."

"Kuroo-san's video from the party seemed to indicate that he's still dating his bodyguard," Lev pointed out.

"Hey, Semi, you're a fan of both, what do you think-?"

When Tendo turned to ask Semi, he found the boy pressed against the back of the sofa as his lips were frenziedly devoured by Osamu's, sitting next to him and his hands traveling down Semi's legs with rough strokes across the thick denim cloth.

"WHAT THE FUCK, GO TO A HOTEL!" yelled Yaku throwing a cushion against them. But despite hitting them on the arms, the action did not seem to have any effect as they continued to eat each other as if they were in their own home. "Guys, stop making out in my couch!"

"Osamu," Suga called out. "Hey, Osamu. OSAMU!"

Only when Daichi gave a tug on Osamu's shirt collar did both boys part with heavy breathing. Semi sat up slightly to put a peak on Osamu's lips before Daichi pulled him back out of Semi's reach.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Osamu said looking at Daichi.

"You were about to fuck each other in front of us, why don't you go home?" Lev said rolling his eyes.

"It's not like that," Semi said with red lips. "Why did you interrupt us?" he asked in annoyance.

"Mainly not to see how Osamu pulls his cock out to-"

"YAKU!" Osamu and Semi yelled at the same time with red cheeks.

"Okay, okay, I'll shut up. But it's obvious what was gonna happen if we didn't stop you."

Everyone except the two of them laughed out loud. Embarrassing another person in the group was a hobby everyone shared, and this time it was Semi and Osamu's turn. But they had asked for it, who happened to make out with his fuck buddy in front of all of them after watching a porn movie?

"Going back to the topic we were on," Daichi said finally releasing Osamu. "Don't you think it's been much more intense from Kuroo-san? I've never seen anything like this, it's usually a lot less... I don't know, he seemed more concerned about Oikawa-san than the movie itself."

"That's true," Osamu muttered, putting an arm around Semi's shoulders. "But why do you ask that?"

"Nothing, just curious," Hinata said.

"They seemed like lovers and talking about this helps me not to think about the erection in my pants so go on the fucking conversation," Lev said threateningly. Semi laughed.

"Where's Tobio-kun?" Osamu asked.

"In the bathroom, jerking off, LEAVING A SEMEN PAINT ON THE TILES!" Yaku yelled for Kageyama to hear.

"THAT'S A LIE!" Kageyama yelled back in a somewhat shaky voice.

"By the way, Osamu, what about your brother?" Tendo asked looking around. "I thought he was looking forward to see the movie, but I haven't heard from him since that day at the bar."

"I don't know what's wrong with him, he hasn't replied to the messages I've sent him," he replied with a shrug. "I'm sure he's still down because Sakusa ignores him. I told him that it would be good for him to be with us and relax for a while, but he hasn't even connected. And I've also told him a thousand times to go out and find someone real, no to an unreachable actor," he said with a sigh.

"You know that isn't gonna work for him," Semi said, entwining his hand with Osamu's that rested on his shoulder. "Atsumu is very amorous, he won't sleep with anyone unless he's in love. And the only person who fits that profile is Sakusa, who has recently dumped him like a dirty rag."

"I know...," Osamu said regretfully. "I really feel sorry for him. I don't want him to have a bad time. He had enough in high school."

"It doesn't seem to have affected him too much," Suga said, not without some concern in his voice.

"I know, but I know him. He's my brother, and I know it really does affect him. But he hasn't shown it not to worry us. He's still an idiot who keeps all his troubles to himself," said Osamu, shaking his head. "Anyway, we'd better give it up for a few days. I guess it'll pass soon and he'll forget about Sakusa, it's just a matter of time."

"Guys," Kageyama said coming back from the bathroom, his cell phone raised, "Twitter is on fire with the movie, there are more tweets in an hour and a half than last night with Kuroo-san's fight."

"Did you jerk off while tweeting?" Semi asked with a disgusted face.

Kageyama shot him a narrow-eyed look. "My phone vibrated when I finished," he said taking a seat in the empty space between Hinata and Yaku.

"No wonder it had such an impact," Yaku said with a smile, sliding his finger across the screen of Kageyama's phone. "The movie probably has the new viewer record."

***

"The movie has broken viewer records for any of its genre," Tsukishima said in a voice that sounded almost sulk.

"You don't seem very happy," Kuroo said with a smirk, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he filled a glass of water. "Did you feel like shouting at me again?"

"The truth is yes, I do," Tsukishima replied. "You deserve it, Kuroo-san."

"I won't deny it," the black-haired man replied with a shrug. "But you've worried about nothing. The film was gonna have a good reception, many people was waiting for it."

Kuroo tossed a pill into his mouth and took a large gulp of water. It was 3 in the morning and he was tired, eager to get into bed and rest, this time without alcohol in his body.

After having managed to calm his stomach thanks to having called Oikawa again to speak with him for almost two hours in which he had gotten to know the boy a little better, he had gotten up from the bathroom floor and had taken a shower. He did not even want to look in the mirror, he would surely have a dead face after the day of throwing up he had spent. His eyes stung and he had a sour taste on his tongue; it didn't matter what he smelled, his nose seemed to have gotten used to the smell of vomit and now he only smelled that, so he did not want too much to see himself looking so deplorable. It was enough to feel it.

"Do you know anything about-?"

Kuroo's sentence was interrupted by several knocks on the door. They weren't loud or angry knocks, but still Kuroo instinctively knew who was knocking on his door at this time of night.

"Kuroo-san?" Tsukishima called on the other end of the phone.

"Wait a minute," Kuroo said walking towards the entrance.

Kuroo lowered the phone and clutched it in his hand as he opened the door. He was met by a pair of golden eyes looking at him eagerly. He brought the phone back to his ear and spoke to Tsukishima.

"I'll call you later, Tsukki," he said before hanging up.

"Hello," Bokuto muttered.

"What do you want this time?" Kuroo said with clear anger.

"I need to talk to you," Bokuto said looking away.

Kuroo tried to read his expression and what he found disturbed him. Bokuto seemed to feel bad about himself, it would even be said that he felt... guilty?

With an annoyed sigh, Kuroo turned away from the door and let him in. Kuroo closed behind him and started walking towards the living room, but Bokuto stayed still after passing the threshold not daring to move unless the black-haired man said something to him. That was not good, Bokuto had never behaved like this.

"Are you planning to come in or are you gonna stand there like a fool?" Kuroo asked throwing him a look over his shoulder.

Bokuto followed him into the hall with doubtful steps. Kuroo sat in an armchair in a comfortable but undesirable posture, with his arms crossed over his chest and half of his back resting on the seat of the sofa instead of the back. He looked expectantly at Bokuto, waiting for him to take a seat and tell him why he had knocked on his door at 3 in the morning.

"I guess you've seen twitter," Bokuto said with a downcast gaze.

"No," Kuroo replied impassively.

"No?" Bokuto asked raising his head and looking at Kuroo with a worried expression.

"No, I'm not interested in the fight, nor am I in a position to see how people have taken the reception of the film. Tsukki told me it went well, I don't need more."

Kuroo's voice was cold and distant, and Bokuto felt a chill, guilt devouring his insides.

 _He still doesn't know what he did_ , Bokuto thought. _Nor does he know everything they are saying about the movie._

"I was right, y'know?" Bokuto said. "People think the same as me. If you had read twitter you'd have seen it."

"Aha, I don't understand you but keep going," Kuroo said not caring in the least.

"I'm talking about you and Oikawa. Everyone is saying that the movie is full of... looks and caresses. Same thing I told you," Bokuto said hurt.

"So?" Kuroo asked.

"Are you not gonna admit that I was right?" Bokuto asked angrily clenching his fists, his words tinged with a certain rancor.

"If you want me to tell you that you were right, congratulations, maybe you are," Kuroo said, clapping his hands slowly and sarcastically, his claps echoing off the walls.

"You're shameless, Tetsuro!" Bokuto said raising his voice slightly. "Fuck it, admit that you and Oikawa are together and you cheated on me!"

"Let me tell you two things," Kuroo said, straightening up on the couch and sticking out his index finger in a warning tone. "First thing, Oikawa-kun and I are _not_ dating. I've never cheated on you, even if you insist on putting me as the bad guy in this relationship. Second. If I started dating Oikawa-kun or not, it's not your business anymore, because we're not together. You and I are nothing now," Kuroo said threateningly with narrowed eyes.

"Don't you remember what happened last night?" Bokuto asked looking down at Kuroo's scarred neck, his stomach knotting and feeling guilt grow deep within him.

"No," Kuroo replied nonchalantly. "Why?"

"We... You have the ...," Bokuto pointed to his own neck.

Kuroo's eyes widened, rage boiling inside him as he shot Bokuto a murderous glare. He jumped up from the couch and ran to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror.

The first thing Kuroo saw were his reddened eyes, just as he had assumed they would be when he refused to look at himself in the mirror. But underneath... Underneath, indeed, his neck was purple with hickeys that extended below the collar of his shirt.

His eyes welled up with tears of frustration and rage and he clenched his teeth and fists, feeling the murderous rage build inside him, causing new nausea but not from the alcohol this time. It was as if he had been hit in the stomach. He bent over, holding his stomach with one hand as he used the other to grip the edge of the sink. Tears fell directly from his eyes to the ground as he emitted a strangled groan of helplessness. He felt like garbage, he felt hurt and unprotected.

And he felt like Bokuto had stepped out of line.

He stomped back to the living room, his eyes even redder as the tears fell one after the other, leaving grooves on his cheeks that had gone pale from the impact of seeing those marks on his neck reflected in the mirror. Bokuto got up from the sofa in anguish when he saw how Kuroo was, and tried to take a step with his raised hand to approach the black-haired man, but before he could do so, Kuroo was in front of him with his arm raised.

Bokuto hadn't had time to react when he suddenly felt his cheek burn and a loud snap reached his ears as his neck turned to the right with suddenness. He groaned in pain and brought his hand to his freshly slapped cheek, feeling the sting in his eyes as the tears struggled to escape.

"You touched me while I was drunk, knowing that I wasn't aware of my actions," Kuroo whispered, sobbing in fury through clenched teeth, tears still falling from his amber eyes. "How could you do that to me, Koutaro?"

Bokuto couldn't contain himself and burst into tears, wasting away in his own guilt as he saw the pain in Kuroo's eyes, a pain that told him that the man had lost all the trust he had placed in Bokuto. He looked away and covered his face, unable to meet his eyes after what he had done.

"Sorry, I didn't want to-"

"Get out," Kuroo said in a shaky voice. "Get out of my house. Now."

"Please, listen to me-"

"NO, KOUTARO, I DON'T WANNTA LISTEN TO YOU," Kuroo shouted. "EVEN IF I HAD CHEATED ON YOU, THIS IS TOO MUCH! I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO YOU, HOW COULD YOU? I FEEL NAUSEOUS! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU. YOU WEREN'T JUST MY BOYFRIEND, YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND. HOW COULD YOU!?"

"I don't know! I was just..." Bokuto was trembling, he did not know how to explain himself. "I was just... I still love you, Tetsuro! Please hear me out!"

"NO, THIS IS NOT LOVE, KOUTARO. THIS IS NOT FUCKING LOVE!" Kuroo tugged at his own hair and pulled, tears streaming down his face.

"I didn't know what to do!" Bokuto exclaimed crying. "You threw yourself at that man shouting like crazy, saying that I was yours! I was confused!"

"I WAS DRUNK. DO YOU THINK THAT FACT GIVES YOU THE POWER TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH ME?"

"You told me you wanted me to fuck you, how was I gonna know you didn't really want it!?"

Kuroo froze, the tears stopping their fall from his, now wide, eyes.

"I did what?"

"Listen to me please," Bokuto begged wiping away his own tears. "I shouldn't have done that, it's my fault, but I was confused! Please, Tetsuro, I-"

"No. Don't say anything," Kuroo said gulping, trying to remember what he had done when he was drunk.

"Sorry, Tetsuro," Bokuto said. "I swear I won't lay a finger on you again, I just-"

"Get out," Kuroo said again in a firmer voice, wiping all traces of tears from his eyes. "Get out or I'll kill you with my bare hands."

"Please-!"

"GET OUT NOW, KOUTARO!"

Bokuto opened his mouth once more but closed it without saying anything, scared- No. Frightened at Kuroo's voice. The tears start to pour out again as if they were an incessant rain on december. He took a step back and shook his head, afraid of talking to Kuroo.

He walked down the hall trembling like a leaf as Kuroo followed him with his gaze. He reached the door, which he opened to step out into the early morning cold, where his tears felt like chunks of ice falling from his golden eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha... Pain...
> 
> Writing this hurts like hell 🙂
> 
> I hope you enjoyed (as much as you can lmao), I surely didn't 😀


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This's the official gossip site and you can't come in asking for the boss and calling him bastard and hope we don't ask about it," Semi commented.
> 
> "Yeah, spill the tea," Lev said sitting down on a stool and leaning his back on the bar.
> 
> "I'm not gonna say anything, and even less if Shirabu isn't here, I've come to talk to him and I'm not leaving until I do," Yamaguchi said crossing his arms.
> 
> "Yamaguchi," called Yaku who was still very close to his face, observing every detail of the boy, "is that a hickey?"

"You're a bastard, Shirabu!" said Yamaguchi, hurriedly entering the bar.

"He's not here," Lev said. "What happened?"

"Well, it's a long story," Yamaguchi said. "I wanna talk to him, can you find him?"

"Nah, I'm lazy. And we still have half an hour until we open, so tell us, what happened?" Semi asked from behind the bar leaning his elbows on the flat surface.

Yamaguchi shook his head with a slight blush on his freckled cheeks and looked away. Yaku widened his eyes and leaned closer to him to take a closer look. He leaned over Yamaguchi, being inches from his face and barely blinking.

"Did you just blush?" he asked shocked. "Has that ever happened? Do punk boys blush?"

"Sure we do," Yamaguchi said heatedly trying to get away from him. "Where is Shirabu?"

"Upstairs, doing boss stuff," Semi said rolling his eyes. "But you're not gonna leave here until you tell what happened and why you're looking for Shirabu so badly. This's the official gossip site and you can't come in asking for the boss and calling him bastard and hope we don't ask about it," he commented.

"Yeah, spill the tea," Lev said sitting down on a stool and leaning his back on the bar.

"I'm not gonna say anything, and even less if Shirabu isn't here, I've come to talk to him and I'm not leaving until I do," Yamaguchi said crossing his arms.

"Yamaguchi," called Yaku who was still very close to his face, observing every detail of the boy, "is that a hickey?"

Yamaguchi took a step back suddenly pale and quickly shaking his head. Reflexively, he pulled up the collar of his leather jacket but couldn't cover the mark, so he put his hand right where the hickey was. Yaku's eyes widened even more: Yamaguchi knew he had a hickey and had hoped that no one would notice it in the dim light of the bar, but he had been wrong if he thought they were not going to examine him with a magnifying glass after having entered almost screaming and looking for his closest friend, even closer than Hinata or Kageyama.

"Are you coming to tell Shirabu about your sexual adventures and not us? I feel offended, Yamaguchi," Yaku said with a hand on his hip.

"N-no, it's not that," Yamaguchi said turning the color of blood again.

"What is this scandal?" Shirabu said appearing through the side door of the bar.

"Bastard!" yelled Yamaguchi. "You left me alone!"

Shirabu stared at him for a few seconds before understanding what he meant.

_Oh._

"Man, you weren't getting up off the ground and we got caught, I had to run," Shirabu said with a shrug.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Osamu asked without understanding anything.

"Semi and Yaku must know," Shirabu said with another shrug.

"No," they both said in unison looking at the boy.

"No?" Shirabu asked confused. "We said it in the group of Teru fans. We were gonna sneak into the party that took place days ago, the one for the premiere of the film that you like so much."

"But did you get to enter?" Lev asked reluctantly.

"Oh, you can be sure of that," Shirabu said with a chuckle as he pulled a couple of bottles from the cabinet under the bar to replace the empty ones on the shelf behind him. "But we got caught, and you won't believe who got us," he said still smiling.

"Wait, wait, you guys sneaked into Kodzuken's private party and got caught and you're still alive?" Osamu said with a frown.

"And we saw your dear Oikawa," Shirabu commented casually.

"OIKAWA!?" Semi yelled.

"Yeah, he looked like an idiot sitting there talking, I think they were recording the streaming."

"That's not the problem," Yamaguchi intervened, approaching Shirabu. "Dude, you left me alone."

"And you don't seem to have had a bad time after seeing that hickey," Yaku said. "Who did you fuck at that party, Yams? If you tell me you've fucked a famous person, I'll kneel before you here and now," he said, his eyes bright with excitement.

Shirabu suddenly looked up and pierced Yamaguchi with his eyes. The freckled boy did not speak, but his gaze was enough for Shirabu to connect the dots.

They had run into Terushima, Shirabu had run out of there and left Yamaguchi with him waiting for him to react on his own but he- He had- Yamaguchi had-

_Oh no._

"HAVE YOU FUCKED TER- A PORN ACTOR!?" Shirabu shouted in a high-pitched voice, his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets.

At that moment Atsumu, who had remained silent in a corner, absentmindedly staring at the scene with his mind lost elsewhere, rose so quickly from his seat that he threw the stool to the ground with a thud.

Yamaguchi was startled by the scream and the blow and raised his hands as he shook them in a negative gesture.

"No! No, but that's why I need to talk to you!" he said altered looking at Shirabu.

"No no no no, now you can't leave without telling us what happened," Semi said, coming out from behind the bar and approaching him.

"Nothing happened," said Yamaguchi who kept shaking his hands and head. "Really, nothing."

"You have a hickey on your neck, do you think we're gonna believe you didn't do anything?" Lev said raising an eyebrow.

"Shirabu," Yamaguchi said pleadingly trying to get him to stop the others.

"Come up with me, we'll talk upstairs. And the rest of you, open the bar now," he said coming from behind the bar.

"But there are still 20 minutes left," said Osamu.

"I don't care, that way I make sure you don't come to hear what we're talking about. Open up now, surely there are clients who are already waiting."

Shirabu gestured to Yamaguchi and got lost through the same door he had entered a few moments before. The freckled boy followed him under the watchful eyes of the others and also disappeared behind the door before everyone turned to Atsumu.

"You were excited to think that there was a possibility of fucking an actor, huh?" Osamu said insightfully. "Forget about him already, 'Tsumu. You deserve better."

Atsumu shot him a quick glance before turning his back to him, a smile appearing at the corners of his lips.

 _You'd be surprised at what I deserve and what I already have, Samu,_ Atsumu thought.

***

Shirabu and Yamaguchi entered a small office where there was a table with a computer on it and a stack of papers, a chair, and a painting on the right wall. Yamaguchi knew that behind the painting was the safe in which the money was kept each night to protect it against theft.

Shirabu sat on the edge of the desk and pointed to the chair to Yamaguchi, who gratefully accepted the seat.

"Tell me what happened," Shirabu said in a kind and gentle tone of voice. "Was it Teru?"

Yamaguchi slowly nodded.

"But it was nothing," Yamaguchi replied. "Nothing happened... As always."

"And the mark on the neck?" Shirabu asked.

"Well that..."

Yamaguchi shifted uncomfortably in his seat and nervously rubbed his hands. Since the two of them had met thanks to being fans of Terushima, Shirabu had become such a close friend that Yamaguchi told him everything, and vice versa.

So he knew about _that_.

"Hey, I'm sorry for what I did," Shirabu whispered. "I didn't think about... What had happened to you. It didn't occur to me that leaving you alone wasn't a good idea and that he might..."

"No, no, Shirabu, don't blame yourself," Yamaguchi whispered. "I was... Very daring, too much daring, actually. Normally I wouldn't have said everything I said, but I couldn't help myself. But nothing happened, he just... He just kissed me and well..."

Yamaguchi lowered his gaze and bit his lip that had started to tremble as he spoke. He ran a hand through his hair and tousled it slightly. Shirabu saw that he had tears in his eyes.

"Hey, don't cry," he said getting off the table and hugging him.

Yamaguchi, still sitting in the chair, hugged him back, passing his trembling hands around the boy's waist and emitted a soft sob, but before emitting a second, he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

Everything had happened a long time ago, he had to stop thinking about it and move on. But it was so difficult...

"Do you want to keep talking about it, or would you rather we just let it be?" Shirabu asked rocking Yamaguchi gently.

"I don't know, what do you think will make me feel better?" Yamaguchi asked, his voice muffled by Shirabu's clothing.

"That's for you to decide, Yams, I can't tell you what to do," he replied fondly.

Yamaguchi squeezed Shirabu before releasing him and slowly pulling away from him. His eyes were somewhat red and glassy, but he did not appear to be in a pitiful condition.

"Did he force you?" Shirabu asked in a very low voice.

"No... No, not at all," Yamaguchi said, shaking his head. "He intended to go further, but I said no and he just stopped without asking or questioning me. He just kissed me on the lips and neck and caressed me where I let him. He didn't cross any of my limits."

"Nothing else?" Shirabu asked stroking his hair.

"Nothing else," Yamaguchi said. "He was... sweeter than I thought, considering he's a porn actor," he sighed. "And he gave me his phone number," he added a few seconds later.

"WHAT!?" Shirabu exclaimed with wide eyes and the hint of a smile. "AW MAN, NOW I AM REGRETTING I RAN OUT," he said covering his face. Yamaguchi chuckled softly and Shirabu sighed rolling his eyes. "Say it, I'm an idiot."

"You're an idiot," Yamaguchi confirmed.

"When did he give you his phone number?" Shirabu asked taking a seat at the table again. "Before? Or after that...?"

"After, when he took me home. He took me in a limo, it was amazing," Yamaguchi said.

"Have you talked to him?"

"No... I'm scared, Shirabu. I don't know if I can give him what he needs," Yamaguchi replied sadly.

"Man, he gave you his phone number after he knew you had limits. He must have liked you and he sure didn't care, I wouldn't give my phone to anyone if I didn't want to keep in touch with that person."

"But still..."

"Listen," Shirabu said, getting off the table again and bending down to look at Yamaguchi from below, grabbing his hands that were resting on the boy's lap, "you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. But if you want to, do it. Without thinking about sex. Do it just to get to know him little by little, and if something ever comes up and you're ready to move on, go ahead. But don't force yourself into anything, and don't limit yourself to meeting new people by fear of not being enough. You're enough, Yams, you don't need to have sex to prove you're a cool guy. And knowing what Terushima did I'd say he won't have a problem going slowly. Man, a porn actor gave you his phone after you told him you didn't want to fuck him, what more do you want?"

Yamaguchi's eyes filled with grateful tears and he smiled before the first one fell.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"You're welcome," Shirabu replied standing up and dragging Yamaguchi with him to stand. "I know you had a traumatic experience, getting over a..."

Shirabu fell silent and tried to find a word that would do justice to what Yamaguchi had gone through without using exactly that word, but couldn't find anything useful. Yamaguchi observed his struggle and tried to reassure him.

"You can say it, Shirabu, it doesn't matter," Yamaguchi muttered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry."

"Okay, well... I know that getting over a rape doesn't sound easy, but you'll get there little by little, don't pressure yourself. Take your time to deal with what that entails."

"I know, it's just... When I think I'm fine and over it... I jump in and try to take another step, but then just before it happens... I cower. I can't help it."

"Don't think twice about it, take it easy."

"Thank you, Shirabu. Really," Yamaguchi said.

"You're welcome, Yams," he replied. "And now tell me how he kisses, don't keep it to yourself man, you have me on edge. How does the piercing feel?"

Yamaguchi laughed through tears and blushed slightly. "It's great, it feels cold and it's a new feeling, I give it an eleven out of ten."

"Damn it, where is my pierced prince?" Shirabu said with a frown in an annoyed tone.

"Surely scared to approach you, _salty-boy_ ," Yamaguchi replied with a laugh.

"Oh shut up," Shirabu said, crossing his arms and pouting. Both boys burst out laughing.

Everyone had problems in their life, but Yamaguchi's problem was beyond Shirabu's control. It had been a long time ago, yes.

But some wounds are always difficult to close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, talking about the oh-so-wanted Teruyama 💕
> 
> I smell trauma haha
> 
> Ngl, Teruyama was supposed to be an unproblematic ship but well, you already know that I can't write fluff without angst so here, take a piece of it 😊
> 
> See you soon bbys,
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Kuroo's reason to be._
> 
> He heard a voice screaming, but he didn't have the strength to move, so he kept breathing evenly, too tired to make any gestures. Maybe he was dead.
> 
> And deep down inside, Kuroo wished it were so.

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: INSOMNIA BY ZAYN _ **

Kuroo released the pressure from the pillows between which his head was. The phone had stopped ringing four days ago because it had run out of battery. And Kuroo hadn't even bothered to charge it.

He was not interested in messages or calls - nothing they had to say really seemed important.

A light beard had grown around his jaw, usually soft and without a shadow of facial hair. His eyes were red after so many nights without sleep or sleeping so badly that it couldn't be considered a rest. The room was dark and it smelled musty. His stomach ached after a week on an empty stomach: the pain had started from nerves and anguish, and that had caused him not to eat; but after three days, the pain had changed to a pain caused by lack of food, a pain that took away the desire to eat and therefore increased more and more, like a vicious circle.

_A warm smile._

His mind wandered through limbo between a state of consciousness and a dream state where nothing made sense. He didn't know where he was, what day of the month it was or what time it was, he just knew he was a failure, overwhelmed by his own dark and twisted feelings. He felt that he was suffocating every time he took a breath of air, that he choked every time he shed a tear that got lost between the sheets that covered him.

_Black and white hair._

He closed his eyes and let himself be rocked by a gentle breeze that made his head spin, absorbing every drop of sanity that remained inside him. He heard nothing, just a rhythmic flowing sound: the sound of blood flowing thanks to the beating of his heart, now broken into a million pieces.

_Golden eyes._

He did not know how long he had spent in his world full of darkness when a hand tugged at the covers that covered him, uncovering his body almost naked except for the black underwear. His skin crawled at the sudden cold and his mind snapped out of the black eclipse in which it slowly consumed itself, devoured by self-pity and apathy. Morning sunlight streamed through the window and hit his skin, and fresh air flooded the room that had been closed for days.

_Kuroo's reason to be._

He heard a voice screaming, but he didn't have the strength to move, so he kept breathing evenly, too tired to make any gestures. Maybe he was dead.

And deep down inside, Kuroo wished it were so.

***

"KUROO-SAN!" Tsukishima yelled desperately.

He rolled him over onto his back and shook the black-haired man, but he made no move, as if he had lost all ability to react to external stimuli.

He had been calling him for the last 7 days, ever since Kuroo hung up the phone saying he would "call him later". But he never did.

Tsukishima didn't know what to think. Was he drunk? No. Was he high? No. There was nothing in the room to indicate that Kuroo had used some kind of substance on his body; noise or light hadn't made him cringe in discomfort. But the way Kuroo barely moved scared Tsukishima. He had never been so long without answering the phone, he had never made anyone worry like that, he had never isolated himself from the world.

He had never been like this.

He was alive because he was breathing - slowly and shallowly, which was certainly worrying - but Tsukishima didn't know how conscious he was. His eyes opened and closed at irregular intervals, his gaze lost somewhere on the wall and his pupils fully dilated.

"Kuroo-san, please," Tsukishima almost begged.

He sat down on the mattress and, as best he could, applying more force than he thought capable, he pulled Kuroo off the bed and left him sitting on the mattress. He had to hold him so as not to let him fall on the bed again, because his body felt heavy and inert, limp on the bed as if all life had left his body and had only left behind an empty shell that could hardly be considered a person.

Tsukishima looked at Kuroo's face with fear: he was in very bad shape. His skin was slightly cracked and his lips were dry. The eyes, now half-open, were slightly sunken and cloudy.

"Kuroo-san, what happened?" Tsukishima almost groaned. "You're about to lose consciousness due to dehydration, what happened to make you like this?"

Tsukishima's voice sounded terrified and shaky, but he had to do something.

He laid Kuroo's limp body back on the mattress and ran to the kitchen to fill a bowl with water and grab a cloth. He hurried back to the room, set the cloth and bowl on the nightstand, and resumed his seat next to Kuroo before pulling him back up onto the bed, not without some difficulty. He took the cloth and moistened the corner of the cloth to wipe it over Kuroo's lips, letting only a few small drops trickle into his mouth and slide down his throat, causing a guttural and raspy sound from Kuroo.

_At least he is alive,_ Tsukishima thought.

***

Kuroo turned his head weakly and looked to his right with only a slit of his eyes opening. He didn't have the strength to do anything else, the little energy he felt inside him had disappeared with that very slight effort.

"What were you thinking?" said a strangled voice.

Kuroo tried to focus on the figure in front of him who had spoken. He got a glimpse of blonde hair and pasta glasses: Tsukishima was sitting in a chair by the edge of his bed, his eyes glassy and an expression of deep concern.

" _Ts-kki,_ " Kuroo gasped in a voice so soft and weak that Tsukishima had hardly heard him.

"Yes, it's me," Tsukishima whispered, shedding a tear that Kuroo didn't even see, as his heavy eyelids had closed again. "I thought you were dead, Kuroo-san. I thought you were dead," he whimpered.

Kuroo mumbled something that sounded like "I'm sorry", slurring his words and not quite understanding why it seemed to him that Tsukishima was crying. Was he hallucinating? Was dead? It definitely looked like he was.

Little by little, between moments of lucidity and mental wandering while Tsukishima made Kuroo drink few drops of water to slowly make his body recover, Kuroo slowly regained consciousness until, at 8 pm, after hours and hours of dedication by Tsukishima, Kuroo was able to open his eyes and focus his sight on his manager.

"What-? Tsukki?" Kuroo asked in a weak and tired voice. "What are you doing here?"

"You're an idiot, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said in a sad and angry voice at the same time. "You could have died. You could have- I don't know what could have happened."

Kuroo reached out a hand to silently ask Tsukishima to help him up on the bed. Tsukishima helped him holding his hand and Kuroo leaned against the headboard of the bed and gave an uneasy sigh. However, he said nothing more. He remained silent, his head still spinning and the feeling of lead in his stomach lingering.

Tsukishima saw Kuroo so dejected that he was not even able to reprimand him.

"Oikawa-san called me desperate two days after the movie's premiere. He didn't want to burden you so he make his manager give him my number so he could contact me and ask me about you because he was worried. After that, I texted you and called many times and you didn't answer. At first I didn't care because you're like that," said Tsukishima running a hand through his hair and looking down at his lap, "because you never answer when you're needed. But the days went by, and nobody knew anything about you. And I started to worry. I talked to Bokuto-san but he didn't know anything about you either. We were worried, you know? This morning I thought... I thought you may had done something crazy so I showed up here at dawn. When I first saw you..."

Tsukishima looked up and what he saw shocked him.

Kuroo had brought his knees to his chest and was hugging his legs with his forehead resting on his knees as his shoulders shook with each sob. 

Kuroo was crying.

It was the first time that Kuroo had shown weakness in front of him.

"Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said in alarm getting up from the chair and sitting next to him on the bed. He put an arm around his shoulders and called out to him again. "Kuroo-san, tell me what's wrong."

"I don't know," Kuroo sobbed, his voice muffled. "I don't know what's happening to me, Tsukki. I'm confused and hurt and... Koutaro... He... We broke up... I feel empty, Tsukki. I don't know what to do..."

Tsukishima looked at the hopeless feeling Kuroo had all over his face. He took a breath and tried to find some relaxing words, but he knew they would not work.

"You just got out of a relationship, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima muttered. "Give yourself time to heal. All breakups are painful, one way or another. But you have to take care of yourself. Just... don't do the same thing again. As bad as you feel, don't blow yourself up."

Kuroo did not say anything. He did not know what to do to make if feel better; all that he felt was how his insides were crumbling down, like an old wood house eaten by termites. Like if his reason and heart had been stolen by a stealthy thief that made him feel full and empty at the same time.

"What made you feel like this?" Tsukishima asked carefully.

"I... I don't know. There are too many feelings inside me right now," Kuroo said, stifling a sob. "I don't know which one is stronger... I don't even know how many things I'm feeling."

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"No... I couldn't..."

"It's okay, Kuroo-san. Cry if that makes you feel better," Tsukishima said.

Kuroo braced himself even tighter and let out a new thread of sobs, filling the air with agony and pain as his face wetted with his own tears. It was not just that he broke up with Bokuto, no. He felt helpless because of so many reasons: the way he treated Bokuto, knowing that he did as bad as him; the feeling of knowing that he had hit his ex-lover after knowing they had sex without Kuroo being aware of it; the way he was starting to feel toward someone else so suddenly, without prior notice...

He was overwhelmed because sometimes that happens to _everyone_.

"I'm sorry I worried you," Kuroo whispered still crying, feeling as guilty as he felt confused.

Tsukishima took a deep breath again and gave him a compassionate look before reaching Kuroo's phone on his nightstand. He grabbed it from the table and unplugged it from the charger. While Kuroo was recovering, he had it charged and it was ready to be used again. Kuroo just had to turn it on.

"You haven't just worried me," Tsukishima whispered, handing him the phone.

Kuroo looked at him with a slight frown. He turned on the phone and entered his password.

He had 79 missed calls and 32 messages from Tsukishima, 11 calls and 24 messages from Oikawa, and 3 calls and 4 messages from Kenma. And his twitter had been filled with messages and tweets from fans who had been scared after not hearing from him in a week.

"There are people who care about you, Kuroo-san. Ask for help if you need it. Don't ever do the same thing again," Tsukishima chided him. "We thought something had happened to you."

"I'm sorry..."

"Let me tell you something, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said seriously. "You just got out of a relationship, a relationship that I know firsthand that has not been especially good or healthy, neither for you nor for Bokuto-san." Kuroo raised his head and looked at him intently as he spoke, his eyes sad and defeated. "It'll take a while for you to get used to the absence of strict control over your life. I've been talking to Bokuto-san and he himself knows that he's done things wrong. He has... He's asked for a time to leave his job, he wants to leave your space to... heal, he said. I don't know exactly what happened between you, but I suppose if he's decided to get away from you for a while, it's for a compelling reason.

"But you, Kuroo-san," he continued speaking, "you did just as badly. You might think no one saw it, but I did see what happened with Oikawa-san on the third day of filming. You shouldn't have done that, and you know perfectly well what I'm talking about. The recording was right and no one else seemed to notice it, so I didn't want to make a fuss about it." Kuroo lowered his head again, feeling guilty. "You both have to give yourselves time. And you're a public figure, Kuroo-san, you can't just disappear like that. I know it might sound disheartened for me to say this, but you're a media star, and your private life is not entirely private. People need to know that you're there, you cannot disappear for a whole week. And even less disappear to... almost die."

Tsukishima's last words had sounded scared and Kuroo knew that he couldn't drop himself into an abyss that he couldn't get out of afterwards, because Tsukishima, as grumpy as he always was, was scared in case something happened to him, because he cared about him. Because even though he was his manager, he was also a friend...

"Sorry, Tsukki," he muttered.

"I'm content that you've learned your lesson," Tsukishima replied. "Promise me that you'll be careful... And that you'll eat and drink water."

Kuroo nodded and looked back at the phone. He looked at it feeling a bit better after letting it out, but he was still crying when he looked at Oikawa's messages. He couldn't help but smile through the tears that still poured down on his cheeks.

Oikawa seemed concerned, and that made him feel bad for making him worry. But at the same time, it made him feel ... happy? Someone was caring about him in a way not even he cared about himself.

Those two feelings mixed inside him, adding even more confusion to his already messy thoughts.

"Kuroo-san," called Tsukishima, who had seen Kuroo's expression soften somewhat as he looked at the messages.

"Yeah?" Kuroo asked without taking his eyes off the phone as he typed a reply message.

"I don't know what will come tomorrow... But I do know that maybe Oikawa-san can help you heal," he said before heading out the door, leaving behind a slightly flushed Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima knows lmao 🤭
> 
> I hope you read between lines and know what's going on inside Kuroo's head 🤔🤔
> 
> Anyway, I have a new schedule so you know when I'll surely post: on Wednesday and Sundays, propably around this hour, maybe even a bit earlier
> 
> With that said, I'll see you on sunday, ILYYYYYY
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _No. You can't do it. How can you dare to turn the page? You deserve to suffer, you deserve to cry and feel anxiety. You don't deserve to be happy._

Bokuto looked at Kuroo's tweets again: he was fine, and knowing that took a load off him.

But still he felt like shit, because he had hurt the only person who mattered to him. How had everything ended so badly? Was it really his fault?

Thousands of questions swirled in his head in an unstoppable whirlwind, but he did not know the answer to any of them. He preferred not to think that he was entirely to blame, but he could not blame Kuroo either, because he was the one who had taken the worst of the relationship, and that was something that Bokuto was very clear about from the moment Kuroo had yelled at him in the dressing room that he had spent nights crying when Bokuto was sleeping with someone else to make the black-haired man jealous.

He had been selfish and stubborn, and instead of talking to Kuroo to fix things, he had decided to take the law into his own hand, which had led to this situation, where Kuroo had found himself in such a desolate state that he almost he had surrendered to death, not caring about anything or anyone, not even himself.

Bokuto had torn him apart from the inside and that was something that would not be so easy to fix.

_I lost him,_ Bokuto thought. _I lost him because I am stupid and I didn't know how to trust him._

He sighed and closed his eyes, still lying on his bed with his hands folded on his stomach. There were words that resonated inside him and that were making him bleed because they imposed on him a truth that he had refused to accept for the last 5 years with Kuroo.

_"You're wrong about Kuro-chan. And Kuro-chan is wrong about you. You're breaking each other, can't you see that?"_

_Oikawa's right,_ he thought.

Still, Bokuto couldn't help but feel a sting, like a burning nail through his gut. Kuroo would be happy with someone else, but... who was he left with?

_"We all deserve a second chance."_

Bokuto's eyes suddenly opened when he remembered that phrase and who had uttered it, accompanied by a smile that pretended to be understanding and blue-green eyes that glowed in the purple light from the spotlights of a party that now seemed so far away but it had been only two weeks ago.

Time had passed very fast and very slow at the same time, and Bokuto hadn't even remembered the young man who had approached him to speak before a scandal broke out in the middle of the dance floor. But now that he remembered...

He sat up on the bed, picked up his phone, and went on Twitter. He went into Oikawa's profile and searched among the people he was following until he found who he was looking for. He got into the profile and hit the "follow" button before putting the phone aside and lie down again.

Two minutes later the sound of a Twitter notification echoed in the room and Bokuto bolted to his feet to look at his phone and check that Akaashi was now following him back.

"Great," Bokuto muttered out loud.

He hit the button for the DMs and prepared to type a message. His hands were shaking a bit and he didn't know how to start the conversation, but he sure would do well if he took a deep breath and cleared his mind.

But when he took a deep breath ready to send a message, something stopped him.

_No. You can't do it. How can you dare to turn the page? You deserve to suffer, you deserve to cry and feel anxiety. You don't deserve to be happy,_ a voice murmured in Bokuto's mind.

His fingers froze in midair above the on-screen keyboard as if they had suffered an electric shock that had left them paralyzed. His breathing became fast and shallow and he felt a pressure build in his chest like a brick crushing his heart and lungs.

Wide-eyed, he dropped the phone onto the mattress and grabbed the front of the gray T-shirt he was wearing, squeezing the fabric between his fingers as he tugged it with the intention of leaving more room for his chest to be able to to breathe. But it had no effect.

Seeing that it was not working, he got to his feet so quickly that his shaking legs lost their balance and he staggered, falling to his knees to the ground. He gripped the edge of the bed and tried to get back to his feet, his breath wheezing in pain and his mouth dry. He ran into the bathroom holding onto the hallway walls and nearly tore his shirt off on the way.

He turned on the cold water faucet and held on to the sink, his knuckles turning whitish due to the lack of blood from the pressure exerted. He joined his hands to form a bowl and filled them with the icy water that he quickly splashed on his face. He grabbed the edge of the sink again and looked at himself in the mirror as drops of cold water fell on his bare chest, through which you could see his heart beating so fast and so hard that his pecs shook.

He looked into the eyes staring back at the polished, shiny surface of the mirror, and tears began to fall.

It was true. He was a monster, a despicable being.

And he didn't deserve to be happy.

***

"Are you sure you're okay?" Oikawa asked again on the other end of the phone line.

"Yeah, don't worry," Kuroo replied with a small smile. "And thank you for caring about me, Oikawa-kun. It means a lot to me."

"You don't have to thank me for anything, Kuro-chan. I'm glad to know that you're feeling better."

"Yeah but still... I don't think I can forgive Koutaro... And I don't know if I can forgive myself either," Kuroo said regretfully.

"Kuro-chan, you reacted as you reacted because he did something to you that shocked you. You don't have to blame yourself, you didn't do anything wrong," Oikawa replied.

Kuroo sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He did not know if Oikawa was right or was just saying it to reassure him and prevent guilt and defeat from consuming him again as had almost happened the day before, but still, he was grateful that Oikawa was by his side, trying to encourage him despite all the troubles he was having that could be exhausting for Oikawa.

"You're an amazing man, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo whispered with a small smile.

On the other end of the phone there was no answer, just a breathy, shaky sigh.

Oikawa blushed upon hearing those words and his stomach sank as if he had been thrown into the void from a skyscraper, his heart pounding and a loving smile on his lips.

"You too, Kuro-chan," he replied after a long silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too many shits are going on at the same time in my life lmao this weekend is hell haha
> 
> Poor Bokuto, he does deserve to be happy, he did wrong but he deserves redemption... 😔
> 
> Well babies, this is the end of this chapter, I'll see you on wednesday
> 
> ILOVEYOUSOFUCKINGMUCH
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm glad you're here with me," Kuroo whispered.
> 
> Oikawa lowered his head slightly to try to hide the angry blush that had spread across his cheeks.
> 
> "I'm glad you accepted my invitation," he whispered.

Oikawa left home a bit nervous but happy.

The day before he had spoken with Kuroo to meet him and thus help the black-haired man to clear his mind after all the dramatic events that he had lived through these recent weeks. He wanted to distract him a little and get him out of his thoughts because he knew that the situation was not easy for him. In addition, if they met he could keep him company and have a fun time getting to know Kuroo a little more, knowing more details about his life or his interests. The time they spent together was something that Oikawa treasured within his heart, even without even being aware of it.

He continued walking briskly although with his head was bowed: because of his excitement he had forgotten to take his sunglasses, which he used not only to reduce the effect of light on his eyes, but also to avoid attracting excessive glances, since his attractive and stunning face tended to attract the attention of many people who immediately recognized him as a famous actor to go after for photos or autographs.

 _I hate it,_ he thought. _But it can't be helped._

With a shrug and a slight shake of his head to shake off those thoughts, he kept walking until his distracted steps led him to the rendezvous point.

Kuroo was waiting for him sitting on a bench in the shade, in a little-traveled park in the suburbs. It was hot - though not so hot that you could melt like ice over a fire - and there was hardly anyone on the street, since everyone preferred to stay indoors at home, where they could cool off and avoid the relentless rays of the sun.

"Hey, Kuro-chan," Oikawa said when he arrived, gently placing a hand on Kuroo's shoulder.

"Hey," Kuroo replied getting up from the bench with a small smile.

Oikawa approached him to hug him, a loving gesture of greeting, and Kuroo pulled him into his arms without a hint of embarrassment or shyness, burying his fingers into Oikawa's brown hair to gently stroke his head.

"How do you feel today?" Oikawa asked softly.

"Much better now," Kuroo whispered without letting go.

Oikawa chuckled softly, his mouth so close to Kuroo's ear that the black-haired man felt a chill and pressed Oikawa even more against him, as if he had just heard the laugh of an angel. A warm sensation spread inside him, a feeling that rose from the center of his chest and spread through every corner of his body. Kuroo couldn't help but widen his smile as he closed his eyes, enjoying the moment and emitting a soft sigh.

"Why are you sighing?" Oikawa asked.

Why? Kuroo wasn't sure. But he had a slight idea why. It was like coming home after a long time away, as if... as if he had just realized that his anchor was with him and he did not want to let go of it for fear of sinking again. Oikawa kept him afloat, he felt safe in his arms and he wanted to stay that way for the rest of his life, he wanted to make that moment last for all eternity.

He sighed again without saying a word and then Kuroo realized.

_The first sigh of love is the last of reason._

Kuroo was falling in love. Quickly, abruptly and violently, he was falling in love with Oikawa Tooru, the boy he had recently met and who had become a fundamental pillar of support, the same boy who had never kissed anyone, and whose eyes and smile were driving him crazy. And Kuroo had no intention of stopping his heart.

"Nothing, Oikawa-kun," he whispered sweetly. "Nothing at all."

Kuroo slowly separated from him and placed his hands on Oikawa's cheeks, gently caressing them with his thumbs, while he was lost in the dark eyes of the brunet, who was looking at him curiously but still with a beautiful smile.

"I'm glad you're here with me," Kuroo whispered.

Oikawa lowered his head slightly to try to hide the angry blush that had spread across his cheeks.

"I'm glad you accepted my invitation," he whispered.

Kuroo bowed his head and pulled away from him.

"Do you fancy an ice cream?"

"Sure, I love sweets," said Oikawa with a childish smile.

They both went to a small artisan ice cream parlor near the park, where a very kind old woman served them. Oikawa ordered a strawberry and dark chocolate ice cream cone, and Kuroo chose a vanilla and milk chocolate one.

They went out to the street again to return to the park and take a seat there, to eat slowly while they chatted.

"Tell me about yourself," Kuroo asked as he licked the ice cream.

"Hmm, like what? What do you want to know?"

"I don't know," Kuroo said thoughtfully. "I just wanna know more about you. You can say whatever... For example, what would you like to be if you weren't an actor?"

"Uh... What a complicated question," replied Oikawa looking at him with a giggle. "Let me think... Maybe a volleyball player. I was on a team in high school, but I got injured. I really doubt that I could have become a professional player, but maybe it would have been an option if I wasn't an actor."

"So that's why you have such nice legs," Kuroo said shooting him a look.

"Well that's because it runs in my DNA. And my DNA is gold, _baby_ ," Oikawa replied with a wink.

Kuroo laughed and Oikawa couldn't help but laugh too.

"And you?" asked the brunet licking a drop of ice cream that was starting to drip from the cone. "What would you have done?"

"I don't know, if I'm honest. My dad would probably still talk to me. It's not that it matters now, but well... I really liked chemistry in high school. I was very good at it. I would have done something related to that, a career that would have helped me be in a research laboratory," he said.

"Were you a nerd?" Oikawa said turning from the seat to look at Kuroo with wide eyes and an amused smile. "The brainiac in the class has turned into a porn actor, your teachers must be very disappointed in you."

"I'm sure my teachers have jerked off with my videos more than once," Kuroo said sticking out his tongue before giving the ice cream a suggestive lick.

"Pfff, and who hasn't?" Oikawa replied. Kuroo raised an eyebrow and looked eloquent at him before Oikawa realized what he had just said. "Wh-what I mean i-is... I-I mean that..."

"Did you just admit so casually that you masturbated to one of my videos?" Kuroo said holding back a laugh.

The afternoon heat was deepening, and the half-eaten ice creams were beginning to melt.

"Sorry, I can't talk, just eat," said Oikawa, dodging the question. "My ice cream's melting."

Oikawa tried to concentrate on eating his half-melted ice cream so he wouldn't turn red again, while Kuroo laughed knowing for a fact that Oikawa had masturbated to a video of him. Not that Kuroo hadn't done the same with Oikawa's videos, but he found it fun to watch, proud as he was, a stunned and stuttering with nerves Oikawa from inadvertently admitting it.

"Take it easy, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said with a mischievous smile. "If it makes you feel better, I've also masturbated to your videos."

Oikawa stopped licking his ice cream and turned to look at Kuroo again, a smile playing on his lips. The black-haired man turned his head to look back at Oikawa, but before saying anything, Kuroo burst out laughing.

"What?" Oikawa asked with a frown.

"You've got chocolate on your nose," Kuroo laughed.

Kuroo sat up on the bench and put his thumb up to Oikawa's nose to gently wipe it.

When Kuroo's finger touched him, Oikawa was suddenly enthralled, staring at Kuroo focused on removing the stain and still chuckling. Oikawa was ecstatic, his parted lips emitting a weak gasp as he felt the warmth and softness of the brush against his skin. His heart raced and his breath caught in his throat. In a reflex action, Oikawa raised his hand and placed it delicately over Kuroo's hand, who suddenly stopped.

Kuroo looked up from the brunet's cute upturned nose and looked Oikawa in the eye. Their gazes, glittering with tiny specks of light, collided sending electrical sparks everywhere and charging the space around them. The minutes passed, but they barely blinked, lost in the other's eyes, the only contact the brush of their hands that had slowly lowered until they were resting on the bench, barely touching each other. Both had been plunged into a deep, warm and mesmerizing spell that took them further, to a place where only the other was, where all that mattered was the person in front of them.

A little further on, the brakes of a car were heard and the two young men jumped out of the spell. When they returned to the real world, both of them removed their hands with racing hearts and looked away. Their cheeks had turned pink, and a shy smile was playing on Kuroo and Oikawa's lips.

And then, once again walking on the same path but without knowing they were walking side by side, a single synchronized thought flooded the minds of the two men:

_It's him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people!
> 
> I'm back with a new chapter as promised 😎
> 
> I'm posting this a bit late (it's almost midnight here and I work tomorrow lol what am I doing awake) but I'm dealing with a fucking painful infection rn and I had a hard time writing ngl 😂
> 
> I hope you enjoyed these two once again, I won't ever get tired of them 🥺
> 
> See you on sunday babes ❤❤❤
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why are you so upset huh?" Oikawa asked crossing his arms with a grimace of displeasure. "If you can't stand me, shouldn't you be happy if something happened to me?"
> 
> "I was doing something important, and I had to come here because you're an asshole who doesn't know how to take care of himself!" Iwaizumi yelled losing his temper.
> 
> "Ah, so you're pissed off that you were on a date and I screwed you up by leaving you unfucked, is that it?" Oikawa said, a wicked little smile trying to break through his pursed lips.
> 
> "Maybe!"

Oikawa looked back at the covers of the magazines that Akaashi had brought into his office and that were placed on the desk. All of them showed the same image: Kuroo and Oikawa staring at each other, sitting in the park the day before, their hands joined on the bench they were sitting on.

"I'm sorry, Aka-chan, I..."

"It doesn't matter, Oikawa-san," Akaashi said. "But... Be careful. These are just photos, but it could've been worse. When you go out, try to wear sunglasses and something that covers your mouth and nose. In winter you can wear a scarf or a jacket with a high collar , in summer you can use a mask. Something that keeps you a little more protected. Also... I would like to know who was the one who took the pictures... "

"The street was empty. Neither Kuro-chan nor I saw anybody..."

Akaashi sighed and ran a hand over his face, exhausted after the night of calls he'd had when those photos had reached the newsrooms of all the magazines of Japan. And he was sure that the same thing had happened to Tsukishima, since the main protagonists of the morning were being Oikawa and Kuroo.

"Of course you didn't see anything, you were eating each other with your eyes," someone said in a rabid whisper. "Stupid... Stupid, that's what you are."

Oikawa had sat up when he saw the magazines in front of his eyes, worried and embarrassed in equal measure that such an intimate and personal moment was on all the media, and Iwaizumi was standing behind him. He snorted again and again loudly, making it clear that he was furious, not only because a star like Oikawa had gone out alone without him, his bodyguard, but also that he had done so with nothing that minimally hid his face.

"I knew you were an idiot, but I thought you at least had a survival instinct," Iwaizumi said. "Do you know the people who are willing to kill you if they can? Yesterday you gave them the opportunity, thank God they chose to only take pictures and not throw themselves at you with a fucking knife. And your... dear friend... was not with his bodyguard. Which, by the way, is his boyfriend. Not only is he unfaithful, he's just as stupid as you. "

Oikawa turned to Iwaizumi with a withering look.

"Shut the fucking fuck up, you have no idea," he said, jumping up from his chair with his fists clenched at his sides. He was not going to allow anyone to speak ill of Kuroo after seeing the black-haired man so vulnerable, affected to the bone by what his 'boyfriend' had done to him.

"Hey! Stop it!" Akaashi said standing up and approaching them for fear that they would start a fight. He placed a hand on each man's chest and stood between the two, keeping distance between them. "Don't be like that, Iwaizumi-san, Oikawa-san also has the right to go out, it's not his fault that those photos have come to light."

"Why are you so upset huh?" Oikawa asked crossing his arms with a grimace of displeasure. "If you can't stand me, shouldn't you be happy if something happened to me?"

"I was doing something important, and I had to come here because you're an asshole who doesn't know how to take care of himself!" Iwaizumi yelled losing his temper.

"Ah, so you're pissed off that you were on a date and I screwed you up by leaving you unfucked, is that it?" Oikawa said, a wicked little smile trying to break through his pursed lips.

"Maybe!" Iwaizumi replied without thinking.

He immediately regretted what he said, as Oikawa started laughing embarrassing Iwaizumi. He hadn't arranged to fuck, he just... maybe and just maybe... he intended something to happen between someone he had met at a party recently and him...

Who was he kidding? Yes, he wanted to sleep with Ushijima, but he hadn't had the chance because Oikawa, that damned diva, had screwed up everything. Why did Iwaizum have to take care of Oikawa when he didn't do it himself? He was fed up with his arrogant and proud attitude, he didn't feel like taking care of him like a little boy.

"You know what?" Iwaizumi said with a frown and heavy breathing. "I'm sick of you. I'm going back to my date, handle it yourself. It seems like you don't need me."

Iwaizumi turned around and started walking out of the office with big, firm steps, wanting to get out of there and go straight to the love hotel where he should meet Ushijima. In those moments, he didn't care about Oikawa or his work, he only cared about fucking, he didn't care about everything else. He was fed up with babysitting a spoiled kid who believed he had the power and ability to do what he wanted, when he wanted, where he wanted, and with whoever he wanted, without worrying about consequences or problems that might follow. He was selfish, and Iwaizumi was sick of being the one looking out for Oikawa. He also wanted to be selfish from time to time and think of himself before others. And finally the moment had arrived.

"Iwaizumi-san, wait!" Akaashi called him.

"I'm sorry, Akaashi, but your client is an idiot," Iwaizumi said opening the door. "I'll be offline all day, don't try to contact me."

With that said, he left the room and slammed the door behind him, heading towards the place where a hot, handsome man was waiting for him. Iwaizumi smiled.

The time had come when he would be the one to have fun.

***

"TSUMU!" yelled Osamu from below. "What the hell happened to you!?"

Atsumu was perched on a ladder, placing bottles of alcohol on the top shelf of the warehouse next to Lev, while Osamu, Semi, and Yaku held the ladders to offer them more stability and while the bottles were handed to them from the boxes on the floor.

Atsumu frowned and looked down without quite understanding what his brother was referring to, somewhat scared at the concerned tone of voice Osamu had when he had asked.

"What do you mean?" Atsumu asked.

"Come down here," Osamu said casting a sidelong glance at the rest, who were now looking at Atsumu curiously.

Atsumu looked at him questioningly, but Osamu's gaze was firm and demanding, and Atsumu decided to listen to him. He didn't feel like arguing and ruining his good mood that morning after being with Sakusa the night before.

His feet touched solid ground and then he looked up to look at his brother.

"I mean I'm looking at your bruised legs under your pants every time you move to put a bottle on the shelf, what the hell are you doing? Are you doing something crazy?" Osamu said in a low, scared voice, much more concerned than Atsumu had ever seen him.

Atsumu's frown deepened for a moment until he understood what bruises his brother was referring to.

_Shit._

"Eh... yeah, yeah, it's nothing," Atsumu said in a shaky voice. "I just fell over the edge of the bathtub the other day and hit myself hard," he said, hiding his face with his sleeve, pretending to wipe his sweat, to hide his red cheeks and ears from blushing. "I'm going to get a glass of water," he said, sneaking out of the warehouse.

"No, wait. 'Tsumu, tell me the truth," Osamu said following him out and grabbing his wrist.

"It's nothing, Samu. You really don't have to worry, I hit myself. That's it," Atsumu said putting a smile on his face.

"Promise me you'll tell me if it's something bad," Osamu said.

"I promise you. But it's not a bad thing, it's just that I slipped. It has happened more times, it's nothing."

Osamu hummed and gave him a new look of mistrust, but released his wrist and let him go, turning to go back to the warehouse with the rest to continue working. Atsumu slightly lowered the waistband of his pants to hide the marks, although as long as he was on the ground the marks should not be visible, since most of them were on his buttocks and on the back of his thighs, in the area where his legs and his ass joined.

The marks Osamu spoke of were marks from the harness in which Atsumu had spent the previous night tied, hanging above the floor in a wide space in the middle of his master's red and black room, while Sakusa made a wreck of him, between muffled moans, pleas and sobs, asking for more and more without really knowing what he wanted. He loved feeling how someone dominated him, how he did not have to worry about restrictions or limits because someone else was in charge of that: he just had to let himself go, feel the pain and pleasure in the hands of someone expert who made him feel good.

Atsumu smiled and walked over to the bar, where they had all left their cell phones so as not to be distracted while they worked.

He was shocked when he found a couple of messages from _him_.

**_ Sakusa _ **

**_Sakusa_** : Hello, Atsumu

**_Sakusa_** : How are you feeling today?

**_Atsumu_** : Hello, sir

**_Atsumu_** : I'm fine, I feel good

**_Sakusa_** : Good to know

**_Sakusa_** : Did you feel good yesterday? Any complains?

**_Atsumu_** : Not at all, sir

**_Atsumu_** : It felt really good

**_Atsumu_** : But I have marks on my body

**_Sakusa_** : Yes, I know

**_Sakusa_** : The harness was tight on you, your body looked good all tensed and squeezed on the ropes

**_Sakusa_** : Did I overdo it?

**_Atsumu_** : Oh no no, that's not it

**_Atsumu_** : It's just that my brother saw the marks and ...

**_Atsumu_** : I told him it was a blow, but I don't know if he believed me

**_Atsumu_** : I'll start using long pants from now on

**_Sakusa_** : Hmm

**_Sakusa_** : I'll find another way to get you tied up, maybe the rope was to harsh on your muscles

**_Atsumu_** : It's fine, sir

**_Atsumu_** : I like the marks

**_Sakusa_** : Good, then

**_Atsumu_** : I have to get back to work, sir

**_Sakusa_** : Fine

**_Sakusa_** : I'll check on you later to see if you're fine

Atsumu's heart raced.

Everytime they had a scene, Sakusa cared a lot about making him feel good before, during and after the scene. And the next two or three days after, Sakusa often asked him about how he was feeling, if he was okay, if something was bothering him or something hurt; he made sure that Atsumu ate and slept as he needed and provided all the care the blond asked for and that no one had ever given him.

"I never thought aftercare was gonna be my favorite part in a BDSM relationship...," Atsumu sighed with a mumble and a dreamy smile, dropping his phone on the bar and getting back to the warehouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always problems lmaoooo
> 
> Iwa-chan knows what he wants 👀👀👀
> 
> I'll be back in a bit with a new chapter of the omegaverse - in case you're reading it lol - where we're FINALLY having THE INTERACTION. Exactly. You're right. That one 🤭
> 
> And also, a friend told me I should open a Ko-fi just in case you ever want to commission me to do a short story, so I did tho I think it's useless but well... why not? 🤣 The link to my Ko-fi profile is in my profile, in case you wanted to know 😚
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. You can sense the angst coming tho
> 
> ANYWAY, I'LL SEE YOU ON WEDNESDAY BABIES ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll call you later if you feel like it, now that I finally have your number," Terushima added in a sing-song voice.
> 
> "Sure, we'll talk later," Yamaguchi said.
> 
> "Or rather, I'll pick you up and go out on a date. See you later, freckles-kun."
> 
> The phone beeped and Yamaguchi separated from the cell phone with flushed cheeks.
> 
> Terushima Yuuji, the porn actor, just asked him out on a date?

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: HEAL ME BY LADY GAGA _ **

Yamaguchi pressed the call button on the conctact that had recently been added to his address book. His hands were sweaty and shaking but he was ready to do it, he didn't want to delay something that was imminent.

The phone rang twice before someone picked up.

"Wassup?" a voice answered.

"H-hi, I'm Yamaguchi," he replied without much confidence. "Am I talking to-?"

"Hey, freckles-kun," Terushima's playful voice said. Yamaguchi thought he heard the smirk rising on his lips. "You finally called, I was waiting for you, y'know? No one had ever made me wait."

Yamaguchi smiled with some pride.

"There's always a first time," he replied, regaining the confidence and courage that he had had more than two weeks ago, on the night he had met him.

"I have to admit I like it," Terushima said in a somewhat provocative whisper. "I had a great time the night of the party... Even though nothing happened."

Yamaguchi swallowed hard and chewed on his thumb, feeling self-conscious and somewhat guilty for having created expectations for Terushima that he hadn't been able to fulfill later.

"I..."

Yamaguchi didn't know what to say. Should he confess it so quickly? No, that was not an option. It was too embarrassing and painful to go around spreading it. And he didn't know Terushima well enough either, seeing him through the screen didn't count. He didn't know if Terushima would judge him, if he would hate him, or if he would disgust him as much as he disgusted himself. Only Shirabu knew what had happened two years ago, and Yamaguchi had not dared to tell anyone else for fear of being rejected.

"Take it easy, you don't have to hesitate now," Terushima said casually. Yamaguchi silently thanked him for his words. "Still... You'll end up accepting your fate."

"Let me doubt about it," Yamaguchi said with a chuckle.

"I'm gonna tell you a secret," Terushima said. Yamaguchi tensed. "I just winked at you but since this is a phone call, you haven't seen me."

Yamaguchi froze for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"I wasn't expecting _that_ secret," he commented with a laugh.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to get to the point of being such an idiot as to wink at a wall, I'm surprised at myself," Terushima replied rolling his eyes but with the hint of a smile.

Yamaguchi heard a voice on the other end of the phone and then the movement in Terushima's microphone, as if he was covering it with his hand so that Yamaguchi would not hear it. Less than a minute later, Terushima spoke again.

"Sorry, freckles-kun, Hana requests me," Terushima said.

 _Ah, his manager,_ Yamaguchi thought.

"I'll call you later if you feel like it, now that I finally have your number," Terushima added in a sing-song voice.

"Sure, we'll talk later," Yamaguchi said.

"Or rather, I'll pick you up and go out on a date. See you later, freckles-kun."

The phone beeped and Yamaguchi separated from the cell phone with flushed cheeks.

Terushima Yuuji, the porn actor, just asked him out on a date?

***

Anxiety was devouring Yamaguchi inside.

Terushima had called him again to ask him 'officially', as he had put it, on a date. He had told Yamaguchi that it was something simple and that he should not dress elegant, and had asked him, not without a certain mischievous tone of voice, to put on that latex jacket with which he had gone to the party.

"It looks great on you, I'd like to see you wear it again," he had said. "Although it may not last long on you."

"We'll see about that," Yamaguchi had replied.

But now that the time was drawing near, his nerves were killing him inside. He didn't know how prepared he was to go on a date, even less knowing Terushima's intentions, which had become quite clear. He intended to go a little further than last time, but Yamaguchi did not feel ready.

His phone rang with a notification: a message from Terushima telling him that he was already waiting for him at his door.

 _Oh shit,_ the prudent part of Yamaguchi whimpered.

 _Oh yes, at last_ , his reckless part rejoiced.

"Let's go," Yamaguchi said aloud, adjusting his jacket and taking a deep breath.

He grabbed his keys, his phone, and left the house with a nervous pace. Terushima waited for him inside a red sports car, gazing absently through the car's windshield toward the night sky.

Yamaguchi walked over to the car and tapped the glass twice, not daring to open the door without permission. Terushima turned to him and a wide smile spread across his face. Hee nodded for him to get into the car as he reached for the key. Yamaguchi jumped into the passenger seat and Terushima started the engine but didn't start driving.

"Y'know?" Terushima said looking straight ahead with a smile. "I don't feel like waiting to kiss you."

Terushima then turned to Yamaguchi and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket to pull him closer to him. Yamaguchi gasped slightly and let his face be millimeters from Terushima's, before Terushima stamped his lips with Yamaguchi's. Terushima lightly sucked on Yamaguchi's lower lip, who leaned down to get even closer to him. Their joined lips moved in time in a tongueless but equally sloppy and wet kiss that promised more.

But not yet.

Yamaguchi broke away from Terushima and a squelch sound echoed inside the vehicle. Their breaths were a little more agitated than necessary and their cheeks were flushed. Terushima smirked.

"Ah yes, much better now," he said with a wink that this time Yamaguchi did see.

Yamaguchi laughed softly and then Terushima started the car.

"I'm gonna take you to the best restaurant in all of Japan," Terushima said, putting the car in gear so he could speed up a bit more.

"You told me it's not a fancy restaurant," Yamaguchi said with a hint of panic in his voice. Terushima chuckled.

"Oh no, it's not fancy. It's a family restaurant. I've known it since I was little. My parents took me there when it was my birthday or when they wanted to celebrate something with me. We also went on their anniversary. It's a place that I have a lot of affection for and I appreciate a lot, many of the happiest moments of my childhood have been accompanied by a lunch or a dinner in that place. The owner knows me, he's a very affectionate old man. Although he's always wrong when he says my name," he said.

"So you take your dates there, huh?" Yamaguchi said with a laugh looking out the window.

"Not really," Terushima replied. "It's the first time I've ever taken someone there. I guess it has a special meaning and I don't want to take just anyone there."

Yamaguchi abruptly turned to look at him with deep red cheeks, decorating his freckles and accompanying his wide eyes with astonishment. Terushima glanced at him and smiled.

"Do you think I ask anyone for a date, freckles-kun?" he said looking at him through the mirror with a half smile.

"I don't know if..."

"Oh yeah, my mistake. I look like a playboy, but I don't get involved with anyone if I don't really like them. I don't play with people's feelings, I'd say it's the other way around. People play with me more than I'm willing to admit," Terushima said with a slight bitter laugh.

"Sorry, I didn't think..." Yamaguchi was silent not knowing how to continue.

"That I do really like you?" Terushima finished taking his eyes off the road briefly to look at him. Yamaguchi nodded with flushed cheeks. Terushima looked back at the road but could see out of the corner of his eye as Yamaguchi smiled and relaxed in the seat.

Terushima also smiled slightly. His first impression on the day of the party had definitely been correct: he had never met a punk boy as adorable as him.

***

The evening had passed very quickly. Too fast, for Yamaguchi's taste. He wanted to spend more time in Terushima's company, in that small place whose food reminded him of the food his mother prepared. But everything always come to an end.

Terushima had insisted on inviting him and not letting him pay. So he had paid for their dinner and afterward they had gone out into the cool of the night for a walk. They walked side by side, in silence, along the deserted promenade of Tokyo Bay. The sky was electric blue, with the moon and tiny specks of light shining in a dome shape above their heads.

They came to an area with almost no streetlights, where the sky and the lights across the sea were visible as tiny orange and white dots that cast a faint ghostly light on the black water. Terushima leaned with his elbows on the railing and Yamaguchi stood beside him, his hands on the cold metal of the railing, looking up at the sky.

Terushima looked at him. The stars were reflected in his eyes and together with his freckles they formed a bright but subtle constellation on the boy's face; it was like seeing a perfect sculpture in the middle of the garden of paradise.

"I wanna kiss you again," he said out of nowhere, looking at Yamaguchi intensely.

Yamaguchi turned his head to look at him with parted lips. His half-gathered hair fluttered lazily around his beautiful face. He didn't offer a surprised expression, but he wasn't smiling either. His expression was neutral and almost cold, as if carved from marble, but so hypnotic and bewitching that Terushima felt weak. It was like looking Medusa square in the eye, an image as fascinating as it was terrifying, mysterious and crystalline at the same time, a state of beauty so pure and wild that it was worthy of having a Greek Ode.

"I want you to kiss me again," Yamaguchi replied, looking back at him.

Terushima's breath hitched slightly and he turned his entire body towards Yamaguchi. He grabbed the lapels of Yamaguchi's latex jacket and yanked him closer. Their lips collided in a kiss slower and more seductive than the first, their breaths mingling with the cool breeze from the sea.

Terushima's hands reached under the jacket and slowly traveled up Yamaguchi's back, down to the hem of his pants. He tried to go lower, but at that moment, Yamaguchi's hands grabbed his and Yamaguchi pulled away from him.

"No...," he murmured with his forehead pressed against Terushima's, his eyes closed and his breath shaking, his lips pursed slightly. "Not yet..."

"Sorry, did I overdo it?" Terushima asked looking at his face and seeing an expression that denoted the internal conflict that was taking place within Yamaguchi.

"I don't know... I don't know if I can give you what you need, Teru," Yamaguchi said.

Terushima watched as his lashes moistened through the tiny opening between his closed lids and then he pulled away from him. He grabbed him by the cheeks and then Yamaguchi opened his eyes. They were glassy, the tears gradually accumulating in them and making him look so weak and vulnerable that Terushima also wanted to cry without knowing why.

"No, no, no, sorry," Terushima muttered. "Have I done something wrong? I'm sorry, was it too much?"

Yamaguchi bit his lip and lowered his head as far as he could, still held by Terushima's hands.

"It's just... I can't do it," he whispered, his voice cracking. "I can't... I can't, Teru..." he repeated over and over.

"Is for me?" Terushima asked afraid of the answer.

"No, it's not because of you," Yamaguchi replied letting the tears fall. "It's for me. For me and for..."

Yamaguchi let out a sob and his body trembled as tears began to fall one after another.

 _You have to tell him now,_ said a voice inside him.

 _If you do, he will hate you, you will disgust him,_ said a second voice.

 _He seems trusthworthy,_ said the first one again. _He took you to a place where he said he never took anyone before._

 _But what if he's lying?,_ said the second.

 _The risk is worthy,_ said the first voice.

"I can't..." Yamaguchi muttered more to himself than to Terushima, clutching his stomach.

"Don't worry," Terushima murmured stroking his cheeks.

"It's just... I can't," he kept repeating. "I can't give you what you want, Teru..."

Terushima looked into his hurt eyes. Was it for him? Was he going too fast? What had been the problem? He didn't want to pressure Yamaguchi, he needed to know what he had done wrong, he needed to have a slight idea of where he had screwed up.

"Is it because-?"

"It's because I was raped, Teru," Yamaguchi interrupted in a strangled voice as he pulled away from him with a more abrupt movement than he intended.

Terushima was shocked and his breath caught as he watched Yamaguchi slowly unravel in front of him with plaintive, tormented sobs.

He was _what_?

Terushima didn't know what to do or say, but his body reacted on its own. He approached Yamaguchi again and wrapped his arms around him in a hug that intended to comfort him and let him see that he was not alone. At first Yamaguchi stiffened, probably scared at the sudden contact, but then he relaxed a bit more, allowing himself to cry in Terushima's arms. Yamaguchi cried and cried, desperate to rid himself of the sensation of large hands touching his entire body.

It took almost an hour for him to calm down enough for Terushima to dare to pull away from him a bit and look at his face wet with tears.

Despite them, it was still the most beautiful image Terushima had ever seen. He was surprised to have seen a boy who seemed so cold and unreachable break into a thousand pieces, fragile and delicate as a rose in the middle of a snowy mountain.

"Let's go sit down," Terushima murmured, gently pulling Yamaguchi to seat him on one of the benches in front of the railing they had been leaning on earlier.

"I-I'm sorry," Yamaguchi stuttered. "I have screwed everything up."

"What are you talking about?"

Yamaguchi looked at Terushima, who was frowning deeply and was looking at Yamaguchi as if he hadn't understood a single word he had said.

"For crying and for telling you-"

"Are you apologizing for letting me kiss and hug you?" Terushima cut it off. "Are you kidding me? I would have sold my soul for just seeing you for a minute. And yet I have been lucky enough to have spent a whole night. To be here with me and to have entrusted this to me, knowing that it's something very hard... it's priceless, Yamaguchi," he said with a small smile. "The one who should apologize is me, for overstepping the line. I don't even know if I should have kissed you that night," he said, throwing his hands over his head.

"No, I appreciate you doing it," Yamaguchi said, taking his hands off his head and laughing weakly.

Terushima looked back at him and smiled. He wiped his cheeks from the last tears that had fallen and sighed.

"Still... I'm sorry. I should have asked earlier," he said, still guiltily.

"Don't worry," Yamaguchi said, shaking his head and looking away.

"There's only one thing I want to make clear to you," Terushima said looking at his profile. Yamaguchi turned to look at him again. "I don't need to make love to you to know that I like you, Yamaguchi. I can kiss and caress you where you feel good and nothing else. Sorry if you have interpreted my intentions as that I _need_ sex to have a relationship."

Yamaguchi's eyes filled with tears again but he smiled despite them.

"The only person who knows what happened to me, told me that you would say exactly that. It means a lot to me," Yamaguchi whispered, grateful for having listened to Shirabu.

"Can I hug you again?" Terushima asked.

Yamaguchi looked at him and nodded. Terushima smiled, his eyes alight with illusion, and moved closer to him to clasp him again in his arms. Yamaguchi returned the hug and let a few more tears fall from his eyes.

"Someday... Someday I'll tell you about it, Teru. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted Teruyama, here's Teruyama 💕 Aren't they the cutest ever?
> 
> I have nothing more to say, just enjoyyyyyyyyy
> 
> See you on sunday loves,
> 
> iloveyousofuckingmuch
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they were both out of sight, the man grinned wickedly, a strange, unpleasant smile appearing on his face as he whispered words that would have given anyone who heard them goose bumps.
> 
> "You deserve someone better, not that damn good-for-nothing-Kuroo-Tetsuro. It's too troublesome, darling. It's not fair to you... Nor to me. So don't worry," the man licked his lips as he rubbed his crotch with his hand, "you won't be Kuroo Tetsuro's, but mine. It's a promise, darling. I'll give you whatever you want. One day you'll be mine... Oikawa Tooru."

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: WHISKEY GLASSES BY MORGAN WALLEN _ **

From a distance, sheltered inside his car with tinted windows and wearing sunglasses, the man saw Oikawa leave the building accompanied by his faithful but stupid bodyguard who would not stop growling and cursing his luck and his work, and especially cursing Oikawa.

"Hey Iwa-chan, why don't you go fuck yourself?" Oikawa said reluctantly turning to look at him. "It seems that fucking your date has only put you in a worse mood. Do me a favor and get out of my sight, you said it yourself: I don't need you right now."

"Trust me, I'm not doing this for you, nasty diva," Iwaizumi replied, keeping an eye on the people who stared at Oikawa as they passed. "Let's do something better: I have to work and you have to... I don't know what the hell you do when you're not shooting a movie, but it doesn't matter. Let's ignore each other."

"For once you say something smart," Oikawa said with a sly smile.

Iwaizumi decided not to answer. He preferred to keep looking around to keep his watch as his mind went back to the events of a couple of days ago. Ushijima was fucking good, like, really good at it, but it's not like Iwaizumi doubted that even before he slept with him.

He was surprised that, for such a big and stocky man, he was so gentle and careful with his touch. He treated Iwaizumi like he was afraid he would break, until Iwaizumi, desperate for something more rude, asked him to be rough on him. At that moment Ushijima's face had transformed from a sweet to a savage expression and Iwaizumi knew that he had been right to ask him for that. For the next day Iwaizumi had struggled to stay seated without feeling his ass sore, but it had been so worthy that he had no complaints.

Besides, between round and round they had talked about a thousand things. Ushijima had told him about himself and his job as a manager, and Iwaizumi had told him about his job as a bodyguard, about the - very few- advantages of working for Oikawa and the - numerous - disadvantages. But before they could talk about anything else, both of them had gone back to devouring each other in a frenzy, putting aside words to take action once more.

"Hey!"

Oikawa snapped his fingers in front of his face, snapping Iwaizumi out of his reverie.

"I thought we agreed not to talk and ignore each other, can't you keep your mouth shut for two minutes?"

Oikawa looked in the direction of a car far away.

The man felt as if Oikawa could see him through the metal of the car door. He felt that he was staring into his eyes, despite the fact that it was impossible that it had happened, because the tinted windows avoided unwanted or prying eyes. But still, the man felt a pleasant chill, a rush of adrenaline inside him at the thought that Oikawa might be looking in his direction. He became aroused thinking that Oikawa might be _fearing_ him.

"I..." Oikawa muttered uncertainly, without taking his eyes off that suspicious car. "It doesn't matter... It must have been my imagination. Let's go now, I wanna get home and lose sight of you."

Oikawa turned and walked to the front again, trying to feign security but with a bad feeling growing deep in his stomach. Iwaizumi, who was unaware of Oikawa's sudden change in attitude, shot a glance towards the place where the boy was looking earlier, but there was nothing strange there. He frowned and shrugged before walking back behind Oikawa.

When they were both out of sight, the man grinned wickedly, a strange, unpleasant smile appearing on his face as he whispered words that would have given anyone who heard them goose bumps.

"You deserve someone better, not that damn good-for-nothing-Kuroo-Tetsuro. It's too troublesome, darling. It's not fair to you... Nor to me. So don't worry," the man licked his lips as he rubbed his crotch with his hand, "you won't be Kuroo Tetsuro's, but mine. It's a promise, darling. I'll give you whatever you want. One day you'll be mine... Oikawa Tooru."

***

When Oikawa and Iwaizumi left his office, Akaashi picked up his cell phone and entered Twitter, eager to find any notification on his profile. But there was nothing.

"Nothing," he muttered annoyed.

Bokuto had followed him days - actually, weeks - ago, and he had returned the follow, but there had been no more interaction through the social media, and that frustrated Akaashi. But at the same time he understood.

The last time he had seen Bokuto, the day of the party, he did not seem to be in excessive good condition, even less after what he had told him. His conversation had been melancholic and sad, and Akaashi had understood to the core that Bokuto was not at an easy time in his life. Akaashi had thought at the time that Bokuto and his boyfriend had broken up. But then he had seen Kuroo throw himself at a man screaming that Bokuto was his, and everything Bokuto had told him during the night left him confused. Were they together or not? What were Bokuto's words for if, as Kuroo had made clear, Bokuto was his?

But of course, a couple of weeks later, having completely lost track of Kuroo Tetsuro - a lot of people had given him up for dead, but Akaashi thought that fans could be a bit over the top and melodramatic at times - Kuroo had reappeared in the magazine covers, and this time with Oikawa. And Oikawa hadn't denied that that afternoon in the park had been a date; moreover, denying it would have been useless, since the eyes of both men in the photograph spoke for themselves without the need for words.

What the hell was happening?

_I don't understand anything_ , he thought.

Akaashi closed his eyes and tried to sort his thoughts. But it was very difficult, one would even say it was impossible, because nothing made sense. His knowledge of the facts was based on what he and Bokuto had talked about that night of the party, what he saw on Twitter or what the magazines published - which in general was not at all faithful to reality. So his brain was a whirlwind of disconnected thoughts with which he tried to create reasoning to theorize about the situation. But try as he might, he couldn't understand it.

Maybe he should talk to Bokuto and ask him... No, that would be mean and would just show a morbid curiosity that would not improve the situation. So what was the right way to go? What's more, was there a correct way not to sound disheartened when asking about it?

Akaashi sighed and looked at the mobile screen, still unlocked and looking at Bokuto's Twitter profile. He made a decision.

He went into direct messages and wrote.

***

**_Akaashi Keiji @Oikawas_manager via Twitter_ **

**_Akaashi_** : Hello, Bokuto-san

**_Akaashi_** : It's been a long time

**_Akaashi_** : How are you?

Bokuto looked at the phone after it had vibrated. But he couldn't read the messages, as the letters were blurry and moving on his screen. He couldn't focus his eyes on the text. What's more, he didn't even know who had sent him three messages in a row, he only saw a name and a user in black at the top and the three gray bubbles with black letters that read a text that Bokuto thought was dancing restlessly.

His eyes were half open, half closed, with the pupils narrowed to the maximum, so much so that only a small black dot was visible in the middle of golden eyes, covered by a thick mist that made them seem out of focus and sleepy. The upper half of his body was sprawled across the table, in the middle of a puddle of his own saliva, dripping from his open mouth. The air was stale and the place, closed tightly and without light, stank of alcohol, sweat, and rancid; there were empty bottles scattered around him: on the table, on the floor, under the chair...

Bokuto stumbled up from his chair, stumbling as his head spun over and over at that pained look, that slap, that last time Kuroo had kissed him and told him, heart in hand, that he loved him. He still felt that black hole in his chest that was consuming him little by little, leaving in his place a being full of guilt and misery. Bokuto's face was taut and sticky, stretched out with the remains of dried saliva and drink on the cheek that had been resting against the stained surface of the table. With each awkward step he took, the bottles he kicked as he walked rattled against each other with a jingle of broken glass that dug into his ears and indicated that he had hit rock bottom. He no longer remembered the last time he had seen the sun or... the last time he had been sober.

The last lucid memories of him consisted of a strong pain in his chest accompanied by tears: it was him, crying in front of the mirror while inside him a voice shouted that he was a monster who deserved to suffer. He didn't know when, but Bokuto had surrendered that time and had accepted his fate. What difference did it make if he drowned in alcohol?

Nobody needed him.

_The world would be a better place without you_ , screamed a shrill voice, gloomy similar to his own.

Bokuto wanted to let the tears out, but he couldn't get anything to come out of his eyes. He stumbled and fell to his knees to the ground, covering his head with his arms. He whimpered desperately, pain and resentment weighing him down. He picked up one of the many bottles lying on the floor and threw it against the wall. The glass shattered and he slipped from the wall to the floor, leaving a wet whiskey mark on the beige paint.

He got up off the floor and staggered into the dark kitchen, shuffling over to the cabinet under the sink. He crouched down and yanked the door open with all the force he had, which wasn't too much, and grabbed a new bottle. His legs were shaking in that position, so he dropped to the floor and sat in the middle of the narrow kitchen floor, a bottle in his hand, anguish making its way from inside his gut onto his skin. He opened the bottle and took a long swallow, letting some of the liquid drip off his lips and trickle down his bare chest to the floor.

He pulled the bottle away when he needed to breathe and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Kuroo hated him. And he didn't care about anything else. He didn't care losing himself on the way... If by doing so he managed to forget that he also had lost Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, angst 🤩🤩
> 
> Enjoy if you can lol✌️😎✌️ Too many things happened in just one chapter, we're here for the strong emotions
> 
> I'll see you on wednesday loves, don't hate me too much until then ❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND YOU!


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How obedient..." Sakusa's deep, raspy, almos dangerous voice whispered. "Just the way I like it."

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BY ELLEY DUHÉ _ **

The days passed. The weeks passed. The months passed. As fast as an arrow fired from a drawn bow. The lives of the people progressed inexorably. Feelings surfaced; hearts broke; people fell in love; they kissed, they had sex, they told each other their secrets. Life went on as if nothing, as if there had been no change.

But everything had radically changed.

It had been over two months since Atsumu had had the first scene with Sakusa. And it had been a little over two and a half months since he had been accompanied by Ushijima and into that black car after his shift at work to meet him face to face for the first time.

And now Atsumu was there, still, totally naked and vulnerable, except for the black leather collar around his neck; his knees brushed the black marble floor in which he and the red lights in the room were reflected. With his hands on his thighs, he waited patiently for his master to arrive.

After the first scene, in which Sakusa had given him some guidelines, every time Atsumu was called Ushijima would pick him up near his house, and when he arrived at the building Sakusa was in, he, by himself and without anyone to guide his way like the first time, found his way to the instrument-filled room that had become the room in which his darkest and murkiest fantasies were played out. Like every day when Sakusa requested him, he undressed, left the clothes on a shelf near the door that Sakusa had emptied for that purpose, and looked forward to his arrival. He was a good boy, disciplined and obedient... and eager to live up to Sakusa's expectations.

Footsteps echoed outside and Atsumu, as usual, looked down at his legs and would only lift his gaze when Sakusa gave him permission. There was a metallic beep, the door slowly opened and someone entered. The door was then closed again and there was the metallic clink of the security lock that activated when the door was closed, allowing the door to be opened from the outside but not from the inside unless the code was entered.

Atsumu listened to the slow, deep breathing as the footsteps approached him, in elegant shoes and perfectly ironed and starched black slacks. The perfume surrounded him like a cloak, and his skin crawled as he inhaled the manly scent.

"How obedient..." Sakusa's deep, raspy, almos dangerous voice whispered. "Just the way I like it."

Atsumu closed his eyes and let himself be delighted by his words, which crept under his skin with a tingle. Sakusa put a hand on his head and patted him encouragement and praise.

_"Just the way I like it."_

Atsumu gasped heavily and Sakusa smiled under the mask he was wearing before removing it with a twirl of his fingers around the rubber that held it to his ears. Sakusa walked away from him to place the mask next to Atsumu's clothes, neatly folded. He turned to approach Atsumu again with a steady but calm step, watching from afar as Atsumu's body reacted between his legs growing with delicious slowness.

Sakusa smirked again.

"Before we start today..." he whispered. He didn't need to raise his voice for Atsumu to hear him perfectly, as the boy focused all of his attention on his voice and only his voice. "I want to talk to you about the next scene. Look at me."

Atsumu, as if shaken by an electric shock, looked up and stared into Sakusa's black eyes. But there was no challenge, just pure curiosity.

"The next scene will be exactly 30 days from today," Sakusa said.

Atsumu's lips parted in surprise and his eyes widened slightly, questioning. But there was something else deep within his brown irises: there was plea. A month was too long for a sub who wanted to be dominated as much as Atsumu.

That was the feeling that Sakusa was interested in and that he hoped to awaken in him.

"Sir?" Atsumu asked in a weak voice.

Sakusa crouched in front of him and gazed into his eyes as he placed a hand on one of Atsumu's thighs. The boy winced and a sigh escaped his lips as his lids closed at the warm touch.

"Atsumu," called Sakusa, "I haven't given you permission to stop looking at me."

Atsumu opened his eyes quickly, darkened by dilated pupils, and a hazy expression crossed his face. He turned his attention to Sakusa, in front of him, while Sakusa's hand stroked his thigh slowly.

"The wait is because we'll be playing with an element that we have not dealt with so far, and that, from the list you sent me at the beginning, you were willing to try," Sakusa said. "You know what I mean?" he asked in a suggestive voice.

Atsumu tried to think of the list he had sent to Sakusa over two months ago. But as hard as he tried, the memories weren't coming to him and he didn't know what he was talking about. His reasoning was gone and he could only think of Sakusa's hand touching and caressing him. The hand tightened on his thigh and began to move up, working its way up to his erect crotch. Atsumu started with a soft moan, feeling pangs where his master was touching him.

"Answer me, Atsumu," Sakusa requested.

"I don't remember, sir," Atsumu said after squeezing his brain, his voice a little distant and dreamy.

Sakusa smirked. "I'm talking about chastity, Atsumu," Sakusa said hoarsely. "Before you leave today, right at the base, I'll place here," Sakusa grabbed Atsumu's cock in a firm grip and he groaned closing his eyes again, but immediately opened them again, "a metal ring with 16 sharp spikes. I'll lock it and you won't be able to remove it for a month. It'll surround you while you're flaccid. If you have an erection, the spikes will dig in and you'll suffer the pain of nails sinking into you. You'll learn to control your erections that way."

Sakusa let go of Atsumu's dick and the boy gasped, excited and overwhelmed by what the next month would mean: a whole month, not without masturbating or having sex, no, but without being able to get an erection, something that was a natural reaction to the body and that Atsumu, aware that he was a person with a high libido, had almost daily.

A month like that would be a real _torture_.

"Now that we've talked about this," Sakusa continued speaking, "do you have any questions?"

"No, sir," Atsumu whispered in a thick voice.

"Okay. Keep in mind that, just like if it were a scene, you can use the safe word if you think you're at your limit. I'll quickly go to where you are and remove the chastity cockring. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

Atsumu briefly thought about it. At first he had doubted whether he would be able to hold out, but he dismissed that feeling. He would be able to do it if his master believed him capable. He just needed to get mental for it. But that would be something that the Atsumu of the future would have to take care of, as the Atsumu of the present has just received a direct order to stand next to the left wall of the room: the one with a black grid.

Atsumu got up from the ground and walked with determined steps towards the wall. Until that moment he hadn't realized that next to it was a small black table with a shiny surface, where there was a bottle of lubricant, a red towel and a small rectangular remote control. He was not quite sure how the grid worked, as he had never seen a video in which it was used. But in the two months that they had been meeting, Atsumu had found out that Sakusa's desires and fantasies went far beyond to what was shown in the videos, which were quite soft and closer to vanilla sex - with a small addition of bondage and pain - than what he had experienced in that room with black walls and red lights.

He didn't know if they were his imaginations, but there was a faint buzzing, and Atsumu thought his brain was dull with desire.

"Stick to the wall so your back is touching the grid," Sakusa ordered, watching him closely.

Atsumu did as ordered. The cold metal brushed against his shoulder blades and sent a shiver down his spine that made him separate from the grate as if he had given an electric cramp. Dazed, he made a sound of surprise and looked down at his hands, brushing the tips of his fingers with his thumbs. Was it his imagination?

With a slight jerk, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before sticking back to the grate. He felt the same again, but this time he didn't pull away from it, he just gritted his teeth and held on. It was such a brief sensation that, again, he thought he had imagined it. Sakusa smirked at seeing him react so... innocently.

Sakusa then turned to go to one of the shelves. He grabbed several red jute ropes of varying length and two pairs of metal-free leather handcuffs before heading over to Atsumu.

"Hold out your hands."

Atsumu did as he was asked and Sakusa used one of the pairs of handcuffs to place them around his wrists. Then, using one of the shorter ropes, he tied them together with a strong knot that didn't look like it would come undone easily. Sakusa raised Atsumu's arms and pinned them to the grate. Atsumu felt a weak electric shock again and groaned in surprise. It wasn't unpleasant, but he wasn't quite sure if he was still imagining it, so he stared at Sakusa with wide eyes and a foreboding growing in his chest.

"Have you already figured out how the grid works?" Sakusa asked in a whisper as a smirk appeared on his lips.

Atsumu's cock lolled between his legs with a jerk.

The grid was _electrified_.

Sakusa took another piece of rope, a bit longer this time, and tied Atsumu's wrists to the grid through the rope that connected the leather handcuffs. Atsumu's hands felt a small shock that made his fingers jerk like a spring. His body tensed in fear.

"Relax," Sakusa murmured softly, in an almost sweet tone of voice that was intended to take away Atsumu's fear. "It's not turned on yet, what you feel is the reminds, the memory of the grate because I tested its functionality this morning. I'll turn it on in a bit. The intensity of the electricity that will run through the grate is very weak. It's the same that the brain sends to the muscles when we are asleep. The muscles go through a small spasm to show the brain that they continue to function and receive signals. The idea of the grid is to simulate that stimulus. Do you feel the tickle?"

Atsumu ran his fingers behind the grate to grasp the metal. He felt a tingle run through his hands and through his entire body, like a warm current that was born on the crown of his head and spilled inside him until it reached the tips of his fingers. So that was why the handcuffs were neither linked by chains nor had metal on them...

Atsumu's cock dropped a transparent drop of precum, which dripped down the back of his member.

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said, grasping the metal more firmly and pressing his back even closer to the wall. He felt the tingle go up and down him and he let out a ragged groan.

Sakusa smiled before crouching down. Atsumu watched as Sakusa placed the second pair of handcuffs on his ankles, and took a new rope, one of the longest in the pile; but this time he did not join the cuffs. Instead, he grabbed Atsumu's left ankle and lifted his leg, letting the knee flex and be bent near Atsumu's side.

"Ah!" Atsumu groaned startled.

Sakusa ran the rope through the grate and up Atsumu's thigh, doing a few twists at the ends to create a web. He ran the rope back through the grid and then over the shin. He tied the rope together by passing it below the knee and reattached the ends. Atsumu watched in wonder as his body began to feel delicately trapped, while the tickles ran through his body from his back, his hands, and now also from his left leg.

Sakusa took a second rope and ran it back several times between the grate and Atsumu's leg. Sakusa didn't want to stare at him until he was done, when true beauty would surface. He passed the rope back up his thigh and through the grate one last time and then tied a tight knot between the ropes so that Atsumu was partially hung, secured and not at risk of loosening. The strings had created a diamond on the smooth, silky skin of Atsumu's thigh, and Sakusa felt an irrepressible desire to whip that long, beautiful leg with a whip and leave it scarred in pink and purple. But he held back, for Atsumu's second leg was still missing. He repeated the same process as with the previous one. He pulled it up and let his knee be bent at Atsumu's side before beginning to tie the ends of the ropes to create the same shape as the one in the other leg.

Atsumu blushed up to his ears. That position was, to say the least, revealing. His hands were tied, his legs were spread and tied, and he was hanging on an electrified grid, his cock erect and his entrance fully exposed for Sakusa to do whatever he wanted. Atsumu closed his eyes and let out a shaky groan as Sakusa's hands continued to work the strings, occasionally brushing his skin with his fingers. By the time Sakusa had finished, Atsumu's breathing had become fast and needy. He was desperate for more contact than just long, experienced fingers tying the ropes. He needed more, _much more._

Sakusa took a couple of steps back and looked at Atsumu: the sight was astonishing and breathtaking. He had created art with Atsumu's tense and tight muscles. His white skin gleamed under the red rope and contrasted with the black of the grate and the wall. The light cast red flashes over his body and the tip of his manhood gleamed with precum; the electricity that ran through Atsumu's body made his skin crawl, his muscles undergo slight currents that made him moan with impatience, his nipples presented before Sakusa perky and pink, waiting to receive a little of attention. Sakusa couldn't help but delight in the sight that had just formed before him. His mouth watered and he swallowed loudly. It was a hideous and beautiful image at the same time, and Sakusa couldn't look away: perhaps because there is always something beautiful and fascinating in the purest of horrors.

"I wish you could see yourself right now, Atsumu," he said hoarsely with desire.

The blush spread across Atsumu's ivory skin, from his cheeks and nose to his ears, down his neck and shoulders and spreading to his chest. He lowered his head in embarrassment and then Sakusa approached him again. He placed the knuckle of his index finger under Atsumu's chin and lifted it.

"You're beautiful."

Atsumu's heart pounded into his ribcage like a drum and his breath came out shaky between his parted lips. Sakusa ran his thumb over Atsumu's lower lip and smirked before releasing it to walk away from him.

Sakusa went to the back shelf from where he took two black devices, one of them stuffing it into his pants pocket, and then went to the right wall of the room where all the whips, riding crops and body restraints were. He ran his fingers over the handles of some of them and chose a short whipping paddle, made of black leather and about 2 inches wide. Then, he turned to Atsumu.

The boy saw Sakusa return with the two instruments and gulped as his pupils dilated and his body reflexively contracted, reflexively sticking to the grate that gave him a cramp in his lower back. Atsumu groaned under his breath and closed his eyes. Sakusa dropped the instruments on the table, pressed a button on the remote on the table, and reached for the bottle of lubricant to pour the substance onto the fingers of his right hand. The grate behind Atsumu buzzed briefly.

Sakusa walked over to Atsumu and stared at him with darkened eyes as the clean hand grasped Atsumu's closest leg below the knee, pressing down on it until it was fully glued to the grate. The electric shock was somewhat more intense and Atsumu moaned with a yelp as his eyes fell shut. He felt Sakusa's rapid breathing colliding with the skin just above the collar on his neck, causing a shiver that made him vibrate. Then he felt Sakusa's finger teasing his entrance, spreading the sticky lube over it and moving to brush against his perineum as well. Atsumu squirmed and wanted to push with his hips but the ropes on his legs were tight and Sakusa's hand was pressing him against the grate; his joint mobility was severely restricted, so he couldn't help but move just an inch forward in a vain attempt to enliven the contact.

Sakusa smirked and thrusted the first finger inside Atsumu, curling and waving it into the tight hole. Atsumu whimpered raggedly, reflexively moving to thrust Sakusa's finger deeper. The grate buzzed and Atsumu received a shock. His body tensed around Sakusa's finger and Atsumu groaned.

Sakusa inserted a second finger without taking his eyes off Atsumu's contorted face, his eyes narrowed, his brows furrowed and his lips parted, emitting desperate and trembling moans as his body jumped in awe at the slight shocks that hit him every time he moved. Sakusa curled his fingers searching for a soft, slippery spot inside Atsumu, his prostate. When he found it, he pressed on it over and over and _over again_ making Atsumu's cock jump between his spread legs.

Sakusa spread the lubricant a little more inside him and withdrew his fingers to drag some of the substance onto Atsumu's perineum. He was going to need it.

Sakusa walked away from Atsumu and the boy opened his eyes lazily, as if he had just awakened from a dream. Sakusa took the black device: it was a somewhat strange device, like a twisted L-shape and composed of three undulations that gave the appearance of three joined beads. The base was somewhat flatter, with no bumps or protrusions. Atsumu watched as Sakusa covered the ripples with more lubricant before coldly, almost clinically, wiping the lubricant residue from his fingers on the red towel.

Sakusa turned to Atsumu with a smirk, waving the device in his hand.

"This is a prostate and perineal massager. It emits vibrations that I'll vary in intensity with this." Sakusa took a remote control from his pocket and showed it to him. Atsumu swallowed impatiently, his cock taking on an unsuspected hardness. "It has 9 levels," Sakusa continued. "I'll gradually turn it up. I don't want you to hold back. The massager won't touch your prostate, it will just send the vibrations around it, so it might be a bit difficult for you. But that's why you're tied to an electrified grid. The electric shocks will remain the same intensity, but as you get closer to orgasm, your body will become more sensitive to stimuli and you'll feel as if that the cramps were stronger.

"I have no intention of touching you today beyond what I have already done to you. You have to come alone, without the help of my hands. Knowing how receptive your body is, the only help I will give you will consist of the occasional spanking with the paddle. You should focus on all the sensations your body receives, not just the massager. Got it?"

Atsumu gasped through a mouthful of saliva and nodded. "Yes sir," he murmured.

Sakusa nodded in satisfaction and activated the massager.

_Vibration level: 1._

Sakusa approached Atsumu dangerously, the buzzing device wet and slippery in his hands. Their faces were very close and Atsumu felt Sakusa's perfume hit his lungs with each breath. He felt a pressure in his hole and the first bead of the device began to enter him. Atsumu groaned when the first bead entered fully making him tremble, and he closed his eyes letting himself be carried away by the sensation.

Sakusa exerted more pressure and the second bead began to force its way into the tight but slippery ring of muscles. Atsumu was swallowing the balls with lewd splashing sounds and Sakusa felt how his own pants were being more annoying than usual. Being so close to a moaning-tied-up-and-suffering-constant-electric-shocks-Atsumu was taking him out of his mind.

For the first time in years, he wished he was the one entering his sub and not the massager.

"A-ah~ Sir~!" Atsumu groaned through his teeth.

The third bead began to enter. Atsumu felt how the vibrations were getting closer to the most sensitive point of his body, but they never touched it directly, because the massager had been inserted until the end and at no time had his prostate met it. He felt a second vibration, outside, a little below. His prostate also vibrated through the perineum, assaulted from within and without. Atsumu groaned and trembled. Shocks hit his hands, arms, shoulders, back, buttocks, and legs, and his cock trembled hungrily.

Sakusa stepped away from him and walked over to the table to grab the paddle before turning back to Atsumu. The boy's eyes were closed, his hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and his skin crawled as he moaned and groaned, trying uselessly to move his hips. Each cramp made him jump and contract his muscles against the ropes that imprisoned him. His cock was glowing and the drops of precum had turned into a steady stream that trickled down his skin and to the ground. He was desperate, needy, wanting for something more, and every time he yelled "sir", Sakusa's insides churned in delight.

Sakusa raised the paddle and finally fulfilled the wish he had been suppressing for way too long: he hit the inner side of Atsumu's right thigh with a loud slap and the boy jolted with a moan, a mixture of pain and arousal. Sakusa bit his lip and raised the paddle again to lower it again and hit the same spot. Atsumu howled in pain and twisted as best he could between the strings, causing the massager to dig into his flesh and the vibration to feel deeper. Atsumu gasped with rapid shallow breathing, his chest tight and heavy.

"Control your breathing, Atsumu," Sakusa said, stroking his fingers over the freshly beaten skin that was turning darker under the red light. "Don't rush, don't resist. Let it happen."

Atsumu panted and nodded before dropping his head back until his hair brushed the grate. A small shock entered his scalp and ran up and down his body with a tingle. His muscles weakly contracted with a spasm and Sakusa smiled, but Atsumu didn't see him.

Sakusa reached into his pocket and pressed the center button on the remote that he kept tucked away.

_Vibration level: 2._

Atsumu groaned and rolled his hips... but to no avail, as he barely moved despite his insistence. He was trying to thrust into the air but it had no effect. He opened his eyes and looked at Sakusa through the thick mist that covered his pupils. The vibration inside him and on the skin of his perineum was driving him crazy despite being quite soft. But the constancy of its convulsive movement was making him desperate, his prostate attacked too gently but with relentless persistence from both sides. He whimpered in a pleading voice, but Sakusa didn't give in to his prayers. He ran the paddle across his exposed chest in a distant, cold caress that left Atsumu gasping, silently asking for more.

"Don't focus only on the lower part of your body, Atsumu. You're a whole, each sensation by itself is not enough, embrace all stimuli at once. Don't think. Just let yourself go."

Atsumu tried to understand what he was saying, but his brain wasn't processing well the distant whispers of his master. He made an effort to focus his gaze back on the black eyes that looked at him disciplining, hard, cold... dominant. Atsumu lowered his head immediately, feeling small and fragile under that scanning gaze. He felt a chill that had nothing to do with the massager, nor the itchiness caused by the paddle, nor the electricity running through the grate.

Sakusa raised Atsumu's face with the edge of the hard leather paddle and Atsumu did not resist. Sakusa's eyes explored him again, a smile growing on the man's lips as he locked eyes with Atsumu's. He pushed the paddle away from his face and Atsumu's neck gave way again under its own weight, dropping his head forward.

"Almost," Sakusa whispered in a deep voice. "Let go, Atsumu. Don't be afraid. Trust me."

Atsumu opened his mouth to answer something, but his words were replaced by a groan ripped from deep in his chest as the intensity of the vibration rose again in and out, as Sakusa held the massager against his perineum. Atsumu's hips rocked and collided with the grate, which gave his buttocks a sharp electric shock and made him jump into his bindings with a string of moans that he was unable to silence. His head shot back as tears flooded his eyes, his nipples hardened on his chest, his muscles contracted painfully and his fingers twitched around the electrifying metal.

"That's right, feel with your full body, Atsumu. You're doing great."

Atsumu drank from Sakusa's flattery and closed his eyes, making a cheerful little noise.

Sakusa smiled with bright eyes. Was it possible for Atsumu to see himself so strong and fragile at the same time? Weakness and vulnerability brought out the purest and most innocent side of each person, and strength and resistance became the only firm and real sustenance when the body gave in to the most visceral and primal human instincts, and Sakusa knew how to make both parts, apparently unattainable, emerge from the bottom of Atsumu, joining each other to cover the boy as if it were a veil of black, transparent and sensual tulle. His body pushed the boundaries and created a twisted masterpiece that glowed full and proud in the dim red light.

Still pressing the massager against Atsumu's perineum, Sakusa reached into his pocket and pressed the center button again. Atsumu's eyes widened and howled, stretching the muscles of his entire body and tensing his hips to spread his legs even wider. But the ropes holding him down prevented it and scorched the soft, sensitive skin of his legs.

_Vibration level: 3._

"Sir-sir-sir-I-can't..."

Atsumu whimpered desperately, joining all the words into one and letting the tears fall from his cloudy eyes with dilated pupils, writhing and battling against his bonds and swinging his body the few inches that the ropes allowed. His entire body trembled, each spark from the grate felt like a prick trying to propel him to the end, each vibration was dangerously close to his abused prostate, but his unattended cock was not strong enough to fire the load. His eyelids were heavy and he felt himself draw away once more, but this time he had no strength to resist. He was frustrated, hurt, overwhelmed, elated... Once again, _tormented_.

Sakusa watched as the tears fell from Atsumu's neck to his chest and smirked. "Yes you can, Atsumu. You are a good boy, right?"

Sakusa placed the paddle under Atsumu's chin again, lifting the boy's face slightly to see how the tears fell one after another. It was the most beautiful sight Sakusa had had the pleasure to see in his whole life: Atsumu's eyes didn't see, even though they were open. He was getting closer. After more than two months of scenes, he was finally approaching the point of no return.

Atsumu felt himself falling into a well, his mind plunged into a drunken endorphin slumber that scared him, so he grabbed onto the grate to wake up. He tried with all his might, but he only received one more shock that ran through him with a surge much stronger than the previous ones, and his eyes closed as he emitted a hoarse howl of pleasure. His head fell forward, he felt it heavy, as if disconnected from his body.

"Siiiir~..." he muttered dragging the i.

Sakusa watched the reaction of Atsumu's body, his head hanging down as if he couldn't hold it on his own. Sakusa pushed the paddle away and grabbed him by the cheek. In the last two scenes they had had, he had gotten dangerously close to subspace, but the sensation was new and overwhelming, and Atsumu, scared, reacted to the sensation of loss and was never quite under. Sakusa knew the trust was fundamental, and they had been building it from the very beginning. But lately, Atsumu had showed that he really had started to _deeply_ trust him. And this time the boy's eyes were lost, unfocused and clouded with a thick mist, and his body was no longer his, but Sakusa's.

Sakusa's cock moved in his pants. He took a deep breath as he stared at Atsumu's parted lips, emitting loud moans incessantly, one after another. Sakusa slammed the paddle between Atsumu's pecs with a snap and the boy's back arched, jingling the grid he was tied to. His muscles had stopped responding to electrical impulses from his brain and only responded to electrical shocks, spanking, and vibration. He wriggled and rubbed against the grate to drive the massager deeper, but all he got were shocks on his buttocks, shcocks that amplified with each passing second as his body approached subspace, drunk on endorphins as the climax was building very slowly inside him.

Sakusa reajusted his pants with a harsh growl since his erection throbbed painfully against the slacks. He couldn't wait to free himself imagining Atsumu in that ruined state that took his breath away. Gulping at the anticipation of his fantasies, he pressed the button on the massager's remote control once more.

Atsumu moaned through tears, letting his head bob against his arm clamped above him. A trickle of saliva began to fall from his parted lips that Atsumu couldn't hold back anymore. His body was sweating and shuddering, and he was not the one to stop the spasms of pleasure that dominated him. Only his master could decide for him, and his master had told him to let go. And he, complacent, had obeyed without question.

_Vibration level: 4._

Sakusa swung the paddle and hit Atsumu's left leg with a more force than what he had used before. Atsumu groaned again and let his body move on its own. This time the force of the attempted thrust was greater and the ropes dug into his sensitive skin after the lash. His back arched and he trembled with a spasm. Tears wet his face, falling one after another, and his broken, hoarse voice whimpered, trying to form words that made no sense. His cock swung dangerously close to the long-awaited orgasm, his insides forming a fiery knot in the lower part of his belly that brought him closer to the cliff. Atsumu moaned and his cock lolled, continually spilling thick drops of precum onto his leg.

Sakusa watched him with delight. He was about go under. One more push and Atsumu would reach his limit. "Look at me," he ordered.

Atsumu didn't seem to hear him, as he kept moaning oblivious to anything but the electrical shocks and vibrations that overwhelmed his body. He felt full, floating in the middle of a sea, rocking with the waves and letting himself be carried away by the tide towards the depth. He heard a voice calling out to him, but he couldn't understand what he was saying. The voice was familiar, and he tried to focus and understand.

"Atsumu," Sakusa called again, raising his voice slightly. "Look at me."

Sakusa lifted the paddle and lashed at his left leg again, and Atsumu groaned, speeding up his breath and shrinking into himself, clinging to the grate that emitted a buzzing noise before sending a shock on the prickly and highly sensitized skin. His dick jerked and the boy lifted his head with a whining sound, finally reacting to the voice of his master. As if drawn from a deep world, his cloudy eyes stared at Sakusa.

Sakusa saw his lost gaze subjected under the hard work he had exposed his body to, and felt his knees giving way. His heart pounded with adrenaline pumping, and his breath caught in his throat, just as Atsumu was trapped in his grate.

"You did, Atsumu," Sakusa muttered in a hoarse, impressed whisper, his cock throbbing desperately. "You're under."

Atsumu mumbled something and let his head hang back, as a wide smile played on Sakusa's lips. With renewed energy, happy and ecstatic at such moving sight, Sakusa approached Atsumu and pressed the part of the massager that was torturing Atsumu's perineum. The boy groaned and twisted between the ropes, tears falling from his eyes. Sakusa raised the paddle one last time and slammed it against Atsumu's chest.

"F-FUCK, SIIIIIIR ~!" Atsumu yelled with a groan as his body contracted and his cock jumped just as he climaxed.

Semen shot out of the tip of his cock and splattered onto his abdomen and legs, staining the ropes and the floor. Sakusa pressed the massager a little deeper into Atsumu and the boy squirmed between moans and cries, the tears still falling as his body convulsed with spasms caused by orgasm and by the electrical shocks that his sensitive body now interpreted as stronger than ever in his arms, his entire back, his buttocks and his legs.

Sakusa stopped pressing the massager on Atsumu and pulled the remote control out of his pocket to turn it off. The muffled buzzing sound that had been heard the entire time suddenly stopped, and Atsumu's body was left hanging weakly from the handcuffs and ropes that held him to the grate. His head lolled against his chest and it moved rhythmically but rapidly accompanied by his rapid breathing. Sakusa carefully removed the massager from inside Atsumu and hurriedly loosened the bounded legs. One by one he undid the knots that created the web and that held Atsumu, until his feet touched the ground again.

"Atsumu," Sakusa called out. Atsumu nodded once more before slowly raising his head and looking at Sakusa with blank eyes. "Hold on tight to me when I let go of your arms. Do you understand me?"

Atsumu blinked slowly and nodded as he slurred his words. "Yes sir..."

Sakusa circled Atsumu's waist, putting his arm between the boy's back and the grate. He felt a slight cramp in his hand, and smiled thinking how that little sizzle had amplified to unsuspected levels on the body of his submissive. With the hand that was not around Atsumu, he masterfully untied the knot that tied the wrist cuffs to the grate, and then Atsumu's arms fell around Sakusa's neck, still held together by the cuffs. Atsumu's knees buckled, and the boy would have fallen if Sakusa hadn't dropped the rope to the ground and wrapped both arms around Atsumu's waist, pressing him firmly against him.

Sakusa lifted Atsumu's legs off the ground and held them tightly to carry him to the bed, which thankfully was only two steps away from him. He lay Atsumu down and lifted his arms to unlace them from his neck so that he could remove the handcuffs with firm fingers. Sakusa took them off and laid them on the nightstand, and Atsumu whimpered as he felt Sakusa walk away.

"Shhh, I'm here," Sakusa said taking off his shoes.

Sakusa lay down next to Atsumu and reached for the black velvet sheet to cover them both. Atsumu was sweating but his body was shaking, just like after every scene. Sakusa pressed Atsumu to his body to give him some of his body heat and made sure that every bit of Atsumu's skin was covered, either by his own body or by the sheet.

Atsumu hummed softly with enthusiasm and settled against Sakusa's chest. His eyelids felt heavy as lead and he didn't quite know where he was. He only felt a hand stroking his back and another his hair, and there was a faint whisper from someone, from his master, congratulating him on having done a good job and saying that he was proud.

Atsumu felt Sakusa wipe the remnants of tears from his cheeks and smiled, exhausted... but happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO HELLO HELLO GUYS!
> 
> Haha, two months timeskip, remember where the previous chapter was left? HahahAHAHA 😈
> 
> This chapter is over 6200 words long, around 13 pages on a word document with char size 11. I think I made it too long for the chapters I'm used to write, but I didn't know where I could cut parts, because I wanted you to feel the emotions and sensations Atsumu had 😅😅
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, wait for the aftercare ❤️
> 
> Btw, the song was recommended by a reader who told me to use it on a Sakuatsu scene and honestly, I've been so obsessed with it that I couldn't wait to write something with this song, isn't it great?
> 
> Well lovelies, I have nothing else to say, soooooooooo see ya on sunday!! 💞💞💞💞
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Look at me," he ordered. Atsumu looked up quickly. Sakusa's eyes were twinkling. "I think you can do it. And you?"
> 
> Atsumu gulped, his heart beating faster than ever. His fingers felt numb, and his mind began to wander. He wanted the world to stop right then and there, as Sakusa stared at him with such intensity that he thought he would melt right there.
> 
> "I can do it," Atsumu replied in a whisper.

It took Atsumu more than twenty minutes to return to his normal state of consciousness, and when he did, he made an alarmed and frightened sound in Sakusa's arms.

"Shhh, calm down," Sakusa whispered stroking his hair, "don't panic. You're here, you're fine. You're with me."

It was the first time Atsumu had experienced what it was like to be in subspace and such an experience could be terrifying even after being subjected to it many times.

"I ..." Atsumu wanted to say something, but his brain couldn't find the words.

"Are you okay?" Sakusa asked in a calm, soft, caring voice.

Atsumu looked towards Sakusa with a racing heart but immediately lowered his gaze again since he hadn't been given permission to look at him. Sakusa read his inner battle in his expression and decided that he could do him a favor by letting Atsumu look at him.

"Look at me, Atsumu," Sakusa ordered. Atsumu looked up at him again, eyes bright and a slight blush on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. "Answer me, are you okay?"

"Y-yes sir," he replied.

Sakusa could see something else in Atsumu's eyes, as if he wanted to ask something but didn't dare to do it because he hadn't been given an order, and Sakusa felt his erection painfully grow back between his legs as he saw the submission he showed to him even outside of a scene. He brought his hand to Atsumu's face and stroked the boy's lower lip with his thumb. Atsumu's eyes wandered weakly with dilated pupils and Sakusa smirked.

"Sir..." he muttered weakly.

"Yes, Atsumu?"

"Today's scene..." Atsumu's voice was heavy and slow, as if he was falling into a hazy endorphin sleep. "Electricity... why?" Sakusa smiled and pressed Atsumu's body even closer to his.

"Do you know the difference between a master and a sadist, Atsumu?" Sakusa asked. Atsumu shook his head as he breathed in the scent of Sakusa's perfume without taking his eyes off his master. "A master wants control in a relationship. He may or may not like to inflict pain on the sub, so a Dom/sub relationship is based on pushing the submissive's limits through commands, but that doesn't have to involve pain, "Sakusa said. "But that's not my case. I'm a sadist. I enjoy doing harm, watching someone's body suffer... As long as the submissive, that is, you, can bear it. I'll never cross a boundary that you don't want to cross. But your body is receptive, and handles pain and stimuli very well. You're the first person who have endured electricity well, even though, as you have already seen, it's not excessively intense. But the body suffers, tenses and contorts with spasms with each electric discharge, and not many people can take it. Not only are you my submissive, Atsumu. It's also pretty clear that you are a masochist and that your body is capable of handling things that most bodies cannot, even with prior training.

"I've seen it during the two months that we have been seeing each other. That's why I've thought about electricity, and I see that I wasn't wrong. I've been looking for someone... like you for a long time." Sakusa smiled at him warmly and Atsumu's heart raced. "You've trusted me enough to let yourself go and enter subspace, even though your body was suffering. You've done very well."

Atsumu blushed intensely and drank from Sakusa's praises and flattery as if nothing else in the world was worth it. He wanted to look away, but Sakusa was staring at him with such intensity that it was impossible to break eye contact. He was spellbound.

"Sir," Atsumu called.

"Yes?"

"Can I call you something else while we're not in a scene?" Atsumu asked somewhat self-conscious and unsure.

Sakusa surprised himself with a shrug. He had never let a submissive call him anything other than "sir" since discipline was fundamental to him. Why was he letting Atsumu call him otherwise then?

"Sure," he muttered.

Atsumu's eyes lit up and a small smile appeared on his lips, but under Sakusa's intense and penetrating gaze, he bowed his head with red ears and feeling small. He didn't dare to say anything more and Sakusa smiled.

"We're going to give you a shower, you need it," Sakusa said slowly pulling away from him. "Can you move?"

Atsumu nodded and slowly got up from the bed, his body stiff and shaking. Sakusa grabbed his hands and helped him to his feet. Sakusa glanced at his body briefly before placing the velvet sheet over him: his legs were marked where the ropes had held him and his skin was reddened where the paddle had spanked him. Sakusa bit his lip imperceptibly before guiding Atsumu to the bathroom. Sakusa filled the tub with hot water, removed Atsumu's leather collar - it couldn't get wet or the leather would get damaged - and helped the boy into the filled tub. Atsumu's muscles immediately relaxed upon coming into contact with the water and he gave a soft moan of reassurance.

"Relax while I tidy up a bit and bring the gear for the next scene. I'll put it on you when you get out of the water," Sakusa said walking towards the bathroom door.

"Okay. Thanks, _Omi-kun_ ," Atsumu whispered closing his eyes in the water.

Sakusa stopped in the middle of the bath and turned to Atsumu with a raised eyebrow, his face serious and cold as a rock. "Is that what you're going to call me?"

"I-if you don't like it, I can keep using sir," Atsumu said, opening his eyes with doubt and disquiet and looking at him obediently, ready to carry out the orders given to him.

"No... No, it's fine like this," Sakusa said turning around again to leave the room.

Without quite understanding why, a smile had made its way to his lips, and he, oblivious to it, could only think of the tone of voice that Atsumu had used when pronouncing his new nickname.

***

Sakusa cleared the room and wiped away Atsumu's semen that had fallen on the floor. He left the leather handcuffs and ropes aside as he had to treat them with a product to keep them flexible and not stiff, as the water hardened the fibers and made them rough and difficult to use. He cleaned and sanitized the prostate massager and set it in its place, next to the remote control. He put away the lubricant and the grate's remote control and put the table he had used as a stand back in its original place.

When he finished, he walked over to a shelf and picked up a cockring made of steel. It was 2.5 centimeters wide and had an inside diameter of about 4 centimeters. Inside it had 16 sharp steel spikes. At the bottom it had a hinge that opened the ring in half, and at the top it had two holes that joined both parts and left space to put a padlock or some other type of restriction and keep it closed. Sakusa took a silver padlock and key from the drawer, and checked that the padlock opened and closed properly. He grabbed Atsumu's clothes and then went back to the bathroom.

After the time he had spent in the water, Atsumu's eyes had returned to their normal state, without a cloud covering his pupils and making him seem distant. Atsumu watched Sakusa enter with the ring in his hands and his cheeks turned a deep crimson. His cock moved underwater and he cursed himself. He hadn't even started and his cock already wanted more.

"Are you feeling better?" Sakusa asked coming to his side and leaving the clothes hanging on a hanger next to the bathtub.

"Yes, thank you," Atsumu replied.

"Fine, then let's get you ready." Atsumu stood up in the tub and Sakusa wrapped him in a white cotton towel that smelled of fresh detergent. Atsumu got out of the tub with the large towel draped over his shoulders and extending down to his buttocks. "Dry yourself well while I explain how it works."

Atsumu ran the edge of the towel over his face to dry it. He brushed off his hair with the cloth and let his hair just stay damp rather than soaked to the point of letting the water droplets fall on his shoulders. As he ran the towel over his skin to dry himself, Sakusa spoke.

"Since you'll be with it for a month, the ring is made of steel, so there is no problem with it getting wet. You should be able to have normal hygiene without it disturbing you, that's why I've chosen this instead of a chastity cage." Atsumu looked at the metal ring with desire but also with some apprehension. "As I have explained to you before, you'll control your erections through pain.

"At first it'll be normal for you to have erections and it'll hurt. You should not masturbate if you don't want it to hurt more. If you feel that you cannot hold it anymore, call me and say the safe word. You won't be able to have sex either. As the days go by, your body will learn that the erections cause pain, and you'll be the one who can control the hardness of your cock. You can be, and in all probability you will be aroused but without your cock getting hard.

"That means that in a month your libido will have grown noticeably since you won't be able to release the testosterone that your testicles generate. There may be days at the end of the month that you spend more hours a day aroused than not aroused, but still you won't be able to release the load. When we have the next scene, I'll remove the ring and then you can have an erection normally... But with the advantage that you will know how to control its hardness. But I must warn you that this erection will hurt as much as the ones you've had during the month, if not more, because you've held on for a whole month without releasing the built-up pressure. If you manage to last the whole month, you'll have a reward. When that time comes, I'll explain how it continues. Understood, Atsumu?"

"Yes," he replied, his voice a higher pitch. His face color had faded slightly and his eyes had widened comically. Sakusa laughed softly.

"You don't have to if you can't," he said.

"Do you think... I can do it?" Atsumu asked without taking his eyes off the ring.

Sakusa approached him and left his face a few inches from Atsumu's. Atsumu's eyes were level with Sakusa's lips from which a smirk appeared.

"Look at me," he ordered. Atsumu looked up quickly. Sakusa's eyes were twinkling. "I think you can do it. And you?"

Atsumu gulped, his heart beating faster than ever. His fingers felt numb, and his mind began to wander. He wanted the world to stop right then and there, as Sakusa stared at him with such intensity that he thought he would melt right there.

"I can do it," Atsumu replied in a whisper.

Sakusa smiled widely, and Atsumu couldn't help but think that that smile rarely appeared on his face. But it was a pretty smile, and he liked it a lot.

"Good boy," Sakusa said hoarsely.

Sakusa raised his hands to the edge of the towel that had remained on Atsumu's shoulders and let it slide down the boy's arms until it fell to the ground with a "plof". Atsumu was naked again in front of him, his cheeks taking on a strong red color, but at no point did his decision falter or his gaze left Sakusa's, as he had not been given permission to do so. Sakusa slowly crouched down, not taking his eyes off Atsumu's. He knelt on the ground and only then took his gaze from Atsumu's eyes to look at his slightly hardened member.

"Wow," he muttered. His breath collided with Atsumu's crotch causing the boy to shiver. "We haven't even started and you're already like this. I won't be able to place it on you if it continues to grow, Atsumu," Sakusa said warningly. "Shall I wait?"

Atsumu closed his eyes and took a deep breath once, twice, three times, leaving his mind completely blank. It was easier for him than he expected given the situation, but his master had to put a device on him that his body was not capable of receiving like that, so he made the best effort of his life to concentrate on something else that would eliminate the very slight erection that appeared. He held his breath and thought about something else: about the fights with his brother, about Yaku yelling at him to clean up the bar, about his friends laughing at him whenever they could... In short, he thought about anything that would piss him off to make his cock stay flaccid again.

Sakusa peered down at Atsumu's face, a frown of concentration on him as his brows furrowed tightly. Sakusa watched out of the corner of his eye as Atsumu's member throbbed a few times before losing what little strength it had gained, slowly shrinking between Atsumu's legs.

"No, sir," Atsumu finally said obediently when he felt his member go soft.

Sakusa smiled inwardly. Atsumu knew when it was time to use the noun "sir", as if he knew automatically when circumstances required it.

"Good boy, Atsumu."

Sakusa opened the ring with his left hand and used his right hand to grab Atsumu's cock. He placed the ring on the base, being careful not to misplace it so as not to hurt Atsumu. Then he closed it around him. Atsumu squirmed slightly when he felt the cold metal against him, but he didn't make any noise or wince, so Sakusa took the small padlock and inserted it through the holes that joined the two parts. He closed the padlock and looked at Atsumu from below.

The ring covered half of Atsumu's soft dick, and Sakusa felt his groin getting hard with such view. He got up and looked at Atsumu with his usual piercing gaze.

"All set. Does it bother you?"

Atsumu felt the preassure on his dick, but it was not bothering him, it was just... something weird and a bit cold at first. But it was not painful.

"No, sir," Atsumu replied.

"Good. Then that's it. You can get dressed now."

Sakusa turned to leave the bathroom, but before he could cross the threshold, Atsumu plucked up his courage and called out to him.

"Omi-kun," he said doubtfully.

"Yes, Atsumu?"

"We're gonna spend a month without seeing each other," he noted.

"That's right," Sakusa replied.

"Couldn't I... couldn't I see you even if it wasn't for... this?" Atsumu asked looking down in embarrassment. "Go out, walk together-"

"No."

Atsumu raised his head and looked at Sakusa. His expression had changed radically: now it was distant, cold, even... disheartened. His eyes had lost their shine and his lips had pursed into a fine line.

"Sorry, I just-"

"Get dressed. It's time for you to go home. You must rest."

Before Atsumu could say anything else, Sakusa stormed out of the room. Atsumu feared that he had been too daring, and suddenly felt like crying. But he carried on and dressed quickly with a knot in his stomach. When he came out of the bathroom, Ushijima was already waiting for him to take him away. There was no sign of Sakusa.

With a slight pain in his chest and a sting in his eyes from the tears he was holding, Atsumu left the place and followed Ushijima to the now familiar black car that would take him back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> Everything was going well until it stopped going well lmaoooooooooooo why am I like this 🙂
> 
> Well everyone, here's the aftercare and the preparation for the next scene. The next chapter will be posted on wednesday, as always 🥰
> 
> With nothing else to say, I say goodbye for now,
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you like it?" Oikawa asked with some anxiety.
> 
> Kuroo looked around one last time before looking at Oikawa. His amber eyes had been shining up to that point, but when he fixed them on Oikawa's, they sparkled like two little stars in the sky. Oikawa's mind melted under the intense gaze, and he was grateful to be seated, as his body had suddenly begun to feel weak.
> 
> "I love it," Kuroo said without taking his eyes off Oikawa's.

_**RECOMMENDED SONG: KISS ME BY ED SHEERAN** _

"Kuro-chan~" said Oikawa's sing-song voice when Kuroo answered the phone.

"Oikawa-kun, wassup? I've been waiting for your call."

"You know you can call me whenever you want instead of waiting for me to call you, right?"

"Yeah, I know. But I like to be a tough dude."

Oikawa laughed happily on the other side and Kuroo smiled widely with his heart pounding in his chest and a pleasant feeling of fullness inside him.

"You're a lost case," Oikawa said with a mock sigh.

"And yet you keep calling, I consider that to be an absolute and outrageous success," Kuroo said proudly.

"Or I'm an idiot, a lot of people tell me I'm an idiot, it could be so," Oikawa laughed again.

"That's bullshit, pretty boy. You're everything but an idiot, trust me," Kuroo replied, to which Oikawa laughed softly once more.

"Well, thank you Kuro-chan. However, what I was gonna say," he said. His voice had become somewhat uncertain. "I've called you because I've wanted to go out to dine with you for a long time, but I haven't dared to ask until today. It's okay if you say no, it's just-"

"Sure, when and where?" Kuroo interrupted him.

"Really? Do you really want to?" Oikawa asked. Kuroo could hear the illusion in his voice.

"What a question," Kuroo chuckled. "Of course I wanna go on a date with you, why do you think I would refuse?"

Oikawa opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, his cheeks tinted a rosy color and his happy, eager eyes shining brightly. He kept twisting a lock of hair maniacally around his index finger, like a nervous tic. He wanted to answer, but he didn't know what to say so as not to sound like an idiot.

"You could have other plans, or you could not have wanted to because... I don't know, a thousand reasons," Oikawa said so quickly that the words joined each other.

"None of that, I'm free," Kuroo replied. "I just need the hour and place and I'll be there."

"A-alright," Oikawa replied nervously and happily. "I'd booked a table tonight at a somewhat secluded restaurant in case you said yes. At 8pm, in front of Asakusa station. Is that okay?"

"Great, I'll be there," Kuroo replied excitedly looking at his watch. There were only 2 hours left. "Will we be alone? I'm not telling Ryan."

"Yeah, I'm not taking my bodyguard, not this time. I've been going everywhere with him for two months, when I go out with you or when I go out alone, and the paparazzi haven't published photos of me again, so I don't feel like bringing him today too knowing nothing is gonna happen. I feel like being with you alone for once," he said with a sigh.

"Well, it's true that we've had more dates after the one in the park and no one has taken photos. Maybe it was just a fluke," Kuroo said with a shrug.

"Well, our dates were accompanied by my idiot bodyguard and your new bodyguard," Oikawa replied. "I don't know if you can consider that a date."

Kuroo laughed. Since the park date, they had met four times in the last two months, and while it was true that they were never alone, no one had bothered to take photos and then edit them and delete Iwaizumi and Ryan (Kuroo's new bodyguard, an American with dark hair and light eyes who never spoke) to publish them again in magazines. It was possible that after the boom and the release of the film, the paparazzi had gotten tired. Even though the movie was still a resounding success and the revenue was breaking a record never seen before in a pornographic film, there was a lot of gossip that the press could not miss, and thank goodness, neither Kuroo nor Oikawa entered the gossip.

"Well, Kuro-chan, see you in a bit. I need to take a shower and get ready."

"See you later, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said goodbye.

Kuroo hung up the phone and stared at his reflection on the black screen with a smile. He had realized a long time ago that Oikawa had become someone very important to him, and the more time he spent with him, the more he realized that he did not want to get away from that boy he had known a few months ago with big expressive eyes that drove him crazy. Although he hadn't dared to say anything to him. He was afraid of breaking their friendship, so Kuroo shut up his feelings and buried them deep inside him; as much as it hurt, he would never confess what he felt, he was content to see him smile or hear his voice over the phone.

He didn't want to make the mistake of making Oikawa suffer. So, with a sigh and his mind set, he decided that he would be quiet once more.

***

When Kuroo arrived at the agreed location, Oikawa was already there, absently staring at the passing cars on the road. He was wearing gray pants, a white shirt, and a black jacket. His hair moved gently with the slight breeze brushing his forehead. Seeing him there, oblivious to everything else, so handsome and so innocent, Kuroo felt a tingle in his stomach as his heart skipped a beat. He inevitably smiled as he walked silently towards him. Oikawa hadn't realized he had arrived, so Kuroo came up from behind and circled his shoulders, pressing Oikawa's back to his chest.

Oikawa was not startled, for Kuroo's scent was so familiar by now that the moment he smelled his perfume, Oikawa felt himself floating, relaxed on a cloud.

"Hello, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo whispered in his ear.

"Hey, Kuro-chan," Oikawa replied turning around to hug Kuroo. He closed his eyes and felt Kuroo's arms wrap around his back and squeeze him tightly. "I'm glad to see you."

"Me too," Kuroo said.

"This time I'll show you an elegant place," said Oikawa slowly pulling away and placing his hands on Kuroo's shoulders. A perfect smile decorated his face, and Kuroo felt his legs weak.

"Great. Lead the way, I'll follow you everywhere," Kuroo said with heart eyes. Oikawa blushed slightly and nodded without removing his smile.

Oikawa separated himself from Kuroo and stood by his side to take him to the place. They both started walking next to each other without paying much attention to their surroundings, just enjoying each other's company.

The restaurant was called Kikko and it was in Asakusa, quite close to where they had met. Upon arrival Kuroo could appreciate the elegance of the place: it was a discreet restaurant, away from the large and busy streets; the entrance had a small stone path, lit by several dimly lit lanterns, and was surrounded by plants. The interior was small but cozy, with an antique furniture style but without detracting from luxury. There were very few tables but all of them were occupied by elegant people, showing the exclusivity of the place. A man in a restaurant uniform approached Oikawa and asked for his name. The man then led Oikawa and Kuroo to a table for two, set aside and half hidden from the rest, near the screen that led to the outside and which was made of off-white paper adorned with sakura flowers.

"Call me when you've chosen what you want to drink and eat," the man said kindly. "Enjoy the evening."

Both young men nodded slightly and the man withdrew. Kuroo looked around with a smile, fascinated by the small but comfortable place. It was like a private restaurant.

"Do you like it?" Oikawa asked with some anxiety.

Kuroo looked around one last time before looking at Oikawa. His amber eyes had been shining up to that point, but when he fixed them on Oikawa's, they sparkled like two little stars in the sky. Oikawa's mind melted under the intense gaze, and he was grateful to be seated, as his body had suddenly begun to feel weak.

"I love it," Kuroo said without taking his eyes off Oikawa's.

Kuroo then took the menu and his face was lost behind it. Oikawa felt his cheeks burn and he bit his lip to shut his mouth from emitting a groan of surprise and excitement after feeling that Kuroo's gaze had undressed him right there. His heart was going to leap and the only thing he could think of to calm himself was to pick up the menu, hide his face behind it and take a deep breath until he felt his heart return to its normal rhythm.

They did not take long to choose. They called the man again and ordered the dishes and the drink, and when the man went to the kitchen to place the order, they began to talk to spend some time until the food arrived. But it did not wait even fifteen minutes to arrive, so the conversation that had been left half continued while they ate.

"There's something I've wanted to ask you for a long time, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said taking a sip of his drink.

"Go ahead and ask," Oikawa said taking a bite.

"It's... a bit of a personal question, but I'm curious. If you don't want to answer don't worry," Kuroo said. Oikawa nodded with a slight frown and showing some concern. He put the chopsticks on his bowl to pay attention and nodded for Kuroo to speak. "Okay... why... why did you cry when we shot the last scene?"

Oikawa relaxed his expression and a small smile replaced the tension that had expressed his face up to that moment. He looked down shyly and Kuroo watched every detail, every gesture, every expression, falling in love over and over again.

"Because no one has ever bothered on thinking about me or cared about me before," he replied softly. He raised his face with a shy smile and somewhat melancholic eyes. "Whenever I've recorded something, it's been painful and cold, and when I was with you... for the first time, even in front of a camera... I felt that sex also includes affection. And that's something that I had never experienced."

His voice had been sweet and slow, and Kuroo felt like he was going to die of love. He observed each feature of Oikawa's face carefully, taking delight in each part: his chocolate brown eyes surrounded by long curly lashes, his flushed cheeks, his dreamy smile, his soft lips... He couldn't take his eyes off those full and pink lips, and Oikawa noticed that Kuroo's gaze was fixed on them.

"W-what?" Oikawa asked nervously.

"You're too pretty to have never been kissed before," Kuroo whispered.

Oikawa froze in place, his eyes gleaming and his heart beating so fast that he thought Kuroo would see it through his shirt. His cheeks, already somewhat flushed, took on such an intense red color that it made Kuroo react to what he had just said. Oikawa was astonished, a tingle running all over his body and leaving his senses numb to the sensations. What was _that_ feeling?

Kuroo lowered his head with flushed cheeks and a knot in his throat, feeling uneasy and stupid. He had sworn to himself he would kept quiet that night too, why did he say such thing out of nowhere?

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that," he said, his voice somewhat shaky.

Oikawa covered his face with his hands, his brain still processing what Kuroo just said. It was the first time in his life that someone had said something like that to him, and it was also the first time that someone made him feel _that way_.

Oikawa burst out laughing, a genuine laugh that made Kuroo raise his head to look at him questioningly, not understanding why he was laughing in such a situation.

"Let's change the subject," Kuroo said somewhat unsure as Oikawa's laugh faded away. "Let's talk about something else. For example... I don't know, what is your favorite movie? You guessed mine a long time ago in that coffee shop, but I don't know what yours is, so talk to me-"

"Thank you, Kuro-chan," Oikawa said cutting off his monologue. He had a fond smile and the light reflected in his eyes danced on his irises.

The tension in Kuroo's shoulders disappeared and he was able to release the air that he had been holding without being aware of it. He was scared because he had said something that might have upset Oikawa, and the thing he wanted the least in the world was to make him feel uncomfortable. Kuroo laughed softly and closed his eyes before covering them with one hand.

"I don't know what I was thinking, sorry," he said with a little more confidence.

"It was beautiful, so don't be. I liked it," Oikawa said with a chuckle. He ran his hand over the table and gently tugged on the hand that Kuroo was covering his eyes with to expose them again, holding the contact for a second longer than necessary. They both blushed again, but didn't say anything about it. "And you do know what my favorite movie is, Kuro-chan."

"I don't know," Kuroo replied with a confused look.

"Yes you know, it has something to do with what you just said."

Kuroo thought about it just a few seconds before understanding what Oikawa meant.

"Oh, so it's Pretty Woman," Kuroo said with an amused nod.

"Bingo," he replied with a wink.

"Good choice," Kuroo said. Oikawa smiled.

Silence fell between them, and they both took chopsticks to continue eating. Kuroo took a bite, but Oikawa on the other hand didn't. Before continuing to eat, he spoke one last sentence that made Kuroo's heart way faster that what should be considered healthy.

"I'm really glad to have met you, Kuroo Tetsuro."

***

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Kuroo said when they left the restaurant.

It was cold, it was long after dark, and the breeze that had come before had turned into cold, damp air that soaked to the bone.

"Sure," Oikawa said with a smile. "What a subtle way to flirt, you took the idea from a movie?"

Kuroo laughed. "I didn't say it with ulterior motives, I just wanna spend more time with you."

Oikawa smiled sincerely, his heart sinking again. They walked in silence through the already deserted streets and Kuroo found that his house and Oikawa's were not as far away as he thought. Oikawa's house was a modern one-floor house with windows that hid the interior with white curtains. It was nice and Kuroo thought that it really suited Oikawa's personality.

Oikawa opened the front door and turned to Kuroo. He stayed that way for a bit, and Kuroo felt like he didn't want to go home. But he had to, so he smiled with a sigh, ready to go.

"I suppose this is a goodbye," Kuroo said. "But tell me... When can I see you again?" Oikawa smiled.

"What about tomorrow morning?"

"Sure-"

Before Kuroo knew it, Oikawa had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and had pulled him close, leaving their faces so close that their noses brushed and their breaths mingled. Oikawa closed the door with a swing from his foot and dragged Kuroo into the room to the left, still holding him by his shirt without pulling away from him. He turned on the light in the room and kept pulling Kuroo until the back of his knees collided with something.

Oikawa fell back onto a huge double bed and dragged Kuroo with him, who was propped up on the mattress with his knees and hands. Their eyes met and they stared at each other almost without blinking. There was electricity in the environment, unresolved tension. But there was _something else_. In their glances there was not only lust and desire but something deeper, something with another meaning. They felt like they looked at each other for years but, in fact, it had passed only a few seconds.

Kuroo broke eye contact, his heart racing in his chest. Breathing somewhat agitated because of the nerves and the excitement, Kuroo leaned over Oikawa aiming for his neck, but before he could, Oikawa stopped him.

"No!" he exclaimed in a whisper.

"No?" Kuroo asked confused, straightening up again. "I thought this was what you wanted."

Oikawa bit his lip nervously and raised his hands to place them on Kuroo's cheeks. He caressed them gently, running his fingertips over the skin as his eyes roamed every corner of Kuroo's face with fond eyes. He had been feeling _that way_ for months, and he couldn't stop it now.

"What are you doing with me?" Oikawa slowly whispered as if he had been hypnotized. Kuroo frowned in confusion and looked at him questioningly, but the gesture did not last long before Oikawa spoke again. "I can't... I can't contain what I feel, Kuro-chan... What are you doing with me?"

Kuroo was about to answer with another question, but before he could ask what he meant, Oikawa brought Kuroo's face close to his... until he kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say, I want your reactions 🤭
> 
> I'll post again on sunday 😚😚😚
> 
> love ya babies,
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I could spend my life kissing you."
> 
> "It doesn't seem like a bad way to spend life," Oikawa replied. "But I must admit, I didn't expect the kisses to turn me on that much," he said, looking down to peek under the sheet, where their dicks brushed erect against each other.
> 
> "You'd be surprised what a kiss is capable of if the right person gives it to you," Kuroo said.

Oikawa slowly opened his eyes, letting his pupils adjust to the morning sunlight that came through the curtain and spilled directly onto his face; the light had caused him to wake up, but he wasn't tired. He looked at the clock. It was 7:17 am.

He heard a steady breath next to him and turned to see Kuroo, still sleeping soundly with one hand on the pillow and the other around Oikawa's waist. His fingers were warm, soft and pressed lightly on his skin, and Oikawa felt a tingle in his stomach as the hint of a smile crept across his lips and eyes, and his cheeks flushed.

 _"I think I've fallen in love with you, Oikawa-kun,"_ Kuroo had said.

 _"I just gave my first kiss to the first person I've fallen in love with. What a coincidence, don't you think?"_ Oikawa had replied.

They had kissed and made love all night until they had both fallen exhausted into each other's arms. The clothes thrown around the room were proof of what had happened. And Oikawa felt happy, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, because he had finally shed a weight when he had heard Kuroo confess his love, reciprocating his own feelings. He rejoiced in the idea that it was the first time he had felt something like this for another person: this desire to protect and pamper another person, to hug him, to kiss his lips again...

Oikawa took a deep breath, feeling dreamy, and snuggled closer to Kuroo. He tightened his grip on Oikawa's waist and pressed him to his body, the bare skins gently brushing. Then Kuroo opened his eyes slowly, trying to locate himself and know where he was before realizing that Oikawa was staring at him avidly, glued to his chest and with bright eyes.

"Mornin', pretty boy," Kuroo whispered in a hoarse, sleepy voice, placing a kiss on Oikawa's forehead.

"Mornin', hot stuff," Oikawa replied, also raspy and flirtatious, feeling a tingle where Kuroo's lips had brushed against his skin. "You could have given me a normal kiss," he pouted.

Kuroo laughed. "Oh my, so you've become fond of kisses," he said staring at him, pressing the tip of his index finger to Oikawa's lower lip before moving it to his chin, dragging his lip with it. "You haven't had enough of them yet for you to have gotten addicted to them. It did surprise me when you kissed me last night, though."

"Why? I thought it was obvious that I liked you," Oikawa said with a flirtatious smile.

"Oh yeah, you obviously like me. I'm super hot."

Oikawa slightly pulled away from Kuroo, placing his hands on Kuroo's bare chest. He raised an eyebrow in disbelief and a playful expression, and Kuroo burst out laughing. Oikawa laughed at Kuroo's smug comment and hid his head on Kuroo's neck to stifle his laughter a bit. Kuroo pulled Oikawa to his chest while laughing, and Oikawa didn't resist. It was so easy to be in each other's arms, it felt so good...

"You're an idiot, Kuro-chan," Oikawa said with a giggle.

"Maybe, but you had to put up with me. And if not, you should have thought better of it before letting me kiss you yesterday," Kuroo replied amused.

" _I_ kissed _you_ , not the other way around," Oikawa said proudly.

"This relationship isn't starting off well if we're fighting over who kissed whom, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said rolling his eyes.

Oikawa separated from his chest again and looked at him with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. His heart was pounding and his stomach was jumping inside him: the soft tickle he felt before now had turned into a fireworks display that was making him dizzy.

"R-relationship? D-did you just... ask m-me out?" Oikawa stammered gulping, nerves on edge and eyes alight.

Kuroo didn't answer; instead, he took Oikawa by the cheeks and brought their faces closer until their lips touched with a chaste kiss, a very brief contact that made Oikawa moan for more. Kuroo smiled into the kiss and pulled away from Oikawa a little to see that the boy's eyes were closed, his lips parted and his brow furrowed, a grimace of desire and excitement on his angelic facial features. Kuroo approached him again, still smiling, and parted his lips to cover Oikawa's delicately, letting them slide wet and hot over the brunet's. Oikawa wrapped his arms around Kuroo's neck and let himself be done, feeling the arousal between his legs increase with every touch, every breath, every contact of his naked manhood with Kuroo's.

When Oikawa couldn't breathe anymore, they parted panting, cheeks flushed and goose bumps.

"You see?" Kuroo whispered in admiration. "You've done it again. This is what I meant when I said you surprised me last night. You have surprisingly soft lips and the way you move your tongue... You seem to be an expert at kissing even without ever having done it," he said with a breathy moan. "I could spend my life kissing you."

"It doesn't seem like a bad way to spend life," Oikawa replied. "But I must admit, I didn't expect the kisses to turn me on that much," he said, looking down to peek under the sheet, where their dicks brushed erect against each other.

"You'd be surprised what a kiss is capable of if the right person gives it to you," Kuroo said, his words sped up with arousal, before launching himself on Oikawa's lips again.

Oikawa felt Kuroo eager, running his hands over his body teasingly without getting too close to his dick, kissing him like there was no tomorrow, hungry and wanting for more. Oikawa moaned into the kiss, digging the fingers of one of his hands into the black hair and gently tugging at it, and digging the nails of his free hand into Kuroo's shoulders as he wrapped his legs around Kuroo's hips. Kuroo made Oikawa roll onto his back and Oikawa stayed under, feeling Kuroo's throbbing member against his.

_Ding dong._

The doorbell made Kuroo pause, raising himself on his elbows to separate from Oikawa with swollen lips. Oikawa looked at him with cloudy eyes and Kuroo growled elated, but didn't continue kissing him. Oikawa wrapped both legs around his hips and pulled him closer to him, letting their pecs stick together and causing their cocks to rub against each other.

"Ignore it," he groaned with desire before drawing Kuroo to him again.

Kuroo lunged for his lips, but the bell interrupted them again when the touch had just started.

_Ding dong._

Kuroo separated from him again with a sucking sound and heavy breathing.

"I think you should see who it is," Kuroo said with a smirk, leaving a peck on Oikawa's lips.

"I'd rather you kiss me again," Oikawa murmured stroking Kuroo's shoulders.

_Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong._

"Ugh, fine, I'm coming!" Oikawa yelled in annoyance, giving in to the hassle noise.

Kuroo laughed in amusement and got off him to let him get up. Oikawa stretched and got off the bed before turning to him with an adorable smile. Kuroo looked at his pretty face and naked body in the sunlight streaming through the curtains, and licked his lips: he liked everything about him, he was pretty, toned and slim. But not only that: behind that desire, behind the lust he felt there was more, much more. There was love and affection, and his heart beat happily in his chest, flooded by the happiness that Oikawa's precious smile brought him every time he saw it.

Oikawa searched for his underwear, pacing the room until he found it lying on the dresser by one of the walls. How did it get there? Well, not that it really mattered too much; when they had undressed each other they hadn't had much thought to throw their clothes around, since it wasn't what they were thinking about at the time, between wet kisses and desperate caresses.

Oikawa hid his erection by pressing it against the black boxer material and then turned to look at Kuroo.

"I'm gonna use your shirt since it's longer, that way I don't need pants," said Oikawa taking Kuroo's shirt and putting his arms through the sleeves.

He buttoned it and Kuroo couldn't resist melting before him: the red color was flawless against his porcelain skin; the fabric covered his torso and buttocks, exposing only his long, graceful legs. It was too sexy a sight for 7:55 am, and Kuroo thought he might get used to waking up every day with that vision in front of him.

"It looks really good on you, you should keep it," Kuroo said.

"Really?" Oikawa said with bright eyes.

"Hell yeah, you're beautiful, Oikawa-kun," he said with heart eyes.

Oikawa smiled shyly and get closer to the bed. He straddled Kuroo and lean over to kiss him again, grinding his hips over Kuroo's erect manhood and letting out a moan in the middle of the kiss. Kuroo grunted and caressed his soft legs, forgetting momentarily about the people waiting by the door, letting his fingers explore and go up, high, high until they where brushing Oikawa's nipples.

_Ding dong._

"Who the fuck is being so fucking insistent?" Oikawa cursed, getting up from Kuroo.

Oikawa stormed out of the room, waving his hips provocatively and giving him a wink before closing the door behind him. He took a few steps down the hall before standing in front of the door to open it.

"Oikawa-san, we need to talk."

"Aka-chan? What's wrong? What are they doing here?" Oikawa asked surprised at the people at his door.

"We have a problem, Oikawa-san," Akaashi said gravely, squeezing a rectangular package that he was holding.

"You're scaring me," Oikawa said. "What happened?"

Akaashi opened the brown package in his hands and rummaged for a few seconds until he found what he was looking for. He took out a magazine and showed the cover to Oikawa, who turned noticeably pale and whose eyes widened as he swallowed hard. He yanked the magazine out of Akaashi's hands and squeezed it between his clenched fingers without taking his eyes off the image the magazine displayed.

"Can we come in?" Tsukishima said looking around nervously all the time. "It's urgent."

Oikawa didn't say anything, he just stepped aside and let the two managers and Iwaizumi pass. He led them into the living room, which was accessed through a door just beyond, on the right side of the hall.

"Have a seat, I'm gonna go call Kuro-chan," Oikawa said in a high, scared voice.

Oikawa ran into the room and yanked the door open. Kuroo was still lying naked on the bed, staring at the reflections of the sun on the wooden floor. When he heard Oikawa enter, he turned with a smile to him, but it disappeared immediately when he saw Oikawa's contrite face.

"What happened?"

"You have to come see this, I'll lend you pants," said Oikawa opening the closet and tossing him some gray jogging pants.

Kuroo jumped up from the bed and reached for his underwear just like Oikawa had done a few moments before. Then he put on his pants and they both left the room quickly until they reached the living room, where Akaashi, Tsukishima and Iwaizumi were waiting for them.

Kuroo blushed slightly but didn't have time to say anything or defend himself before Tsukishima spoke.

"We know Kuroo-san. Us... And the rest of the world," he said.

"What-?"

Akaashi handed him the magazine and Kuroo's eyes widened.

On the cover there was an image with two medium-sized photos in the upper left corner that showed a sequence of Oikawa smiling, grabbing Kuroo by the shirt at the door of his house in the first picture, and then dragging him inside on the second. Then, the cover had another image, a larger photograph that took up the rest of the page: it was a photo in which it could be seen -through the curtains- two black silhouettes kissing. The image was somewhat blurred, the shadows were diffuse and the faces were not clear, only the backlit figures of two people kissing on a bed in a position in which, with a bit of speculation, it revealed that they were having sex.

"One of you has a stalker," Akaashi said. "And they've followed you here."

"I thought it was clear that you couldn't go out without protection," Iwaizumi scolded.

Kuroo opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to catch the breath he had lost due to shock. Oikawa was standing next to him, trembling slightly, his ears red and his eyes glassy. That image was much worse than the park image, because what they had posted now had been a very intimate and personal moment that Oikawa had not intended to share with anyone but Kuroo. Oikawa had wanted his first kiss to be private, and he was happy to have give it to Kuroo. But someone had had the cold blood and little empathy to publish it. Of course, no one in the world except Akaashi and Kuroo knew that it had been their first kiss, but that didn't matter; whether or not it was his first kiss, posting images like this damaged their safety. Oikawa felt like shit, like a part of his privacy had been violated, and it didn't feel right at all.

Oikawa hugged his body with one arm and covered his face with the sleeve of the other arm, embarrassed and horrified in equal measure. Kuroo saw the convulsive movement of his shoulders out of the corner of his eye and quickly dropped the magazine to wrap his arms around him and try to reassure him. Oikawa silently cried into Kuroo's chest, not emitting any sobs, leaving only the bitter tears to leave his eyes. He was intimidated and scared.

Kuroo felt the same. He felt his eyes watery and he closed them to let the tears fall. How could there be people so cruel as to take photos of two people at such a delicate moment and then publish them in a magazine and let the whole world know what was happening? That person was mean, malevolent, and disgusting, and Kuroo felt a kick to the stomach at the thought that they had been exposed like a marionette in a ventriloquist theater.

What seemed like a perfect night had been totally ruined.

***

"Fuck me, I hate being a public figure," Kuroo muttered in defeat, rubbing his eyes still red from crying.

He and Oikawa had stopped crying a long time ago, but his eyes were still somewhat puffy. They had taken a shower -separately- and dressed while Akaashi, Tsukishima and Iwaizumi were waiting for them sitting on the sofa, talking in turns with them about what had happened, if they had seen anyone suspicious or if they had noticed any strange movements . But neither of them had seen anything.

And now the two of them were sitting on the couch, facing the other three men, side by side with expressions that ranged from disgust and distress to disbelief and outrage.

"I've tried to contact Ryan, but there's been no response. And honestly, right now, you need a bodyguard urgently, Kuroo-san," Tsukishima said. "You should have one with you 24 hours a day. And you too, Oikawa-san."

"And what do I do?" Kuroo asked helplessly. "What do _we_ do?"

"I can take care of Oikawa, even if we don't get along with him, it's my job. I won't leave his side and I'll protect him. But I'll only be able to do it if he tells me where he's going," Iwaizumi said giving Oikawa a severe look.

"Sometimes I wanna have time to myself, without having to think that you're there," Oikawa said defensively. "We wanted to be alone, that's why we didn't tell you or Ryan. Nothing has happened for two months, who would have thought something was going to happen now?"

"Nothing has happened because we've been watching and protecting you!" Iwaizumi exclaimed. "And the fact that there have been no photos in the magazines doesn't mean that they haven't been watching you! Because of how they've followed you and they've taken these photos, I'd say that they are a very dedicated stalker, surely they have nothing more to do than follow whoever the two of you they follow. You're morons, you've exposed yourselves! You should be grateful that it was just photos, they could've come in and done more than just take a picture of you while you were fucking!" Iwaizumi said angrily.

"Don't ever talk to us like that again," Kuroo muttered, shooting his a murderous look.

"Or what, huh? Will you punch me like you normally do?" Iwaizumi teased him with a sly smile. Kuroo gritted his teeth and made a move to get up, but Oikawa grabbed his hand and held him by his side.

"Iwaizumi-san, stop it," Akaashi interrupted. "You're right, but they have the right to be as pissed off as you. They've done it wrong for not having warned you or Ryan, but don't torture them for it."

"Then, what do we do?" Oikawa said. "He stays with me," he said pointing to Iwaizumi, "but Kuro-chan doesn't have anyone right now."

"What about Bokuto-san?" Akaashi chimed in. "I know you two haven't done very well...," he said looking at Kuroo, "but maybe you can ask him for help," he said looking at Tsukishima.

"Yeah, I could. Kuroo-san? Do you agree?" Tsukishima said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, no problem," Kuroo replied absently, pulling Oikawa closer to him and stroking his hair. "Do you know something about him, by the way?" he asked after a few moments of absolute silence in the room.

"No, I haven't been in contact with him since he told me he wanted to get away for a while," Tsukishima replied with a sigh. "I hope he agrees to help us, we need him more than ever."

"I sent a message through Twitter long time ago, but he never responded," Akaashi said, hiding his disappointment.

Kuroo tensed and looked at Akaashi with a frown.

"Koutaro doesn't leave messages unanswered, are you sure you sent the message to the correct person?"

"I think so," Akaashi said pulling his phone out of his pocket and showing Kuroo the Twitter profile.

It was the correct user, and that puzzled Kuroo. Bokuto never went more than a couple of hours without replying to a message unless he was sleeping. But... two months without answering? Maybe breaking up with him had affected Bokuto so much that he had decided to take a break from social media, that wouldn't be so weird.

But, despite that, Kuroo had a bad feeling. He had to contact Bokuto. And the sooner the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say this had to happen and you know it ☺
> 
> See you on Wednesday 🥰
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end-of-message beep was heard and Kuroo clicked his tongue in annoyance. But he called again.
> 
> "It's me again. Please call me. I don't want to lose you, not like this. I know I told you I didn't want to see you but... I can't not want to, you're still... You're still someone very important to me. I need you as a friend, Koutaro. Please answer me when you hear this message."
> 
> But the young bodyguard never heard those messages.

"Let me do it, Tsukki," Kuroo said for the umpteenth time.

"Are you sure?" asked the manager on the other side of the phone.

"Fuck, Tsukki, talking to you is fucking hell," Kuroo replied hostilely.

"I care about you, you know?" Tsukishima replied harshly. It was clear that Kuroo had pissed him off, as his breathing had become heavy. "I don't want the same thing to happen to you as last time, I remind you that I found you on the brink of..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Kuroo cut him off. "But it wasn't because of talking to him... Or well, it wasn't because of what you think it was. It's not because I broke up with him, something else happened... Nevermind, it's something personal between him and me, I don't want to talk about that topic. Just let me be the one to call him."

Tsukishima remained silent on the other end of the line. Kuroo could hear his brain working at full speed, weighing the pros and cons of letting Kuroo be the one to call Bokuto. He waited patiently for Tsukishima to say something to him, although his manager must have already assumed that Kuroo would do whatever he wanted regardless of what he told him.

"Okay, let me know when you do it, and tell me what he told you," Tsukishima said.

"Sure, we'll talk later," Kuroo said without much energy.

He hung up the phone and raised it thoughtfully to his lips. He would call Bokuto, but not right now. He wanted to take a shower first and get all the pictures that had been published in that fucking magazine out of his head.

***

Kuroo sighed and made a mental note: he should call Bokuto at some point and apologize for everything he had said and done. He had waited all day, and hadn't done it yet, not out of laziness or forgetfulness; he was simply afraid that Bokuto would hate him. It's not that Kuroo had no reason to do it too: Bokuto had had sex with him when he hadn't consented while sober, and that, even though they were still a couple at the time, was a full-blown rape.

Bokuto's actions had been a direct attack on Kuroo' depths. But it had been Kuroo who had asked him when he was drunk, and Bokuto had never been very good at differentiating when Kuroo was serious and when he wasn't, so Kuroo didn't know what to think anymore. His work was based on sex and his relationships had always been full of it. Sex was a very important part of his life, and surprisingly it is not that he felt disgusted or bad for knowing what had happened. He knew he should feel something, but he did not, he could not... It had just hurt him to think that Bokuto had been able to do something like that. It made his stomach turn. He trusted him...

Kuroo shook his head and settled back on the couch. He had to bite the bullet and talk to him to apologize and ask for his help, because now his life and that of his boyfriend, Oikawa Tooru, were in danger. But he had to work up the courage to call, and he felt helpless right now.

He picked up the phone and looked at the screen with apprehension and doubt. He had to, he knew. But thinking about Bokuto's guilty face when he had confessed what he had done that night after the party made him not want to call him nor hear from him. Kuroo sighed and clasped the phone between his fingers, remembering the cover of the magazine, Oikawa's hurt and embarrassed expression, his tears after what must have been a good night...

Kuroo squeezed his eyes together and mentalized. When he opened them again, he didn't hesitate anymore: he dialed Bokuto's phone. He would apologize to him, ask for an explanation more calmly than last time, and ask for his help to protect him from the stalker. It was a simple plan.

Several waiting beeps were heard before the line connected and voicemail started. Kuroo frowned, hung up and tried again. Same result, no one answered.

"C'mon, Koutaro," Kuroo growled.

He called again, but the same as before, no one answered.

 _He may be busy_ , Kuroo told himself. _Or maybe he doesn't wanna talk._

Kuroo felt a pang of guilt in his chest and tried to push the remorse from his conscience, but to no avail. Kuroo should apologize once and for all, he should talk to him. Because he too had done a lot of wrong things, and he admitted it. Maybe what Bokuto had done was out of line, beyond all the other mistakes the two of them had made, but he couldn't blame him.

Kuroo dialed the phone again, praying that this time he would answer, but again, there was no sign that Bokuto had picked up the phone, not even to hang up the call. The voicemail beeped and Bokuto's cheerful voice rang out.

"HEY HEY HEY, I'm Bokuto Koutaro. I can't answer right now, but leave your message and I'll call later."

Kuroo clutched the phone in his trembling hand and gulped with shaky breath.

"Kourtaro, it's me. Please, I need to talk to you. Call me."

Kuroo hung up and left the phone resting on his stomach on vibration mode. He was nervous, and the bad feeling he had when Tsukishima told him that he hadn't spoken to Bokuto in two months, was now accentuated. His leg, which was bent with the sole of the foot on the sofa, moved up and down in a gesture that showed how, little by little, he was losing his nerves. He looked at the phone once, twice, three times, in a 1 minute span of time, desperate for Bokuto's answer.

"I have to think of something else in the meantime," he said aloud.

He picked up the remote for the television and turned it on. The first channel he put on was a gossip show featuring his face and Oikawa's, so he switched to another with a movie from the 60s, in black and white and without sound. It was the kind of movies that Kuroo hated, but for want of something better, he left it.

Now he only had to wait.

***

Kuroo had fallen asleep on the couch when he woke up because something in his stomach vibrated: the phone. He grabbed it quickly and sat up off the couch in a flash, so fast he felt the blood rush to his head and he felt slightly dizzy. He shook his head to shake off the sensation and looked at the screen. But the vibration was due to the phone's lack of battery, not a call or a message. There was no sign of Bokuto.

And it had been almost 2 hours.

Kuroo bit his lower lip and called again while rubbing his eyes to stretch. The voicemail talked again.

"HEY HEY HEY, I'm Bokuto Koutaro. I can't answer right now, but leave your message and I'll call later."

"Koutaro, can you call me? I need to talk to you. It's... It's urgent. Please," Kuroo whispered urgently.

Kuroo dropped the phone, but picked it up again two minutes later and called again. He waited for the voicemail beep and for Bokuto to be heard before speaking.

"Please, Koutaro, answer me. I need to talk to you. It's... I don't want... I'm sorry, I have to apologize, and I don't want to do it like this. Please call me."

With every moment that passed without news from Bokuto, his concern increased. Fear was beginning to take hold inside him, but he didn't want to be an alarmist and think things that weren't. He needed to calm down, think cold with a clear mind. If he was uneasy he would only put himself in the worst scenario and that would not improve the situation.

He chewed on his lip and rubbed his face with the heel of both of his hands.

He picked up the phone once more, and left a voicemail again, this time much longer.

"Koutaro, I need to talk to you. Sorry, I didn't mean... I didn't mean what I said. I know what I did is wrong, and I know... I don't know what I was doing, I was nervous, upset. I felt betrayed and I don't know what happened inside me. I didn't want to do or say any of that. I just wanted... I just needed to feel- "

The end-of-message beep was heard and Kuroo clicked his tongue in annoyance. But he called again.

"It's me again. Please call me. I don't want to lose you, not like this. I know I told you I didn't want to see you but... I can't not want to, you're still... You're still someone very important to me. I need you as a friend, Koutaro. Please answer me when you hear this message."

Kuroo put down the phone again with a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes. He felt exactly like that, just as he had said in the messages. He hadn't lied. He still wanted to be part of Bokuto's life, even though... Even though he had raped him. Was he an idiot? Maybe. But right now, because of his worry, he wasn't himself.

He took a deep, shaky breath and sent a good night message to Oikawa, who promptly responded with another "good night" with a heart. Kuroo just hoped that when he woke up the next morning, there would be messages from Bokuto.

But the young bodyguard never heard those messages.

***

Terushima ran up the stairs of the building and rang the bell when he arrived in front of the apartment door. He was wearing jogging pants and a tank top, and over his shoulder hung a huge gym bag full of things he hoped _he_ would like. He rang the bell again when he saw that no one was answering the door, and then he heard a voice from inside shouting "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

"Wassup, freckles-kun?" Terushima said when Yamaguchi opened the door.

A smile made its way across the freckled's face, who stared back with a raised eyebrow.

"Teru? What are you doing here?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Aren't you glad to see the second most handsome man in the world?"

"More than anything, but I didn't think you would come. You told me you were busy," Yamaguchi said, tilting his head to the side in a questioning gesture. "And who is the first most handsome man in the world?"

"You, Yams," Terushima said with a wink and a mischievous smile, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And yeah, I'm busy today... With you."

Yamaguchi laughed and stepped aside to let Terushima pass inside. He led him into the living room where Yamaguchi collapsed on the couch full of blankets. Terushima dropped the bag on the ground and fell on top of Yamaguchi, giving him a kiss on the forehead, another on the tip of the nose and another, longer this time, on the lips.

Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around Terushima's neck and stroked his undercut. Terushima interpreted the gesture as a gesture of permission and bit Yamaguchi's lower lip before he opened his mouth slightly to make the kiss a french kiss. Their tongues caressed slowly as they kissed, leisurely, enjoying each other. But when they started gasping for breath, and when Terushima felt that things were starting to get difficult for him, they pulled away.

"How are you?" Terushima asked with a smirk.

"Usually people ask that before devouring someone else's lips, Teru," Yamaguchi said with a giggle. "I think you should put in order the steps to take when you see someone."

"Nah, with you I prefer to do it in this order. Feel lucky," he said with a wink. Yamaguchi rolled his eyes as he laughed.

"I'm fine, and you?" Yamaguchi said stroking Teru's hair.

"Now that I've seen you again, much happier," he replied.

"We met yesterday," Yamaguchi said raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I like to appreciate art every day, so I don't forget what perfection looks like."

Yamaguchi laughed and threw his head back, and Terushima took the moment to place a wet kiss on his neck. Yamaguchi's laugh faded and was replaced by a moan that made Terushima smile, who was still holding the thin skin between his teeth. He tugged on the skin a bit and squeezed lightly, causing Yamaguchi to moan again. He knew that the neck was a weak point for him, and he loved that, because it was always within reach, and hearing Yamaguchi's voice made him feel good.

Terushima broke away from Yamaguchi and looked at him with a smirk. Yamaguchi stopped circling Terushima's neck, looked at him with flushed cheeks and turned his face, hiding it shyly behind his hands.

"What happened?" teased Terushima.

"I think we should name this relationship once and for all, we've been like this for two months."

"It already has a name for me, Yams," Terushima said, pushing his hands away from his face. "But I wanted you to be the one to say it."

"Why? Revenge for me playing tough on you when I met you?" Yamaguchi asked with a raised eyebrow and a hint of a smile.

"Partly," Terushima replied. "But not just because of that. I wanted you to name it when you were comfortable with it. I wasn't going to force anything on you, y'know."

Yamaguchi smiled and caressed his cheek. "Thank you. Then it has a name now."

Terushima nodded and placed a kiss on his cheek before sitting up on the couch, his legs bent over Yamaguchi's outstretched legs. He pulled up the gym bag he had brought and lifted it onto the couch, laying it on his lap.

"What are you carrying there?" Yamaguchi asked looking at him curiously.

"Do you remember you said you had never seen the Lord of the Rings movies?" Terushima asked opening the zipper. "Well, since they are my favorites and are worthy of a marathon, I've brought the DVDs in extended version and a lot of food. So you're not gonna get rid of watching the movies with me, I'll tie you to the couch if necessary."

"Uh, kinky," Yamaguchi laughed.

Terushima dug into the bottom of the bag and pulled out three DVDs, the three movies. He handed them to Yamaguchi and then went back to the bag, from where he began to take out sweets, chips, popcorn, four cans of soda, cheetos and a few other sweets and snacks that he left on the coffee table.

"I didn't know my _boyfriend_ was a geek," Yamaguchi said raising an eyebrow in disbelief and handing him the first movie. "The DVD player is in the drawer under the table."

"This isn't being a geek, it's general culture," Terushima said giving the movie a kiss and getting up from the couch to play the movie. "And I like the way that sounds."

"What, that you're a geek?" Yamaguchi asked.

"No, that I'm your boyfriend," Terushima replied with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I have a question and I wanna know... Which of the four main ships (Oikuroo, Bokuroo, Sakuatsu and Teruyama) of this AU is your fav? Mine's Oikuroo -who could have told lmao 
> 
> I wonder where's Bokuto 🤔
> 
> See you on sunday my dearest readers, ily ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu bit his lip and gasped in pain, biting his left hand. With his right hand he grasped the sink and tried to stay upright, but it was difficult when the pain in his groin spread throughout his whole body. He didn't know what to do not to cry out in pain, he tried as best as he could, but his body wanted to give up to the pain.

**_ RECOMMEDED SONG: TRAGEDY BY ALWAYS NEVER _ **

Saturday night arrived, and the bar was full of customers who asked for drinks over and over again. And no worker was allowed to rest.

Shirabu and Semi worked behind the bar counter, making expensive cocktails and flaming flamboyant drinks in their steel shakers, mixing different liquids, drinks, juices, spices and fruits to create the orders; Yaku and Atsumu collected the customer orders and communicated them to Semi and Shirabu through their _orderman_ , an electronic device that allowed them to write the drinks from each table; and Osamu and Lev carried the orders to the tables, avoiding the people who danced in the middle of the dance floor between smoke cannons, beams of colored lights and dancing bodies.

Shirabu poured the _Alexandra_ cocktail he had just made, sprinkled cinnamon on top, and set the glass on the bar counter within reach of Osamu, who had just arrived to collect more drinks. The boy put a few of the glasses on the tray and walked away from the bar counter again before Shirabu began preparing a new cocktail.

"Hey, Semi, have you seen the photos of your dears Oikawa and Kuroo?" Shirabu asked, raising his voice in order to be heard above the music. "I don't think they were making a movie."

"Yeah! I wonder who took the photos!" Semi yelled. "Kageyama and Hinata were the first to see them. You should have seen their reactions! I thought they were gonna kill Kuroo, I don't know what the hell is wrong with them lately. And Suga! Suga was the worst!"

"Seriously?" Shirabu yelled with a cynical smile. "I don't know why you guys are so obsessed with that guy! And no one said anything about Kuroo?"

"No, Kuroo fans are calmer," Semi yelled. "They're not as protective as Oikawa' fans. I'd be scared to be Oikawa, he's got a fandom that tends to be..."

"Obsessive?" Shirabu asked with a chuckle.

"Yes!" Semi shouted making himself heard above the noise. "Yeah, right! Oikawa's groupchat is a bit weird lately. Atsumu always seems out of place, Suga picks up on gossip late when he was the first to hear the rumors, and Kageyama... He was usually the opposite of Suga, he never found out about anything, but now... I don't know, it seems that he has a grudge against someone, he spends the day pending his mobile!

"They've been behaving a bit elusive lately, I get the feeling that there's something I don't know about. That's why I'm curious to know who took the photos!" Semi said.

"I don't care who took the photos. I just know they're idiots! How the hell did they think of going out alone?" Shirabu yelled rolling his eyes.

A woman came up to the bar counter and ordered a _Daiquiri_. Shirabu nodded, finished making the _Angel Face_ cocktail and poured it into a glass that he set on the bar counter. Lev came a few moments later and collected the drinks that had accumulated on the bar counter, near Semi, to distribute them. Then, when the bar counter was empty again to start putting in new glasses, Shirabu took the white rum, sugar, and lime juice to start preparing the drink the woman had just ordered.

Semi laughed as he waved the metal shaker in his hands preparing another drink. "They were fucking, it was known it was gonna happen. Do you think they were thinking of going out with someone else knowing that they were gonna fuck later? It'd be stupid to take a third-wheeling to their date, imagine the situation! There was a lot of chemistry between them in the movie, it makes me morbid whenever I watch it. They really do make a good couple," Semi yelled. He picked up a hurricane glass and poured out the contents of the shaker. He placed the glass on the bar counter for Osamu or Lev to pick it up and take to the appropriate customer. "Although I'm surprised that Kuroo's previous boyfriend didn't comment on it, it seemed like they were very close!"

"In the porn industry love can't work unless they both are porn actors, it's proven!" Shirabu laughed.

At that moment, Atsumu arrived with his white shirt damp with sweat, slightly showing his body through the fabric. He put the _ordeman_ on the bar counter and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his shirt sleeve.

"Ahhh," he said, momentarily collapsing into a gap in the bar counter that had no drinks, "I'm exhausted, Shirabu! And it's only 2 o'clock, there's a lot of work left and people keep coming!"

"Don't complain!" Semi yelled above the din. "I don't feel my arms from shaking cocktails so much!"

"At least your work is useful!" Atsumu yelled back. "You're practicing for when you jerk off my brother!"

"What are you talking about me?" yelled Osamu coming up behind Atsumu.

"If I jerk him off this hard I might make him cry!" Semi yelled with a wink directed at Osamu.

"Sorry, I don't like that!" Osamu replied laughing. "I'm not Atsumu, I'm not into rough sex like him, am I 'Tsumu?"

"Shut up," Atsumu yelled annoyed.

"But he's right," Shirabu shouted, pouring brandy into a wide, low glass. "Look at the collar you are wearing today... What is the point of wearing a collar like that of a dog, Atsumu?" Shirabu asked with a laugh.

Atsumu reflexively raised his hand to his neck, brushing the leather and metal medal with his fingertips. The color red stained his cheeks and ears and he felt like he was gasping for air. He hadn't realized he was wearing the collar when he went outside in the afternoon to go to work. His mind didn't remember that he had been wearing since the last scene, six days ago; his brain had ignored it when he had looked in the mirror. Now he could only think of the other accessory that was on his body, between his legs, firmly surrounding his cock.

_From now on, you will refer to me as 'sir'._

"I-it's nothing," Atsumu stammered so softly that no one heard him due to the music blasting from the speakers. His hand covered the silver medal on the necklace as his mind raced past.

"Yeah, 'Tsumu!" yelled Osamu, oblivious to what his brother had said. "It's like you have an owner!"

_Owned by Sakusa Kiyoomi._

Semi, Shirabu and Osamu laughed, but then froze at the face Atsumu had made. The boy had closed his eyes and frowned, biting his lip very hard as he gripped the collar firmly, and he had a tight, almost pained expression on his face.

"Hey, 'Tsumu," Osamu called out putting a hand on his shoulder. "You're good?"

Atsumu felt his body tense as if he had received an electric shock, and he shook slightly with a spasm. His breathing had become heavy, and he had released the collar to grip the bar counter with both hands. Something was causing a stabbing pain in his cock, and it grew slowly as the images flooded into his mind. His knuckles were turning white on the shiny black surface, his fingers clenched as if he were grasping something.

_His fingers twitched around the electrifying metal._

"Hey, 'Tsumu!" yelled Osamu shaking him.

Atsumu did not reply. His body was there present, with them, working in the bar, but his mind had traveled further, to a black room with red LED lights and a grid that emitted electric shocks on his body, tied with red ropes as his master whipped him and his prostate was abused by a massager.

_I wish you could see yourself right now, Atsumu. You're beautiful._

The pain increased even more, and Atsumu gasped, but the sound was hidden behind the music and Osamu's screams that kept trying to bring him back to reality.

The memories crowded into his brain, making him unable to discern the sensations he felt all over his body; he was not sure if it was happening in reality or were the memories that lingered on his skin, but it came to a point where the pain became unbearable, and so, Atsumu opened his eyes. They were watery and somewhat out of focus, and his fingers were totally white, squeezing the edge of the bar counter. Shirabu and Semi looked at him scared. They had stopped making cocktails and were trying to help Osamu wake Atsumu up, but they had not succeeded. What had brought Atsumu back was the pain that was reaching an unsuspected limit; Atsumu began to tremble as tears gathered in his eyes.

"I-I need to go to the bathroom," he said before running behind the bar counter to climb the stairs to the staff bathroom.

His steps were clumsy and wobbly, he didn't know where the steps from the stair were, he just let himself be carried away where the music was lower. He couldn't see well due to the low light in the bar and the tears in his eyes. He leaned against the hallway wall to enter the bathroom and slammed the door shut, bolting it afterward. An automatic light came on upon detection of movement and Atsumu found his face reflected in the mirror.

_Don't be afraid. Trust me._

Atsumu groaned as his cock hardened even more, causing him such suffocating pain that he thought he was going to pass out. Hands shaking and hesitant, he untied the black apron from around his waist and dropped it to the ground. Then he opened the belt buckle to loosen the pressure, but it didn't help. His breathing had become erratic as tears fell from his eyes onto his sweaty shirt. It hurt. It hurt a lot.

Atsumu screamed in agony and fell backward, toward the wall. Sobbing, he unbuttoned his black work pants, then unzipped the zipper. The bulge under the boxers showed in all its glory, sticking out between the lapels of the unbuttoned pants, but the pain remained, stabbing and terrible. Atsumu shivered and wiped the tears with his shirt sleeve, but they kept falling wetting his face. Atsumu sobbed again and tried to take a deep breath, but that only made the pain increase.

Three knocks rang out on the bathroom door.

"'Tsumu!" Osamu yelled from the other side. "What the fuck is going on? Are you okay?"

Atsumu gritted his teeth and stifled a yelp.

"Y-yeah!" Atsumu muttered trying to sound convincing. But his voice was nasal and trembling, and Osamu knew in an instant that he was lying.

"Tell me what's going on!" he yelled worried. "I'm your brother, let me help you!"

"If you want to help me, get out of here!" Atsumu growled angrily, keeping the screams of pain that were trying to escape from his throat at bay.

Osamu didn't say anything, but Atsumu knew he was still on the other side of the door. He bit his lip and gasped in pain, biting his left hand. With his right hand he grasped the sink and tried to stay upright, but it was difficult when the pain in his groin spread throughout his whole body. He didn't know what to do not to cry out in pain, he tried as best as he could, but his body wanted to give up to the pain.

"I SAID GO AWAY, SAMU!" Atsumu yelled at his brother.

Atsumu heard a sight and the footsteps went away from the door; he was finally able to scream in pain without fear of being heard. The pain was suffocating him, he wanted to stop feeling, he wanted it to stop.

_How obedient... Just the way I like it._

Atsumu gasped feeling dizzy. He reached into his boxers and yanked them down. His cock lolled as it was released from the underwear and was revealed to him, erect and bruised, throbbing within the chastity ring that encircled the base. The spikes weren't sharp enough to pierce his skin - the tips were rounded - but the pressure they exerted dug into his manhood and caused him a pain he had never felt before. The blood was pooling on his dick and he felt the need to break it free, but just thinking about it made the pain increase and a new stream of sobs escaped from his parted lips.

"P-please," he stammered. The tears kept falling. "Please... stop," he begged, looking down at his crotch.

His cock was swollen and sore, the tip purple from pooled blood and shiny from precum. Atsumu felt like his heart was pounding between his legs, and with each beat the metal spikes dug deeper into him and made him whimper. He had to take a deep breath and forget about his cock for the erection to stop, he had to stop thinking and leave his mind blank for his body to return the blood from his dick to the rest of the body.

But he couldn't, because from the moment the boys had mentioned the leather collar on his neck, his brain had been reproducing phrases pronounced by the voice of his master, recreating the sensations of past scenes, reminding him, once again , that despite everything that happened in that black room, he had to keep the secret.

_Good boy._

Atsumu made a superhuman effort to take a deep breath. Although he was still shaking from the intense pain and the tears would not stop falling, he concentrated as best he could on ignoring everything and leaving his mind blank. His back slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. The skin of his ass rested on the cold tiles and a chill ran through his body. He cried from the pain and from the frustration of not being able to do anything but wait. He wanted to call Sakusa and ask him to remove the ring, but then his pride would hurt more than his cock.

So he endured it.

The erection was more painful than he expected. Sakusa had warned him about it, but still he didn't expect it to be so harsh on his body. He had managed to avoid the previous 6 days without any erection. When he felt like he was getting aroused, he would go under the cold water of the shower to help it, but this time he was working and there was no chance of doing that, so this time the erection had hit him in a moment of vulnerability.

He got up off the floor with his back against the wall, his cock still hard, moaning in pain and nonstop crying and whining. The mirror returned his reflection again, his eyes red and his cheeks damp, his pants open, and his exposed cock peeking out from the bottom edge of the mirror. He looked pitiful like that, so he was grateful that he was locked in the bathroom instead of working at the bar at that moment. He grabbed onto the sink and opened the tap to pour cold water on his face.

If the whole month was like this, it was going to be a much tougher month than he expected... And he might not be able to bear it.

_I think you can do it. And you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more info in this chapter than you think, not just about Atsumu 🤭
> 
> Well well well, we all knew Atsumu was gonna have a hard time - literally lmao - poor boy 😢
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, Sakusa's enjoying it for sure
> 
> See ya on wednesday babies, ilyyyyyyyyyyyyy
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo raised the garment to his face and took a deep breath in the scent of the fabric. It still smelled like Bokuto, and Kuroo let a single tear fall on top of it.
> 
> He had loved Bokuto as he had never loved anyone in his life. He had loved him until he was left broken, until there was nothing left inside him... He had loved him until Kuroo himself had gotten lost along the way.

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: HOLD ON BY CHORD OVERSTREET _ **

Kuroo eagerly looked at the phone. He had been calling Bokuto incessantly for a week. But he never answered. Kuroo was running out of ideas why Bokuto could be ignoring calls and messages, and now only a bad feeling was taking its toll on him. The weight on his stomach accompanied him and drove him deeper with each unanswered call.

 _Something must have happened to him_ , Kuroo thought, biting his lip impatiently. _I have to go see him, if I don't... I fear the worst._

Kuroo shook his head, a chill running through his body from head to toe. Bokuto hadn't tweeted in months, hadn't talked to him in months, not since the last argument... And yet, much to his regret, Kuroo hadn't stopped thinking about him for a day, even if it was only for a brief instant. And the fact that Bokuto hadn't shown any signs of life since then was, to say the least, troubling. He had not once tried to contact Kuroo, even though he had always been stubborn to the best of his ability; he never gave up. And the fact that he hadn't tried to talk to Kuroo to give an explanation...

Kuroo decidedly got up from the couch and went to his room. He opened the closet and took out a travel bag in which he had put all the things belonging to Bokuto that had been left at his house after breaking up. He put the bag on the bed and took out a gray sweatshirt that was too big for him; Bokuto had lent it to him on a cold winter day. Kuroo raised the garment to his face and took a deep breath in the scent of the fabric. It still smelled like Bokuto, and Kuroo let a single tear fall on top of it.

He had loved Bokuto as he had never loved anyone in his life. He had loved him until he was left broken, until there was nothing left inside him... He had loved him until Kuroo himself had gotten lost along the way.

It hurt him to have to give all of that back to him, as everything still had his fragrance and memories, and even though Kuroo refused to admit it after the damage they had done to each other, Bokuto still felt like his home, the only place to come back at the end of the day.

Kuroo shook his head and wiped away his tears before neatly folding the sweatshirt back into the bag. He put on a jacket and sneakers, a Yomiuri Giants baseball cap with the brim back, sunglasses, and a black mask. He slung the bag over his shoulder, turned off all the lights, and took a deep breath.

 _I don't have time to warn anyone, I'll be careful that that fucking stalker doesn't see me and nothing will happen,_ he told himself, feeling a sudden outburst of fury at the thought of that person.

He grabbed the car keys and left the house. He didn't even know what time it was, so he was surprised at how dark and quiet it was at night.

Head down, he went out onto the main street and got into his car, parked outside the door. His nervousness increased at every red light, so there came a point where, seeing that the streets were deserted, he decided to skip the traffic lights. He didn't care if the police gave him a reckless driving fine or some other shit like that. He just wanted to make sure Bokuto was okay. Maybe Bokuto hated him, but Kuroo was content to know that he was just ignoring him on purpose.

He arrived in front of Bokuto's small house on the outskirts of Tokyo and parked the car in front of the door, which was partially hidden by a couple of tall hedges. The house was small and cozy, and it had always had a certain charm, but at that moment Kuroo didn't get to appreciate it. He jumped up the three steps and rang the bell.

He waited. But nothing happened.

He leaned out the living room window, but everything was dark, and the fear inside him grew even more until it suffocated him. He tightened the strap of the bag on his shoulder and rang the bell again. But then again, nothing, just like with calls and messages. He rapped on the door with his knuckles, and the sound echoed inside, as if everything was empty. Exasperation prompted him to ring the bell one more time, but like the previous times, there was no response.

 _Then it'll be the hard way_ , Kuroo thought, feeling guilty for what he was going to do.

He rummaged through the bag until he found the key that, to this day, remained in his possession. His idea was to simply return it, not use it, but seeing that there was no other option... He inserted the key in the lock and opened the door.

Despite the mask, a sour, stale odor filled his nostrils as he slowly closed the door behind him. The smell was accentuated when he took a step down the hall to enter the place. A jingle sounded at his feet: he had kicked something, it sounded like... Crystal?

He took off his glasses and switched on the first light he found on the wall to illuminate the hallway. The sound from earlier had been an open, empty bottle of alcohol. The furniture was dirty, full of dust and lint, and the floor was sticky and blackened from filth everywhere.

"Koutaro?" Kuroo called with a trembling voice, craning his neck to see beyond.

There was no response, so Kuroo took a couple more steps to peek into the living room and turn on the light. The couches were even dirtier than the hallway, and the floor and table were covered with more empty bottles. The smell was even worse than at the entrance; the putrid smell was more accentuated there, and Kuroo put a hand to his mouth covering the mask, trying to retain the sickness he was feeling. The floor had strange and uneven stains, and it didn't take Kuroo long to discern what it was: the stains and the smell were due to vomit and urine, and Kuroo felt like he was going to throw up right there. He held back the retching as best he could, focusing on searching for Bokuto and ignoring how he was beginning to feel himself.

If he wasn't scared before, now he was.

"Koutaro!" he called. No one answered.

Kuroo left the living room and went to the kitchen, bumping into bottles thrown everywhere. It was in the same condition as the hallway and living room: full of filth and empty bottles, though pre-order food packages, instant ramen, and dirty dishes were piling up on the sink as well. With growing anxiety, Kuroo walked towards the bathroom.

The door was open, and the hall light was coming in to dimly illuminate the place. There was a figure on the floor, half sitting half lying down, with his back against the wall. Hands shaking, Kuroo turned on the light.

"KOUTARO!" he screeched.

He was there, sprawled on the floor, his pants wet with urine and a trickle of dried vomit dripping from the corner of his mouth. He wasn't moving and his eyes were closed, but he was breathing. Weakly and with dull rales, but breathing.

"KOUTARO!" Kuroo yelled again, dropping the bag to the ground and launching himself next to Bokuto.

He grabbed him by the shoulders and yanked him upright. Bokuto didn't resist, he was like a hollow doll that didn't put up any resistance. He was thinner, much more than two months ago. His face was haggard, and if he had had a beard it probably would have reached the middle of his neck. Kuroo shook him, but only got an intelligible annoyed whisper from Bokuto.

"Koutaro, I need you to react!" Kuroo yelled trying to pick him up and stand him up. But Bokuto didn't do anything, he just groaned and let himself be rocked. "I'm taking you to a hospital, hold on!"

Kuroo crouched next to him and wrapped Bokuto's arm around his neck after encircling his body. He smelled of sweat and lack of cleanliness. Kuroo pulled as hard as he could until the soles of Bokuto's bare feet were flat on the ground. But he wasn't standing upright, so Kuroo could only drag him away, kicking the bottles that crossed his way outside. Bokuto's movement was based on his rib cage going up and down very slightly and his feet trying to work together to stand up, but all he was doing was hindering Kuroo.

When they got outside, Kuroo opened the passenger door of the car with great difficulty, still holding onto Bokuto as best he could. He got the man into the car and buckled him up. Then he ran to close the door of the house and quickly returned to the car to get out of there. He was hysterical, and his pulse was shaking so much that he had to tighten his grip on the steering wheel to steady himself.

And, with his heart pounding, he headed to the hospital.

***

The wheels of the stretcher screeched through the corridors, accompanied by the footsteps of the nurses. Kuroo ran after the doctor.

"Male, 24 years old, excessive alcohol intake," he said aloud, pushing Bokuto's gurney towards the ER. "Endotracheal intubation for a stomach lavage with activated charcoal and a blood test to know the alcohol dose! NOW!" he ordered firmly.

The three male nurses who were driving the gurney accompanying the doctor nodded and led Bokuto through double doors. Kuroo wanted to follow them, but the doctor put a hand on his chest and stopped him.

"You can't come in, stay here."

"But-"

"It won't do you any good if you go in. After the analysis we'll see the gravity. Here," the doctor said, handing him a box of tissues that he pulled from behind the reception desk to his left. "Wait here, I'll be back after the tests."

With that said, the medic trotted through the same doors as Bokuto's gurney. Kuroo looked at the box of tissues in his hand with a frown, and then he noticed the wetness on his face. He hadn't realized that he had been crying since the moment he had set foot in Bokuto's house.

He sobbed softly and sat in a free chair in the waiting room opposite the doors where he had lost sight of Bokuto.

He could only wait.

***

It took the doctor almost two hours to get back to Kuroo, who was desperate. Forgetting that he was a famous porn actor with a person stalking him, he had removed his mask, ignoring the looks the people gave him when they recognized him, and he had bitten his thumbnail in an obsessive gesture. He hadn't stopped crying silently, tears falling as he kept his gaze fixed on the doors.

The medic approached him and Kuroo jumped to his feet.

"What is it? How is him?" Kuroo asked anxiously.

The doctor sighed slightly before speaking. "His blood alcohol level is very high. And it seems like it has been that way for a while, this hasn't only been a matter of a day. His liver is fine but tests have shown that he has high liver enzymes."

Kuroo looked at him without understanding. The doctor looked at him condescendingly, and Kuroo could clearly read the pity in his eyes.

"We'll do more tests to check the status of his system, in case there is any damage to any other organ. It doesn't seem like he has been like this for long, but..."

"But what?" Kuroo asked anguished. "I don't understand what you mean, can you explain it?"

The doctor looked him in the eye and shook his head slowly. Kuroo's world fell apart in front of his eyes, and tears welled up in his eyes to start falling again. He put one hand on his chest and one on his lips to stifle a sob.

"Is he gonna die?" he asked between sobs, crying nonstop.

"What?" asked alarmed the doctor. "No!" he said shaking his head energetically.

Kuroo stared at him with wide eyes and the last sob caught in his throat. His heart was pounding, but he was still scared. The doctor's face didn't herald good news, but knowing that Bokuto wasn't going to die couldn't be so bad, could it?

"No, he's not going to die," said the doctor putting a hand on Kuroo's shoulder and patting him. "Although if it continues like this... It's the end that everyone like him finds."

Kuroo looked at him questioningly. "The ending that everyone like him finds?" he asked with a frown, wiping his tears with the heel of his hands. "Can you tell me what's wrong? I don't understand anything..."

The doctor felt sorry. Kuroo's voice was shaky and nasal, it showed that he had spent the last two hours or so crying, waiting for some good news that the doctor could not give him. The doctor avoided Kuroo's pained and nervous gaze, unable to stop feeling like the angel of death who came to announce trouble.

"Please, what is it?" Kuroo asked pleadingly.

The doctor looked up and looked at him again. He gathered his strength and raised himself to deliver the bad news.

"Your friend is heavily dependent on alcohol," he said sadly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I should say anything, just leave this here 🥃
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the tension built up until now, it's gonna go downhill from here 😔
> 
> Ily guys, you're truly amazing for reading this AU and for helping me fulfill my dream of making people happy with my stories, so thank you so much (I just wanted to say something nice for once) ❤❤❤❤
> 
> See you on sunday 🥰😎
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry," Kuroo muttered in his ear between muffled sobs. "I'm sorry Koutaro. I didn't want this to happen..."
> 
> "I raped you, Tetsuro," Bokuto groaned with a ragged sob, laden with pain and regret. "I raped you. And you're still here. I don't deserve this, I'm a monster..."

_**RECOMMENDED SONG: SOBER BY DEMI LOVATO** _

Kuroo was sitting in an uncomfortable chair next to the bed. He stroked the back of Bokuto's hand with his thumb as the beep of the machine that measured the young man's pulse and oxygen saturation sounded.

The tests had gone well - or as well as they could in those conditions. The level of alcohol in Bokuto's blood was very high, as the doctor had already warned Kuroo during the previous late night in the waiting room. After doing several more tests, they had diagnosed a severe alcoholism caused by the continuous intake of alcohol but there was nothing more serious: his liver was fine, his heart was beating without arrhythmias, his pancreas was still working...

And now he just had to wait for Bokuto to regain consciousness. They had administered a medicine to reduce alcohol in the blood little by little, but it had to be his body that made the greatest effort and so, Bokuto was lying on a stretcher, in an agitated sleep while his body detoxified, in a room of the fifth floor of the hospital, outside the emergency room. His condition was not serious, and that, in part, comforted Kuroo.

He had not left his side at any moment. Ever since Bokuto had been taken out of the ER, Kuroo had kept his hand held. It had been 21 hours since he was admitted to the hospital, and Kuroo had not contacted anyone. But he had to do it, because he had several messages and several calls from Oikawa, who showed that he was worried about Kuroo since he had not shown any signs of life all day.

Without letting go of Bokuto's hand, he picked up his phone and dialed Oikawa's number. He responded on the second ring.

"Kuro-chan?" Oikawa asked in a shaky voice.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry for not answering, Oikawa-kun," Kuroo said with a sigh. "I'm fine."

"Don't do that again," Oikawa whimpered. "Thanks God you're okay." Kuroo heard a muffled sound and knew that Oikawa had tried to hide a sob. "I thought... I thought the stalker had done something to you..."

Kuroo didn't say anything, but felt his stomach drop. He should have warned. He knew Oikawa would worry, even more so knowing that one of them had a stalker who followed them every step they took. But he hadn't thought about it, he could only think about Bokuto and how weak he was. Kuroo's eyes filled with tears and a thick knot formed on his chest that made him close his eyes in pain.

"I'm sorry," Kuroo stammered in a shaky voice, as tears began to fall. "Sorry, Oikawa-kun... It's all my fault..."

"No, don't worry," Oikawa tried to comfort him. His voice sounded muffled. "Why do you say that?"

Kuroo sobbed, unable to keep his muffled moans silent. He raised his head and looked at Bokuto in the hospital bed, connected to a machine to measure his condition. His face was haggard, sweat beading his forehead, dark circles under his eyes and his whole body shaking due to the detox that had already begun. And as the doctor had told him at night, things would only get worse. Bokuto would suffer the abstinence syndrome when the alcohol decreased in his body. Kuroo let out a new sob, louder than the previous one, and Oikawa knew then for sure that he was crying.

"Kuro-chan, what's going-"

"I'm in the hospital," Kuroo muttered in a choked voice.

"WHAT!?" Oikawa yelled in a pitchy, scared voice. "WHAT HAPPENED? WHICH HOSPITAL ARE YOU IN? I'LL GO THERE, TELL ME WHERE-"

"No, no, it's not about me," Kuroo said with great effort, trying to hold back the crying for a bit longer. "It's... It's Koutaro, he's..."

Kuroo burst into tears. He wasn't going to keep holding them back, he wasn't going to shut the cry up. His heart had been crushed, he felt weak, hopeless. He hadn't been there when Bokuto needed him the most. And now he felt guilty.

"What happened?" Oikawa asked in a weak voice. He felt helpless and shattered; Kuroo was crying in the same desperate way as that time in the dressing room after arguing with Bokuto. Oikawa had vowed not to allow him to cry like that again, but he had failed. He had failed Kuroo.

"He... Koutaro is..."

The words got caught in Kuroo's throat and he couldn't keep talking. All the emotions since breaking up with Bokuto seemed to want to flock out. Regret, sadness, remorse made him want to scream, cry, go crazy; He wanted to explain to Oikawa why he felt so bad, but the words choked him and his tongue stuck. He could only whimper, sobbing in despair as his eyes stung from so many shed tears, at the same time his heart sank every time he looked at Bokuto, motionless on the bed except for the tremors of his entire body.

"Calm down, Kuro-chan," Oikawa whispered from the other side. His voice was shaky and nasal, he was crying too, and Kuroo felt even worse because he was making Oikawa cry, because he was a mess who didn't know how to take care of himself or the people he loved. "Tell me what happened, take a deep breath," he murmured.

"It's m-my fault, O-oikawa-kun," Kuroo whimpered, lowering his head and looking at the ground. "I-I've caused this. I've led him down this path. I-It's my fault..."

"I'm sure it isn't," Oikawa said. "Is he fine?"

"No... Well, yes... He's..." Kuroo took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. "He's spent the last two months drinking... He ate prepared food and slept little, he spent the day drinking... Doctors say... He needs rehab... He's an alcoholic, Oikawa-kun... And it's m-my fault," he said with a ragged sob.

Oikawa gasped in surprise. He expected a thousand things but that. But at the same time, he could understand that Bokuto had developed an addiction. Neither he nor Kuroo had finished well their relationship, but at least Kuroo had him; Bokuto, on the other hand, had no one. Oikawa felt responsible, but who would have imagined something like this would happen?

"It's not your fault, Kuro-chan," Oikawa said trying to calm him down. "Tell me where you are, I'll go with you."

"You can't leave your house, the stalker..." Kuroo sighed between tears.

"Fuck, damn it," Oikawa cursed through clenching his jaw. "I don't want to leave you alone..."

"I'm not alone," Kuroo whispered looking at Bokuto again, his eyes brimming with tears. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, tell me," Oikawa said.

"Can you talk to Tsukki? I don't have the strength to call him, but he asked me to tell him what Koutaro told me about the proposal to be my bodyguard again... Well, the answer is clear... There hasn't been one."

Kuroo brought his and Bokuto's clasped hands to his forehead and leaned over it, exhaling a breath. He squeezed his eyes, trying to control his crying.

"Sure, leave it to me," Oikawa replied without thinking.

"Do you have Tsukki's phone number?" Kuroo asked, being aware for the first time of the accumulated fatigue.

"No, but Aka-chan does. I'll ask him, don't worry. You should rest, Kuro-chan."

"I don't think I can. But thank you, Oikawa-kun. I love you," Kuroo said weakly, but with a small smile peeking through the tears.

"I love you too, Kuro-chan," Oikawa replied feeling light and warm.

***

Bokuto woke up suddenly, covered in sweat, shaking and nausea creeping up his throat. He sat up quickly on the bed. He wanted to run to the bathroom, but he was so weak he couldn't move. Someone was grabbing his hand, but in the darkness of the room, he couldn't see anything. Bokuto tugged slightly to free himself from the grip and ran off to vomit, but he wasn't strong enough to release himself. And, unable to hold back the gagging anymore, Bokuto leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up - or at least he tried. His stomach was empty, there was nothing to expel, so the only thing that came out of his mouth was sour bile that burned his esophagus.

The gagging noise woke up the person next to him. He released his hand and walked away from Bokuto. His eyes shone slightly thanks to the light from the monitor that measured Bokuto's heart rate, but the boy wasn't able to tell who it was because he was still leaning over the edge of the bed, shaking and feeling even more nauseous. He coughed and retched again, throwing up more yellow bile that splashed onto the floor.

The light came on in the room and Bokuto raised his head weakly, covering his mouth to hold back his gags. And then he saw him.

"Tetsuro..." he whispered in a scratchy, exhausted voice.

"Shush, don't talk," Kuroo said running to his side with a metal container in hand.

Bokuto opened his mouth to say something, but instead a new wave of retching filled his throat and he was about to vomit on the white sheets, but at that moment Kuroo placed the metal container in front of his face and Bokuto threw up on it.

Kuroo sat on the edge of the bed, holding the container in front of Bokuto with one hand and stroking his back lovingly and reassuringly with the other hand. Tears came to him when he saw him awake; He wanted to hug him, but Bokuto needed him for support at that moment, he needed his help. So he stood still, holding the container in front of him.

"Take a deep breath, Koutaro," Kuroo whispered. "You'll feel a little better if you control your breathing, the doctor told me."

Bokuto tried to hold back his gags and take a deep breath that filled his lungs. His body trembled and he felt like his skull was going to explode from the pain. He was very tired and cold, even though he was wearing hospital pajamas and was covered with a clean white sheet and blanket. His mouth and throat felt dry and the air scratched every time it passed through his windpipe. He took a new breath of air with his eyes closed trying to control the tremors, but the cold penetrated his bones.

Kuroo brought Bokuto's body closer to his and wrapped the hand that wasn't holding the container around him. Bokuto shivered and hunched over himself, trying to get some body heat from Kuroo. He rested his head on Kuroo's chest and then felt a jolt. He raised his head slowly and found Kuroo staring at him, his eyes wet and tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Sorry..." he muttered.

"Y-you haven't done anything," Bokuto whispered with a lump in his throat.

"Yes I have, Koutaro," Kuroo said in the strongest voice he could manage, which despite the attempt was still shaky. "It's my fault..."

"No, no," Bokuto said, sitting up a bit. They both came face to face, sitting on the bed while crying. "I'm the only one to blame. I've asked for this myself."

Kuroo put the container on the table that was attached to the foot of the bed and that served as a table. He turned to Bokuto and this time he didn't hold back: he held him in his arms, squeezing their bodies together as he burst into tears over his shoulder. Bokuto couldn't hold it back and started crying his eyes out, hugging Kuroo as if he were his only anchor. The headache and tremors increased with crying, but the cold lessened from being so close to Kuroo.

"I'm sorry," Kuroo muttered in his ear between muffled sobs. "I'm sorry Koutaro. I didn't want this to happen..."

"I raped you, Tetsuro," Bokuto groaned with a ragged sob, laden with pain and regret. "I raped you. And you're still here. I don't deserve this, I'm a monster..."

"No you are not," Kuroo whimpered. "I shouldn't have had a drink that night, I don't even remember it... I shouldn't have said I wanted to had sex with you knowing that neither of us was okay..."

"Tetsuro, it's not your fault. You had the right to do it. I was the one who had no right to touch you. I was in full use of my reason, you weren't. I should have protected you, not hurt you. I should have helped you, not abuse you. I have no excuse... But I just..." Bokuto cried, burying his face in Kuroo's shoulder. His hands closed around the fabric of Kuroo's shirt, holding on as if afraid to fall. "When I realized what meant what I had done... I just wanted to die. I wanted to disappear, Tetsuro. And I thought... I thought getting drunk would help me forget, so I did. But every sip I took, every glass I emptied... It was getting harder and harder to get the effect I wanted, so I drank more and more to forget what I had done to the only person I've ever loved. I just... I felt lonely. And I deserve to be alone... "

"No, of course not," Kuroo sobbed. "We all make mistakes. You and I have made many. It's not your fault, we didn't know how to manage a healthy relationship and everything fell apart. You're not a bad person, Koutaro. You're still my best friend and I don't wanna lose you..."

Kuroo squeezed Bokuto's body even more and felt the boy tremble between his arms, as if his muscles were undergoing continuous spasms. Kuroo sighed and listed the abstinence syndrome symptoms in his mind.

_Headache, nausea, tremors, cold sweats, dehydration, weakness, chills, and mood swings_ , the doctor's voice echoed in his head. _As the detox progresses, the symptoms will get worse. He'll need rehab in a center for alcoholics, there they'll treat his symptoms and make him go to therapy until he's clean again._

The doctor had told him that Bokuto would be discharged when he had spent a full day awake in the hospital, to check that everything was going as well as it could be for someone addicted to a substance. Kuroo looked at the clock. It was 5:30 in the morning, and the doctor started work again at 8 o'clock. He would have to wait for the doctor to see Bokuto in the morning, and then he would probably be discharged in the late afternoon.

"Promise me something," Kuroo whispered stroking Bokuto's hair. "Promise me that you'll count on me when you feel alone."

Bokuto sobbed into his shoulder and nodded. Kuroo smiled and let the tears fall from his eyes again.

"Why're you doing all this?" Bokuto asked. "I don't deserve it, I did something horrible to you and you... You probably saved my life..."

"I told you, Koutaro. You're still my best friend... And I still love you," Kuroo whispered. "I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you behind again."

Bokuto nodded but quickly separated himself from Kuroo giving him a shove in the chest. He reached out to grab something, but whatever it was he couldn't reach it, so he leaned over the edge of the bed. It took Kuroo a moment to understand what was happening, but when he understood, he acted quickly and grabbed the metal container to place it close to Bokuto's face. The boy vomited bile back into the container, his body contorting and writhing with spasms of nausea.

Kuroo gently stroked his back again and wept weakly, equally relieved and worried.

The hard, difficult detox period had only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reseach I've been doing about the alcoholism and the abstinence syndrome has left me a bit uneasy but it was a necessary evil to achieve realism
> 
> I hope you liked the encounter, the song has me crying ngl ❤️
> 
> I'll see you on wednesday bbys, ily
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The last thing... The last thing I remember was... That photo in a park, the two of you were together..."
> 
> Kuroo looked at the ground and retracted his hand. Losing that contact, Bokuto knew that something between them had been broken a long time ago, and that it was too late to fix it. Kuroo didn't say anything, and Bokuto didn't insist either.
> 
>  _He's in love with Oikawa_ , Bokuto thought with his heart pounding and tears gathering at the edge of his closed lids.

_Remember: he must be the one who wants to recover. There's no use forcing him to do something, keep that in mind,_ the doctor had told Kuroo privately, away from Bokuto's ears.

Kuroo went to the bathroom of the room, thinking about that quote, and emptied the contents of the container into the toilet and then flushed the cistern. He rinsed it off with cold water and went back to the room, where Bokuto lay hunched between the sheets and 3 blankets. They had had to ask for two extra blankets to try to reduce the chills, but even doing so Bokuto had not felt the least bit of heat.

The doctor had stopped by at 8:00 am to see how he was doing, and then he had informed them that Bokuto would have to go to a rehab center. Kuroo hadn't said anything, but he had seen the grim expression on Bokuto's exhausted and sweaty face, and he hadn't wanted to push him any further.

Now, they both waited for a nurse to come to the room to give them the papers to let Bokuto go. Bokuto did not have clean clothes, so Kuroo helped him to dress in the same clothes and he would look for something clean when he got home. On the doctor's recommendation, they should go to a rehab center in the outskirt, but Bokuto hadn't thought about it.

Kuroo sat on the chair again, next to Bokuto's bed, and put the container next to the boy in case he needed to throw up again. He had not stopped gagging with spasms, despite the fact that they had put medication to reduce the symptoms, at least a little. But his body, so used to drinking and to the high blood alcohol levels, was not responding much to the vague attempts to calm the symptoms, so Bokuto only felt a slight relief. Kuroo sighed wearily and sadly, brushing a lock of hair from Bokuto's sweat-soaked forehead. Bokuto whimpered and his eyes narrowed. They were red from lack of sleep and the effort his body was doing.

"Does it hurt?" Kuroo asked in a whisper. Bokuto nodded and closed his eyes again, frowning in pain.

Kuroo sighed again. He was very sorry for him, but he didn't know how to help him. He rested his chin on the mattress so he could watch Bokuto closely. He kept stroking his hair gently, a very soft touch so as not to disturb Bokuto but that served to let him know that he was still there with him.

"Can l...?" Bokuto whispered in a very weak and raspy voice without opening his eyes. "Can I ask something?"

"Sure," Kuroo replied.

"What does the 'I love you' from before mean?" Bokuto asked. His eyes opened again, only a tiny slit but wide enough to reveal a glint of illusion beneath the thick cloud of pain that covered them.

"Oh, um... I..." Kuroo looked away and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I... I don't ... Don't get me wrong, Koutaro. You're my best friend, and that's why I love you. You're very important to me... But don't misunderstand me... I wasn't... I wasn't speaking in romantic terms..."

Kuroo felt like a dagger stabbed into his chest when he saw the pain in Bokuto's eyes before he let them close again, as if they weighed him down.

"Oikawa, right?" Bokuto asked. He did not know if the tremor in his voice was due to the cold he felt or if it was due to something else, a more painful feeling that had settled in his chest and that had kept him company in his lonely nights with a glass of whiskey in hand for the last two months. "The last thing... The last thing I remember was... That photo in a park, the two of you were together..."

Kuroo looked at the ground and retracted his hand. Losing that contact, Bokuto knew that something between them had been broken a long time ago, and that it was too late to fix it. Kuroo didn't say anything, and Bokuto didn't insist either.

 _He's in love with Oikawa_ , Bokuto thought with his heart pounding and tears gathering at the edge of his closed lids.

He felt weak, as if his body were made of lead and each movement cost him a superhuman effort. He wanted the chills to go away, he wanted the abdominal pain caused after so many spasms when vomiting to go away, he wanted his head to stop hurting as if it was about to explode. He wanted his heart to stop screaming at him that he had lost the man of his life because he had been too stupid.

The nurse they were waiting for entered with a briefcase and a pen and approached the bed. Kuroo got up from the chair and let the man settle in his place, where Bokuto's head was poking out of the blankets.

"Bokuto-sama?" said the man. His voice was cynical. "I need you to sign this so you can leave."

Bokuto opened his eyes with great difficulty and sat on the bed. The nurse handed him the pen and Bokuto took it to sign the papers, but his hand was shaking so much that he couldn't even write a letter. His fingers lacked the strength to hold the pen upright, and the trembling in his hand prevented him from making a trace on the paper without looking like a preschooler's scrawl.

The nurse looked at him with a disdainful expression, but said nothing. He waited patiently until Bokuto made an awkward signature, and then snatched the briefcase from him.

"You can go now," said the young man, leaving without saying goodbye. Kuroo clenched his fists.

"What a fucking asshole," he said furiously before approaching Bokuto. "I'll help you walk, hold on tight."

Kuroo hold the boy and wrapped Bokuto's arm around his shoulders. With slow steps, following Bokuto's pace, they walked out of the room. They went down the elevator and Kuroo walked Bokuto to the car, parked in the hospital parking lot. He sat him in the passenger's seat and buckled him up.

"I'm gonna pay the hospital bills, I'll be back in a moment. Try not to move, okay?" he said sweetly.

Bokuto nodded and leaned back in the seat with his eyes closed. His head was spinning and he was suddenly furious at the way the male nurse had treated him. Did he think that Bokuto was an idiot and was he not going to realize the contempt and disgust in the look of that unknown man? Bokuto wanted to get out of the car and run to punch that guy in the face, but he was tired and cold. So he waited for Kuroo to arrive a few minutes later to take him home.

"I'll stay with you today," Kuroo said. "We'll pick up some things and I'll take you to the rehab center tomorrow morning. Okay?"

"No, I won't go to any center," Bokuto said making an effort to forget about the retching that threatened to make him vomit. His eyes were still closed and his brow was still furrowed, but now he looked more pissed off than in pain. "I don't need it so I won't go."

"Of course you will," Kuroo replied.

"No," Bokuto repeated curtly. "I won't go, and there's nothing more to talk about."

Despite his exhaustion, he felt furious, moody. He wasn't going to do what Kuroo said, he was fine. He just had to wait for everything to pass. Kuroo glanced at him with a lump in his throat.

_Abstinence syndrome symptom: mood swings._

It was not going to be easy to convince Bokuto, and even less knowing that the boy was already stubborn. Kuroo had to do as the doctor had told him, he had to try to _convince_ Bokuto he had to go to rehab, not _force_ him. But it was going to be a tough work.

Bokuto opened his eyes and tried to focus his gaze to see Kuroo's expression. But when he found the small rivers of tears streaming down the man's cheeks, who was crying silently, he felt like garbage. Kuroo just wanted to help him.

"I-I'm sorry," Bokuto said closing his eyes again.

"It doesn't matter," he replied.

"But I won't go, I'm not that bad," Bokuto whispered with a groan that showed that he was actually very bad.

"Okay," Kuroo muttered, releasing one hand from the steering wheel to wipe his tears with the back of it.

The rest of the way home was accompanied by sad silence.

***

When they got to Bokuto's house, the smell Kuroo had smelled the day before hit him again like a jug of cold water, but he already expected it to smell like that; but Bokuto didn't expect it. When Bokuto smelled the dried vomit and urine coming from the living room, bile rose up his throat and he had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from vomiting and worsen the situation.

"I'll take you to bed and clean the house," Kuroo said guiding him to the bedroom. "I'll clean the bathroom so you can take a shower, okay?"

Bokuto nodded gratefully. Kuroo took off their shoes at the entrance and Bokuto let himself be dragged down the hall. The room - in which Kuroo hadn't entered the day before - was cluttered, with clothes scattered everywhere, a bottle on the nightstand next to Bokuto's phone, and the blankets and bed sheet thrown on the floor. But it looked cleaner than the living room and it didn't smell so bad there, it was bearable, so Kuroo breathed in relief. He carried Bokuto to the bed and laid him down, and immediately Bokuto curled up, shivering as cold sweat trickled down his spine. Kuroo grabbed the blankets from the ground and covered his body, tucking Bokuto in so that he was as isolated from the outside as possible.

"I'll get you something in case you need to throw up," Kuroo said. "That way you won't have to get out of bed."

He left the room and went into the kitchen. There were cleaning supplies and various bowls under the sink, so he grabbed one and carried it to Bokuto's room. He put it on the nightstand, next to the phone after removing the empty bottle from it.

Then Kuroo went to the window and raised the blinds and curtains to open it wide: the orange light of sunset entered the room offering warmth and a homely feeling, and the fresh air renewed the stale atmosphere in the room. Kuroo smiled slightly. He really liked that room, he and Bokuto had spent hours and hours lying in that bed, making love, chatting or just keeping each other company. Despite what had happened between them, Kuroo still had beautiful memories of their relationship, memories that he would not change for nothing in the world but that were nothing more than that: memories.

He shook his head to shake off those thoughts and got out of the room, leaving Bokuto alone. He closed the door of the room and began to collect the empty bottles from the floor, from the table, from the kitchen counter... And he put them in bags that he left in the hall, near the door, so he would not forget to throw them away. He opened all the windows in the house to let in the fresh air. Then he stripped off his jacket, grabbed a pair of rubber gloves and the cleaning supplies, and got down to business, starting with the bathroom. He would have to help Bokuto shower so there was no point in doing the bath before the rest of the house, but he didn't have a plan either, so starting there wasn't a bad idea. Then he would clean the living room, the kitchen, the hall and finally the room that Bokuto was in.

He would help Bokuto. Because despite everything, and as he had already told him, Bokuto was important to him, and he loved him. And nothing would change that.

***

He swept the floor, dusted away, removed the stains and scouring the tough ones, sanitized and mopped the entire floor. When he finished, sweating and with a backache from being on his knees for so long, the sun had already set and the calm night revealed the stars in the sky. Kuroo breathed a satisfied sigh, proud of the work he had done. The floor was not sticky, the air was fresh, and everything was neat. There were no dirty dishes in the kitchen and no sign of a bad smell anywhere in the house.

At regular intervals he had gone to see Bokuto to see how he was doing and clean the bowl he had left him if necessary. In addition, he gave him small sips of water to alleviate the dehydration caused by vomiting. But every time Kuroo went to see him, his heart sank with grief. Bokuto's condition was getting worse little by little, despite the medication for his symptoms. The weakness and the headache increased by the hour, and the cold seemed to come from inside him, so no matter how many blankets he used, he was always shivering. There were times when Bokuto seemed so tired that he didn't even open his eyes, other times he only opened them momentarily before closing them again. Kuroo had no idea how to deal with the detox, but he hoped that magically from one moment to the next Bokuto would be the same as he had always been. And that only hurt Kuroo himself more, because it was clear that the human body didn't work like that.

Kuroo entered the room and approached Bokuto. He squatted next to him and stroked his cheek with his finger.

"Koutaro," he called out softly. Bokuto opened his eyes very slowly and tried to focus on Kuroo. He blinked a few times before his mind seemed to focus again. "I'm gonna get you up to take a shower, are you okay?"

Bokuto shook his head and reached out from under the covers to grab the bowl. He sat up and leaned over the bowl as his stomach contracted painfully and the sound of retching reigned in the room for a few moments, accompanied by a strangled cough. But Bokuto did not vomit as his body had not eaten for more than a day.

"You'll have to eat after you shower, you can't go on like this," Kuroo whispered, holding the bowl in front of Bokuto to prevent him from having to do the extra effort to hold it.

"No... I'll throw up," Bokuto said taking a deep breath with a shaky breath.

"We'll worry about that later. C'mon, let's shower you."

Kuroo pulled Bokuto out from under the covers and led him to the bathroom with a slow step, so that Bokuto himself could keep up with him. He turned on the faucet and let the steam fill the bathroom before beginning to undress Bokuto.

The warmth that built up in the bathroom made Kuroo sweat, but it eased Bokuto's chills and made his head feel slightly lighter. The throbbing he'd felt against the walls of his skull seemed to slow down a bit, and when the hot water brushed against his skin, his muscles relaxed and he felt a little better. Kuroo was holding him firmly by the waist so that the weakness of his body would not let him fall to the ground, so Bokuto closed his eyes and rested his head on Kuroo's shoulder.

"You're getting wet," Bokuto whispered as he felt the soaked fabric of Kuroo's shirt against his cheek.

"It doesn't matter," Kuroo said.

"I don't know when was the last time I did the laundry, I don't know if I'll be able to lend you anything," Bokuto muttered breathlessly.

"Don't worry, I'll look for clothes later," Kuroo replied. "Do you feel any better?"

Bokuto nodded briefly and let the water wash the sweat residue from his body. "It's not cold."

"That's good," Kuroo whispered.

The water poured over them, and Bokuto felt sleepy, relaxed, at easy, maybe because he knew he was at good hands. Because he could trust Kuroo to look after him the same way Bokuto should had looked after Kuroo that damned night of the party. He felt a knot in his stomach that made him want to throw up, but he gulped the retching and hold on. He didn't want to leave Kuroo's arms.

"Tetsuro," Bokuto whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Yes?"

"I still love you, you know?" Kuroo took a sharp breath of air and his body stiffened, but he didn't let go of Bokuto. "And not as a friend. I'm still in love with you."

"I-I don't..."

"I know. You don't love me that way," Bokuto whispered, his words almost washed away by the water. "But I wanted to tell you."

"Koutaro that's not ... It can't happen... Our relationship has never gone well," Kuroo whispered, uncomfortable and hurt. He didn't want to say that to Bokuto, but lying to him wouldn't help him, so even if it hurt, he had to be honest. His throat tightened and he thought of Oikawa. He closed his eyes. "It'll never go well, Koutaro. We're not made for each other."

"I know," Bokuto replied. "But that won't make me love you less."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suffer, my dear readers 😈
> 
> Here it's the new chapter, I'm sorry for updating 4 hours late but I had to pay a sudden visit to the dentist. I thought I wouldn't make it on time but I did phew
> 
> Well, now you know what Kuroo meant with the "I love you" from the previous chapter, he's not cheating on Oiks, don't think of him as a cheater istg
> 
> I'll see you on friday -if you read the omegaverse- or on sunday with a new update. Ily!!! ❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanted to talk to you," he said, letting his smile fade.
> 
> "What happened?" Terushima asked, frowning at the sudden change in his voice's tone.
> 
> "Oh nothing, it's just that I wanted to talk about something..."
> 
> "About what?"
> 
> "About me," Yamaguchi replied with a wary look.

Yamaguchi chewed on his lower lip nervously. He wanted to open up to Terushima, to tell him his own fears. He trusted him, but that didn't make him fearless. He was afraid: afraid of remembering it, afraid that Terushima would reject him after knowing what had happened, afraid that Terushima would find him disgusting, unpleasant. He did not want his boyfriend to feel the same disgust for him that he felt for his own body.

Terushima was about to arrive. Yamaguchi had called him to ask him to come to his house to spend the afternoon together. They had seen the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Yamaguchi had been so amused by the plan that he wanted it to be repeated; but not that day. That day he had to confess what had happened. Even though they had "officially" been dating for only a short time, the reality was that it felt like they had known each other for years. And yet they kept discovering things about each other. Therefore, thanks to that trust that had been built and that seemed solid and firm, Yamaguchi wanted to tell Terushima what had happened that night, a few years ago.

Yamaguchi curled up in the sofa, his arms wrapped around his knees, his cheek pressed against the sofa cushion. It wasn't a comfortable position, but it made him feel less exposed, less... vulnerable.

He was nervous, he felt distrustful and fragile, he wanted help, he wanted support. Shirabu had been with him since it happened, but Yamaguchi felt like it bothered him, and he didn't want to be a burden to his friend, so every time he felt like this he cried silently, in the darkness of his room. But he needed to know that he could count on someone if he needed to, and Terushima always seemed willing to make him smile. He was so sweet...

The bell snapped Yamaguchi out of his reverie. He walked to the door and opened it. Terushima stood in front of him, with his typical smirk, chewing gum, his hair messy, and his eyes shining with affection.

"Hey, freckles-kun, do you have a boyfriend?"

Yamaguchi laughed. "Yeah, sorry. I have a boyfriend."

"What a shame. He must be the luckiest man in the world," Terushima said with a wink.

"You can be sure of it," Yamaguchi said, pulling Terushima inside before closing the door.

They were both close together, face to face, their bodies brushing and their breaths intermingling. Yamaguchi placed a chaste kiss on Terushima's lips and tried to separate again, but Terushima grabbed him by the waist and neck and brought their lips together again. They glided smoothly, lightly catching Yamaguchi's lower lip for gentle sucking. His tongue tasted of mint, and Yamaguchi felt a slight itch, a tingle along with the coolness of the gum. Yamaguchi smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Terushima's neck, holding onto his body and feeling happy and loved.

Terushima broke away from Yamaguchi as they both began to gasp for breath. "Oh, how I missed you," he whispered, hugging him in his arms.

"Your kisses taste like mint," Yamaguchi said giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"If you tell me you don't like mint we're gonna have a problem, because I'm addicted to them," Terushima murmured with a giggle.

Yamaguchi laughed and shook his head, then pulled away from Terushima to grab him by the shoulders.

"I'm glad you've come."

"I always want to see you, Yams," Terushima said.

Yamaguchi smiled and dragged him into the humble living room, where they both sat on the couch. Terushima looked at Yamaguchi with adoring eyes, and the boy blushed with his heart pounding in his chest. He looked at Terushima and smiled, but then he remembered why he had called his boyfriend.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, letting his smile fade.

"What happened?" Terushima asked, frowning at the sudden change in his voice's tone.

"Oh nothing, it's just that I wanted to talk about something..."

"About what?"

"About me," Yamaguchi replied with a wary look. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry, as if he had swallowed sand.

Terushima seemed to understand what he was talking about as he lifted his chin to force him to look at him, grabbed his hands and smiled at him.

"If you're ready, I'm willing to listen. But don't push yourself, if you can't, you don't have to."

Yamaguchi smiled briefly and lowered his gaze. He turned on the couch and crossed his legs on it to stare at Terushima.

"Make yourself comfortable, it'll be a long story," he murmured. "Do you want something to drink or eat?"

"No, no need," Terushima said, mimicking Yamaguchi's position on the couch.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath and huddled between the cushions and the blue blanket, trying to shrink, to make himself small. He wanted to go unnoticed, to hide as he had been doing for years after the worst happened. He had kept the secret of the story so deep inside him that pulling it out now seemed crazy. His brain had tried to bury every traumatic memory, and now Yamaguchi wanted to talk about it?

His body felt overwhelmed, trembling. But Yamaguchi steeled himself and began to speak, as calmly as he could.

"It all happened 2 years ago..."

***

It was 5:30 am. Saturday morning was silent and deep, it was cold and there was little light. It was about an hour before sunrise, maybe a little more.

Yamaguchi had just gotten off work at Shirabu's bar. The bar had been open a couple of weeks ago: Shirabu had been the one who had come up with the idea, so he had become the boss. Despite this, he worked side by side with the others, the 6 friends he had hired: Yaku, Lev, Atsumu, Osamu, Semi and Yamaguchi himself. The place had quickly become a familiar place: the charisma of the 7 waiters, the delicious drinks they prepared, the relaxed and lively atmosphere of the place, accompanied by the music, the lights and the smoke cannons. People liked the place, and thanks to the reviews that clients put on social media, its fame increased, and now they had more and more clients, especially on weekends.

That particular saturday had been a specially busy night. Yamaguchi was tired and sleepy, and he just wanted to get home, take a hot shower, and collapse on his bed to sleep 10 hours straight. He zipped up his black latex jacket and shoved his hands into his pockets to warm them, but it was so cold it seemed impossible. Every time he breathed, a whiff came from between his chattering teeth. He needed to get home as soon as possible or he would freeze to death, so he took a shortcut.

The streets were narrow, winding, and with few streetlights, some of which were out because they were broken. It wasn't a very welcoming environment, but going through these streets would save him nearly twenty minutes of walking in the bad weather that threatened to freeze him.

He passed three men who were sitting on a bench. There were beer cans lying around them. They spoke loudly and laughed, but they fell silent when Yamaguchi passed in front of them. Yamaguchi felt the gaze of the three men digging into the back of his neck, and he felt a chill. It was clear that they were drunk, but Yamaguchi ignored them and kept walking. Then he heard something. Steps.

"HEY!" someone yelled. "DON'T RUN, BABYBOY! LET'S HAVE FUN FOR A WHILE!"

Yamaguchi looked over his shoulder without stopping walking. The three men had gotten up from the bench and were walking behind him with nasty grins on their faces. They were following him for no apparent reason, and maybe he shouldn't be scared because maybe they had started walking by pure chance, but despite trying to convince himself that it wasn't because of him, Yamaguchi felt real terror, so he looked back to the front and quickened his step.

The footsteps of the three men sounded heavy behind him; they sped up the walk so as not to lose sight of Yamaguchi, and then the boy knew for a fact that they were following him: they were after him, and Yamaguchi thought of stopping and giving them his phone and his wallet and whatever they wanted if he got rid of them. But a fleeting thought crossed his mind.

_They won't give up on material objects, they want something more._

Fear seized Yamaguchi. He felt the anxiety in his chest, his stomach clench, his legs falter weak; his mind raced to think about something to do as he pulled the phone out of his pocket. He opened Shirabu's chat and sent his real time location. Then he dialed the boy's phone and prayed he would answer.

But he didn't. The phone rang for a minute before the answering machine picked up. Yamaguchi called again. And again. And again. And again.

Yamaguchi was desperate, scared and alone in the middle of a deserted street, followed by three guys and without Shirabu picking up the phone. Men shouted obscene things at him, laughed, and walked quickly behind him. But they were drunk, so Yamaguchi thought of running, hoping with all his soul that the alcohol would play a trick on those dudes so that they couldn't keep up with him. He dialed the police phone and then ran.

Yamaguchi's steps were steady, light, quick, and determined, and for a moment he believed that he had a chance to escape. But the footsteps of the men also became faster: they ran staggering, but they had longer legs and in a few strides they reached the boy. Yamaguchi turned a corner and entered an alley, thinking that he had misled them.

But suddenly, the three men loomed before him, slimy expressions and eyes glinting evil on their faces. The men came dangerously close to Yamaguchi, and he huddled, his back pressed against the wall as if he wanted to melt into the bricks to disappear. One of the men yelled something, but Yamaguchi's brain didn't process it. His senses were dull, he heard a ringing in his ears, and he was shaking. And in the blink of an eye, all three men were over him.

They threw him to the ground; his clothes were ripped off, his hair was pulled and he was beaten several times. Yamaguchi's head was spinning, and he was confused. His face felt wet. He was crying, but he didn't know when he had started sheeding tears. The air surged shallowly into his lungs from the whimpers, screams, and sobs. He squirmed under the arms of his attackers, twisted and writhed, but even when drunk, the three men together had more strength than Yamaguchi. The phone was no longer in his hand, it had fallen on the floor of the alley and he could not see it. He listened to the laughter of the men, the zippers of their pants being pulled down, the rapid and exulting breaths. He felt all hope leave him.

Suddenly he felt pain, a lot of pain. He screamed disjointed sounds, cried and pleaded, but the men were not listening. Yamaguchi's body convulsed, shaken by pain. His face was pressed against the cold asphalt of the alley, his hands clamped firmly on his back at an angle that prevented all resistance, so tight that his wrists, elbows and shoulders ached. His head was spinning, and the sensation that ran through him was tearing him apart, physically and mentally.

He stopped trying to fight. His reason screamed at him not to give up, but his heart asked him to stop resisting, to let go and let whatever happened to happen. Squirming, screaming and crying was pointless when there was no one to hear his prayers. The pain increased even more and his ears began to ring with a high-pitched sound, like a whistle. His body went limp on the ground, the tears stopped falling, his voice slowly trailed off.

He had given up.

"Please...," Yamaguchi begged, "kill me..."

They were the last words Yamaguchi spoke before the pain made him fall into a pit where there was only blackness. There was no cold, there was no fear. There was nothing else, just... darkness.

***

Yamaguchi slowly opened his eyes, and a white light illuminated his face.

"So in the end I did die..." he muttered. "Am I in heaven?"

A hand squeezed his and Yamaguchi slowly turned his head to see Shirabu's face, covered in tears and with eyes so red and puffy that Yamaguchi wondered how he could see. But... why was Shirabu there? Was he also dead? What was happening?

"Where I am?" he asked weakly.

"At the hospital," said an unfamiliar voice.

A person in a ablue medical gown approached him. He checked the constriction of his pupils, the monitor with his vital signs and the saline solution that he had spiked on his arm.

Shirabu crouched down, leaning over the bed until his forehead brushed Yamaguchi's hand that he still held. Yamaguchi blinked in confusion.

"Why am I in the hospital? Why are you crying?" he asked Shirabu.

Shirabu cried, and Yamaguchi felt the boy shaking as his shoulders shook with every sob.

"T-the t-phone..." Shirabu groaned in torment. "I-I didn't d-hear it... I-I could... I-I could have I-avoided it, Y-Yams..."

"Avoided what?"

To Yamaguchi, his own voice sounded distant, as if the words were not being spoken by him, but by an external machine. He did not understand anything, he did not know why Shirabu was crying, why he was in the hospital, what did Shirabu mean by "could have avoided it".

"He's in shock," said the unfamiliar voice, the doctor's. "He may not remember it right now but he may remember it when his mind is clearer in a minute or an hour, he may not remember it in years or he may never remember it. For now, don't say anything to him. Let's see how he advances."

Yamaguchi frowned and closed his eyes. Remember that...?

He was dizzy and sleepy, so he closed his eyes and almost immediately fell into a turbulent sleep in which three men appeared chasing him as he ran and then...

Yamaguchi jumped in the bed, screaming as tears fell from his eyes. Shirabu was still crying beside him, grabbing his hand. Yamaguchi looked at him, terrified and desperate, feeling the hands of those men on his body, touching him, penetrating him... raping him.

If those were the memories he had forgotten, he preferred everything to go back to the way it was before he fell asleep. He wanted... He wanted to forget it again.

***

"Shirabu felt responsible...," Yamaguchi whined. "He still thinks it's his fault for not answering the phone... But he was closing the bar and... No one would have thought it could happen... The call I did before it all happened, the call to the police was what saved me... I stopped working at the bar after that..."

Yamaguchi finished recounting it as tears fell from his eyes and sobs echoed between the walls of the room.

"I suck, I'm nasty, so fucking nasty," he cried covering his face. His hands were shaking so much that it was difficult for him to wipe away the tears, so he lowered them again and placed them in his lap, squeezing the fabric of his pants to try to stabilize the shaking.

Terushima had gone pale, his eyes sunken, his body trembling and sweaty. He couldn't speak, the words made no sense, there was nothing he could say to make Yamaguchi feel better. He swallowed hard and crawled across the couch to get closer to Yamaguchi. He cupped the boy's cheeks in his hands and lifted his head to look at him. He wiped his tears with his thumbs and brought their faces closer to meet their foreheads. His breathing was heavy and he kept reliving the scenes Yamaguchi had narrated.

"You don't suck Yams," Terushima whispered in a shaky voice. "You're a survivor. I admire you very much. Thank you."

"W-why?" Yamaguchi stammered.

"For being the bravest person I've had the chance to meet. For not giving up and being here by my side. For not giving up and having continued fighting." Terushima caressed Yamaguchi's wet cheeks and parted their faces to place a soft but long kiss on his forehead. "Thanks for trusting me, Yams. Can I give you a hug?"

"Please..." Yamaguchi asked between sobs.

Terushima wrapped his arms around Yamaguchi's body and pressed him against his. They were both shaking, but Yamaguchi was shaking more than him. It was normal. Yamaguchi had just relived a traumatic experience to explain it to him, and Terushima felt like the luckiest man to have Yamaguchi with him. He stroked Yamaguchi's bleached hair, wrapping a lock of hair around his index finger while the other hand stroked his back up and down. He wanted to calm him down, wanted to let him know that he would not let that happen again. But he knew that Yamaguchi already knew that, which was why he had entrusted this devastating secret to him.

"Are you okay?" Terushima asked.

"N-no," Yamaguchi admitted. "I never am... That's why I'm afraid to go out at night alone. And... that's why I'm afraid of sex.

"My only way to alleviate the arousal that I've sometimes felt has been through porn, particularly the one you do. I'm not afraid of sex itself... I'm afraid of sex with another person. But the videos you do... They're different, because there's never real sex... You use toys, that's why... I was relieved.

"But I feel comfortable being with you. I'm working on that fear. I want to get over it," he whispered, grabbing onto the front of Terushima's shirt. "I promise I'll get over it for you so you can-"

Terushima silenced his words by placing a soft kiss on his lips. Yamaguchi surrendered to Terushima, closing his eyes and holding back his tears for the first time in two hours. Terushima caressed his cheeks while his lips brushed Yamaguchi's, without ulterior intentions, without even pretending deepen the kiss. It was a loving kiss that was intended to make it clear to Yamaguchi that Terushima was with him because he loved him, not because he wanted anything else.

"I'll repeat it to you as many times as necessary, Yams," Terushima whispered, separating from his lips, "I don't need to make love to you. I'll stay by your side as long as you want and you allow me. The time I've been with you has been more than enough to realize that you make me happy. I'll wait all eternity if it comes the time to have sex with you, and if it doesn't, it's fine. Because I still love you, Yamaguchi. I love you. And nothing in the world will change that."

Yamaguchi broke away from Terushima, his eyes red but wide. His heart was beating fast in his chest, and he momentarily forgot about his problems, his fears, and everything that was not Terushima.

"I love you too," he said, hugging Terushima again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe, everyone. What happened in this chapter is, sadly, something that happens everyday, everywhere and at any time
> 
> See you on wednesday. Take care ❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu's breathing became even more erratic as he read the last message. 
> 
> _You are such a good boy, Atsumu. Hold on for me._
> 
> He dropped the cell phone from his hand and squeezed his eyes, willing to endure the pain one more day.
> 
> _Hold on for me._

Atsumu's phone vibrated once, twice, and even three times before the boy even heard it.

He was in the bathroom, after taking a shower. He was toweling his hair dry, brushing the drops of water that fell from the end of each strand onto his shoulders. When he stopped rubbing his hair with the cloth, his ears adjusted to the stillness again; all was silent and it was then that he first heard the sound of the vibration on the glass of the coffee table.

He ran into the living room and grabbed the phone, thinking it would be Shirabu: he was waiting for a call from him to see if he would have saturday off or not. But instead, he found three messages in a row from the same person, Sakusa. It had been 18 days since the last scene, and there were another 12 left for the next one.

Atsumu had endured more than half of what he had to with the cockring on, and he had to admit there had been moments of weakness when he had begged himself and his pride to surrender to call on Sakusa to make the pain in his jailed dick stopped. There were times when the pain of his erection was so crushing that he preferred to cut his cock rather than continue holding on.

In 18 days he had not masturbated once and that should have been considered a miracle. Every three days Sakusa asked him about his condition, and Atsumu confessed that the suffering he was going through was compared to few things he had experienced. Every day he felt his arousal increase, each time his erections were more swollen and that caused the metal spikes of the cockring to tighten even more than the previous time. Instead of decreasing as Sakusa had said, the pain seemed to increase over time.

Atsumu sat on the couch to reply to the message. The water droplets on his body were absorbed by the fabric as soon as his back touched the back of the chair.

**_ Omi-kun (aka Sakusa) _ **

**_Sakusa_** : Hello, Atsumu

**_Sakusa_** : How is it going?

**_Sakusa_** : How do you feel today?

**_Atsumu_** : Horny

**_Atsumu_** : As always lately

**_Sakusa_** : That is a normal reaction from the body

**_Sakusa_** : Specially from a body like yours

**_Sakusa_** : Do you feel okay?

**_Atsumu_** : Yes, it's hard but it's... fine, I guess

**_Sakusa_** : Can you hold on?

**_Atsumu_** : Yes, ofc I can

**_Sakusa_** : Fantastic

**_Sakusa_** : I'm astonished, you are holding out better than I thought

**_Atsumu_** : Thanks, Omi-kun

**_Atsumu_** : *sir

**_Atsumu_** : Sorry, my bad

**_Sakusa_** : It's fine. We're not in a scene and the name doesn't bother me

**_Atsumu_** : Thanks uwu

**_Sakusa_** : Don't use uwu

**_Atsumu_** : Why? It's fun uwu

**_Sakusa_** : Are you disobeying me?

Atsumu's heart raced and the blood rushed to his head. His cheeks turned red and he felt the heat in hhis crotch.

"Oh c'mon!" he whimpered pleadingly, staring at his cock, which was beginning to shake under the white towel that was knotted around his waist. "You can't spend the day hard, we can't be _that_ horny, it's not healthy! I remind you that this hurts us both!"

Atsumu looked back at the phone screen and read and reread the last message no less than ten times. His cock grew harder and harder each time he did it; he could feel the power, the domination behind four simple words written in a text message. Was it normal to get so excited by such a phrase? Was it because of chastity, because of not having an orgasm for so long, or was it because it had been Sakusa who had said so? Or maybe he was just a full-fledged submissive who liked to take orders under a firm hand?

Atsumu took a deep breath, his pupils dilated and his skin bristling. His legs spread slightly in reflex action and he dropped his head back as his cock grew inside the cockring.

The pain started. It was stabbing, squeezing the most sensitive part of his body; Atsumu felt his heart pounding at the tip, fast but rhythmically. His erect member pushed the towel up until the fabric exposed his cock, the glans purple and shiny with precum. His testicles were swollen and firm, begging to release the semen they had accumulated with each passing day. Atsumu groaned and clutched the cell phone in his hand, breathing shallowly and aware of each and every sensation that his bare skin experienced: the slightest touch with the cloth of the towel or the sofa scratched his skin, the air he gasped collided with his bare chest and caressed his erect nipples. His body had become sensitized, the hormones he hadn't been able to release in more than two weeks were driving his senses crazy, especially the touch. And his entire body was covered in sensitive skin that reacted to absolutely everything. The water from the shower, the rubbing of his own hands, the fabric of his clothes, the sheets...

The phone vibrated in his hand and he jumped.

**_ Omi-kun (aka Sakusa) _ **

**_Sakusa_** : Answer me, Atsumu

**_Atsumu_** : No, sir

**_Atsumu_** : I would never disobey you

**_Sakusa_** : That's what I thought

**_Sakusa_** : What took you so long to answer? You saw the message right away

**_Atsumu_** : I'm...

**_Atsumu_** : I'm having a hard time

**_Atsumu_** : Literally a hard time

**_Sakusa_** : Oh

**_Sakusa_** : I will let you focus on the sensations

**_Sakusa_** : I will get in touch with you again in three days from now

**_Sakusa_** : You are such a good boy, Atsumu. Hold on for me

Atsumu's breathing became even more erratic as he read the last message. 

_You are such a good boy, Atsumu. Hold on for me._

He dropped the cell phone from his hand and squeezed his eyes, willing to endure the pain one more day.

_Hold on for me._

Suddenly, it felt like his cock was starting to deflate; the intense pain lessened considerably and Atsumu saw his cock throbbing weakly as the erection disappeared. It still hurt but it was bearable, as if the tip of his cock had been pinched. His eyes widened when he saw what was happening and he almost panicked, thinking that perhaps his body had been ruined and that he had lost the ability to get aroused. But his body was still just as sensitized, his skin seemed to be burning, his lower abdomen was taut and tight.

He was still aroused but there was no erection.

His body felt strange. He was horny, very horny, but his cock had lost the blood that had accumulated in it causing the erection. He gasped, horny but a little scared; he encircled his cock with one hand and then he jolted, withdrawing his hand immediately. His cock was as sensitive as if he had just had an orgasm, but he hadn't. The brush of his fingers had felt like tiny needles digging into his manhood. He still had the burning need to come, but his cock was flaccid, lollying between his legs. His flesh was soft but the rest of his body felt on fire.

He thought of Sakusa's messages: he felt a surge of dopamine coursing through him from head to toe, and he felt a pleasant tingle invade every inch of his skin, starting with his cock and working his way up his spine, heading right up to his head.

Atsumu smiled happily. Sakusa was right: his body was learning, moving slowly but inexorably toward mastery of erections.

Atsumu would make Sakusa proud to have a sub like him. Because he was a good boy. _The best boy ever._

***

The man settled between the hedges, sitting cross-legged on the ground and poking his head out of the leaves. He chuckled at the ridiculous image he offered in that situation, but not that he cared much. No one could see him.

He had a privileged position: he was hidden by the shadows thrown by the plants and the darkness of the night, but at the same time he had a wide range of vision and he could move without making noise or attracting attention. He opened his backpack and took out a Canon camera with a 75-300mm lens with manual and automatic focus. That camera was a precious gift that someone close to him had given him three years ago and he couln't had put it to better use; he had filled two memory cards with high-quality photos of the person who most deserved a photographic report: Oikawa Tooru, the most beautiful and sensual man on the planet. Every photograph he had of Oikawa was a true work of art. He could appreciate his fluffy hair, his rosy cheeks and his slim body in every photo he had taken, he could see the few moles on his body, he could almost feel the smooth skin that was reflected on the photo paper.

He smiled and licked his lips, thinking of the walls of his house, covered by the photos he had taken over the years since he had gotten the camera. He had been after Oikawa for years, taking photos of the boy's most intimate moments, going unnoticed, quiet as a mouse.

Despite having this high-quality camera, every time he intended to send the photos to a magazine, he used his phone's camera, which he had scratched and scraped so that the photos would lose quality; in addition, he then used filters to blur the photograph and make them blurry. He did it on purpose, of course: he hadn't sent many pictures to magazines, he only did it when he found his beloved Oikawa with that stupid and foul-mouthed Kuroo Tetsuro. They had only recently met but it seemed that that damn porn actor was wasting no time when it came to his delicate Oikawa. So he sent the low quality photos - he did it this way to avoid giving clues about the close position of the lens, the mark of the camera... - in which it was shown how Kuroo had corrupted his sweet Oikawa.

The last photos he had taken had been especially unpleasant to take. He had to photograph his beloved angel fucking that black-haired guy who always got in trouble.

"Ah, my love, you still have to realize that he's not the one for you," he murmured, shaking his head and clicking his tongue. "But don't worry, I'll show you that I'm the only person you deserve. I'll show you soon. That asshole has touched parts of you that should have been reserved for me..."

He gritted his teeth and held tight the camera in his hands, snorting loudly and turned his gaze back to the living room window. It was dark and the curtains were almost closed, hiding most of the interior; they were black with a white tulle over the top, so unlike the curtains Oikawa had in his room that let in light, the curtains in the living room made it difficult to see inside when they were closed. But luckily there was a slot through which he could see inside the room. The man had positioned himself where he could see Oikawa's favorite couch, where he would sit every night for half an hour to watch an episode of one of the series he watched before bed.

He leaned against the wall and waited a little longer. And then the lights in the living room came on. Oikawa appeared with a small smile, and the man smiled nastily. Oikawa was so pretty that he could spend your life looking at him. He raised the camera to take a picture, but just then a second figure entered the room making his blood bubble with rage.

"What's this fucking son of a bitch doing here?" he snorted when he saw Oikawa grabbing Kuroo's hand and dragging him to the sofa.

Kuroo glanced out the window momentarily, still with a smile on his face, and the man ducked into the hedges to hide his position. Through the leaves he could see Kuroo's lips move, uttering a phrase to which Oikawa nodded with a mischievous smile.

Kuroo approached the window and the man took the opportunity to take his phone out of his back pocket and take a photo: Kuroo appeared in the foreground, extending his arms towards the curtains with a smirk; Oikawa appeared in the background, sitting on the couch while biting his lip.

_Click! Click! Click!_

The man took three photos in a row before Kuroo closed the curtains and completely blinded the view inside.

"Don't you dare put a finger on him, you son of a bitch," he sputtered.

The man sat still, listening carefully. Nothing could be heard, and he didn't know if that relieved him or not... Well, not really. It didn't relieve him at all, because even if they didn't do anything, Oikawa shouldn't be with Kuroo, because Kuroo didn't deserve someone like him. Everything would have been fine if Kuroo had stayed with his previous boyfriend. But now he had intruded on Oikawa's life, he had touched him, both in and out of a movie, he had kissed him, they had gone on dates... He would not know if they were dating until they confirmed it themselves, but it seemed clear they were. They did everything a couple did, and the photos that he himself had taken and then sent to magazines to publish made that clear. They were a couple of lovebirds and he hated it, so he would have to-

Suddenly, he heard something: a moan followed by a swearing. Then another moan. What seemed like some loose lines from dirty talk. Then another moan. And other. And other.

The man gritted his teeth and covered his ears, but even so he could hear the intermingled moans of Kuroo and Oikawa. It was disgusting to know that someone other than him was making his beloved angel groan like a slut. He should be the one doing so.

Putting the camera in his backpack again, he got up slowly from the hedges, dusted himself off, and very carefully and quietly, making as little noise as possible, leaned against a ledge in the wall of Oikawa's house and jumped. He fell standing on the ground in the street. He adjusted his backpack over his shoulder and looked both ways, but no one was there.

Casting one last look at Oikawa's house, listening to the screams of pleasure of both men inside, he started walking away from there and into the night.

"I hope you like that the whole world knows what you're doing to my dear Oikawa, because the photos I've taken will be published as soon as I send them," he said with a feverish and cynical grin. "You'll cope the covers... It won't be the first time you've done it."

Despite the smile he was showing, he was furious. Oikawa was his, not Kuroo's. And for that he would take revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you thought the stalker was gone, BOOM- He's back at it againnnnnnnnn
> 
> Few chapters left guys 👀 I'll start a countdown sooner that you expect. Anyway, see you on sunday
> 
> Ilyyyyy ❤️
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No matter where we go, the stalker will follow us wherever we go," Kuroo said angrily. "If the problem were only this stalker, we could go elsewhere and end the problem, but the problem roots on being public figures; that's screwing us alive. We'll always have a paparazzi or a fan behind who recognizes us, publish photos of us with our location and then the stalker will look for us until he finds us. In fact... How do we know it's always the same person? There are a lot of weird fans when it comes to porn... Who says there aren't more stalkers?"
> 
> That thought planted in them a fear that they hadn't considered until that moment. What if it wasn't just one person? Of course what Kuroo had said made a lot of sense, so much so that it was even scary. How had they not thought before that they might be facing not just one but several threats?

"We didn't go out on the street, you know that!" Kuroo exclaimed annoyed.

"Yeah, I know, that's what worries me," Iwaizumi said scratching his chin. "I'm not blaming you. Maybe Ryan and I should've been waiting outside the car so we could watch the street."

"Do you think it would have helped?" Ryan asked shaking his head. It was obvious that he didn't think it would have worked.

Iwaizumi sighed and rubbed his eyes with a frown. "Ah, damn it, is the solution then not to get ourselves away from Oikawa and Kuroo?"

"I don't recommend doing that if Kuro-chan and I are together," Oikawa said. Kuroo licked his lips giving him an intense look. "Stop it, Iwa-chan, at least this time it couldn't be seen anything. Don't torture yourself with the image itself, but with the stalker behind us who can do more than just take photos. And you and Ryan were there, if you didn't see the stalker from inside the car, you wouldn't have seen them from the outside either. I don't know who the hell they are, but whoever it is, they know what they're doing. And I... I'm scared..."

The six men in the office fell silent, lost in their own thoughts. Several different magazines were on the desk, all of them with the images of Kuroo and Oikawa in the latter's house as the cover; there were different texts with large letters in which they speculated about their relationship with phrases such as "Boyfriends? Friends with benefits?" or "Could it be that the recording of _Sexxx dreams_ came up with something more than a just an amazing movie?"

Although they tried to think of a way to prevent the stalker from stalking one of the two actors, they could not come up with a plausible solution. What's more, they didn't even know who they were harassing, Kuroo or Oikawa. What was clear was that they only harassed them if they were together. There were never any images posted when they were by themselves, and men in the office didn't know if that was a good or a bad sign. Did it mean the stalker wasn't following them if they weren't together? But... how did they know then when Kuroo and Oikawa were together? That could only mean that the stalker knew because they watched them all the time. And that was creepy.

"It gives me a very bad feeling," said Tsukishima.

"There must be some way to keep you protected," Akaashi added thoughtfully.

"No matter where we go, the stalker will follow us wherever we go," Kuroo said angrily. "If the problem were only this stalker, we could go elsewhere and end the problem, but the problem roots on being public figures; that's screwing us alive. We'll always have a paparazzi or a fan behind who recognizes us, publish photos of us with our location and then the stalker will look for us until he finds us. In fact... How do we know it's always the same person? There are a lot of weird fans when it comes to porn... Who says there aren't more stalkers?"

That thought planted in them a fear that they hadn't considered until that moment. What if it wasn't just one person? Of course what Kuroo had said made a lot of sense, so much so that it was even scary. How had they not thought before that they might be facing not just one but several threats?

Oikawa snorted furiously and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Everything went black until he began to see little colored lights on his closed eyelids, which slowly filled with tears, not because he was crying but because squeezing his eyes so hard was hurting him. Then he felt the sofa sink next to him and he removed his hands from his face just as Kuroo pulled him into a loving hug.

"It's worrying," Iwaizumi agreed. "He's obsessed with you. You need more protection."

"The police can't do anything in these cases," Akaashi said, resting his elbows on his desk and clasping his hands to rest his chin on them. "As Kuroo-san has rightly said, they're public figures. Their protection doesn't depend on the state security forces, that's why Ryan and you are here. You two, as bodyguards, are the only ones who can protect them."

"But we can't ask them to be with us 24/7, they have a life beyond us," Oikawa said with a tone that betrayed the guilt he felt.

Iwaizumi smiled lightly. His relationship with Oikawa had improved a lot, and so had his relationship with Kuroo. Because they had no choice but to spend most of their time accompanied by their bodyguards, Oikawa and Kuroo had learned to get along. Iwaizumi had realized that Oikawa was not the nasty diva he thought at first, nor was Kuroo a bad boy with no shame for the rules or the law. For their part, Oikawa and Kuroo had realized that Iwaizumi was a firm and intelligent man, and was brusque only when something worried him; in their time together, Iwaizumi only got angry when he thought something might happen to one of them. It was a somewhat crude and aggressive way of caring for them, but it was nice to know that there were two men like Iwaizumi and Ryan to protect them.

They had all had the wrong idea of what others were like, but at least they had realized their mistake in time. Now spending time in the company of their bodyguards did not seem unpleasant to either Kuroo or Oikawa, although it was true that from time to time they would have appreciated having more privacy than they currently had.

"The problem is that hiring new bodyguards in this situation is not convenient," Ryan said. "I shouldn't say it because you hired me when the problem had already arisen, but no one can be trusted. Who assures us that the new bodyguard you hire is not actually the stalker we are looking for?"

"He's right," said Oikawa crossing his arms and resting his head on Kuroo's shoulder.

"The only person we can trust is Bokuto-san because we already know him," Tsukishima said with a sigh. "But..."

"He's not in a good shape, Tsukki," Kuroo said in a sad voice. "You already know."

"Yes, I know," Tsukishima muttered.

"How is he feeling, by the way?" Akaashi asked with interest.

"Well..."

Kuroo's voice sounded shaky and he lowered his head to prevent others from seeing how the tears threatened to give him away. Oikawa got closer to him and stroked his leg with his hand to give him support and strength. He needed courage to talk about Bokuto, because the state he was in was getting worse instead of better, but Kuroo didn't know what else to do.

"I go to visit him when I can, although with the stalker going around us I have fewer and fewer opportunities to do that," he said after a while of silence. "I leave food for him in the refrigerator and I stay with him to keep him company. Many days he doesn't know where he is, he says he sees things, shadows that chase him. He has a constant fever and doesn't stop shivering and sweating. Sometimes he even suffers seizures... He feels bad and hardly gets out of bed because of his weakness, but every time I tell him to take him to a rehab center... He becomes aggressive and draws strength from where he doesn't have it to throw me off his side." Kuroo covertly wiped away a tear and continued speaking. "I don't know how to convince him, but I can't take him by force. The doctor told me that he should be the one who wants to get better, forcing him won't help, he will relapse if he does not try to heal himself."

"Delirium tremens..." Akaashi whispered.

"Yeah," Kuroo muttered. "In a rehab center they would know how to treat him, I don't. I've tried to convince him, but he doesn't want to give it a chance. But at least now I'm keeping an eye on him to make sure nothing happens to him..."

***

Bokuto wiped the tears away with the sheets and looked at the phone screen again, specifically the latest tweet from the famous gossip magazine _Friday_ , announcing the new issue of the magazine. The tweet was accompanied by the image of Kuroo closing the curtains of a house, probably that of Oikawa, who appeared behind, smiling.

Bokuto's soul ached. He knew that Kuroo did not love him in the same way that he loved Kuroo. He knew that someone else had occupied his heart and he knew that Oikawa was making him happy. Bokuto was sure that he meant nothing to Kuroo, just an annoyance, and he couldn't help but feel displaced. He couldn't stop thinking about the sad look Kuroo gave him when he visited him. When Bokuto's lucidity hit him while Kuroo was there, he couldn't help but watch as the man did everything he could to get Bokuto to a rehab center, presumably to get rid of him. And that was tearing him apart.

He didn't want Kuroo to hate him, but maybe it was too late to regret something that, with all certainty, had already happened. Kuroo hated him.

The headache was killing him and the whispering shadows would not leave his welcoming side for an instant. They urged him to do _that_. Bokuto resisted every time he was called upon to do so, but his mental strength, like his physical strength, diminished more and more each day. The shadows had once possessed him, but before what Bokuto most feared happened, he had wriggled out of his suffocating embrace and had come to himself before seeing the shadows flee from him again.

Bokuto felt an irrational fear of himself before the shadows possessed him; he knew how they devoured his insides and turned him into an empty being without a soul. His muscles would lighten and his mind would go blank and then he would fall into a kind of conspiracy dream that trapped him in a net and made him irascible and unstable. He screamed, writhed, and when he came to consciousness again, Kuroo was no longer by his side and he was in the entrance of the house, in front of the door, usually lying on the ground and with his body in pain. And he could never remember how he got there.

And now, as always, Bokuto began to feel his body shaking with fear as his consciousness was relegated to the background. His body was no longer his; he moved on his own, his feet guiding him in jerky, robotic steps that led him to the kitchen. Resting his knees on the surface, he climbed onto the counter and staggered to his feet. His hand searched around the top of the kitchen cabinet until his fingers brushed against something cold, covered in dust.

Bokuto - or rather, the being that had taken control of Bokuto - grabbed the neck of the bottle and pulled it off the top of the cabinet, dragging a cloud of dust and dirt with it. Bokuto sat on the counter and looked at the half-full bottle in his hands. His pupils were almost fully dilated, his heart was beating so fast that his breathing had accelerated to an erratic wheeze; he was shaking.

The entity took strength and opened the bottle. The bottle cap fell to the ground and made Bokuto, the real Bokuto, jump scared inside himself. But the entity submitted him again. Bokuto must not think that the entity was a bad thing. In fact, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Everyone wanted to get rid of him, everyone. That's why Kuroo wanted to take him to a rehab center. That is why the nurse who had discharged him from the hospital had treated him badly. They all wanted Bokuto to disappear, they wanted to hurt him. Only the shadows that were with him were good, only they understood him, and the entity wanted to make Bokuto see that, it wanted him to understand. And that's why he had to take a drink from that bottle.

The alcohol ran down his throat, heating his body and burning his stomach as if he had swallowed a flare fueled with gasoline. When he ran out of air, he stopped drinking momentarily so he could breathe. But as soon as he had gotten his breath back, he drank again. The liquid trickled from his parted lips and dripped down his chin, staining his shirt and pants. The hand holding the bottle trembled so much that it lost all strength and the bottle fell to the ground with a crash. The glass shattered and the remaining alcohol scattered across the floor, carrying the tiny pieces of glass with it.

The entity released Bokuto and the boy looked around. He saw the broken bottle on the floor, he felt his stomach full of something that made him feel bad, he felt the bitter taste of whiskey on his tongue. Bokuto clenched his hands on the edge of the counter and resisted the urge to vomit. His lungs burned, and his chest ached from the rapid beating of his heart. His shoulders convulsed as Bokuto gave a sob and tears streamed down his cheeks.

_This is who I am, this is who you are,_ the entity within him murmured. _You and I must be together. Don't take me away from you... If you don't want to be alone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the troubles entertwine: stalker + pictures + a weak Bokuto + relapse. It couldn't be better, isn't it? 😎
> 
> Countdown: 6 chapters left + epilogue
> 
> See you on wednesday babies, love y'all 🥰
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well, Atsumu," he began, "as your body well knows, you've lived a whole month without sexual relief of any kind. This means one thing. The nerve endings throughout your body are hyper-sensitized after the period of sexual deprivation. Not just your dick but your whole body has become a huge sexual receptor and the slightest touch causes your arousal."

_** RECOMMENDED SONG: CHILLS (DARK VERSION) BY MICKEY VALEN AND JOEY MYRON ** _

A month. A whole month had passed. A full 30 days-lapse-time without ever releasing the desire that had grown inside him and built up, creating a bomb about to explode in his pants.

Towards the end of the month, Atsumu spent 24 hours a day aroused; all his concentration was directed to his crotch, controlling the hardness of his cock inside the cockring. Even at night he woke up suffocated, his body burning and his hips jerking with strong spasms, longing for a touch that was not there, that only remained present in his mind, in his wet dreams. But still, he kept his manhood flaccid. After such a long time, it even seemed easy to do it. After all, the penis was just another set of muscles that could be contracted and relaxed with the necessary training. And Atsumu knew that Sakusa had provided him with tough but effective training.

And now it seemed like a dream. The torture was finally over.

Atsumu remained totally still, kneeling on the floor with his hands on his thighs and his cock flaccid and caught in the cockring between his legs. His head was lowered, his eyes closed as his master had commanded, and he bit his lip in anticipation, his mind lost beyond, where he could only hear the sound of elegant shoes at every step his master took, walking around him, brushing his sensitized skin with the leather end of a black crop. Each touch made his skin crawl, making him flinch slightly emitting muffled groans.

"Look at you," Sakusa said in a whisper. "So desperate for me. What do you want, Atsumu? Tell me."

Atsumu opened his mouth slightly, delighting in the brush of the crop, in Sakusa's steady footsteps around him, in his body's reactions to every slightest sensation. He let Sakusa's words enter his ears and drift straight down onto his dick, which showed no other sign of arousal than the transparent drops of precum dripping from the tip.

"Sir~..." Atsumu purred.

He leaned his head to the side to let the whip brush the side of his neck. Sakusa brushed the leather over his skin, drawing it over the collar that encircled the base of his neck. Atsumu felt a chill run up and down; he was starting to get a little overwhelmed, and the desperation for something else was making him lose his mind. Sakusa continued the torture him a little longer, depriving Atsumu of the touch of his fingers on him, running the whip from the collar to the edge of his hairline.

"Sir, please..."

Sakusa walked around Atsumu to face him. Although Atsumu couldn't see him with his eyes closed, Sakusa was sure that he had heard the direction of his steps, as his body had tensed slightly in a reflex act. He was so vulnerable right now, with his body asking for it, begging after a month of sexual deprivation...

Sakusa ran the whip across Atsumu's torso, stroking his nipples along the way. Atsumu jumped in place and whimpered, arching his back to bring his chest closer to the crop. Sakusa smiled and stroked his nipples again, running the cold leather over and over and _over_ those pink nubs he wanted to bite so badly until it made Atsumu scream. The boy clenched his fingers around his own thighs and gasped.

"Yes, Atsumu? What do you want?" Sakusa asked. He wanted Atsumu to lose himself in desire, he wanted him to be the one to beg, not his body. Sakusa wanted to hear his desperate prayers.

"Sir, please... Please, please, please," Atsumu whimpered. "Please~..."

Sakusa's smile widened. He lowered the crop a little more down Atsumu's torso until he stroked the cockring; then he brushed his cock. Atsumu groaned hoarsely but Sakusa ignored it; he kept moving the whip, sliding it across his skin until it reached his thighs. He then lifted it slightly to lash Atsumu's thigh with it.

Atsumu let out a howl, a mix between pain and need for more. He squeezed his eyes shut instead of opening them and bit his lip, breathing shallowly. Sakusa could see his bare chest rise and fall with each sharp breath as beads of sweat began to trickle down his heated skin. Consciously or unconsciously, Atsumu's body was asking for more and Sakusa wasn't going to deny it. He wanted to give him everything he asked for and more.

He wanted to make Atsumu cry.

Sakusa reached into the pocket of his slacks with his free hand and pulled out a red silk blindfold. Sakusa circled Atsumu's body and stood behind the boy. He brushed his fingers over the boy's skin to make him shiver under his touch, and when Atsumu did, Sakusa smirked. Then he crouched down and covered Atsumu's closed eyes with the delicate fabric, offering a silky but cool touch on his face. Atsumu held his breath as Sakusa put the blindfold on him and only let out the breath he was holding when Sakusa took a step back, getting away from him.

"Stand up," Sakusa ordered.

Atsumu stood up, less nervous than one might expect; the excitement far outweighed fear, nervousness, or anticipation.

Sakusa put his hand on the small of his back and guided him to the bed. Holding him around the waist, Sakusa turned Atsumu around until the back of his knees brushed the fabric of the bed; this time it was not a velvet sheet, the touch was different although it was still soft.

"Lie down."

Atsumu obeyed. He sat slowly on the bed, then dropped until his back touched the mattress. Slowly he crawled across the surface with his arms stretched upward until his fingers touched the padded wall. He kept his hands still, stretched out in a position that was easy for Sakusa to restrain him.

"What a good boy... He by himself just waits for his master to tie him up without him having to say anything to him," Sakusa whispered.

His low voice pierced Atsumu's brain, as it had sounded much closer to his ear than he expected. A chill ran down his spine and made him shiver.

Sakusa chuckled and grabbed one of Atsumu's hands gently, stroking the inside of the wrist with his thumb before tying it to the wall ring with black leather handcuffs and red rope. He did the same with the other hand and then with his legs, tying the cuffs at his ankles to the black columns at the foot of the elegant bed. Atsumu was tied to the bed, with his legs spread and his arms stretched above his head, trapped at the mercy of his master.

Then, Sakusa walked around the bed and stood at the foot of it, his eyes darting over the naked body, clearly eager, of his submissive. The sight was delightful, and Sakusa felt that just that scene made his cock hard.

"Well, Atsumu," he began, "as your body well knows, you've lived a whole month without sexual relief of any kind. This means one thing. The nerve endings throughout your body are hyper-sensitized after the period of sexual deprivation. Not just your dick but your whole body has become a huge sexual receptor and the slightest touch causes your arousal."

Sakusa ran a finger down Atsumu's inner thigh, a slight, almost non-existent brush that made Atsumu jerk with an impatient noise. Sakusa smirked at the reaction.

"I'm going to start small, we'll play with the sensations that your repressed body is capable of experience," Sakusa said. "I'll take the cockring off first. Do you remember the safe word?"

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said complacently.

"Very good."

Sakusa leaned over Atsumu's body and pulled a small key from his pocket which he used to unlock the lock that kept the cockring closed. Atsumu breathed in relief as he felt the metal stop surrounding his manhood, and Sakusa couldn't help but think about how much he would like to bite him right there. But he held back.

"Get hard, Atsumu. Let me see you hard," Sakusa ordered in a slow, husky voice.

Atsumu's cheeks turned dark red and his skin crawled at the provocative request. Sakusa's bluntness aroused him, made him feel a thousand sensations throughout his body, starting in his head and moving towards his crotch. It didn't take much effort for his cock to harden. He let his body soak in his master's words until he felt a rush of adrenaline accompanied by the blood rushing through his veins to his dick.

Atsumu's cock hardened, rising proudly before Sakusa, who licked his lips as he silently let out a breath. The voluntary erection showed itself in all its glory, naturally lubricated with the precum that continued to drip from the slit at the tip; his balls were firm and swollen after that long month that would lead to the satisfaction of a scene that would make both Atsumu and Sakusa enjoy. A chill ran through Sakusa and he found himself fantasizing about possessing Atsumu after he had made his body suffer as he had planned.

Sakusa got up and moved the small black table next to the bed, where he left the cockring along with the lock and key. Until that moment, the table had remained away from the scene to prevent it from attracting Atsumu's attention, as the surprise factor was very important when it came to a game of sensations and temperature like the one they would play that night.

Sakusa checked that all the materials were neatly arranged on the table: a couple of damp towels and a couple of dry ones; a bottle of lube with dispenser; a bowl with _a lot_ of ice floating on icy water and a metal dildo among the ice cubes; a bowl of hot water and another metal dildo floating inside. Glass and metal were good materials when it came to maintaining temperature, but Sakusa had always preferred metal, as it was capable of absorbing less temperature but emitting it for longer than glass; it also facilitated the use of lube, since the metal heated or cooled the substance quickly without the need to submerge the lube bottle in water, as opposed to what happened with glass.

Next to the two bowls, there was a third one with a clear liquid in which he had dipped a nine tails whip of Kevlar, with the handle sticking out to avoid getting it wet. Beside the bowls were a Zippo lighter and a small metal instrument, a small wheel with spikes on the rim. The latter was the first item Sakusa picked up from the table.

"I need you to pick a number, Atsumu," Sakusa said firm and demanding.

"Oh-um..."

Atsumu bit his lip, feeling nervous for the first time in that scene. What was a number necessary for? He didn't know what to say, the request had caught him off guard, halfway between consciousness and that sweet place he had entered in the last scene with Sakusa. But the question had brought him out of that sleepy state and now his mind was trying to figure out why Sakusa needed him to give him a number.

However, he didn't want to make his master wait, so he said the first number that crossed his mind.

"Seven," Atsumu muttered. "Number seven, sir."

"It's a high number, are you sure about it?" Sakusa asked.

_A high number?,_ Atsumu thought sheepishly. _It's just a seven... What's considered high in here?_

However, he would not change the number, it was the first he had thought but it had a special meaning, so he would stick with his decision.

"Yes, sir, I'm sure," Atsumu said trying to sound firm.

"Okay. Did you choose him for something in particular?"

"It was the number I wore on the high school volleyball team, sir," Atsumu said not without a certain pride.

"Good," Sakusa said. Atsumu could hear a smile appear on Sakusa's lips and he felt a tingle that started on his crown and moved down to his feet. Sakusa's footsteps echoed in the room. "It will also be the number of times you come tonight."

Atsumu's heart momentarily stopped. Cum seven times? It was _impossible_.

"I-I don't know if I can, sir," Atsumu whispered, lightly tugging on the handcuffs that bound him as if he wanted to shrink back on himself.

"Oh, I think you can," Sakusa muttered. His breath hit Atsumu's ear, and the boy let out a ragged groan. "Your body can take much more than you think. How many people do you think would have endured a month with a cockring, without being able to get rid of it like you have? You've learned to control your erections, and that, my boy, it's not easy at all.

"You're a good boy, Atsumu. You can do it. So do it for me."

Sakusa's words lingered in the air for a few seconds, and Atsumu gasped for breath, arching his back in reflex. His breathing was heavy and they hadn't even started. But Sakusa did not wait.

"Let the scene begin," he sentenced.

Sakusa walked around the bed and stood at the foot of it again. He kicked off his shoes and knelt on the bed, positioning himself between Atsumu's spread legs. He placed a hand on Atsumu's left thigh and the boy trembled slightly under his touch. Sakusa took a sharp breath of air and mentally prepared himself for what was about to unfold. Despite knowing what Atsumu was capable of, the submissive continued to fascinate him in every scene; Sakusa was a particularly fond sadist and skilled at edgeplay. Atsumu had fulfilled a fantasy that Sakusa had been waiting for years, the scene of electricity. And now he was about to perform on his submissive's body a dangerous scene that not many people would dare to perform.

His pants were already tight due to the arousal.

Sakusa rolled the spiked wheel over the inner side of Atsumu's right thigh. The little spikes dug into his skin, leaving behind a trail of reddened skin.

Atsumu moaned and moved his legs to try to bring them closer to Sakusa's hand and the Wattenberg wheel, but the handcuffs holding him prevented him from moving too much. Sakusa kept turning the wheel, avoiding Atsumu's cock on its way to his torso. The spikes dug gently into his skin, but Atsumu's sensitivity was greatly affected and that little brush that rose up his abdomen and scratched his nipples made him emit a stream of eager and impatient moans that went straight to Sakusa's cock.

"Siiir~ Please~," Atsumu drawled.

Sakusa moved the wheel from one nipple to the other, tracing an uneven path across Atsumu's skin with the sole purpose of hearing him cry and plead over and over again. Atsumu's cock jerked and he whined again, twitching between his restraints. He felt that with that minimal touch on his body he would be able to come, he felt so full that he was about to explode, but at the same time he felt that it was not enough. He longed for Sakusa's hand surrounding him, he wanted a firmer and deeper touch, _harder_ , digging into his skin; he wanted to undo between Sakusa's sheets, he wanted to let himself be carried away, to become a vaporous being between the soft and expert hands of his master.

Sakusa took a deep breath, watching every reaction in Atsumu's body: the expression of pleasure and desire that could be seen on his face despite his covered eyes, his half-open mouth emitting constant rapid gasps, the jerks he gave to the handcuffs and ropes that held his hands and feet, his tense muscles covered with bristling ivory skin, his pink nipples perky due to the spikes... Those nipples that screamed to be bitten.

Sakusa leaned over Atsumu's body and caught one of the nipples between his teeth, running his tongue over it once it was caught.

"F-fuck~!" Atsumu moaned arching his back.

Sakusa gritted his teeth and Atsumu moaned again, torn between pain and the sensation of pleasure over the erogenous zone. Atsumu whined and squirmed under Sakusa, eager for an even stronger bite that Sakusa didn't hesitate to grant him.

Atsumu screamed, inhaling sharply, opening his eyes under the blindfold; his open lids filled with tears that spilled from his eyes until they reached the edge of the red blindfold, which soaked the tears before they reached his cheeks.

Sakusa pulled away from Atsumu's nipple, but not before tugging at it while holding it tight between his teeth. Atsumu's breathing had turned into rapid gasps accompanied by whimpers and groans that were like music to Sakusa's ears. He stared at the sub's face, saw the remnants of tears on the silk that covered his eyes and couldn't help but feel a tingle.

Without being able to delay it any longer, Sakusa rose to his knees and put Wattenberg wheel on the table. He rolled up his white shirt sleeves, taking his time while Atsumu stood still, expectant. Then he dipped his right hand into the hot water and let his skin warm to the water for a little over a minute. The water hadn't boiled - that would be dangerous and could cause serious burns - but it was hot enough to make his fingertips tingle, as if they were numb.

"Let's start little by little, okay, Atsumu?" Sakusa said. "We'll increase the rhythm and the sensations slowly so as not to overwhelm your senses.

"There will come a point where within your body the hypersensitivity of not having been touched in the long term - that is, during the month of chastity - mixes with the hypersensitivity caused by overstimulation in the short term - that is, during this scene. The body doesn't know what so many signals together mean when their intensity is so high, so it'll mistake pain for pleasure and vice versa. The first orgasm will be the most painful. Ready?"

"Yes, sir," Atsumu said in a small voice.

"Say the safe word if you want me to stop at any time."

He did not wait for an answer. Sakusa lifted his hand out of the water and applied a good amount of lubricant to it that quickly heated thanks to the warmth of water. Then he surrounded Atsumu's cock with his warm hand, letting the heat penetrate through the skin, watching every gesture the sub made. Atsumu groaned, pushing his hips up, but couldn't get very high; the handcuffs on his legs clinked and held his body before he could get too high.

"Go slow, don't hurry," Sakusa said, still holding his member firmly, without sliding his hand up and down. First he wanted Atsumu to feel the warm contact, the tingling of the rub against his skin surrounding him and intoxicating him, so he used his clean hand to hold Atsumu's hip in place, giving him not the slightest chance to move.

"Mmmhh-mh~," he whimpered.

Sakusa began to move his hand slowly, up and down in pumping motions that ran the full length from base to tip. When he approached the glans, he used his thumb to caress the skin from the frenulum to the slit, with gentle, circular movements that made Atsumu squirm and whimper uncontrollably. Without giving Atsumu any respite to recover from the strong sensations, Sakusa again pumped the hand over and over and _over_ again, filling the room with the sound of crying and moaning intertwined with the lewd sound of lube around Atsumu's erection.

Atsumu tried to move again by rolling his hips, but Sakusa's hand held him back and it was impossible for him to move. His body burned, every hot touch from Sakusa was the pleasant prick of a thousand needles on his manhood, and Atsumu was nothing more than a mess of disconnected moans. His mind was clouded and his entire body felt tense, as if he'd been ready to fire the load for years.

"Don't move. And don't hold it, Atsumu, there's no need. Allow yourself to feel it after so long waiting for it," Sakusa whispered raspy, a smirk peeking on his lips as he slightly accelerated the speed of his hand.

Atsumu's chest rose and fell rapidly at almost the same rate as Sakusa's hand on his cock. He groaned again and squeezed his eyes shut, a tingle rising in his chest and down to his crotch. His abdomen tensed and contracted as he lost all concentration and all shame before emitting a guttural growl ripped from deep in his throat. His cock jerked in Sakusa's hand and semen shot out, staining Sakusa's hand and Atsumu's abdomen.

"S-sir, sir, SIR~!" he almost screamed between gasps.

The pleasure was accompanied by a stabbing pain in his balls that made Atsumu writhe and whine desperately without quite understanding what it was due to. Atsumu sobbed through moans, his eyes glazed under the blindfold, tears gathering at the edge of his open lids and spasming all over his body as the semen continued to flow out. The rush of pleasure continued and so did the pain; it was so intense that his body felt confused, as if so much pleasure was not possible, as if his body receptors had been tricked. His reasoning was covered with a dense fog and every nerve ending in his body sent pain signals to his brain, sending him into a spiral of lights and colors that dulled his senses. He only felt Sakusa's hand still holding his hip, but his body had fallen limp on the bed. He didn't have the strength to move his lower body, but still, in his soporific state, Atsumu appreciated the skin-to-skin contact.

"That's it, good boy," Sakusa purred gently stroking the skin of Atsumu's hip with his thumb.

Atsumu replied with a happy little noise that made Sakusa genuinely smile. He had been about to enter subspace, _that easy_ , but the discharge had been too fast to put him under so early. But Sakusa had no problem, because they were going to spend a long night in which Atsumu was going to have more opportunities to do it, each one more likely than the last to subdue him.

Sakusa took one of the damp towels from the table and wiped his hand and then wiped the remains of semen from Atsumu's abdomen and the tip of his cock, now soft between the boy's spread legs. However, his balls were still as swollen as before he had come.

It was clear that just one time hadn't been enough, and Sakusa was excited at the prospect.

"One out of seven," Sakusa said. "Get hard again, Atsumu," he ordered.

Atsumu seemed to tremble at the request and raised his head from the pillow as if trying to look at Sakusa, but the blindfold on his eyes prevented him from doing so.

"S-so soon? I haven't had time to recover, I don't think-"

"You haven't tried. Your body doesn't need to recover. Do it," Sakusa ordered more firmly, cutting off his words.

Atsumu felt a shock inside him. Sakusa's direct and ruthless orders were capable of making him believe that he could do it. He didn't need to be the one to decide what would or would not happen to his body, if Sakusa ordered him to do something, he should obey without resisting. Pleasing his master was the only reason he existed at that very moment, he had to do whatever was required of him. So Atsumu focused.

He felt the muscles in his lower belly clench, so like any other muscle, he contracted them as he had done the first time. To his surprise, the blood trickled down to his cock, which slowly hardened as if Atsumu hadn't just had an especially intense orgasm.

"See? You haven't had enough and it knows." Sakusa spoke those last words while giving Atsumu's cock a light squeeze before releasing it again. Atsumu groaned at the contact brief begging for more. Sakusa chuckled. "How naughty, aren't you, Atsumu?"

Atsumu let out a shaky breath accompanied by an agonized, pained moan. Sakusa chuckled again before turning to the table. He poured lube onto his fingers and turned to Atsumu again, reaching for the boy's exposed entrance.

Making a little pressure, Sakusa inserted a curious finger inside Atsumu. The boy groaned and wrapped himself around Sakusa's finger, tugging at the ropes that held his hands to the wall. Atsumu's insides were hot and Sakusa could feel the spasms inside him as he stretched him out. He moved his finger to caress Atsumu's inside, exploring his body until he touched a soft and spongy area. Sakusa did not focus on that point, but continued to expand the tightness of the boy by inserting a second finger and then scissoring him.

Atsumu moaned over and over, pressing his hips against the bed to push Sakusa's fingers deeper, but he didn't budge. He retracted his fingers from inside the boy and wiped the remains of lube on the same towel he had used before.

Sakusa leaned over to approach the table. This time he dipped his hand into the cold water, dipping it up to the wrist and causing the ice to tinkle together. Atsumu turned his head towards the source of the sound, but he was unable to pinpoint exactly what had caused the sound. A chill ran through Sakusa's body at the sight of Atsumu, a mixture of the feeling of the ice and the desire to see how the boy would react to the devastating cold. He took a few ice cubes between his fingers and withdrew his hand.

Sakusa reached out his hand towards Atsumu's body. He let a few drops of icy water fall on his thighs. Atsumu's skin immediately prickled at the cold and the boy jumped, letting his throat make a choking sound. Sakusa squeezed the ice in his hand and let the drops drip through his fingers as he ran his hand up Atsumu's body so that the water fell on his abdomen, chest, neck, and parted lips. Atsumu shuffled between the bindings and the sheet, letting the water slide over his skin creating wet furrows in the spiky - and very little - bodyhair, still moaning and whimpering under Sakusa.

Sakusa breathed heavily, not losing detail of the perfection that lay before him; he couldn't deny it: Atsumu was a perfect submissive who made the beast inside him stir aroused. Sakusa closed his eyes momentarily, focusing on hearing Atsumu's voice moaning "sir" between ragged breaths and gasps to burn it into his mind. When he opened his eyes, he slowly lowered his hand, bringing the flat surface of one of the ice cubes closer to one of Atsumu's nipples.

"Ngh fuck~," Atsumu gasped with a shaky voice. "A-ah~..."

Sakusa slid the ice along his pecs to reach his other nipple. The ice cold caused shivers in Atsumu, and Sakusa couldn't stop staring at him with dilated pupils and a watery mouth. His privileged position gave him access to see every part of Atsumu's body, shaking and moaning non-stop.

When his hand began to feel numb from the cold of the ice, Sakusa returned the ice to the bowl and, with his free hand, took the dildo he had soaked in hot water. He poured lubricant over the tip of the dildo and held it close to Atsumu's entrance.

"Give me a second orgasm, Atsumu," Sakusa whispered.

Atsumu groaned as the lubricated tip of the hot dildo began to enter him. The sensation of feeling something inside him after so long made him feel full and overwhelmed. His voice sounded broken and choked, and his eyes rolled as he lost himself in the pleasure and warmth that began to spread inside him.

When the dildo was deeply buried in Atsumu, Sakusa encircled Atsumu's cock with the hand that had held the ice. The icy sensation on his manhood made Atsumu jump with a little gasp. Chills ran through his confused body, making him shiver. The cold sensation on the outside of his cock and the warmth filling his hole made his body jerk as his hips rolled.

"How does it feel, Atsumu?" Sakusa asked starting to move his hand up and down on the submissive's cock as he retracted the dildo that was inside him to push again afterwards. "Does it feel good?"

"Y-yessir~!" Atsumu drawled putting all the words together. "Hah-hah..."

Sakusa smiled. The sensations Atsumu was showing were making his cock harder than he ever thought it could be, and he didn't even want to imagine how Atsumu himself must feel. The contrast between hot and cold as his cock was jerked off and his prostate caressed from the inside, after a full month of no attention, and after an orgasm that would have knocked down any other man must be driving Atsumu's body crazy. His cock trembled in Sakusa's hand with each twist of the wrist Sakusa made, moistening his hand with drops of precum each time he brushed the slit with his thumb.

"Oh dear god~..." Atsumu moaned, a mix between a groan and a sob that gave Sakusa goose bumps.

Sakusa kept moving his hand over his cock as he put the dildo in and out at the same rhythm, a slow but steady pace. From time to time he varied the position of the hand or the angle of entry and provoked in Atsumu a new wave of screams of pleasure that echoed off the walls. If Sakusa had had neighbors, surely they would have been scared by Atsumu's tearful screaming voice.

When the jerking hand began to heat up, Sakusa plunged it back into the cold water, taking several ice cubes between his fingers and repeating the same process as before: he dropped cold drops on Atsumu's body, brushed his nipples with the ice while the hot dildo moved endlessly inside him. He was being tortured by the slow thrusts and the differences in temperature that were shaking his body, so he let out a scream of pleasure that bristled the curly hair on the back of Sakusa's neck.

Sakusa put the ice back in the bowl and put his hand around Atsumu's cock again; his hand was so cold that at first he thought he had lost some of its sensation. But the moment he took Atsumu's hardness, the warmth of his skin created a unique sensation in the palm of his hand, a sensation that Atsumu must have been feeling right in the most sensitive area of his body. Atsumu's desperate, pleading cries began to lose coherence; his muscles jiggled nonstop, moving his hips and fucking his master's hand instead of letting Sakusa move it. But Sakusa didn't stop him.

Seeing Atsumu shameless, sweating from exertion, moaning and pleading, near subspace and with his body mercilessly attacked was mesmerizing, an astonishing image that Sakusa burnt in his mind along with the moans. It would be hard to forget such an obedient and responsive submissive as Atsumu, and Sakusa had to bite his lip to keep from letting out a grunt of excitement. His own cock was wetting his underwear and pants, where you could already see a small circle right where it was dripping.

Atsumu's body tensed around the dildo, making entry more difficult; Sakusa kept pushing it in and out slowly, not letting the speed change one iota. Atsumu's dick jerked inside Sakusa's cold hand and his breath hitched. With great difficulty, in the middle of a mystical and misty place, Atsumu managed to articulate a couple of words in a row to warn Sakusa that he was about to come.

"Sir- I'm gon-a I'm- Hah-hah-ah~!"

Atsumu's back arched and his cock jerked wildly one last time before spilling back onto Sakusa's hand and onto his own abdomen, emitting a ragged groan. Even though the handcuffs were holding him down, his body shook and contracted in a spasm, shaking the entire bed as the cum came out with little shots.

Atsumu felt an immense pain inside his balls again and this time he let out a low sob between the moans of pleasure. Tears welled up in his eyes and began to fall to the edge of the blindfold, until it was so soaked that it could not hold any more tears between the threads. Tears trickled down the fabric and ran down his cheeks, mingling with the sweat that covered his face and neck. His cock jerked one last time in Sakusa's hand and he stopped spilling semen.

Slowly, Sakusa pulled the dildo out of Atsumu's interior and took the towel from earlier to wipe the remains of lube and semen from his hands, the dildo, and Atsumu's body. The cries and grunts of pain and pleasure lingered in the air, fueling Sakusa's fantasies a little more.

Sakusa put the clean dildo in the hot water bowl and leaned over Atsumu, leaving his face inches from the submissive's. The boy's heavy breathing and his were mixed, but Atsumu didn't flinch despite the closeness.

His cheeks were wet with tears. His mouth was parted and a fine trickle of saliva trickled between his lips. Sakusa ran his thumb across Atsumu's lower lip, wiping away the debris that ran down his chin. The boy emitted a low but constant purr and Sakusa felt his heart skip a beat.

"Good boy, two out of seven," Sakusa whispered. "You're almost there, Atsumu. You're almost _under_."

Sakusa descended on Atsumu's body and caught the nipple he hadn't bitten before between his teeth. It was cold from the ice, and Sakusa ran his tongue over it to warm it with little licks but still clenching his teeth around the little nub. He tugged on the nipple and Atsumu sobbed in pain.

Sakusa sat up on his knees again and looked at the boy who had stretched out on the sheets.

"Get hard again, Atsumu," Sakusa ordered. "Let's go for the third one."

***

"Six out of seven," Sakusa whispered, his voice thick with pride and contained desire. "One to go."

Atsumu gasped for air to fill his lungs. He couldn't take it anymore; they had not given his body any respite for more than two hours. He was exhausted, drained of all energy. He felt like he was going to die of exhaustion, but at the same time, he didn't feel so. He had entered subspace hours ago, at the end of the third orgasm. The pleasure of each orgasm that his body misinterpreted as piercing pain had driven him into an anesthetized state, drunk on endorphins and the stimuli brought on by the hands, voice, and instruments that Sakusa used. His body felt ticklish, numb, oblivious to everything except pain and pleasure.

"You're doing great, Atsumu," Sakusa whispered, his lips so close to the boy's that he could almost taste them. "Can you give me one more?"

Atsumu mumbled something that sounded like "yes, sir". His voice sounded muffled and distant, with a hint of need covering his unintelligible words.

"Let's go one step further," Sakusa said, returning to his standing position on his knees. "Get hard."

Atsumu whimpered but obeyed. His cock spliced again, sending pain signals to Atsumu. His balls were still swollen, but not because of the accumulated semen like before, but because of the overstimulation they were experiencing after shooting so many times in a very short period of time and without any rest. The pain made Atsumu whine, but the excitement and pride after Sakusa's flattery overcame everything else.

Sakusa took the dildo that was in the cold water. The ice cubes had long since disappeared, but the water was still as cold as the North Pole, and the dildo had absorbed all the cold that the ice had left in the bowl. He covered the tip with a good amount of lube and brought it closer to Atsumu's entrance.

The boy groaned just noticing the cold that the dildo gave off between his legs; Sakusa chuckled, pleased at the contraction of Atsumu's hole muscles around the icy entrance that made its way into him. Atsumu whimpered, writhing to expel the cold inside, but all he managed was to push it deeper. He arched his back, shivering and screaming nonstop.

"S-siiir..."

His voice was weak and pleading, and Sakusa closed his eyes as he continued to insert the dildo, almost feeling that it was himself who was entering Atsumu. After so many orgasms, his body was very sensitive and the slightest touch made the ring of muscles close around the dildo. Atsumu groaned again as the cold brushed against his prostate from the inside.

Then Sakusa got up from the bed and stood by the table. He looked at the whip in the third bowl.

He was finally going to use it.

He took the second wet towel that he had left intact on the table all that time and wiped Atsumu's torso again, refreshing his skin with the cool water that moistened the towel. He put the towel on the table and carefully removed the whip. He let the dripping leftover drops fall into the bowl before taking the lighter and lighting it. He brought the flame to the whip and a blaze lit the room.

Atsumu twisted in his bindings and whimpered something, startled at the sudden crackle of fire that had begun to echo in his ears. The smile that appeared on Sakusa's face lit up with the flame, which created orange dancing shadows that merged with the red and black shadows cast by the LED lights in the room.

Atsumu's reaction to the crackle of the fire was truly wonderful. Sakusa could hear Atsumu's heavy, labored breathing, he could see the strong, racing beat of his heart in the boy's chest. He was a beauty beyond what Sakusa expected, so he gulped and allowed himself a few idle moments in which he dedicated himself to admiring every little fragment of his submissive's body.

He liked it... No, he _loved_ it.

Very careful not to bring the whip close to any object that could catch fire, Sakusa resumed his kneeling position on Atsumu's spread legs. The whip stayed over Atsumu's body, emitting heat on his battered skin after the cold from the ice and the hot water that had mixed on it. Atsumu trembled and tugged at his wrists with a whimper.

"Let's go there. If you want me to stop, say so. Don't shut up if you need to stop," Sakusa said. "Understood, Atsumu?" Atsumu let out a couple of little noises that weren't easy to understand, so Sakusa emphasized. "Answer me, Atsumu. Do you understand?"

"Y-yessiirr..." Atsumu whispered with a drawl. His tongue stuck out like he was high; and maybe he was with his own endorphins.

"Great, good boy," Sakusa said.

The nine tails whip was made of a fire resistant material, Kevlar. Before it could ignite, the material had to be packed in a flammable substance; the longer it was immersed in the flammable liquid, the longer the flame would last before going out.

Nevertheless, fire was a very dangerous element in a scene, probably the most dangerous that Sakusa had ever dared to use. It could not be used for a long time on the skin to avoid causing severe burns and even death. This is why it was so important for Atsumu to stop Sakusa if something went wrong, although Sakusa doubted the boy would hold out long enough to be burnt after having already had six orgasms. In addition, fire was a difficult element to control, so it should not go near sensitive or easily flammable places such as the genitals, the hair or the face. The best place to lash the flaming whip was on the chest or back, the largest and least risky areas of skin.

Sakusa's pants were soaked, and the erection between his legs ached after so many hours. Despite repositioning it several times, Atsumu's moans, movements and pleas seemed to have a direct effect on Sakusa's cock, and even though it was harder than a rock, with each agonizing orgasm from Atsumu the hardness seemed to increase.

Sakusa grabbed the icy dildo inside Atsumu to move it with ecstatic strokes, slowly brushing the walls that closed around it. The cold came back to seize Atsumu's body and the boy shivered with a chill. But before he could begin to shake, Sakusa whipped the flaming whip across Atsumu's chest.

Atsumu felt the pain of the lash on the skin of his chest, abdomen and on his nipples, accompanied by an extra pain, a burning stab that left heat permeated where the whip strips had struck him. He let out a pained scream and his body twitched in a spasm that made the bed shake. The intense cold inside him, as if he had a rod of ice in his hole, and the searing heat that had passed through his torso caused his mind to short-circuit.

"AH-AH SIIIIR~!" Atsumu begged over and over. "M-MORE~!"

"More?" Sakusa asked with a smirk. "Do you want more? You're such a masochist, Atsumu, this is way more than I expected you to be."

Sakusa's cock throbbed desperately between his legs as the flaming whip descended on Atsumu again, nonstop penetrating Atsumu with the cold dildo. The temperatures had become more extreme as the scene progressed, and now that Atsumu was on the brink of collapse, after six orgasms and on the way to the seventh and final, Sakusa wanted to push it and make it more intense than the others.

Atsumu's skin was a huge receptor that accepted each and every stimulus thrown at it. Sakusa had never seen anything like it and his heart pounded, thrilled at the most spectacular sight he had ever seen. His cock stirred in his pants as the whip descended on Atsumu's chest again, marking his red skin and wounding his nipples harshly.

Atsumu groaned and squirmed until tears began to fall from under the soaked blindfold with a stifled sob. He was in heaven and hell at the same time, overwhelmed by sensations. His brain was disconnected and only worked when he heard Sakusa's voice, encouraging him or giving him orders. He had muscle cramps all over his body, but still his hips rubbed against the bed, driving the dildo Sakusa thrust with over and over _and over again_ , stroking, scratching inside him until it struck firmly at _that_ point that made him shiver and scream for more.

His breathing became erratic and whiny, his body tensed again, and he felt the heat of the whip focus on a point in his lower abdomen. His abandoned cock trembled and jerked before the bruised tip shot off a new load of cum, just a few drops of thick, sticky, off-white liquid.

"FUCK-FUCK-FUCK~," Atsumu moaned as his muscles twitched around the dildo and his chest rose with his back arched, searching for a hot new lash.

His cock jerked a few more times but nothing came out of the slit, and Sakusa took a sharp breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds to process everything he had experienced that night. It took a few seconds for him to open his eyes again and realize that Atsumu needed an aftercare. He plunged the still flaming whip into the bowl of cold water, letting the flame go out on contact with the liquid. Then he carefully removed Atsumu's dildo and cleaned it with the first wet towel he had used, before returning the object to the bowl that still contained the other dildo, the one that had been in hot water that, after so many hours, had finally tempered.

Atsumu's body fell limp on the bed, his muscles totally relaxed and his breathing still shallow and exhausted. His ears were ringing and he felt dizzy despite having his eyes closed behind the blindfold. He felt the brush of Sakusa's hand caressing his thigh gently and sweetly, almost lovingly, in the same way that lovers did...

_Lovers_.

That word was the only one that managed to break through the mist that surrounded Atsumu's mind. He felt exhausted after the enormous effort he had put into his body, after the amount of endorphins and adrenaline he had released during the last hours. He didn't know if it was because of the tiredness or the cold, or maybe a mixture of both, but he began to shiver.

Sakusa leaned over Atsumu and untied his hands. He grabbed his arms and gently lowered them to lay on either side of Atsumu's body. They felt heavy and shaky because all strength had left the boy's body after such an intense night. It would probably not be a good idea to send him home, he would need to sleep and recover.

Even though Sakusa hated to let someone spend a lot of time at his house, whose address was being kept as a secret, this time he could make an exception if it was Atsumu. The boy had given him everything he was, and the least he could do was give him some more than deserved time off.

He removed the cuffs from his ankles and removed the blindfold from Atsumu, who shrugged in on himself after making a slow, exhausted sound. Sakusa put everything down on the table before getting up and walking over to the closet, from which he took out a jar of lotion and the black velvet sheet he always used. When using fire in that scene, he had to change it, as the velvet fired easily and could have been dangerous.

He wrapped Atsumu in the blanket and sat on the bed next to him, resting the boy's head on his lap. He opened the jar and took some lotion, extending it on his palms to warm it before taking his hands under the sheet that covered Atsumu. He placed his hands on Atsumu's chest and caressed it softly, applying the lotion on his pecs, his nipples and his abs, everywhere where the flaming whip had hit him. Atsumu's throat emitted a cute sound and Sakusa smiled.

When he had finished on his torso, Sakusa stroked Atsumu's face calmly, wiping away the tears that had dampened his cheeks and wiping away the traces of saliva that had spilled from his lips. His forehead was drenched in sweat, but still Atsumu was shivering. It had been a scene intense enough that Atsumu's body temperature had dropped slightly enough to make him feel cold.

Sakusa couldn't help but smile again at seeing him so fragile. He leaned over his ear as he stroked his hair.

"Well done, Atsumu," he whispered in a slow voice, letting his words drift through the mist of subspace that still subdued Atsumu. The boy whimpered something Sakusa didn't understand, so he continued to flatter him. "You already know this, I know you do. But still, let me tell you this, because you deserve to be told by your master: you are a very good boy, Atsumu. _The best boy ever._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY EVERYONE, here's the last smut scene, I hope you enjoyed. It's way longer than what I'm used to write, more than 8000 words, but I think it's worthy 🤗
> 
> See ya on sunday with the next part, ILYYYYY ❤
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Omi-kun, what do you think if-?"
> 
> "We should stop seeing each other."

Atsumu was so tired that he didn't know where he was. He walked in limbo between consciousness and unconsciousness. Although he was exhausted and his confused mind had not come out of its dormant state, he was happy. He felt his master's hand stroking his hair and heard his voice in the distance, saying he was a good boy.

Sakusa had kept him on his lap the entire time, whispering words of flattery to Atsumu as he stroked his blond hair. He had removed the leather collar long ago, while he continued to caress Atsumu's head. The boy muttered things difficult to understand from time to time, so Sakusa paid no attention to him and just kept taking care of him until he was out of subspace.

It wasn't until Atsumu started babbling something in a soft, melodic voice, that Sakusa started paying attention. He finally could hear what he was saying for the first time, repeating the same thing over and over again.

"... I like you, Omi-kun... I like you very much..." Atsumu muttered with his eyes wide but lost in the fabric that surrounded him.

Sakusa tensed. He stiffened, with Atsumu still in his arms, and an expression that showed not the least bit of joy spread across his face.

 _No... Don't do this, Atsumu. Everything was going well, don't let it be ruined,_ he thought. _Everything was going well. You were a perfect sub... don't screw it up now..._

Atsumu continued whispering the same thing, but Sakusa was no longer listening. It was not necessary.

***

Atsumu's eyes slowly regained their focus. At all times Sakusa remained by his side, trying to bring him back in the slowest and least shocking way possible.

"How do you feel?" Sakusa asked.

"Tired," Atsumu whispered, shrinking into the blanket he was wrapped in.

"Can you get up? How about you take a shower?"

"Yes... I would appreciate it," Atsumu said, sitting up slowly. Sakusa pulled away from him to make room for him. "What time is it?"

"3 am. Don't worry, I'll let you rest here, your body needs it," Sakusa said. "I'll get the guest room ready while you shower, I'll help you go to the bathroom."

"N-no need, Omi-kun," Atsumu whispered self-consciously.

"I don't want you to leave in this state, you need to regain some energy. It's no problem," Sakusa said dismissively.

"Alright... Thanks," Atsumu muttered.

Sakusa glanced at Atsumu and watched him blush furiously with his breathing somewhat heavier than normal. A smile appeared briefly at the corners of his mouth so he lowered his head in a daze and got up from the bed with the help of Sakusa, who had seen the boy's reaction without missing a detail.

Something inside him was screaming "trouble" at him, but he would take care of that later.

Now he needed to help Atsumu get into the shower and let him rest. He led the boy into the bathroom, still wrapped in the blanket. He turned on the hot water tap to fill the tub and let the steam cover the room before pulling the blanket off the boy to help him into the tub.

"I'll be back in a bit, relax," Sakusa said.

"Thank you," Atsumu said with a smile, closing his eyes and tilting his head back so that it rested on the edge of the tub.

Sakusa shot him one last look before exiting the bathroom and heading to the guest room at the end of the hall. His head was a bit lost, so he needed to regain his composure, and for this to get away from Atsumu for a while would be the best.

The room was simple, with white walls and a shiny, polished black marble floor, just like the rest of the house. Even without decoration you could appreciate the luxury in which the porn star lived. Sakusa made up the double bed, put on clean sheets, fluffed the pillow, and left a glass of water on the table next to the bed in case Atsumu was thirsty at night.

When he was done, he grabbed some clean, brand-new pajamas, went back to the bathroom, and helped Atsumu out of the tub. The boy was shaking and looked tired but radiant. Sakusa handed him a white cotton towel to dry off and set the pajamas on the sink, along with a pair of new black boxers.

"Thank you," Atsumu mused.

"No need, you don't have to thank me for anything," Sakusa replied calmly.

Atsumu wiped the water off his skin and put on the pajamas that Sakusa had left for him. It was soft and smelled new and a feeling grew inside him: closeness, intimacy.

He liked that feeling.

Sakusa accompanied him to the guest room, where a huge bed awaited him.

"Rest, you need it. There's a bathroom in the door on the left and more blankets in the closet on the right, use what you need."

"Thank you, Omi-kun," Atsumu said gratefully. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Atsumu."

Sakusa closed the door and Atsumu got into bed. The sheets were cold, causing a sudden chill all over his body. But soon his body heat and the relaxation of the shower made him feel a heavy slumber that little by little dragged him into a deep sleep.

When Atsumu finally fell asleep, a smile decorated his face.

***

Despite going to sleep so late, Atsumu woke up at 7:28 am. He had slept through the whole night, never waking up. He rolled onto the mattress a little disoriented, confused because he didn't recognize the bed he was in.

Until suddenly the memories invaded his mind.

He bounced up onto the bed, his cheeks tinted pink and his heart pounding in his chest. Sakusa had let him sleep at his house after the last scene, and Atsumu felt overwhelmed. Sleeping had helped him feel rested, but the emotions of the day before flocked to him and made him feel happy and light.

He looked around. Next to the bed was a chair that had not been the night before, where the clothes he had worn the day before were, neatly folded. He got out of bed slowly, took off his pajamas - which he left folded over the same chair - and put on his clean clothes before stumbling out of the room.

The corridor was dark and deserted, but there was light at the end, so Atsumu walked slowly, trying not to trip over anything; when he reached the end, the light he could see came from a skylight in the ceiling. The hallway turned left and right, and he didn't know which way to go, so he wandered the huge, rambling house trying to find Sakusa. Everything was soberly decorated, with a black marble floor and spotless white walls. There were no photos, no plants, just the occasional black and white abstract painting framed in gold.

His steps led Atsumu to a large space where there were a table with chairs, armchairs and a television: the living room. It was well lit thanks to the large windows that acted as walls.

He hadn't heard him coming, so Sakusa was unfazed. He was standing there with his back to Atsumu, wearing a black T-shirt, baggy gray jogging pants, and no shoes, a steaming mug in hand, staring through the glass. You could see the calm sea on the horizon.

"Omi-kun?" Atsumu called shyly.

Sakusa turned around and saw Atsumu standing there with a small smile.

"Good morning," he said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thanks for asking," Atsumu said.

"Do you want coffee?" Sakusa asked walking over to the table and taking a second steaming cup from it.

"Mhm, thank you," Atsumu replied walking towards him.

Sakusa handed him the cup and Atsumu took it between his hands and let the heat penetrate his fingers and palms. The smell of fresh coffee filled his nostrils and he closed his eyes to enjoy it briefly before sitting down in one of the chairs across from Sakusa.

Atsumu took a sip and looked at Sakusa, but he wasn't looking at him; he was looking over Atsumu's shoulder, at the window outside. The blue morning sky was reflected in his black eyes, lost somewhere in the distance. He looked distant, he did not speak or make any gestures except to bring the cup to his lips from time to time to take a sip. Silence seemed to be the only thing that accompanied Atsumu at the moment, and it felt strange. There was a unusual tension in the air, the stillness was too deep, Sakusa's cold expression was too stoic, even for him.

Atsumu wasn't sure he liked it, so he thought of something to break the silence.

"Omi-kun, what do you think if-?"

"We should stop seeing each other," Sakusa interrupted without looking away from the glass behind Atsumu.

Atsumu put the cup down on the table and looked at him puzzled with wide eyes and raised eyebrows in a surprised expression. What was that about?

Sakusa looked Atsumu in the eye for the first time that day. His expression was confused and perhaps even hurt, but it was better this way.

Sakusa knew he couldn't tell him that the night before, when he had just left subspace and the hormones in his body were still raging. If he had said that before Atsumu's hormone levels had balanced, it was certain that the boy would have suffered a strong subdrop due to the hormonal imbalance that would have been made worse by what Sakusa had just said. But even though that was the best decision, Sakusa felt a strong prick in his chest when he saw the sadness on Atsumu's face, a feeling he had never had when he had asked a submissive to stop seeing each other. It was something new, a strange feeling that made Sakusa feel uncomfortable.

Atsumu looked at Sakusa questioningly. His lower lip was shaking, and his hands would, too, if it weren't for the fact that he was squeezing the cup between his hands in an attempt to steady his pulse to avoid showing signs of nervousness.

"Why?" Atsumu asked in a small voice.

Sakusa looked away and stared at the coffee in his own cup. Even he wasn't sure why he was doing that, he didn't even know what his obsession with keeping sexual and emotional life separate was.

"You were a personal project," Sakusa replied. "I've already checked everything I wanted. I don't need anything else."

"B-but I don't get it," Atsumu stuttered. "Did I do something wrong last night?"

"No, you did very well," Sakusa said. And he was not lying. Atsumu had endured it all, the scene of the night before would not be erased from Sakusa's mind in his entire life.

"T-then I don't understand," Atsumu whispered in a cracking voice.

"I don't think explanations are necessary," Sakusa said, trying to avoid the problem, bury it inside him to avoid hurting Atsumu more than he sure was already doing. "I have nothing to explain, I just think it's time to stop seeing each other."

"B-but-"

"I'm sorry," Sakusa cut him off looking into his eyes again, "but I think it's the best for both of us."

Atsumu turned pale and his eyes filled with tears. He looked down at his lap as he clutched the cup so tightly in his hands that his knuckles began to ache. His heart pounded hard in his rib cage and his chest ached, but not from the flaming lashes of the night before. His entire body was heavy and trembling, but he couldn't stay there. Not anymore.

He got up from the table, leaning on the back of the chair, and Sakusa followed suit.

"Ushijima will take you-"

"N-no, no need," Atsumu said in a shaky voice, trying to hold back the crying. "I'll call someone to pick me up."

"I can't let anyone know the address, not even you know it," Sakusa said emotionless. "They always bring you and take you at night, you don't know where we are."

"Then take me to a place where someone can pick me up," Atsumu muttered biting his lip to keep from breaking down.

Sakusa didn't respond immediately. He felt stupid for doing that, but there was no other alternative.

"Okay. I'll let Ushijima know," he said, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and typing a couple of messages. "I'll go with you," he added when he finished.

"I-I don't n-need you to come with me, I don't want to be a b-bother," Atsumu said.

Sakusa looked at Atsumu, or at least tried. But the boy had his head down, so Sakusa couldn't read his expression. His voice hadn't sounded angry, just... sad and hurt, very hurt. Sakusa felt like an asshole without knowing why. It was not the first time that a submissive was affected when Sakusa communicated that it was over, but it was the first time that Sakusa felt that he was doing something _unfair_. Everything had worked perfectly in the more than three months they'd been seeing each other, and ending something like that was... painful, even for Sakusa.

"As you wish," he finally agreed, looking away.

"Thanksforeverythingbye," Atsumu said hastily, trying to keep Sakusa from noticing the congestion in his voice after the first tear slid down his cheek.

He walked out of the room with rapid, wobbly steps, leaning his arm against the wall to guide himself against falling. Tears in his eyes clouded his vision and he didn't even know where he was going but he let his feet guide him without paying attention. All the corridors looked the same to him, all the doors seemed to be in the same place, but he kept wandering until he came to a familiar corner, the corner that led to the hallway with the door leading to the basement, where Ushijima would drop him and pick him up when he was there, at a scene.

Atsumu yanked the door open and descended the stairs holding onto the railing. His sobs began to echo faintly in the underground space before he finally found Ushijima where he always was, waiting with the door for the black car open.

Ushijima saw Atsumu crying and frowned with clear concern in his eyes. It almost seemed like he was about to ask about what happened, but something in Atsumu's tearful expression made him keep quiet. The boy got into the car and Ushijima closed the door before getting into the car himself and starting the engine to get out of there.

***

Atsumu lost track of time, he did not know if he had been in the car for two minutes or four days, and only reacted when the vehicle stopped on a little-traveled street but which Atsumu was vaguely familiar with. It was close to the bar, though he didn't know wasn't exactly where he was.

He wiped away his tears and opened the car door. He didn't know whether to say goodbye to Ushijima or not, but the reality was that he didn't mind appearing rude. His heart seemed to have been crushed and all the bad feelings were the only thing he felt. The pain, the sadness, the emptiness... All of that swirled inside him and made him nauseous, so he decided not to open his mouth. He only looked at Ushijima one last time before getting out of the car, but something made him stop for a moment.

Ushijima seemed to want to say something, as his mouth opened and closed again and again as he tried to find the right words. But he didn't know what to say seeing Atsumu so upset, so in the end he said the only thing he really felt. They weren't words of comfort or encouragement, but they were real.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Atsumu didn't reply. He nodded and got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Ushijima stared at him through the mirror for a few more seconds before starting the engine again and get out of sight.

Atsumu leaned against the wall of the building behind him and covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the sob that came right from the hole in his chest. He did not understand what had happened. He knew that Sakusa was a famous and highly desired porn actor, and Atsumu must have been grateful that he had chosen him to be his submissive. But that did not comfort him, because everything had ended as suddenly as it had begun.

Atsumu liked Sakusa, and that was what had hurt the most. He hadn't even had a chance to tell him. And now it was over.

He took his phone out of his pocket and dialed the number of the only person he knew would not judge him. The phone beeped twice before a sleepy voice answered.

"What do you want so early?"

"Samu, I need you to come pick me up," Atsumu said trying to keep his voice steady, an attempt that failed miserably. But Osamu didn't realize that his brother was crying.

"I'm with Semi, you woke us up," he said grumpily. "You said last night you were going to get laid, what is this about?"

"Samu, please," Atsumu said with a sob, "I _beg_ you. Don't ask questions, just come and pick me up."

"Wait, are you crying?" Osamu asked. Every trace of sleep in his voice seemed to have disappeared.

"Samu," Atsumu said urgently, unable to hold back crying.

"Are you okay?" Osamu asked worriedly.

"No," Atsumu replied. "Come get me as soon as possible. Please."

Atsumu heard a murmur on the other end of the phone before Osamu spoke again.

"Send me the location. I'm on my way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day. Very sweet chapter for this special day, right? 😇
> 
> Who said the chapters left were made to solve things? 🤭
> 
> Countdown: 4 chapters + epilogue to go
> 
> See ya on wednesday babies, ilyyyyy
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reality was that he felt like a failure who did not know how to deal with his own monsters.
> 
> "In spite of everything I still love you, Tetsuro. That's what is breaking me," Bokuto groaned.

Bokuto heard the front door open and then Kuroo calling his name, but he didn't answer. He didn't feel like talking to Kuroo after those stupid photos that were all over the social media and that had made him pissed off to the point of making him feel like damn shit. He didn't feel like facing him sober, or as sober as he could be after he started drinking again, so he grabbed the bottle next to him and took a drink just before Kuroo walked into the room and stood paralyzed at the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked in a weak, trembling voice, staring at the bottle.

"Drink. You mind?" Bokuto asked dismissively. His pupils were slightly dilated and his cheeks were flushed, but he spoke the words well. He had drunk but was not as drunk as Kuroo had imagined.

"You promised me you wouldn't," Kuroo said through gritted teeth, holding back the tears that had suddenly gathered in his eyes. "You told me there was no hidden drink, Koutaro. You promised me you wouldn't drink again."

"What for? To be weak so that you can get rid of me?" Bokuto spat out before taking another drink.

Kuroo lunged at him and snatched the bottle from his hands. Bokuto tried to resist the pull and scrambled, trying to force his legs to push Kuroo, but he didn't have enough strength to move fast and hard, so he only gave Kuroo a slight touch with his socked feet that didn't help to push Kuroo away from him.

"DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S THIS SHIT WHAT MAKES YOU WEAK!?" Kuroo yelled shaking the bottle in front of Bokuto. Tears had started to fall from his eyes but he didn't care. "It's over. I'm gonna search the whole house and you're going to rehab whether you want it to or not."

"You won't do that," Bokuto said with a menacing look.

"Won't I? Just try me," Kuroo replied defiantly, clenching his jaw as tears fell. His voice was firm despite crying.

Bokuto grunted and tried to get to his feet, but before he could, Kuroo stormed out of the room, wiping his tears furiously with the sleeve of the black sweater he was wearing. He went to the kitchen, where there was a broken bottle on the sticky floor, and emptied the remaining contents of the bottle down the sink drain, laying his forearm over his mouth and stifling a sob as he bit down on his own arm. When the bottle was empty, he began to search the cabinets, drawers, refrigerator, and tops of kitchen furniture, searching every corner for more bottles. He heard the staggering footsteps approaching down the hall, Bokuto's shaky, muffled screams, calling out to him as he cried.

"Don't do it, Tetsuro! Please!" screamed.

But Kuroo ignored him. He was just thinking about what he would have done wrong, what he would have missed when he had cleaned up after coming back from the hospital. That day he had looked for all the bottles and emptied them, but Bokuto had gotten another one, and it could not be a new bottle that he had gone out to buy; he was too weak to go outside. So Kuroo assumed that bottle was already in the house, and he thought it was his fault. He had been careless. He cried while looking for alcohol, but couldn't find anything else, at least not in the kitchen.

He searched the living room: in the furniture, the drawers, glued under the table and chairs, inside all the cushions on the sofa. As he did so, he kept hearing Bokuto's pleas, he heard his own sobs as he turned everything upside down. His chest ached, like a weight pressing on his heart and squeezing it to try to make it explode inside him. He breathed raggedly, wheezing every time he sobbed.

Bokuto came to the living room, crawling on the floor crying his eyes out, calling out to Kuroo over and over again.

"There's no more! Please! Tetsuro, listen to me!" A new sob. "Don't take me there!"

"WHY DID YOU DO IT!?" Kuroo yelled desperately, wiping his tears away again.

He felt sadness, desolation and helplessness. He didn't know how to help Bokuto, he didn't know how to make him see reason. He felt stupid for having trusted Bokuto to recover, he felt useless for not getting him to heal.

Kuroo buried his fingers in his black hair and pulled desperately; sobs made it difficult to breathe, his body felt tired and his mind was spinning. He dropped to his knees on the floor, resting his elbows on the ground and burying his head in his arms. And then he screamed from the depths of his being, letting out all the hatred he felt towards himself and towards that situation that no matter how hard he tried, he was unable to control. Too much was happening, and he was reaching his limit. Everything slipped from his hands, it spilled like water between his fingers; he felt powerless, helpless, hopeless.

"You can't go on like this, Koutaro!" the screams were muffled, but Bokuto could tell the deep sadness in them. "Why did you do it? Tell me! Why!?"

"Because it's the only thing left for me!" Bokuto sobbed.

Kuroo straightened up. His knees, still planted on the ground, trembled with each sob, but he didn't even notice. The only thing he felt was Bokuto's words penetrating deep into his heart.

"You have me!"

"It's not true!" shouted Bokuto. His voice was a cross between a sob, a plea, and a furious exclamation, and Kuroo shrugged in on himself. "I don't have you, I lost you a long time ago!"

Bokuto leaned against the doorway and struggled to his feet, holding onto the wall to support the weight of his weak and trembling body.

"You need therapy, Koutaro! You need to go to rehab!"

"I don't!" Bokuto yelled angrily, shooting him a stern look. "I'm fine! There's no more alcohol in the house, get out of here!"

Bokuto was screaming hysterically. He had lost his temper, his eyes were angry and stubborn; his face was red from anger and crying, tears still falling from his eyes wetting his face. His body was weak, but the adrenaline pumping inside him had given him an explosive force, short-lived but potent. He was glaring at Kuroo, clenched his teeth and gasping for air between sobs.

Kuroo slowly got up from the ground, without taking his eyes off him. He wasn't afraid of him but he felt... pity for Bokuto. It pained him to see him like this. And the worst thing was the guilt he felt. He kept thinking that this was all his fault. He approached Bokuto, but even though he knew the boy couldn't hold himself too well, he didn't help him. He didn't want to piss off Bokuto any more, so he raised his hands in peace.

"I'm not leaving you here, you're still important to me!" he said with tear-filled eyes.

"IT'S NO USE FOR ME TO BE IMPORTANT TO YOU IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME THE SAME WAY I DO, TETSURO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU HERE, GET OUT!"

Kuroo froze, his breath caught in his throat. His soul was fractured into a thousand pieces. He just wanted to help Bokuto but all he was doing was making the situation worse, and he didn't know how to fix it. Bokuto took a step forward and, drawing strength from where there was none, pushed Kuroo, who stumbled and almost fell to the ground, but his reflexes worked for him and he was able to grab the doorknob before hitting the ground. Despite having resisted the first time, before he could get to his feet, Bokuto pushed him again, knocking him to the ground and propelling him back towards the front door of the house.

"You're still my friend! But you don't care about me, you don't care about my friendship!" Kuroo yelled trying to stand up. But nervous as he was, he only managed to crawl backwards as Bokuto took awkward steps towards him, following him down the hall, guiding him - rather forcing him to go - towards the exit. "You don't want me to be around you and you don't want help either! I don't know what to do, Koutaro!"

Kuroo's sobs made Bokuto's heart ache even more. He hated himself because despite everything, he kept making Kuroo cry, he kept making him suffer. It wasn't what he wanted, but he didn't know how to act. His demons were screaming at him that he needed to get Kuroo away from him if he didn't want to die, if he didn't want to suffer himself, so he thought that hurting the person he loved would make him feel less vulnerable. But the reality was that he felt like a failure who did not know how to deal with his own monsters.

"In spite of everything I still love you, Tetsuro. That's what is breaking me," Bokuto groaned taking another step, watching as a scared Kuroo walked away from him.

 _He's afraid of me_ , he thought, feeling like a dreadful threat. _I too fear what I've become... I can't go on like this... I can't..._

Bokuto fell to his knees on the ground with his head bowed and Kuroo stopped crawling to get away from him. He sat on the ground, staring at Bokuto in fear with tear-filled eyes. He couldn't leave him like that, but he knew that Bokuto was partly right.

It was Kuroo who was breaking Bokuto.

"Please go away," Bokuto whispered in a voice so weak and sad that Kuroo felt the need to hug him.

Bokuto was shaking, and each sentence was accompanied by a weak sob. Tears fell to the ground, and he wasn't trying to stop them.

"I need to be alone..." he muttered. "You can search the rest of the house, but there is no alcohol left...

"I can't bear that you help me when I'm being a real torture for you. Believe it or not... I want you to be happy, and it hurts to know that I'm not the one making you smile, I just make you... This."

Bokuto spread his arms and raised his head to look at Kuroo. He felt everything collapsing. Kuroo sobbed again when he saw Bokuto's wounded face, a pained, anxious and desperate expression that begged for help... A help that Kuroo knew he couldn't give. Bokuto needed support that he couldn't give him, because all he was doing was sinking him further into the mud.

Bokuto bit his lip, squinting his eyes so the accumulated tears rolled down his cheeks. He kept talking.

"All I'm doing is hurting you. I know you're trying to help me, but... You can't. You can't, Tetsuro... I just want you to leave..."

***

Bokuto woke up from his restless sleep when a call made the phone ring. He reached out with his eyes still closed, groping on the living room coffee table to find the phone. His fingers brushed the smooth surface of the screen and he picked up the call without realizing it.

"Bokuto-san?" said a voice on the other side.

Bokuto got up slowly and looked for the cell phone; when he saw it and read the name, he responded in a bad mood.

"What do you want, Tsukki?"

"How do you feel?"

"Like shit. Are you calling for something in particular, do you need something?" Bokuto asked, touching his cheeks with dried traces of tears.

Tsukishima sighed on the other end of the phone. "Not me. But you do need something. You need to go to rehab, Bokuto-san."

"Tetsuro told you, right?" Bokuto said annoyed.

"Yes," Tsukishima replied after a few seconds of hesitation.

"I'm fine, leave me alone, Tsukki," Bokuto spat.

He then hung up and tossed the phone to the opposite corner of the sofa before tucking himself back into the cushions. No matter how many blankets he used, the cold seemed to still be inside him, as if radiated from his own bones. The tremors hadn't gone away, and neither had the headaches; what's more, they seemed to have increased after Kuroo took the last supply of alcohol he had at home from his hands. Now he had no way to relieve himself.

But that was not the worst. The worst were the voices, the shadows that haunted him in the darkness of his mind, that caught him and pulled him. They were still with him, they had never left. They were whispering things, but Bokuto was so tired that it was sometimes difficult for him to understand what they were saying. He only knew that they sank him with them, dragging him to lure him to hell, where there was only desolation in the middle of a barren land where his doom awaited him. He was tired of fighting, he just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth and hiding between the blankets made him lose himself, forget about the demons that wanted to take him with him. He cried and screamed but they just laughed in amusement at Bokuto's suffering.

But still Bokuto was too stubborn to ask for help. He could take care of himself... He didn't want to go back to the hospital, but he didn't want to go to rehab so he needed to distract himself. He picked up the remote control on the coffee table, next to where the phone had been before, and turned on the television. The channel that was on was broadcasting a sports program about volleyball, and although he didn't have much idea of playing it, he left it on. After all, his idea was to distract himself, and the show seemed interesting.

But soon he began to feel sleepy...

***

The phone rang and made the sofa vibrated slightly. Bokuto, who had been dozing up to that point, jumped up causing the blankets that covered him to fall to the ground with a "plof". Bokuto mentally cursed the phone before reaching for it among the cushions and picking it up without looking at the name.

"Koutaro? How are you? Are you okay?" an anxious voice asked.

Bokuto's eyes filled with tears when he heard his voice; he let out a groan and lifted the phone from his ear to look at the name. Indeed, it was Kuroo who was calling him, and that made him feel miserable and disgusting. He remembered perfectly what had happened hours before, what he had said to Kuroo; But feeling bad didn't make him see reason, so he hung up the phone and curled up on the couch, grabbing the blankets to cover himself and avoid shivering from the cold. He wiped away the tears with the cloth of one of the blankets and held back the sob that crept up his throat, threatening to reveal the guilt he felt. He had become a self-destructive person who seemed to want to torture himself.

The phone rang again and Bokuto snorted in annoyance, wiping his tears away on his sleeve. Before picking up the phone, he looked at the name: Tsukki. Only then he picked up.

"I hope you don't tell me to go to rehab again or I swear I'll hang up the fucking call," Bokuto snorted.

"Easy, beast, I'm not calling you for that," Tsukishima said with distaste.

"Then what do you want?" Bokuto said rubbing his eyes to wipe away the remaining tears.

"There's someone who has asked me to ask if they can pay you a visit," said Tsukishima.

Bokuto tensed. "I don't want Tetsuro to come."

"Kuroo-san wouldn't ask my permission if he wanted to see you," Tsukishima pointed out. "He would go and that's it, you already know. You know him better than I do."

Bokuto sighed knowing that Tsukishima was right. Kuroo did not care what others said, if he wanted to do something he would do it without a second thought. But that confused Bokuto. If it wasn't Kuroo, who was it?

"Who is it?" he asked doubtfully.

"I'll tell you if you answer a question before," Tsukishima said in a softer voice than before. Bokuto didn't think it was a good sign, but he agreed anyway.

"Speak."

"Why did you do it? Why did you drink again?"

He snorted loudly, letting Tsukishima know that the question was a nuisance, but he didn't refuse to answer it though he didn't do it immediately. He needed to think about it. Why had he done it? He had no answer beyond the one he had given to Kuroo: alcohol was the only thing he had left, the only thing that made him forget that he had lost everything he had for having been an idiot, for having been jealous when perhaps he shouldn't have been. He urged his mind trying to get a less superficial, more real answer. Not that that reason was a lie, but it was not as honest as it could be, it did not show the feelings that really crowded inside Bokuto.

A tear fell from his eye as he took a shaky breath of air.

"I..." he said slowly, searching for the right words. "I wanted to escape from reality, I wanted to run away from the person I've become. Even if you don't think so, I've always wanted to do things right, you know, Tsukki? Although I've always been wrong in my methods. But now... I'm alone. Not even I want to worry about myself. All I wanted was to be happy, but now... Now Tetsuro is not here, and I don't think I can find happiness without him... "

"You're not alone, you know that, right?" Tsukishima pointed.

"Yes I am, Tsukki," Bokuto said regretfully.

Tsukishima didn't answer, he just listened to Bokuto's labored breathing, who was trying to hide his sobs by biting the blankets with all the strength he had left. It felt like Tsukishima was making company in the distant, and Bokuto silently thanked him for that.

There was a long silence before someone said anything. It was Bokuto who broke the silence.

"Well..." he said trying to sound firm. "Who is the person who wants to come? You?"

"No, it's... he says he talked to you at the movie premiere party. Akaashi Keiji, Oikawa-san's manager. He says you didn't reply to the messages he sent you on Twitter and he wants to know how you feel. Do you think it's OK if he goes to see you?"

Bokuto frowned in confusion. He cocked his head to the side, trying to remember. He had only talked to him once, what was this sudden curiosity about?

"Bokuto-san?" Tsukishima called after seeing that Bokuto was taking too long to answer.

"Ah yes, sorry," Bokuto replied with his mind elsewhere. "I guess I have no problem with him visiting me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if this is good or bad, so let's say it's a bittersweet chapter, more bitter than sweet but you know I can't make it without angst 😚
> 
> 3 chapters left guyssssss (plus epilogue lol)
> 
> See you on sunday! 🥰🥰
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUTTTTT!


	50. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Let's make a deal," Akaashi said looking at him with a twinkle in his eyes. "I will help you and you will help me."
> 
> Bokuto looked at him curiously, eyebrows raised. "Help you? Do _you_ need _my_ help? What do you want me to help you with?"
> 
> "To get to know you better."

_**RECOMMENDED SONG: THE REASON BY THE HOOBASTANK** _

Someone knocked on the door and Bokuto rose shakily from the couch, wrapped in a flannel blanket but shivering with cold. His head hurt so much that every little movement caused a stabbing pain in his temples.

"I'm coming," he said, so softly that he wasn't sure if the person that was waiting outside had heard him.

With woobly steps - even though he was leaning on the wall - he approached the door and opened it. Teal eyes locked into his.

"Hello, Bokuto-san."

"Hey, Akaashi," Bokuto replied. "Come in."

Bokuto stepped aside and let him enter before closing the door. He didn't say a word as he walked into the room followed by Akaashi. His presence did not bother him, but he did not understand why he was there, and that made him feel suspicious.

_Maybe Tetsuro has asked Oikawa to talk to Akaashi to force me to go to therapy despite my refusal to go,_ Bokuto thought. _Maybe it's a new tactic to try and get me to a rehab center... But still, it's weird. Tetsuro is not that twisted-minded._

Before his head continued to pound from thinking so much and concocting an explanation in such a short time, Bokuto turned to Akaashi just before walking through the living room doors. He examined his rigorous, serious and devoid of emotion face, but he did not find anything suspicious, he did not see anything that made him distrust Akaashi... But neither there was anything that made him trust that man - almost - unknown.

"Did Tetsuro send you?" Bokuto asked sourly.

"Kuroo-san? No, he doesn't know I'm here," Akaashi commented.

"I don't know you. Neither do you know me. At least not enough for you to worry about me, I don't know why you're here," Bokuto said cheekily.

"I don't need to know you for a lifetime to know what you're going through," Akaashi said simply.

Bokuto snorted giving him one last look. "Whatever. Sit down if you want. I'd offer you something to drink or eat but I don't even know what's in the kitchen."

"It doesn't matter," Akaashi replied with a shrug. His expression was still as static as at first.

"I hope it's not Tetsuro's trick," Bokuto said before entering the living room and sitting down on a sofa, huddling to keep the warm in his body.

Akaashi came in behind him and sat on another couch, keeping his distance at all times. He didn't want to get overconfident with someone who - he'd said so himself - didn't know enough. But Akaashi didn't seem to feel the akwardness that comes when you're alone with someone completely unknown with whom you don't know what to talk about or what to do to break the heavy silence. It was strange, but there was a relaxed atmosphere within the situation of an angry and distant Bokuto because of the withdrawal syndrome that still preyed on him.

"How do you feel?" Akaashi asked out of nowhere.

"I think it's obvious that I'm not feeling well," Bokuto replied.

"Yeah, it was a stupid question," he sighed.

"I don't understand why you care about me," Bokuto said looking away. He felt self-conscious, and he didn't know whether or not he liked being in that situation. "You're a perfect stranger and I am a lost case. You have other things to think about, you're wasting your time."

"I don't think I'm wasting my time," Akaashi replied looking at the ball that Bokuto was entangled in the blankets. "I already told you, we all deserve a second chance."

"I didn't, I did something horrible," Bokuto said plaintively.

"There are no excuses," Akaashi said firmly.

Bokuto looked at him with curiosity and some surprise. Akaashi hadn't sounded angry but he did sound... authoritative. His eyes, hitherto grim and expressionless, were now shining with determination, and Bokuto couldn't take his eyes off him. Didn't he know what he had done? Did he think Bokuto was innocent?

"Sorry but... You don't know what you're talking about," Bokuto muttered with a frown.

"Yes, I know," Akaashi replied.

"I did something horrible to someone I love, and even though he tries to fix it, I just screw it up and get him away from me instead of letting him help me." Bokuto sounded more confident this time, his voice still weak and tired but determined to admit his fault. "I don't think you know what I've done."

"Whatever you've done I know you regret it. Or else you wouldn't be in this situation," Akaashi pointed out. Bokuto tilted his head looking questioningly at him. "You have an addiction, an addiction caused by resentment towards yourself, by regret for having done something you knew you shouldn't. You push the person you love away from you because sometimes you have to have a little self-love and think in yourself and your healing before that of the other person. It's not selfishness, it's self-protection to make sure that you're okay. You won't repeat it because you know it's wrong, but you need to focus on yourself, or else moving away from the side of that person will make you think that you're doing something wrong."

The ease with which Akaashi said all of that made Bokuto feel like an idiot. Of course he knew that what he had done was wrong and of course he would not repeat it again. But Kuroo had been doing everything for him, he had tried to help him, and that hurt him, because he was not able to reciprocate Kuroo's selfless affection. He had blamed him for not loving him back, for not loving him _at all_ , but the reality was that Kuroo loved him more than Bokuto loved Kuroo because Kuroo had been able to help him out of love, not wanting anything else but Bokuto's healing, while Bokuto what wanted... He still wanted Kuroo.

"Kuroo-san is not having an easy time," Akaashi said. "Neither does Oikawa-san. I don't know if you know, but they have, at least, one stalker who photographs them wherever they go, and any movement puts them at risk. They've lost all their privacy and their safety is at serious risk..."

Bokuto closed his eyes and cursed himself, thinking of Kuroo's desperate expression the day before. That's why Kuroo was so out of his mind, that's why he was hysterical. That's why all those photos had appeared in magazines and on social networks. Every knot, every trouble seemed to connect with the rest of them. When dating Bokuto, Kuroo had always hated paparazzi because he hated that they took photos when they were together, and those photos they had taken of the two of them had never been particularly compromising. But in this case... The images taken had been taken at Oikawa's house, on private property that no one should have access to. It was a great blow to their privacy and Bokuto was furious. Kuroo and - much to his regret - Oikawa did not deserve to have someone follow them and taking pictures at private moments.

"... So they're both nervous, paranoid and scared," Akaashi kept saying. Bokuto turned his attention back to him after his momentary raving. "And in Kuroo-san's case... Well, he tried everything he could to help you get a grip. But he doesn't know what to do anymore, and seeing you collapse in front of his eyes isn't helping him in this situation. I don't want you to feel guilty, he knows you need space and he knows he has been pushing you indirectly, without realizing it.

"But still, there is no excuse," Akaashi repeated. "It's not worth wallowing in self-pity and pettishly rejecting the support and help that is given to you. Kuroo-san is worried about you, Tsukishima is worried about you, _I_ am worried about you, and believe it or not, even Oikawa-san is worried about you. Don't reject your friends, let us help you. If you need to distance yourself from Kuroo-san, I understand, but don't give up yet, there are more people who want to help you make sure everything goes well. If you need to talk I would love to listen to you."

"T-thanks... I..."

Bokuto closed his eyes and covered his face ruefully. He had a lump in his throat and another in his stomach, he wanted to cry and hide, make himself small and be ignored. It felt like a fiasco, a disaster; people just wanted to help him, especially Kuroo, although he already knew that. But he had had to be told by some outsider who hardly knew him to realize that there was still hope.

"I-I'll need time... And a lot of help..." Bokuto said with a broken voice, on the verge of tears, "to forget about... the man of my life."

Bokuto felt a weight next to him sink the couch so he uncovered his face and looked at Akaashi with glassy, watery eyes. The boy next to him was offering him a smile, not out of pity or compassion, but a real smile that gave him courage and made him feel less weight inside him. It was the same smile that Akaashi had shown on the day of the party, when he first spoke to him.

And for the first time in months, Bokuto smiled back.

"Let's make a deal," Akaashi said looking at him with a twinkle in his eyes. His voice showed emotion for the first time since he had arrived. "I will help you and you will help me."

Bokuto looked at him curiously, eyebrows raised. "Help you? Do _you_ need _my_ help?" he asked strangely.

"Exactly," Akaashi replied. "Are you willing to try?"

"I-I guess," Bokuto replied cowering. "What do you want me to help you with?"

"To get to know you better," Akaashi replied, showing a small smile again. The gleam in his teal eyes danced from side to side, and Bokuto found himself lost in the waves that formed in the tiny sea of his eyes. "Help me see that you love yourself enough to take care of yourself and not flagellate your back as a torture. Go to rehab, go to therapy and don't beat yourself up for mistakes that have already been buried deep down. Nobody blames you, not even Kuroo-san. Promise me that you'll help me meet the Bokuto-san who does not wallow in self-pity."

Bokuto was stunned. Akaashi seemed to be totally serious, as his expression showed neither mockery nor sarcasm, and his small smile seemed pure and genuine. There were no ill intentions in his eyes and he kept a cautious distance, as if he didn't want to burden or pressure Bokuto. He was offering real help and support, and Bokuto's eyes welled up with tears.

"Okay," he said in a thin voice, holding back the tears that flooded the edges of his lower lids. "Thanks..."

"Don't mention it," Akaashi replied, his smile widening slightly. "That's what _perfect strangers_ are for."

***

Bokuto staggered up off the bed. As always, his head ached, he was nauseous, he was exhausted as if he had run a marathon in Siberia and he was shaking. But mentally he felt better than the previous days, more cheerful.

He did not have breakfast. He took a hot shower sitting on the small stool in the bathroom to fight the weakness of his tired legs. The shadows were looking at him and shouting things at him, surely something derogatory and hurtful, but he was not listening. Not that day. The water ran down his skin and took bad decisions, mistakes or bad events in his life with it. He felt refreshed and free from the weight of his shoulders. Although there was still one more thing he had to do to feel good.

He got out of the shower, dried himself with a clean towel, and looked at himself in the mirror. He had had dark circles under his eyes, wet hair stuck to his forehead and his teeth chattering between his bruised lips due to the cold. But despite how bad he looked, there was a new twinkle in his eyes.

_Hope._

He dressed slowly in clean clothes and waited until his phone rang with an unread message.

_I'm outside_ , the message read.

Bokuto picked up his bag and looked around. He was going to miss his apartment, but he hoped it wouldn't take too long to get back. He would make possible what, until a couple of days ago, seemed impossible.

He turned off all the lights, locked the door on his way out, and headed down the stairs of the building to stand in front of a black car waiting for him with its hazard lights on, flashing orange in the morning light. He took a deep breath and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Thanks for doing this," the driver whispered in a shaky voice.

"No, thanks to you for believing in me from the beginning. For helping me. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you," Bokuto said, ducking his head, equally ashamed and guilty.

Bokuto raised his head to look at his partner and offer him a small smile, the one he had remembered the day before how it felt on his tired face muscles. But before he could do so, the driver lunged towards him and caught him in his arms, giving him a tight hug as he sobbed.

"Thank you, Koutaro," Kuroo groaned.

Bokuto hugged him back by wrapping his arms around his back and burying his head between Kuroo's neck and shoulder, letting the tears that had gathered in his eyes fall in small wet trails down his cheeks.

"Don't thank me, it wasn't me... It was you, and Tsukki, and... Well..."

"Akaashi, I know. He told me yesterday after visiting you," Kuroo said stroking Bokuto's hair. "I owe him one for helping you."

"I can never thank you enough for what you've done for me. For having worried and take care of me when I did not do it myself. You've saved my life," Bokuto whispered between soft sobs.

"No," Kuroo said pulling away from him and grabbing him by the cheeks to wipe away the tears with his thumbs. "It was you. The decision was always yours, and... I'm glad you did it. I'm glad you wanted to save yourself."

"I should have done it before," Bokuto muttered as he tried to lower his head. But Kuroo's hold prevented him, so he just stared into Kuroo's amber eyes. "I can't believe you're still here despite everything."

"I told you that I would never leave your side again," Kuroo whispered.

Bokuto looked at him gratefully through his tears. He felt indebted to him, but Kuroo would never agree to admit that it was he or Akaashi who had brought Bokuto out of a deplorable state that could have led to his death. Now he was simply grateful that Kuroo stayed by his side, and he hoped things would improve a bit and ease the horrible burden on his shoulders.

"Ready?" Kuroo said, snapping Bokuto out of his reverie.

He nodded and Kuroo dropped his cheeks. He put his hands back on the wheel, waited for Bokuto to buckle up, and started the car's engine.

A long ride awaited them.

***

"Sorry, I'm here!" Bokuto said running to his chair.

His body felt good. He was still tired, but there was no comparison to how he had previously felt. His mind was clear, the shadows were gone, and he no longer trembled 24 hours a day. Occasionally he was cold or had a headache or nausea, but his symptoms had been reduced almost to disappear for most of the time. It had took him 14 days to be in that state.

"You're late," said a woman sitting in a chair with a clipboard across his lap.

"Sorry, I didn't know where the room was, I was lost."

"It's fine, sit down," the woman said.

Bokuto took a seat in one of the free chairs and looked around. There were many people there, they all looked at him curiously.

"Very good," said the woman. "Now that we're all here, why don't you introduce yourself?" she said looking at Bokuto.

"Oh- Me?" he asked nervously.

"Yes, you," said the woman with a kind smile. "We were waiting for you."

"Ah... Again, sorry," Bokuto muttered. "I'll introduce myself. My name is Bokuto Koutaro. I'm new, I entered this place recently. I've been treating my symptoms before coming to this meeting, I was in a really bad shape..." Bokuto looked down, his face a bit pale and his heart beating fast. He was ready to finally admit it out loud. "I'm 24 years old... And I'm an alcoholic."

"Let's all welcome our new friend," the affable woman said, looking at the people sitting in a circle.

"Welcome, Bokuto Koutaro," they all sang in chorus.

"That's right. Welcome to therapy, Bokuto-kun," the woman said with an appreciative smile. "We will help you overcome your addiction."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi the knight in shining armor came to save the day... And Bokuto 🤗
> 
> Here guys, this chapter solves one of the many problems in fhis AU, let's see if the rest of the chapters do the same... Or they worsen the situation even more lol
> 
> Anyway, see ya on wednesday, love ya! ❤
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	51. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish I never met him," Atsumu muttered between sobs. "I wish I hadn't let myself be used by someone who doesn't care about me in the least. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with a person who doesn't love me back, who doesn 't even know I do love him... That way I wouldn't feel like trash right now..."

Sakusa looked towards the horizon. The clear night sky and the gentle sea breeze coming from the coast eased his anxiety a bit but it was not enough to completely eliminate the regret he felt. His fingers stroked over and over the silver medal on the leather collar that had belonged to someone he now longed for.

He was leaning on the railing of the living room balcony, watching the stars reflect off the sea just beyond. Around him there were no lights, no dwellings or any other way of life. He lived totally alone. Everything was surrounded by vast uninhabited land, land that belonged to Sakusa. Not everyone could have bought a piece of land so large and so far from the bustle of Tokyo to leave it uninhabited without taking advantage of it by constructing buildings. But Sakusa wasn't just anyone. He was one of the most desired porn actors in Japan and the one who earned the most from each video due to the nature of the content; as it was not vanilla porn, the price of acquiring permission to view them was higher than the cost of acquiring access to any other type of video. So he had more than enough money to buy that land and not put it to commercial use.

Sakusa had sought and acquired that land after becoming famous to build a home away from the world, where no one could find him and to be able to keep his secrets. Only his manager Ushijima and two other men who worked for him knew the location of the house.

Sakusa was suspicious of his private life, that was nothing new. He hated to think that he was a public figure and that he had fans. He did porn because he liked to do it, because he liked having a sub at his mercy and he had found a way to make money off that fantasy. But no one had told him about the paparazzi, the obsessive fans, the unwanted publicity of him in all the media, his face on billboards signs in the city, the people who followed him if they recognized him on the street and that kind of unpleasant and hostile situations that made Sakusa hate leaving his house. Whenever he went out he wore a mask that covered most of his face and sunglasses, even if it was at night.

He had an _unhealthy obsession_ with keeping his secrets that way: secret. He hated that people knew what he was doing in his private life.

And it had cost him Atsumu.

The pained, tearful face of the young man the last time he had seen him came to his mind every time he let his guard down. Atsumu's cracking voice and his failed attempt to hold back the sobs before getting in the car, when he thought Sakusa no longer heard him, echoed in Sakusa's ears like the macabre melody of a goodbye that had left them both undone. His heart clenched and ached, and it was very difficult for him to continue living his life as if he did not feel miserable, alone and isolated from the world. Loneliness had never hit him so hard as up to that moment. It is not that he talked to Atsumu everyday, but just knowing that there was someone out there with who he shared something so sacred like a connection, a _kind of relationship_ , made him feel accompanied; he may _was_ alone but he didn't _feel_ alone.

 _You like him_ , he told himself. _You like him a lot. And you care for him more than you're willing to admit._

He covered hjs face with his hands, letting the leather of the collar brush against his cheek. He had to put up with the urge to call Atsumu, to apologize and explain and tell him how much he wanted to see him again. His logic battled against his heart, but it seemed that the latter was closing in on victory.

But then he remembered the cameras, the photographic lenses staring at him and judging him like metallic eyes staring at him endlessly. He remembered the magazines spreading unfounded rumors thanks to a couple of stupid photos taken in moments of vulnerability. He remembered the null privacy he was exposed to every time he went out into the real world. His own colleagues were living that, there were always photos of Terushima, Oikawa and Kuroo in the magazines, and Sakusa had tried very hard not to have the same thing happening to him. It was obnoxious, and he wasn't about to let people know anything more about him than what was shown in the videos, under a black mask and latex gloves.

He had reasons to distrust people, he did not want to see photos of him published in an intimate moment. The media would not be the whip that held him down to a crowd that cruelly cheered and laughed at him.

In the end, logic always win against heart.

"I'm not going to expose Atsumu to that," he muttered. "I don't want my private life to come to light, I don't want him or me to be a media puppet. Even if it hurts... It's better this way."

***

"You haven't complained for almost three weeks, not even when Shirabu sends you more work at the bar. Are you gonna tell me what happened the day I picked you up?" Osamu asked looking at his brother in front of him. "After that you seemed fine, but I know you're not. You're acting weird, 'Tsumu. I'm your brother, tell me!"

"Uh-uh," was all the reply Atsumu gave before eating a gyoza in one bite.

"I don't know why I told you to come eat with me and Semi if there's no way to get you out of your fucking head, what are you thinking?" Osamu urged him again.

Atsumu didn't reply, just shot him a withering look, and Osamu let out a frustrated growl.

"Leave him alone, if he wants to talk at some point, he will. Don't push him," Semi interjected, putting the chopsticks on his bowl and putting a hand on the shoulder of Atsumu, who was sitting next to him.

"You're too soft on him, Semi," Osamu said crossing his arms.

"And you too harsh," Semi replied. "And don't cross your arms at the table, it's rude," he added before kicking him under the table.

"Hey! That hurt!" Osamu exclaimed, uncrossing his arms and rubbing his shin with a wince.

Atsumu didn't even look amused. His head was still lost, thinking about what Sakusa had told him. He still couldn't believe he hadn't given him an explanation. He was sad and he felt used, thougt... It was partly his fault for agreeing to be Sakusas's submissive. But who would have thought that Atsumu himself, the flirtatious, cocky and conceited boy, was going to end up falling in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi, a famous porn actor who had become his master?

It all seemed crazy, and Atsumu was no longer sure if it had really happened or if it had been a delusion. It was absurd, had all that really happened?

"Fuck..." Atsumu muttered for the first time in weeks.

Osamu and Semi stared at him with wide eyes, stunned to have heard him speak after so long.

"I'm fine now. It's been almost a month. I never knew why he wanted me to keep the secret, although I did anyway..." Atsumu whispered not daring to look up from his plate. "But now... What difference does it make, it doesn't matter anymore."

"What are you talking about?" Semi asked with a frown.

"Do you want to know what happened?" Atsumu muttered. His voice had a sad tone, like a siren's wail. "Very good. This is what happened. I've fallen in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi. And I'm trying to... Keep up with my life now that it's all over."

The confession didn't seem to catch Semi or Osamu off guard, but it did make them uncomfortable. Semi shifted in his seat and took his hand off Atsumu's shoulder; Osamu sighed and ran his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes hard.

"Didn't you want to know? Well, you already know it," Atsumu said, getting up from the table and pulling his cell phone out of his pocket.

"That's no news," said Osamu looking at his brother with a tired expression.

"No, no, it's not what you think. I haven't fallen in love with just any famous person," Atsumu said running his finger across the phone screen, apparently looking for something.

"Yes, Atsumu, you've fallen for your favorite porn actor, that doesn't change that he's an unreachable celebrity," Semi said, shaking his head. "You can't come running crying for that. He's famous. You're not. There's no use crying over someone who doesn't know you."

"No. I haven't fallen in love with an unattainable porn actor. I've fallen in love with my master," Atsumu muttered, putting the unlocked phone on the table for Osamu and Semi to see.

Osamu and Semi, who until then had been looking at him with a frown and a strange expression on their faces, looked down at the phone screen. For a long time, neither of them said anything, as they read the messages over and over. Their eyes widened, every now and then they made sounds of surprise or shot the other glances of disbelief.

After reading all the messages, Semi was the first to speak.

"You're kidding," he said shocked.

"Just... Just keep the secret. I don't know why I'm telling you now, I just... I need to let it out or I'm gonna go mad..."

"Is this a joke?" Osamu asked, brow furrowed.

"No. The bruises you saw on my legs," Atsumu said looking at Osamu, "the leather collar you said looked like a dog's... The day I ran to the bathroom at the bar was because I was wearing a chastity ring that hurt me... The times I disappeared during the night without saying anything... I was Sakusa's submissive. He asked me himself the day Ushijima came to the bar. And if you don't believe me, there you have the messages that prove what I'm telling is the truth."

"Are you crazy?" Osamu asked getting up from the table and grabbing him by the shoulders to shake him. His face showed fear and concern, his eyes wide and his eyebrows forming a fine line across his forehead. "Did you let me hit you? Are you okay? Does something hurt? Do you have marks?"

"Is that really the only thing that worries you, Samu?" Atsumu said with a frown. "Nothing hurts, he did that because I allowed him to, he has never done anything to me that I didn't consent to."

"And why were you crying the day I picked you up if not for that?" Osamu said.

"It wasn't for that!" Atsumu exclaimed.

Osamu seemed genuinely concerned that he had been harmed, and Atsumu couldn't help but feel grateful for having such a caring brother. He didn't know why he was telling this to him now, to his brother and Semi, but saying it out loud made it definitive. It was all over. And all the emotions he had been hidding came out in one second, when reality hit him hard. Sakusa had been real, but now he wasn't there anymore, and Atsumu had been left with his feelings all to himself.

"I don't know what's gotten into me...," Atsumu muttered biting his lip and lowering his head. "He told me we shouldn't see each other anymore. He didn't give me any more explanations, I don't know what I did wrong." His eyes filled with tears that fell as the first sob left his throat. "I-I couldn't even tell him I-I like him... I-I don't know what I did I-wrong S-Samu..." he sobbed.

Atsumu covered his face with his hands, wiping the tears with his fingers and the heel of his hands. He was broken, he had been holding out for so long, and now it all came out of him like a splashing wave that left his ripped-apart-inner-self.

"Son of a bitch," Osamu muttered hugging his brother. "How could he do that?"

"This is all a disaster, I feel like a bad joke," he whimpered.

"Damn it," Semi muttered getting up from his chair and hugging Atsumu as well.

Atsumu cried all the accumulated tears that he had been holding back since Sakusa had informed him that they should stop seeing each other. He still didn't know why he had asked him that out of nowhere, and that was what he was suffering from the most. He knew he must have done something wrong but he didn't know what it was. He had tried to remember the last scene, but as he entered subspace his mind was clouded and the memories were blurred. Also his eyes had been covered. Maybe he had done something that had displeased Sakusa to the point of wanting to cut him out of his life so suddenly, but Atsumu would never know.

Despite that, there were times when another worse thought took control of his reasoning and logic. What if he had done nothing wrong and what had happened was that Sakusa had really grown tired of him? Perhaps Atsumu believed that everything was going well but in reality it was not. There was something that hadn't connected between them, and Atsumu didn't know what it was about. Was Atsumu really someone to use and throw away? Had Sakusa really used him that way? They had spent months together, they had done things that people could not even imagine, had everything really broken so easily?

"I wish I never met him," Atsumu muttered between sobs. "I wish I hadn't let myself be used by someone who doesn't care about me in the least. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with a person who doesn't love me back, who doesn 't even know I do love him... That way I wouldn't feel like trash right now..."

***

Iwaizumi was inside the car, keeping watch around Oikawa's house. There was no one, everything had been quiet for days. Maybe _too_ quiet.

No photos of Oikawa or Kuroo had been posted, even though they had both been out on the street - of course accompanied by Iwaizumi or Ryan respectively. On the one hand, Oikawa had come and gone from Akaashi's office several times to talk about a new pornographic film with an English actor, he had gone outside to clear his mind after spending so much time at home protecting himself from the stalker, and he had even gone to a meeting with several film directors who were willing to pay anything to have Oikawa in their - Iwaizumi thought - bad films.

On the other hand, Kuroo had taken Bokuto to a rehab center and had gone out as much as Oikawa had, in broad daylight and without protecting his face or hiding it; Iwaizumi didn't know if he had also had meetings about new movies, but that didn't seem to matter to the media. Not a single image of either of them had been published. If the gossip was what led to the creation of a story, the succulent information of Oikawa's meeting with several film directors should have been a bombshell. But that didn't seem to interest the paparazzi or the stalker.

It was clear that the images were only published when Oikawa and Kuroo were together in delicate moments.

Iwaizumi passed his hand over his face and looked around again. The darkness of the night could hide an attacker if he was not vigilant. He looked out passing his eyes from the windows, to the mirrors, to the rear view mirror and to the front windscreen to control all angles around Oikawa's house and not miss details. But there was nothing, there was no movement in the place and the stillness of the night was making him drowsy.

But then his phone rang and all traces of sleep left his body. If it was Oikawa and something had happened to him even when he was watching...

However, the phone number was not Oikawa's. It was Ushijima's.

"Ushijima? What's wrong?" Iwaizumi said while picking up.

"Oh, nothing," Ushijima replied. "It's just that I haven't talked to you in a long time, it's been very difficult for me to get you to pick up the phone."

"Sorry," Iwaizumi apologized. "Now I work 24/7, sorry I didn't answer your calls earlier."

"Is everything alright?"

"Not really. I'm exhausted, but I can't leave Oikawa alone, not with a stalker behind."

"Does he have a stalker?" Ushijima asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. That's the reason I've been so busy. I haven't had time to tell you," Iwaizumi lamented.

"Don't worry, I understand that you're busy. You sound a bit tired."

"I'd like to have one day off at least," Iwaizumi said with a sigh. He dropped his head back until it was resting on the headrest of the car seat. "Although now it's not so maddening to be with Oikawa because he's not the asshole I thought he was, I'm tired of watching him. Nothing's happening, and maybe it's because the stalker has decided to stop harassing him for a while, so now I feel like my job is to waste time looking for an inexistent threat."

"You should talk to Oikawa and tell him that you need a day to rest," Ushijima said. "Besides, I'd like to see you. I miss you."

Iwaizumi chuckled. "I don't know how you can say that in the same tone of voice all the time."

"Sorry, I usually don't know how to put emotions in my voice," Ushijima commented. Iwaizumi chuckled again.

"No problme. It's one of the things I like about you. The calm in your voice relaxes me," Iwaizumi said looking out the window with a goofy smile.

"Oh. That's cute," Ushijima said with a chuckle. "I'd like to see you one day. Do you think I can?"

"Well..."

Iwaizumi looked back towards Oikawa's house. The light in the living room was on, as a small glow seeped through the gap left by the curtains. Nothing else was visible, the rest of the rooms were dark, there was no noise or signs of life. Everything was as quiet as if everything was dead.

"Maybe tomorrow I can get away, even if it's just for a while. So I can see you," Iwaizumi said without taking his eyes off the closed curtains in the living room.

"Are you sure? I don't want to get you in trouble," Ushijima said. "It's okay if I have to wait a little longer, I know what you're doing is important to protect Oikawa. It's fine if I wait until the threat is gone. I just wanted to let you know that I want to see you."

"Don't worry. I'll talk to Oikawa and Akaashi in the morning, but everything seems very quiet. Maybe we're paranoid and we're overreacting. Everything's been clear for days, no one suspicious has approached the house or Oikawa," he said. "Still, I'll let you know in the morning, and if I'm free I'll be able to see you for a bit. Maybe at night?" he asked in a slow whisper.

"Oh my, my," Ushijima replied. His voice now showed emotion, _desire_. "Sounds like a good plan to me. Same place as always?"

"Yes," Iwaizumi said, unable to hide the smile that grew on his lips as he bit them. "I'm gonna keep watching over Oikawa for now, I don't want to get horny at work. We'll talk tomorrow."

"Be careful," Ushijima said, "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Thank you, Ushijima. Good night."

"Good night, Iwaizumi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting early today lol
> 
> Sooooo now you understand why Sakusa wanted to stop seeing Atsumu, poor baby he's afraid of paparazzi 😞
> 
> One chapter and the epilogue left, I'll post both on sunday so wait for the end!
> 
> See you soon, ilyyy ❤
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


	52. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Oikawa finished his sentence, Kuroo had already hung up the phone. Oikawa laughed covering his mouth with his hand, unable to believe how spontaneously romantic Kuroo could be at times. He shook his head and got up to look for candles at home and prepare the bath as his boyfriend had requested.
> 
> But before he could take another step, someone grabbed him from behind and threw him to the ground.

"So Iwa-chan has the night off, he deserves it," said Oikawa. "Although he has to tell me more about that boyfriend of his, I haven't managed to get any information out of him, I don't know who he is."

"I mean, you are not protected right now?" Kuroo asked worriedly on the other end of the phone.

"Technically not," Oikawa replied, "but don't worry. Aka-chan had the idea: I've turned off all the lights and it's all locked, as if there was no one at home. So if the stalker comes, he'll think there's nobody at home. We'll see how much fun it's gonna be to shower under the candles light."

"Damn it, now I want to see you naked by candlelight," Kuroo said in a thick voice. "I have to get rid of Ryan. For once I can do whatever I want to you without anyone listening to us and Ryan doesn't take his eye off me, I can't walk away if he's watching me."

"Maybe he's so aware of you because you have a tendency to escape without warning which compromises your safety now that there's a stalker nearby?" Oikawa said with a laugh.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kuroo replied, feigning innocence.

"And what were you trying to do to me that you don't want them to hear?" Oikawa asked in a slow, low voice, the kind of voice that he knew drove Kuroo crazy.

"I'm not going to tell you and get horny without having you here to suck me off," Kuroo replied hoarsely.

Oikawa laughed and heard Kuroo laugh from the other side. Due to the confinement to rule out reasons why the stalker was following them, they saw each other very little lately, so they spent much of the day talking on the phone or making video calls. In that moment it was just a phone call, since there were no lights in Oikawa's house and a video call would have been useless, Kuroo would have only seen darkness. But it was not necessary to see Oikawa, just by hearing his voice and his laugh, Kuroo felt happy and relieved to the point he forgot that they had someone dangerous following them.

"How is Bo-chan?" Oikawa asked, looping a strand of hair absentmindedly on his index finger.

"This morning I went to the rehab clinic, and they told me that he's feeling much better. He's started going to therapy and they say he's transformed into a jovial and energetic young man," Kuroo said, pride echoing in his voice. "I'm so glad that Akaashi convinced him to finally go to rehab... I don't know how I'm going to thank him. I've seen Koutaro and he looks different. He looks... Healthy. He's still in treatment for the abstinence syndrome, but he looks different, Oikawa-kun. It's like... if I didn't know him. He asked me about Akaashi and Tsukki and... You won't believe it."

"What?" Oikawa asked curiously.

"He asked me about you," Kuroo said. "And he told me that when he leaves the center he owes you a huge apology. I don't know, it seems like an incredible advance considering how he felt towards you, like a threat... But now it seems like he's changed his mind."

Oikawa smiled widely, partly from hearing that Bokuto was feeling better and partly from hearing Kuroo's excited voice.

"I'm so glad to hear that," Oikawa said sincerely. "I can't believe you're so sweet, Kuro-chan..."

"What are you talking about?"

"This. The way you care about Bo-chan. The way you always call me and ask me how my day has been, if I've eaten and if I've slept," Oikawa replied. "I don't know, it's something... I didn't expect. Before I met you I never thought you were like that, always with that bad boy reputation who ignores the rules and punches the paparazzi when they take pictures of him... But the reality is that you're a enchanting prince. Well... I'm in love with you for a reason, and that reason is your way of being. You're too good, even if you don't show it to the rest of the world."

Oikawa had flushed cheeks and a dreamy smile on his lips. He had definitely never felt the same for anyone, and he was very happy to be with Kuroo, to be able to be romantic and sweet from time to time, but also to be able to fuck him and make love in the most wild and dirty way in the world. He felt like he had won in life, and he knew Kuroo felt the same.

"Oikawa-kun..." Kuroo muttered, moved. "I love you so much. And I need to see you. So I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get rid of Ryan and take a shower with you by candlelight, get the bath ready. I'm going there, pretty boy."

"Wait, Kuro-chan, it's dangerous-!"

Before Oikawa finished his sentence, Kuroo had already hung up the phone. Oikawa laughed covering his mouth with his hand, unable to believe how spontaneously romantic Kuroo could be at times. He shook his head and got up to look for candles at home and prepare the bath as his boyfriend had requested.

A mischievous smile spread across his face. In the end, the night was not going to be as boring as he had originally thoutht it would be.

He put the phone on the sofa, and, walking in the dark, guiding himself with his hand on the wall, he took a box of matches from the kitchen drawer and went to the bathroom to place candles around the jacuzzi bathtub that took up most of the space. He turned on the hot water and let the tub fill while he lit the scented candles with a match. The warm light invaded the bathroom and made it romantic and sensual at the same time.

Then, Oikawa took a couple of cans of foamy soap and bath salts and set them by the tub. There was an erotic touch to the atmosphere and Oikawa couldn't wait for Kuroo to show up to see it. He might think he would be in charge, but not tonight. Tonight it would be Oikawa who would control the situation. And he knew that Kuroo would not object.

When the bath was ready, Oikawa stepped out of the bathroom and returned to the living room in the dark, trying to feel for his phone. He knew he had left it on the couch, but now he couldn't find it.

"Where the hell is it?" he said quietly, turning around and squinting to peer into the darkness.

But before he could take another step, someone grabbed him from behind and threw him to the ground.

***

Iwaizumi put his hands in the pockets of his jacket, but the cold he felt did not stop with that gesture. He had been walking, and although the movement had kept him warm on the way, now that he was standing still in the middle of the sidewalk, the cold began to creep through his clothes. The last time he had met Ushijima in that place it had not been so cold because it was summer, but now autumn had arrived, the air was cold and his thin jacket was not enough of an obstacle to stop it.

But he quickly forgot about the cold when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and looked at the number on the screen. Iwaizumi had arrived early, so he hoped it was Ushijima telling him that he was already on his way, but he was wrong.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah, it's me," Ryan replied nervously. "Kuroo has disappeared, is Oikawa okay?"

"What!?" Iwaizumi almost yelled. "Ryan, I'm not with Oikawa! I've asked for the night off, if you- Wait," Iwaizumi broke off.

"Damn, he's gone to Oikawa's place," Ryan said, following Iwaizumi's train of thought.

"I swear I'm gonna kill Kuroo," Iwaizumi said slapping his forehead.

"I'll go find him, I'm sure he went to Oikawa's house."

"I'll go with you," Iwaizumi said immediately. "I'll call my appointment to cancel it."

"No need, I can take care of both of them, take advantage of the night off now that you can," said Ryan. Iwaizumi heard Ryan's car door close and the bodyguard starting the engine.

"No, no problem. I have my gun on my belt and I won't be calm until punching him for going out without warning. I hope Oikawa was not such an idiot as to go out, nobody is supposed to be at his home, if he went out, he'd blow the strategy," Iwaizumi said. "I don't have a car, I'll go running. I'll be there in 10 minutes."

"Okay, I'll let you know if I get there before you," Ryan said before hanging up.

Iwaizumi cursed under his breath and called Ushijima, hating Kuroo for ruining his night. But the answering machine picked up, so, knowing he couldn't waste time waiting for him to answer, he sent a quick message before starting to run. He just hoped he could get back that night with Ushijima, or else he was going to kill Kuroo.

***

Kuroo came running to the door of Oikawa's house, a wide smile on his face, happy that he dodged Ryan and was able to get away.

He put a hand on the edge of the wall that surrounded the house and jumped up to rest his feet on the edge. But before he could jump inside, the sound of car brakes and two voices called out at once.

"KUROO!" Iwaizumi and Ryan yelled at the same time.

Kuroo looked back and forth and saw Iwaizumi running towards him and Ryan getting out of the black car with gun in hand, compulsively watching around.

"Oh, come on! How the hell did you guys get here so fast?" Kuroo complained incredulously, shifting his gaze from Ryan to Iwaizumi and from Iwaizumi to Ryan.

"Idiot, something could have happened to you!" Ryan yelled running up to him and putting the gun away.

"No one was supposed to be here, you blew the cover up!" Iwaizumi exclaimed pissed.

"Man, your angry face is hella scary," Kuroo said looking at him from the top of the wall.

"Get down from there and let me punch you for ruining my night," Iwaizumi said, rolling up his jacket sleeve.

"Now I understand why Oikawa-kun said that it was better not to leave you without your monthly sexual rendezvous," Kuroo said rolling his eyes but ignoring Iwaizumi's request.

"Are you still not aware that there is a stalker following you?" Ryan said, as angry as Iwaizumi.

"Nothing has happened in weeks," Kuroo said looking at Ryan. "And I want to get laid too, you can't blame me!" he added turning to Iwaizumi before jumping down to the ground.

"Man, you've ruined my night," Iwaizumi said with an angry snort. "You're the worst."

"I'll make it up to you one day, I'll pay you a trip with your boyfriend, Oikawa-kun has told me about him-"

Before Kuroo could continue speaking, a shriek that came from inside the house tore through the stillness of the night.

***

Oikawa screamed and flailed, but the person who had attacked him straddled him and covered his mouth by tucking a huge piece of cloth between his lips that caused his jaw to open so wide that a sharp pain pierced the muscles under his ears. His screams were stifled and his body was caught between the ground and his attacker, and although Oikawa tried to resist, he did not have enough strength to break free.

"If you keep stirring, you'll regret this," said his attacker.

It was a man's voice, deep and low, denoting rage, and Oikawa began to tremble just hearing it. A fist rose in the dark and descended on his face, striking his left cheek. The metallic taste of blood soaked the cloth and his taste buds, and his eyes filled with tears, a mixture of the pain and the terror that was just beginning to invade him. The man raised his hand again and brought it down on Oikawa's face again, but this time it was not a punch, but a slap aimed at the same cheek. The slap echoed through the darkness of the room, leaving the left side of his face burned and prickled; he felt a liquid spill down his cheek to the ground, and he no longer knew if it was blood, tears or a mixture of both.

Oikawa groaned and tried to call for help, but the sound was muffled by the fabric. A hand closed around his neck and Oikawa gasped, but the little sound he had previously managed to emit through the fabric had now been totally silenced. His eyes filled with tears as the air stopped entering his lungs.

"If you're not mine, if you don't belong to me," said the attacker, "you won't belong to anyone."

A thousand images flashed through Oikawa's terrified mind. He was going to die. He saw little colored sparks and wheezed every time he tried - uselessly - to take a breath of air through his nose. His head was spinning and his muscles began to spasm. The world went black and silent and he stopped squirming when the dizziness turned to be stronger than his consciousness.

But in a moment, everything became clear again. The light pierced his closed eyelids, the fabric of his mouth disappeared, the air entered his lungs fresh and pure and he felt the weight of his attacker lift off him. He rolled onto his side and curled up on the ground, coughing as the oxygen reached his brain again.

"Oikawa-kun!"

The desperate moan belonged to Kuroo, and Oikawa felt him taking him in his arms, brushing the hair from his forehead and examining every inch of his face as he wiped away the tears and hugged him. Oikawa gasped and coughed, trying to get used to the air that had been deprived only moments before. He heard blows and angry voices, but he was so dizzy he couldn't open his eyes.

Iwaizumi and Ryan threw the man to the ground and Ryan sat on him, holding the man's hands with his knees and pointing the gun at his chest. Iwaizumi leaned over him, pointing the gun barrel at his head, and ripped off the balaclava he was wearing.

But he immediately regretted it when sharp green eyes looked at him defiantly.

"Ushijima," Iwaizumi whispered taking a step back, his eyes wide and his breath ragged with shock.

"Sakusa's manager?" Kuroo said without looking away from him.

Ushijima squirmed under Ryan and tried to free himself, but Iwaizumi reacted before he could free himself and punched him in the eye at the same time Ryan punched him in the lower lip and chin. Ushijima grunted in pain and laid still with a grimace on his face and blood spurting from his freshly split lip.

"You used me," Iwaizumi muttered, penetrating Ushijima with his gaze. "You used me to get closer to Oikawa." Iwaizumi's low voice sounded pained, regretful, and incredulous, but his hand held the pistol firmly, pointing it at Ushijima's head.

Ushijima turned his head and spat blood on the ground before squirming again; but Ryan was prepared and hit him with the butt of the pistol, cutting his cheek. Ushijima grunted in pain but didn't stop moving, trying to shake Ryan off him.

"Be still or I swear I'll kill you," Ryan hissed, pointing the gun straight at his chest again. Ushijima gritted his teeth and groaned, but finally stopped shaking, looking at the gun apprehensively.

"Of course I've used you," Ushijima spat, looking back at Iwaizumi. "I don't give a shit about you. The only one I care about is Oikawa. And if Oikawa isn't mine, it won't be Kuroo's either."

Oikawa, in Kuroo's arms, let out a frightened groan as tears came to his eyes and his thoughts became lucid. Kuroo hugged him and held him to his chest, rocking him slightly to reassure him while Oikawa cried, scared and trembling, still with fear present in every inch of his body.

"Kuroo, call the police," Iwaizumi ordered. "We've found the stalker."

***

"I can't believe I was such an idiot to trust him. I can't believe that at the end of it all, he was the one I least expected," Iwaizumi said with a bitter laugh. "He should have asked me on an date to make sure I wasn't protecting Oikawa, and then took the opportunity to attack. I guess he didn't expect us to find him here. If it wasn't for Kuroo..."

Iwaizumi wiped a hand over his face.

"I don't think we should thank him for getting away, thought," Ryan said. "We found Oikawa before anything could happen, but... it could have ended with both of them hurt. It's not something to congratulate him about."

"Yeah, but he saved his life," Iwaizumi said looking at Oikawa. "If it wasn't for him..."

It had been two hours since the police had arrested Ushijima and taken him preventively to jail until the trial took place in the presence of the lawyer Ushijima had so requested after his arrest. They had taken a statement from Oikawa and he had said everything he had seen or heard before he was attacked, which boiled down to nothing since the house was dark and Ushijima had been silent enough to enter without being heard. It was a total mystery how he had been able to enter the house without breaking a glass or opening the door.

Akaashi and Tsukishima had arrived in the middle of the statement, hysterical to the bone after knowing what had happened.

And now Oikawa was still terrified, just as much as Kuroo was. The two were still hugging on the sofa, Kuroo stroking Oikawa's back as he cried in terror and repeated over and over that he was afraid. Kuroo tried to calm him down by telling him that it was all over, but it was clear from his face that he was just as scared as Oikawa.

"I'm an idiot and too naive. I've brought him to them," Iwaizumi groaned, looking at both young men scared. "It's my fault, something worse could have happened, it could-"

"But it hasn't," Tsukishima interrupted. "You and Ryan were here on time."

"No one's blaming you, Iwaizumi-san," Akaashi added. "No one thought it could be him. No one thought it could be someone like us, we all think of an obsessive fan, not a... manager."

"That doesn't mean I didn't put them both in danger. It was my fault from the beginning, I can't believe I was such an idiot."

"At least we've found the culprit. Don't torture yourself, it's all over now," Ryan said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess so..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyoneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
> 
> This is the last chapter, did you guess right the stalker? I wanna see you riot 👀😎
> 
> I'll post the epilogue in a bit, do you think it's really over? 🤭
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT! (only for a few minutes lol)


	53. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This isn't over," Oikawa whispered in a small voice. "This isn't over yet."
> 
> "No, it's not over," Iwaizumi muttered. "Actually... It's only just begun."

**_ RECOMMENDED SONG: AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION BY THE BLAKE ROBINSON SYNTHETIC ORCHESTRA _ **

*2 weeks later.*

Compared to the past two weeks, the courtroom where he would be tried seemed like a palace, shiny, neat, and smelling of disinfectant. Everything was sparkling clean, something they weren't used to in jail.

Ushijima had spent his post-arrest days locked in a smelly and disgusting cell with a partner who looked like the leader of the underworld, covered in tattoos and with a goatee that made him look menacing. The convicts feared him, and his numerous scars, both on his face and on the rest of his body, showed that he had came alive from more than one dangerous confrontation. But Ushijima was not afraid of him, of course. He just seemed disgusting and not very delicate, a bloody human-looking donkey.

But that hadn't wasted Ushijima's time. It had been two weeks in which he had not stopped thinking about his sweet and adorable Oikawa, his beautiful eyes full of tears, his full lips surrounding the cloth he had used as a gag and his whining voice when he was trapped him under his body. Ushijima could not believe that he had been so close, that he had touched him and subdued him. He could never forget the despair he had seen in him when he believed - as Ushijima had planned - that he was going to die.

And now Ushijima had a chance to see Oikawa again. He was sitting at the back of the room, teary-eyed and frightened, witnessing the trial that was taking place. Unfortunately, he was not alone: that damn good-for-nothing-Kuroo-Tetsuro was accompanying him, sitting on his left and grabbing his hand, the hand that Ushijima must be holding. Also witnessing the trial were the two bodyguards, that of Kuroo - whose name Ushijima did not know - as well as Iwaizumi, the fool, innocent and stupid Iwaizumi. He was sitting behind Oikawa, watchful and clenched, not taking his eyes off Ushijima. His cold and vengeful expression made Ushijima want to laugh out loud.

But he didn't want to be distracted, so he turned his attention back to the only man who deserved it, his angelic Oikawa. He was the only thing that had kept Ushijima afloat during the two weeks that he had been awaiting the trial that would determine whether he was guilty or not. The charges were few: crime of harassment, threats, breaking and entering a private property and crime of injury. Nothing his attorney couldn't deal with. Sakusa had publicly talked about his mad manager and the firing, but Ushijima had enough saved money to pay for the best attorney in Japan who would - most certainly - free him from jail.

The state prosecutor was asking for a 6-year prison sentence and a restraining order for Oikawa and Kuroo of at least 300 meters. His lawyer did not accept the terms. So the trial had turned into a fierce battle to see who offered the best deal until the jury agreed to it. Ushijima had never commited any crime before, so his lawyer was using his impeccable criminal record to put pressure on the judge and jury to avoid a conviction that, until then, seemed credible.

And after almost five stressful hours, the verdict was decided.

"Defendant Ushijima Wakatoshi," the judge announced in a powerful voice, "is found guilty on all counts. However, due to his clean criminal record, the jury decides that he is released on bail with a 300-meter restraining order from Oikawa Tooru and Kuroo Tetsuro. The trial is closed."

Ushijima smirked, confident and exultant.

***

Oikawa couldn't believe what he just heard.

"Bail?" Kuroo groaned in horror. "It has to be a joke, he almost killed you!"

"His record is clean, justice works like that," Iwaizumi said, clenching his fists. "If it's the first crime he commits, it's perfectly possible, and even probable, that he'll be acquitted of the charges, and after having that woman as his attorney, it doesn't matter that you're a public figure. The restraining order is a victory, but I doubt he will comply with it."

"This isn't over," Oikawa whispered in a small voice. "This isn't over yet."

Oikawa's eyes filled with tears as he followed Ushijima with his gaze. The man looked back at him and a nasty smile spread across his face, a smile that would populate Oikawa's worst nightmares as long as he lived.

"No, it's not over," Iwaizumi muttered. "Actually... It's only just begun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, surprise, the end is not the end... 🤭
> 
> Take a look to the Author's note and leave me your thoughts and comments about the idea I proposed on it.
> 
> This is the end of this fic, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope I see you around in my other AUs. I posted a proper goodbye on the Author's note, but I wanted to say it again: I love you all so much ❤
> 
> NAZ, OVER AND OUT!
> 
> P.S. Yeah, this song's the one that gave title to the AU, but the story's kinda funny since I found it after I had the stalking part of the plot written. I'd say it was destiny lmao


	54. Author's note

Henlo guyssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

This is the end of this fic, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Thank you so so sooooooo much for your incredible support through this journey. If you're here since I posted on Instagram, thank you so much for being here from the start. If you're not, thank you anyway, because yall made this possible and I'm super grateful to have such nice readers, you really make my day <3

There are two options now:

  1. I left the story resolved enough to make you feel that it can be finished so there's no second part. Then the story ends here.
  2. But I also left some things from the story unresolved, enough to be able to write a second part if you want me to. I loved this story and I'll be glad to keep going. But if I continue it, I won't do it right away. That's mainly because: 
    * I'm finishing my thesis and I need to focus on it (I hope I'm done by july, fingers crossed).
    * I'm also writing the omegaverse, **_Howl to the Moon_** , which I'll keep updating until it's done. So, I don't want to write two different stories at a time cuz it takes me too much time and I need my thesis to be finished already.
    * When I'm done with my thesis I wanna change the format of my previous AU, **_Sleepless Town_** , and make it so it's fully narrated (so I can post it on AO3 too, not only on wattpad) instead of messages and tweets.



This means that going on with this story is scheduled by... September?, probably.

Now you're the ones to decide if you want this story to end here or not. I'll be happy with either decision because I love how it is, but I also love the plot I already have for the sequel (yes, I thought of the main plot for a second part lol why am I like this).

You can check my profile to find a link to my carrd, where all my social media profiles are linked. Also, I recommend you this song, "Breaking me (ft. A7S)" by Topic because it makes me think on how Iwaizumi felt after finding out Ushijima used him, just to make it a little sadder in case it wasn't sadder enough.

I'll see you when I post the next omegaverse chapter, ily guys, so so much <3

NAZ, OVER AND OUT!


End file.
